November 8 2022

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Tuesday, November 8, 2022 – Edition: #7354

The B.S. Press!


★ Perhaps hoping for a return to a more demure celebration of the film industry after last year’s much-discussed events, producers have tapped 2-time Oscars host Jimmy Kimmel to host the 95th Academy Awards. Kimmel is returning after back-to-back hosting duties in 2017 and 2018. In his trademark style, Kimmel published a statement, saying: “Being invited to host the Oscars for a third time is either a great honor or a trap. Either way, I am grateful to the Academy for asking me so quickly after everyone good said no.” Chris Rock, who was famously slapped onstage by Will Smith during last year’s show, said during a comedy show in August that he had been asked to host but had turned down the gig. The 95th Oscars will be held March 12, 2023, at the Dolby Theatre in Hollywood.
★ Queen Elizabeth was tickled pink to make a new pal in the weeks before her death: Tom Cruise. The Sunday Times of London says the monarch and the “Top Gun” star “really hit it off” over the summer. Cruise appeared as part of the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee celebrations, marking her 70th anniversary on the throne, but was plagued by mobility issues and unable to meet him, so he was invited to have a special tour of Windsor Castle, after which the 2 had tea together, according to a source. They enjoyed each other’s company so much, that the Queen invited him back for lunch, and “He was even allowed to fly in by helicopter,” said the source.
★ Netflix and David Letterman’s production company edited out comments by Kanye West that referenced Nazis and blamed Rihanna for her own domestic abuse during a 2019 interview for his talk show, according to a report by The Wrap. The entertainment industry website says the comments were made during a wide-ranging interview for Season 2 of the comedian’s Netflix show “My Next Guest Needs No Introduction With David Letterman.” Audience members Noah Reich and David Maldonado said they were sitting in the front row of a local theater in January 2019 when West made the observation that liberals treated anyone wearing a red pro-Trump cap “like they were Nazis” and said that Rihanna, a victim of domestic abuse, must have done something to deserve what happened to her. He also ranted about how an unnamed music executive friend (thought to be R. Kelly) got “MeToo-ed” and how West himself could also be “MeToo-ed”.
★ Dave Chappelle will host the Nov. 12 episode of “Saturday Night Live.” This is Chappelle’s third time hosting the show — and also his third time hosting the first “SNL” episode immediately after a consequential election. He won an Emmy for his first hosting gig in 2016, the weekend after Donald Trump pulled off an upset election victory to win the White House. He returned 4 years later to host the post-election episode after Joe Biden’s presidential win. The rap duo Black Star will serve as musical guest.


• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): George Conway, Breland
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Gayle King, Bobby Cannavale, Benny Greb
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): John Dickerson, Mike Birbiglia
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Pete Buttigieg, Simone Biles, Jessie Baylin (R)
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Laverne Cox, Antoni Porowski
• The View” (ABC/CTV): Rep. Val Demings, “Weird Al” Yankovic
• “The Talk” (CBS): Melissa Fumero, Dr. Kellyann Petrucci
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Constance Zimmer
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (Check local listings): Terry Bradshaw, Brandon Kyle Goodman, Mergui
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (Check local listings): Pete Buttigieg
• “Jennifer Hudson Show” (Check local listings): Shania Twain, Jodie Turner-Smith
• “Sherri” (Check local listings): Jewel, Emma Grede
• “Midterm Election Coverage” (Multiple Networks): Coverage of the US Midterm election results.
• “The Resident” (Fox): When a doctor feels a death row inmate is lying about his symptoms, Conrad and Raptor are called in to examine him; Devon sees a British couple who are nervous about the cost of American health care.
• “Beat Bobby Flay” (Food): Scott Conant welcomes 3 of Bobby Flay’s besties to attempt a Turkey Day classic — the casserole.

• Billie Eilish – took to Instagram on Sat. to encourage her 106 million followers to vote in today’s midterm election. In the video, she says: “Our rights, our freedoms, and our futures are on the line, and if we don’t show up, there is a good chance we will see a national ban on abortion…It scares me.”
• Ed Sheeran – is on hiatus until 2023. He’s just finished filming a music video for his new album, due out next year. On Instagram, alongside a pic of himself on the beach set of the video, he wrote: “Signing off now until 2023. See you in the new year. Much love, Ed x.”
• ‘Weird Al’ Yankovic – told Rolling Stone that he may never release another parody song. Quote: “If a brilliant idea pops in my head, I guess I’d do it. But I’m leaving that to other people for the time being…I’m not saying I’m never gonna do another one. But it’s just not my focus right now.” The doc “Weird: The Al Yankovic Story” is now streaming.
• Poison – frontman (and son of a veteran) Brett Michaels has joined forces with the Tunnel To Towers Foundation for the “Homes For The Holidays” TV series on AXS TV. He’ll be featured in the show, giving fallen first responder families the ultimate holiday gifts — mortgage-free homes.
• Queen – Brian May has released an unboxing video for the new expanded edition of “The Miracle”. “The Miracle Sessions” includes an hour-plus disc of previously unreleased recordings, plus the band’s candid spoken exchanges while recording the 1989 album in London and Montreux. The box set will drop on Nov. 18. LINK:
• Tyler Hubbard — has unveiled the title, cover art and track list for his highly anticipated solo debut album: “Tyler Hubbard”. The 18-song record will drop on Jan. 27, and will include his hit debut single ‘5 Foot 9’, plus all the songs from his “Dancin’ in the Country” EP. 5 Foot 9 has amassed nearly 190 million streams. LINK:
• Keith Urban – Bruce Springsteen isn’t the only mega-star who has good things to say about Taylor Swift’s new album “Midnights”. Urban said he has listened to the collection’s 20 songs multiple times, and had this to say: “Extraordinary…this is among Taylor’s finest. This and “1989”. Absolutely stunning, stunning pieces of work.”
• Jason Aldean — released his first-ever holiday song, ‘Christmas In Dixie’ on Friday. The song was first made famous by Alabama in 1982. Aldean said: “It’s cool to get to give a nod to my musical heroes with the first Christmas song we’ve ever put out.” LINK:


(***NOTE: UPDATE this according to Monday night’s result****)
A record Powerball lottery jackpot grew to an even larger $1.9 billion after no one won the jackpot on Saturday night. It’s the largest lottery the world has ever seen, ahead of a $1.59 billion Powerball jackpot in 2016. But perhaps it’s little wonder that there have been 40 drawings since Aug. 3 without a winner, when you consider:
• The odds of winning are about 1 in 292 million. You are about 400 times more likely to be hit by lightning.
• If every adult in the US purchased one ticket, each with a different number, there would still be a good chance – about 11% – that no winner would emerge at a given drawing.
And if (and when) a winner of the huge jackpot is found, here are a few sobering stats:
• The winner would not actually receive $1.6 billion in one big check. He or she can either choose a lump payment of $756 million, or receive annual payments that get progressively higher over 30 years.
• The taxman will take about a quarter of a billion dollars, leaving about $470 million if it’s a lump sum payment. The state in which the winner lives will also take a big bite, depending on which state it is.
Then what?
• A look at lottery winners 10 years after they won found they saved just 16 cents of every dollar won.
• Research shows that the average person in their 20s, 30s or 40s who was given an inheritance or large financial gift quickly lost half the money through spending or poor investments.
• Other studies have found that winning the lottery generally didn’t help financially distressed people escape their troubles, merely postponing the inevitable bankruptcy.
• Another study found that one-third of lottery winners eventually go bankrupt.
(Whenever I think about buying a lottery ticket, I think about my exes and remember I just CANNOT pick a winner!)
(If I won, I’d pay off my credit cards. What about the rest? I suppose it’d get paid off eventually…)

For those of us who need some assistance in this department, scientists say they have identified a key flirting technique that works nearly every time. Researchers studied flirting in Norway and the US, and determined that differences in age, religiosity, extroversion, personal attractiveness and preferences for short-term sexual relationships had little or no effect on how effective various flirting tactics are. In other words, we all respond pretty much the same way to how someone might flirt with us. They found that women see success in igniting interest from men by either by moving closer or making body and eye contact. Men? They should show “signs of generosity and a willingness to commit”. But there’s one weapon that works across the board: humor. According to the researchers, laughing or giggling at the other person’s jokes is an effective flirtation tactic for both sexes. And if you’re a woman, “It is not only effective to be funny…is very important that you show your potential partner that you think they are funny.”
(So the best flirting tactic is to use humor? Perfect. Because my dad-joke game is on point!)
(Works nearly every time? I believe I can mount a challenge to that conclusion!)

➢ A Pittsburgh-based startup has unveiled a pair of battery-powered shoes that it claims can boost walking speed by up to 250%. “Moonwalkers” will sell for $1,400, and look like a pair of futuristic rollerskates, but users are meant to walk with them the way you would regular shoes, letting the motorized wheels put a spring in your step. Powered by a DC motor, the contraption is actually a platform that can be attached to footwear to increase walking speeds up to 7mph (11kph). )Humans’ average walking speed ranges from 2.5-4 mph.) The sensation of walking with the world’s fastest shoes has been compared to that of using a ‘moving walkway’ in an airport. (You’ll notice that on a moving walkway, there aren’t any stairs – for good reason!)
➢ Here’s the perfect Christmas gift for the beer-lover in your life: Miller Lite’s new Christmas Tree Keg Stand. The tree stand – basically a small table used to support the tree – can fit around a quarter-barrel keg beneath it. The company says the design “makes it seem as if beer is being poured from the tree.” Available online for $49.99 starting November 10, the stand will support a tree that weighs up to 150 pounds. The limited-edition keg stand is the newest addition to the company’s annual holiday lineup, which has included ugly holiday sweaters, as well as the popular “Beernaments,” a 6-pack of tree ornaments with the Miller Life logo that fit around beer cans. (When it comes to making a pool of pee-smell around the tree, this year, your dog’s got some competition!) LINK:
-OddityCentral, CNN

➠ Eraser:  Tear or cut off a bit of an eraser, push the pin through your coat, then add the eraser bit to the end, and voila! (Note: In this case, white-out is a poor substitute for an eraser.)
➠ Duct Tape:  Either push your poppy through your coat and tape the pin down, covering the entire needle, or push the pin through, then wrap tape around the needle, preventing it from falling out. (And if duct tape won’t do it, it would be reasonable to believe that NOTHING will…)
➠ Safety Pin:  Pull your poppy’s pin out entirely and replace it with a safety pin.
➠ Lapel Pin:  Remove the needle and push through a flag pin. Then take the back and clasp it down, securing the poppy in place.
➠ Bend the Pin:  Push the pin through your jacket. Then using a pair of pliers, carefully bend the needle so that it won’t easily slip out. (Or slip in – to your skin!)
➠ Weave the Pin:  Try weaving the pin through your coat material. (Then sit back and watch the magical “unweaving”)
(I’ll stick to my tried-and-true method of buying 30 poppies and replacing them as I go!)

Texas furniture kingpin Jim McIngvale — better known as “Mattress Mack” — won $75 million on Saturday after his bet that the Houston Astros would win the World Series paid off, taking home what is believed to be the largest payout in legal sports betting history. He bet $10 million in May that the Astros would win the World Series, in a handful of wagers with an average of 7.5-1 odds. His bet is the Astros is the latest in a series of high-dollar wagers McIngvale has made over the years, often using them as a hedge against promotions at his 3 Houston-area furniture stores. In October, he told Forbes he sold $73 million worth of mattresses with a promotion that allowed any customer who spent $3,000 or more on a mattress to receive it for free if the Astros win.


• “Abet & Aid Punsters Day”, a day to make up incredibly bad puns, as proclaimed by the group Punsters Unlimited. The Most PUNderful Story We Could Find: “Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way. We cannelloni do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. How sad that he ran out of thyme. Sending olive my prayers to the family. His wife is really upset. Cheese still not over it. You never sausage a tragic thing.”
• “Young Reader’s Day”, to recognize the joys and benefits of reading, and promote its importance. Today, help and encourage our youth to learn to read, and open the door to knowledge, information, success, and happiness. (I hope I read that right…)
• “Cappuccino Day”, a good excuse to treat yourself to a kick of caffeine. Cappuccino was created in Italy in the 1600s. The name comes from an Italian order of monks known as the Catholic Capuchins. It’s prepared with espresso, hot milk, and a cap of foam.
• “Cook Something Bold & Pungent Day”, to offset the coming chills of Winter. What’s the most pungent thing you can cook? Cabbage rolls? Fish? Lamb? Garlic? Onions? (Whatever it is that Karen heats up in the office microwave 3 times a week?)
“Dunce Day”, commemorating the anniversary of the death of Scottish philosopher, John Duns Scotus in 1308. He believed that cone-shaped hats increased learning potential, by allowing knowledge to flow from the point of the cap, down, and into the head of the wearer, making that person smarter. (Today, of course, a person wearing a dunce cap is thought to be, well, a dunce!)
• “Parents as Teachers Day”, Check out any kid who’s constantly scoring an ‘A’ and you’ll likely find that kid gets a lot of help at home (or their parent IS a teacher!)
• “X-ray Day”, It was Nov. 8, 1895 that physicist Wilhelm Conrad Rontgen first observed X-rays, a significant scientific advancement that would ultimately benefit a variety of fields, most of all medicine, by making the invisible visible.
• “World Pianist Day”, not to be confused with “Piano Day”. This day is about people and their achievements with the instrument, and the emotions that pianists give us with their talents. (So, just for today, keep your “pianist” jokes to yourself…)

[Wed] Chaos Never Dies Day
[Wed] World Freedom Day
[Thurs] Vanilla Cupcake Day
[Fri] Singles’ Day
This Week Is…Dear Santa Letter Week
This Month Is…Healthy Lifestyles Month

1949 [73] Bonnie Raitt, Burbank CA, blues-rock singer-guitarist (‘Something to Talk About’, ‘Love Sneakin’ Up on You’)/10 Grammy Awards/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, 2000

1950 [72] Mary Hart, TV host (“Entertainment Tonight” anchor 1982-2011)

1966 [56] Gordon Ramsay, Johnstone Scotland, TV chef (more than 20 programs, including “Hell’s Kitchen”, “Kitchen Nightmares”, “MasterChef”, “Hotel Hell”, with more on the way…)/owner of “Gordon Ramsay Restaurants” group

1968 [54] Parker Posey, Baltimore MD, movie actress (“Café Society”, “Dazed & Confused”)/TV actress (“Lost in Space” 2018-21, The Good Wife” 2011-12) COMING UP…“Disappointment Blvd.” 2023

1972 [50] Gretchen Mol, Deep River CT, TV actress (“Boardwalk Empire” 2010-14)/movie actress (“Manchester by the Sea”) COMING UP…“Palm Trees and Power Lines”

1975 [47] Tara Reid, Wyckoff NJ, movie actress (“Sharknado” films, “American Pie”)

1983 [39] Chris Rankin, Auckland NZ, movie actor (‘Percy Weasley’ in “Harry Potter” films)

1985 [37] Jack Osborne, London England, reality TV star (“The Osbournes” 2002-05, “Jack Osbourne: Adrenaline Junkie” 2005-09/“Portals to Hell” since 2019/son of Ozzy and Sharon Osborne

1994 [28] Lauren Alaina, Rossville GA, country singer (‘Road Less Traveled’, w/Kane Brown-‘What Ifs’)/“American Idol” contestant who finished second on season 10

2002 [20] “8 Mile”, a semi-biographical look at Eminem’s early days as a struggling rapper in Detroit, opens in theaters. ‘Lose Yourself’ becomes the first rap song to win the Oscar for Best Original Song

2020 [02] “Jeopardy!” host Alex Trebek dies of pancreatic cancer at 80

2002 [20] Pink Floyd guitarist David Gilmour is made an Officer of the Order of the British Empire (OBE) by Queen Elizabeth II

2014 [08] Florida Georgia Line take advantage of their hit song ‘Cruise’ to host the “This is How We Cruise” voyage that leaves Miami FL for a 4-day Caribbean adventure

2001 [21] Microsoft releases its newly-developed game console ‘Xbox’ ($299)

2016 [06] Donald Trump is elected 45th President of the United States, defeating Hillary Clinton, despite Clinton receiving 2.9 million more votes


✓ It snowed in the Sahara Desert for 30 minutes on February 18, 1979.
✓ Your hair contains traces of gold.
✓ Cranes are built using…cranes.
✓ Sherlock Holmes NEVER said “Elementary, my dear Watson”.
✓ The name ‘Wendy’ was created for the book “Peter Pan.” There was never a recorded Wendy before.
✓ During World War II, the United States rationed shoes. Citizens were allowed three of them.
-MentalFloss, UselessKnowledge, BestLife

Best of BS . . .
• Sorry I missed your wedding, I’ll catch the next one.
• Wow, you both look so similar! Are you sure you’re not related?
• You may now kiss the bride. Everyone else has.
• When’s the baby due?
• I guarantee you that eventually just his breathing will send you over the edge.
• Did they ever solve your last wife’s disappearance?
• Enjoy the honeymoon. After that, say goodbye to your sex life.
• Why was she wearing white?
• Call me when it’s over.
• Congratulations?
-Twitter, first published in BS in 2018

• If you cross a Pointer and a Setter you get a ‘Poinsetter’, a traditional Christmas pet.
• A Bloodhound and a Labrador — ‘Blabador’, a dog that barks incessantly.
• A Pekinese and a Lhasa Apso — ‘Peekasso’, an abstract dog.
• A Collie and Malamute — ‘Commute’, a dog that travels well.
• A Deerhound and a Terrier — ‘Derriere’, a dog that’s a pain in the butt.
• A Labrador and a Curly-Coated Retriever — A ‘Lab Coat Retriever’, a favorite of scientists.
• A Collie and a Lhaso Apso — ‘Collapso’, a dog that folds up for easy transport.
• A Bloodhound and Borzoi — ‘Bloody Bore’, a dog that’s just not much fun.
-First published in BS 1999

The bitter tooth (sound up):

I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live upstairs are furious.

What word or saying from the past should make a comeback?

Question: On average, one of THESE is touched 25 times before someone buys it. What is it?
Answer:  A greeting card

There is only one thing more painful than learning from experience — and that is NOT learning from experience.


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