Tuesday, November 28, 2006 Edition: #3418
Sweet Sheet!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
British royals Prince William & Prince Harry are organizing a huge pop concert for 90,000 at London’s new Wembley Stadium on JULY 1 NEXT YEAR, which would have been their mother Princess Di’s 46th birthday, to mark the 10th anniversary of her death (so far no acts have been confirmed) . . . Movie actor Will Ferrell has turned down a $29-million payday to get back into his “Elf” tights for a sequel to his 2003 seasonal comedy; and he also says he won’t appear in an “Old School” sequel either because the money isn’t worth erasing the good work he’s done (whoa, actual integrity in Hollywood!) . . . Nicole Kidman is on the cover of DECEMBER’s “Vogue” magazine and says inside that she & hubby Keith Urban just want to live a quiet, simple life in Nashvile, which is now her home . . . Rumored “Dancing With the Stars” lovebirds Mario Lopez & Karina Smirnoff are said to be vacationing together in Mexico after spending the Thanksgiving holiday with his sister in Houston (a holiday with family – step 1 on the ol’ matrimonial trail) . . . Actor Jeffrey Carlson has a new role on daytime TV soap “All My Children” playing ‘Zarf’, a man who’s in the process of changing to a woman (said to be the first transgender character on daytime TV) . . . A new poll on the ‘Best & Worst Celebrity Legs’ suggests Kate Moss, Beyoncé, Mischa Barton & Paris Hilton are among those with the greatest gams; while Victoria Beckham, Nicole Richie, Madonna & Teri Hatcher are among those with the worst (what about Jack Black?) . . . And Michael Jackson is reportedly planning to travel to Rwanda NEXT YEAR to perform ‘charity work’ in the African nation (apparently his goal in life is to experience rejection around-the-globe, one country at a time).
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Brad Paisley – TODAY he performs “She’s Everything” on “Good Morning America” (ABC).
• Chris Daughtry – TODAY the “American Idol” finalist does both the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV) and “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).
• Elton John – He left the stage when hit by a bout of nausea during a concert in Brisbane, Australia, but returned to close out the show. He explained the brief delay by saying he needed to ‘chunder in the toilet’. Eww, thanks for sharing.
• Gwen Stefani – She says she’s tired of working alone and plans to put her solo career on hold to front No Doubt again NEXT YEAR. Her 2nd solo album, “The Sweet Escape”, is out DECEMBER 5th.
• James Blunt – THIS MORNING he’s on the “Today Show” (NBC).
• Sarah McLachlan – TODAY she guests on the “Oprah Winfrey Show” (syndicated/CTV).
• Snoop Dogg – TONIGHT he’s on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) … if he makes it through security.
• The Wreckers – Michelle Branch is selling her home in California and moving to Nashville. The Malibu house she bought just a year ago is listed at close to $3.3 million dollars.
TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “The Ant Bully” ( Family Animated Adventure): Using a magic potion, members of an ant colony shrink a kid who’s been tormenting them down to their size and sentence him to live like an ant. In this strange new world, ‘Lucas’ learns important lessons about friendship, and gets a whole new perspective on life. Features the voices of Julia Roberts, Nicolas Cage, and Meryl Streep, among many others.
• “Clerks II” ( Comedy ): Writer/director Kevin Smith returns to the scene of his 1994 cult comedy classic “Clerks” to revisit the slacker heroes at ‘Mooby’s’ convenience store. When ‘Dante’ (Brian O’Halloran) announces that he’s going to leave Jersey forever, ‘Randal’ (Jeff Anderson) plots a going-away party that attracts the cops, fire department and protests from PETA, as well as altering their lives forever. Co-stars Rosario Dawson and Jason Mewes. Also comes in a “2-Disc Collector’s Edition”. With this release, the Weinstein Co becomes the first studio to add anti-smoking messages to DVDs of movies in which people smoke.
• “See No Evil” ( Horror ): No-name thriller involving 8 teens, 1 weekend, and 1 serial killer. A group of delinquents are sent to clean up a rundown hotel. Little do they know that a reclusive psychopath has holed up there. Shot in Australia.
• “Superman Returns” ( Sci-Fi Action Adventure): Since ‘Superman’s 5-year disappearance, crime has risen in the city of ‘Metropolis’; evil ‘Lex Luthor’ has been sprung from prison; and star reporter ‘Lois Lane’ has moved on … at least, temporarily. Thank goodness the man in tights decides to return! Stars Brandon Routh, Kate Bosworth, Kevin Spacey, and James Marsden, plus old footage of Marlon Brando, who appeared in the 1978 original film. Also comes in a “2-Disc Special Edition”.
• Also available on DVD TODAY: “7th Heaven: The Complete 3rd Season”; “Superman: The Movie – 4-Disc Special Edition”; “Superman: Ultimate Collector’s Edition”; and “The Christopher Reeve Superman Collection”.
SAFETY SEAT:
42-year-old John Young of Milwaukee WI has been granted a patent for “The Potty Hammock”, a new device that keeps toddlers from falling into the toilet. He was inspired to create the gizmo after his own 2-year-old suffered that cold fate in a public washroom. It’s made of strong yellow nylon that’s normally used for parachutes and backpacking tents, and folds up into a pocked-sized pouch for easy transport. Young spent $150,000 of his own money developing the device, which sells for $20. He’s currently designing a similar device for geriatrics.
– “Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel”
2006’s TACKIEST CELEBS:
The votes are in for the annual “Tacky Taste Awards” and here’s how the voting went for ‘Tackiest Celebrity of the Year’ …
10. Isaiah Washington (“Grey’s Anatomy”) – On-set fights are cool, anti-gay slurs less so … especially in Hollywood.
9. Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes – The Scientology pregnancy, the silent birth, the invisible baby, the invisible baby revealed, the wedding plans, the wedding … would somebody make it stop?
8. Paris Hilton – A skank with money. Nuff said.
7. “South Park” creators Trey Parker & Matt Stone – For creating a Halloween party character resembling the late Steve Irwin with a stingray attached to his chest.
6. Sacha Baron Cohen – “Borat” proved to be really tacky, especially when it hoodwinked participants.
5. Rush Limbaugh – For accusing Michael J Fox of ‘faking it’. You don’t fake Parkinson’s.
4. Mel Gibson – Thanks to his DUI and lethal mouth.
3. OJ Simpson – For having the unmitigated gall to even consider doing “If I Did It, Here’s How It Happened”.
2. Madonna – Thanks to her concert crucifixion bit and high-speed adoption.
1. Kevin Federline – The man now known as ‘Fed-Ex’ should be in the dictionary under ‘tacky’.
– “LA Daily”
WHAT’S IN A NAME:
A recent study finds you’ll do better at any given occupation if your name seems to match the job. For instance, someone named ‘Hank’ is more likely to be accepted as a plumber rather than a neurosurgeon. And conversely, people whose names don’t seem to fit their occupation have more trouble finding a job. (A tow truck driver named ‘Jack’ might be okay, but who’d want a dentist named ‘Phil’ or a doctor named ‘Hans’? On the other hand, someone named ‘Peg’ might make the perfect wife for Paul McCartney.)
– “Journal of Social Psychology”
SLIP OF THE TONGUE:
A hairdresser in Colombia says he has found a way to lick baldness … literally! His bizarre scalp treatment involves a special tonic and massage … with a cow’s tongue. Although it’s a less traditional way of getting hair to grow, he says it works wonders because the enzymes in cow saliva really make a difference. (If it doesn’t work, at least you get a nice spit shine!)
– PA News
TOP TIPPERS:
A survey of restaurant staffers finds that men are usually better tippers than women, and the biggest tippers of servers in restaurants and bars are … OTHER waiters, waitresses and bartenders who are visiting. Seems they understand what it’s like to scrape for change. And the worst tippers? Doctors and lawyers! (We thought broadcasters were the best tipplers … what’s that … oh, tippers. Never mind then.)
– “World Restaurant Magazine”
REALITY ESTATE:
Real estate agent Julian Bending of Somerset, England is trying a new tactic when it comes to describing homes for sale in ads … honesty. He says he’s fed up with all the superlatives heaped on properties that are undeserved and misleading. He believes in calling a dump a dump and to that end he’s described listed homes as ‘grubby, cramped & dirty’, ‘suitable for a midget’ and even ‘difficult to imagine a more disgusting house than this’. The blunt approach has apparently found a following: Buyers are thankful their time wasn’t wasted and sellers are grateful they don’t have to bother with people who aren’t interested.
– “The Independent”
BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Nearly half the population will find they’ve received at least 3 gifts this holiday season that they do not like or want. (Bad-fitting underwear, hair dryers for bald guys, bath oils for shower-lovers …)
• “Parenting” magazine says children laugh an average of 400 times a day, while adults average just 15. (Maybe because they HAVE children?)
• The average woman uses up approximately her height in lipstick every 5 years. (Does this mean tall women use more?)
AND WE QUOTE:
“I’m feeling like a very large turd on a very thin stick. I’m holed up in bed and taking everything from sled dog urine to powdered East Indian vulva. I really feel bad for not showing up at your birthday bash but I really feel s–tty and best stay in bed. I’m sure it will be a kick in the ass, and I hate to miss it. Happiest of birthdays to you, Charlie.”
— A handwritten RSVP for Charlie Sheen’s 26th birthday party in 1991 from late movie actor Marlon Brando which Sheen has just put up for auction online.
THE BULL SHEET 11.28.06
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1949 [57] Paul Shaffer, Thunder Bay ON, TV bandleader (“Late Show With David Letterman” since 1993)/Letterman’s sidekick since 1982
1950 [56] Ed Harris, Tenafly NJ, movie actor (“A History of Violence”, “A Beautiful Mind”)
1952 [54] S Epatha Merkerson, Saginaw MI, TV actress (‘Lt Anita Van Buren’ on “Law & Order” since 1991)/2005 Emmy Award (“Lackawanna Blues”)
1962 [44] Jon Stewart (Leibowitz), NYC, TV personality (5 Emmy Awards-“The Daily Show” since 1999)
1967 [39] Anna Nicole Smith (Vickie Lynn Hogan), Mexia TX, media personality (thanks to son’s death and baby with unknown father)/gold digger married to Texas billionaire J Howard Marshall from 1994-95 who’s still battling to claim a chunk of his estate/former stripper who became biggest (tallest, heaviest, largest measurements) “Playboy” ‘Playmate of the Year’ (1993)
1974 [32] apl.de.ap (Allan Pineda Lindo), Angeles City, Philippines, pop musician (Black Eyed Peas-“My Humps”, “Where Is the Love?”)
1979 [27] Chamillionaire (Hakeem Seriki), Houston TX, rapper (w/Ciara-“Get Up”, “Ridin’”)
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Decorate Your Dog Day” to help your pooch get into the holiday spirit. (Tomorrow is ‘Get Back at the Master By Leaving a Present in his Slipper Day’.)
• “French Toast Day”. Either bread dipped in egg and fried … or perhaps a big ol’ glass of Champagne?
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1925 [81] 1st radio broadcast of ‘Grand Ole Opry’ (WSM-Nashville)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1895 [111] 1st North American auto race begins in Chicago (J Frank Duryea’s winning car averages 7.5 mph, using 3.5 gallons of gasoline … and 19 gallons of water!)
1979 [27] 1st NHL goaltender to score a goal (Billy Smith-NY Islanders)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1985 [21] Errol Bird of Lisbon, Northern Ireland sets world record with 26 hours of continuous yodelling (but he’s never invited to a party again)
COMING UP . . .
[Wed] Electronic Greetings Day
[Wed] Square Dance Day
[Thurs] International Computer Security Day
[Thurs] Stay Home Because You Are Well Day
[Fri] World AIDS Day
[Fri] Day Without Art
This Week Is … Travelers with Disabilities Week
This Month Is … Family Stories Month
BULL’S BITS
MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• Is there someone who breaks into your car and turns up the radio when you leave it parked?
• How come when your hands are coated with grease, your nose begins to itch?
• When sign-makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?
• Is love a device created by bank managers to make us overdrawn?
• Isn’t an airplane landing just a controlled collision with Earth?
• Why are guinea pigs never actually used as ‘guinea pigs’?
• Are experts just people who know what they like?
• Why can’t you buy a ‘decaffeinated coffee’ table?
FIND THE BS:
2 of the following 3 statements are true; 1 is totally made up. But which one?
GAME #1 –
• People from Iceland like to Christmas shop in Newfoundland. [TRUE. The appearance of Icelanders on the streets of St John’s is a sure sign the Christmas season has arrived.]
• In 1920, the US Post Office ruled that children could not be sent by parcel post. [TRUE. Kind of makes you wonder what was going on before that!]
• Until 1937, basketball referees had to throw a jump ball after every basket. [TRUE, but games featured far less scoring.]
• Women are more prone to accidents than men. [BS. In any category of accident you can think of – falls, fires, car wrecks, choking, poisoning, even drowning – more men die each year than women. In fact, 70% of all accident victims are male!]
GAME #2 –
• Having dust in your home is healthy. [TRUE. “Parade” magazine notes that some dust in the home actually protects children against allergies and asthma by helping develop the immune system.]
• Your heart stops temporarily during a sneeze. [BS. While sneezes increase the pressure in your chest and change blood flow, the heart does not stop … not even momentarily.]
• The average refrigerator is opened 22 times per day. [TRUE, according to an energy conservation study.]
BS PHONE STARTER:
How do you discipline your kids? (35 years ago, 38% of parents said they took away TV privileges. Today that’s almost unheard of!)
BS RANDOM JOKE:
Men don’t care what’s on TV … it’s what else is on TV that matters.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: About a third of singles surveyed think it would be fun on a date to play the game “Twister” but an even larger percentage think it would be fun to play THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: “Truth or Dare”.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
It is much easier to be critical than to be correct.
