Monday, November 13, 2006        Edition: #3407
Good Morning, Sheetheads!

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Gossip mongers now say the likely site of this SATURDAY’s Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes wedding appears to have been narrowed down to the Odescalchi Castle on Lake Bracciano, near Rome, Italy. The romantic, 15th-century castle can host up to 1,400 guests and has become the focus of a great deal of recent activity. Previous rumors had the ‘TomKat’ ceremony taking place at George Clooney’s estate on Lake Como, then Mussolini’s former residence on Garda Lake.
– “USA Today”
• Actress Denise Richards says she regrets throwing photographers’ laptops off a balcony on the set of “Blonde & Blonder in Vancouver (one landed on an 80-year-old pensioner in a wheelchair). She says the incident was a big mistake. Quote: “I am not justifying my behavior. It was wrong. I just did what I did and I feel terrible.” As Richards has agreed to pay for damages, the RCMP says it’s not in the public interest to pursue criminal charges.
– “Access Hollywood”
• Pamela Anderson’s rep has confirmed that the actress suffered an early-stage miscarriage LAST WEEK in Vancouver, where she’s also working on the film “Blonde & Blonder”. The doc who treated her says that the stress and pressures caused by Anderson’s hectic schedule may have been contributing factors.
– “Us Weekly”
• “Spider-Man” star Tobey Maguire is celebrating after his fiancée Jennifer Meyer has given birth to the couple’s first child. The 31-year-old daughter of Universal Studios executive Ron Meyer gave hatched a baby girl at Cedars Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles on SATURDAY. So far there’s no announcement of a name … or a wedding date.
– “People”
• Send this woman to Iraq! Fiery model Naomi Campbell has been charged with assault … again. This time the complainant is not an employee but Italian starlet and (former) friend Yvonne Scio, who alleges the hair-trigger model attacked her in a Rome hotel in 2005, causing cuts and bruises to the face that required hospital treatment. The case is scheduled to go to court NEXT MONTH. The Brit beauty is already fighting 3 other legal battles with former employees, who all claim she assaulted them.
– “The Mail On Sunday”
• After ticket sales for Kevin Federline’s (aka ‘Fed-Ex’) show were so poor that  Chicago promoters were forced to give away tickets to his House of Blues gig LAST WEEK, a pair of weekend shows in Cleveland and Atlantic City were called off. Meantime, tabloid reports say that K-Fed regularly took drugs and partied with ‘working girls’ in his Las Vegas hotel suite while wife Britney Spears was pregnant with their 2nd child. A rep for the Hark Rock Hotel denies the story, saying anyone who takes strippers and hookers seriously has their own issues.
– “National Enquirer”
• Britney Spears may be facing a mega divorce payout because … oops she did it again … and again … and again on a honeymoon video. Sources say her dumped hubby has been shopping the 4-hour tape around and has already been offered $50 MILLION from a video company that wants to sell it online. If true, Britney’s only hope to avoid this latest embarrassment would be to buy the tape back.
– “News of the World”
• A pair of college frat men who appear in “Borat” have filed a lawsuit against the movie’s producers claiming they were plied with alcohol into signing a release agreeing to appear in the film. According to the plaintiffs (listed only as ‘John Does’), they were assured the movie would not be shown in the US and their identities would not be revealed. They’re demanding unspecified compensation for ‘humiliation, mental anguish, and emotional and physical distress, loss of reputation, goodwill and standing in the community’. In other words, they underestimated how much moolah this sucker was gonna make!
– “Contact Music”
• Cameron Diaz says she’s getting a nose job … but it’s not out of vanity. She says she can’t breathe at all out of one nostril because it’s totally shattered internally. The septum, she says, is ‘like a train derailed’ thanks to her breaking her nose LAST YEAR while surfing … for the 4th time.
– “W Magazine”
• And “American Idol” contestant Kellie Pickler is heading back to TV with her own FOX sitcom. She’ll play a naive small-town Southern girl (basically herself) who discovers that her biological father is the state governor. Her first album, “Small Town Girl”, debuted at #9 on country charts, selling over 79,000 copies in its first week of release.
– “Variety”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Britney Spears – She’s been hard at work on her first original album since 2003’s “In the Zone”, spending hours at the Sony Music recording studio in NYC. Meantime, she’s reportedly shopping around the exclusive first photos of baby Jayden James to several glossy magazines … free of charge. “Vogue” magazine has apparently already said no thanks.
• Carrie Underwood – Her debut album “Some Hearts” has just been certified quadruple platinum for shipment of 4 million copies.
• George Jones – TONIGHT the country legend performs on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).
• Guns N’ Roses – They’ve decided to call off TONIGHT’s scheduled concert at the Cumberland County Civic Center in Portland, Maine because local law forbids drinking on stage. The band apparently wanted to drink beer, wine and Jagermeister while performing.
• Kylie Minogue – SATURDAY in Sydney, Australia the 38-year-old Grammy winner successfully returned to the stage for the first time since she discovered 18 months ago that she had breast cancer. After Australia, her “Showgirl Homecoming Tour” travels to Europe, playing dates in Britain.
• Los Lobos – TONIGHT they’re on “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC).
• Paul McCartney – Buzz has it he’s secretly offered Heather Mills a staggering £20 million (circa $38 million) extra for custody of their daughter Beatrice. It seems he’s hoping the bonus, plus the rumored £80-million ($150-million) payoff he’s previously offered will help avoid a bitter court battle over their 3-year-old.
• Rolling Stones – SATURDAY 63-year-old Mick Jagger’s father, Joe Jagger, died of pneumonia at age 93. He was admitted to hospital LAST WEEK after injuring himself in a fall.
• Vince Gill – TONIGHT he guests on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).

MAN TRAP:
Some hints on how to get your man to commit and ‘pop the question’, according to a UCLA study …
• Be nice to his friends.
• Once you’re sure of his commitment, spend time away from him. The study shows that over 60% of men surveyed asked their wives to marry them immediately after spending a week or more away from each other.
• Listen to him as enthusiastically as you listen to your female friends.
• Don’t drink too much.
• Wear the color green often, it seems to incline men toward matrimony. Women who wore green clothing twice a week or more were proposed to 3 times more often than those who didn’t.
– “Focus”

IT’S ALL IN THE GAME:
SATURDAY Sony’s PlayStation 3 made its highly anticipated debut in Japan to long line-ups, with local stores selling out their supplies of the video game console in a pattern that’s expected to be repeated around-the-world. Sony managed to ready only 100,000 machines in time for the debut. When it goes on sale in the US and Canada this FRIDAY, some 400,000 consoles will be available. The European and Australian launches have been pushed back until MARCH.
– CTV

WE’RE IN DENIAL:
In a recent poll, 17% of working adult respondents describe their health as ‘excellent’ … even if they’re overweight smokers who drink too much and never exercise. Of the respondents who claim ‘excellent health’, 55% admit they’re at least 25-lbs overweight, 31% smoke, 21% drink at least 3 glasses of booze daily, and 36% don’t exercise … ever!
– UPI

IN TOUCH:
You can learn a lot about people by paying attention to how they touch you. Here’s how Pace University anthropologist Dr Val Winsey characterizes various touchers …
• ‘The Gentle Tapper’ – A tentative friend who’s trying to reach out but doesn’t want to intrude. This person is often kind, but may be timid.
• ‘The Hand Holder’ – Someone who’s telling you that he or she can be trusted, that you can share your secrets.
• ‘The Hugger’ — A sensuous, affectionate and outgoing cuddler. Huggers enjoy being hugged and love life in general.
• ‘The Back Slapper’ – A person attempting to exhibit friendliness, but often is too shy.
• ‘The Heavy Rubber’ – Someone who rubs your shoulders or back freely and warmly is generous, warm, outgoing, forthright and honest. Or perhaps just a perv?
– “Science”

THE AVERAGE JOE:
What do average people do? Well …
• Men sleep an average of 8 hours a night, while women get 8 hours, 20 minutes.
• Average people dream a total of 1 hour, 45 minutes per night.
• The average woman packs 75% more clothing than she needs when going on vacation.
• The average person loses a pound while sleeping.
• The average person has a working vocabulary of about 4,000 words, less than 1% of the words in the dictionary.
– “The Mackeson Book Of Averages” by Robert Porter.

AND WE QUOTE:
“Organized religion doesn’t seem to work. It turns people into really hateful lemmings and it’s not really compassionate.”
– Elton John, in “Music Monthly” magazine.

THE BULL SHEET 11.13.06

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1954 [52] Chris Noth, Madison WI, TV actor (‘Detective Mike Logan’ on “Law and Order: Criminal Intent” since 2005, “Sex & the City” 1998-2004, “Law & Order” 1990-95)/movie actor (“Cast Away”)

1955 [51] Whoopi Goldberg (Caryn Johnson), NYC, TV actress (“Hollywood Squares” 1998-2002)/movie actress (“Sister Act”, Academy Award-“Ghost”)

1956 [50] Rex Linn, Spearman TX, TV actor (‘Detective Frank Tripp’ on “CSI: Miami” since 2003)

1967 [39] Jimmy Kimmel, Brooklyn NY, TV host (“Jimmy Kimmel Live” since 2003, “The Man Show” 1999-2003, “Win Ben Stein’s Money” 1997-2001)

1968 [38] Steve Zahn, Marshall MN, movie actor (“Employee of the Month”, “Sahara”)

1978 [28] Nikolai Fraiture, NYC, rock bassist (The Strokes-“Juicebox”, “12:51”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Ban All Menu-Driven Phone Systems Day”, when we’re encouraged to inform bureaucracies and corporations of our displeasure with them. They’re clearly NOT getting the message that menu-driven systems create ‘phone rage’.

• “World Kindness Day”, the highlight of “World Kindness Week”, when we’re encouraged to bring happiness to others through a simple act of kindness. Another observance by the ‘Global Society of Eternally Hopeless Optimists’.
NET: http://www.actsofkindness.org/

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1875 [131] 1st football teams to wear uniforms (Harvard vs Yale)

1946 [60] 1st ‘Artificial Snow’ created for skiing by Vincent Schaeffer at Mt Greylock, Massachusetts

1952 [54] 1st ‘Press-On Nails’ are marketed (handy for nail chewers who can now just eat ‘em out of the box)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1995 [11] World’s only known ‘Green Cat’ is confirmed by a veterinary hospital in Copenhagen, Denmark, a condition vets say may be caused by a metabolism defect

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Operating Room Nurse Day
[Tues] “The Da Vinci Code” released on DVD
[Tues] Albums by “American Idol 5″ contestants Taylor Hicks & Katharine McPhee released
[Wed] Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day
[Wed] Pack Your Mom’s Lunch Day
[Wed] 1st BET Hip-Hop Awards
[Thurs] Great American Smokeout
[Fri] Take A Hike Day
[Sun] 94th Grey Cup (Winnipeg)

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Green Ribbon Awareness Week / Hunger & Homeless Awareness Week / Home Care Aide Week / Shallow Persons Awareness Week

BULL’S BITS

ACTUAL COMPLAINTS TO LANDLORDS:
Extracts from genuine letters sent to property managers …
• “This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.”
• “I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.”
• “The toilet seat is cracked. Where do I stand?”
• “I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.”
• “The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.”
• “Will you please send someone to look at my liquid coming out, it is a funny color and not fit to drink.”

BS PHONE STARTER:
Finish this sentence: I used to think my partner was normal until …

BS TRIVIA:
THIS WEEK is “National Geography Awareness Week”, so here’s a little BS refresher …
• What city is located closest to the geographic centre of North America? [Winnipeg]
• What does the Canadian Shield curve around? [Hudson Bay]
• The Cordillera region separates which province from the rest of Canada? [British Columbia]
• 7 out of Canada’s 15 most populated cities are in which province? [Ontario]
• Which animal is an official emblem of Canada? [The beaver, since 1975]
• On which coin does the maple leaf appear? [Between 1876 and 1901, it appeared on all Canadian coins. Nowadays, the penny.]
– “About Canada”

THIS WEEK is “National Geography Awareness Week”, so here’s a little BS refresher . . .
• What popular vacation spot was once called the Sandwich Islands? [The Hawaiian Islands]
• If you were standing on the ‘Four Corners’, what state would you enter if you go northeast? [Colorado]
• Which is the only Great Lake completely within the United States? [Lake Michigan]
• In which state is the geographical center of the 48 contiguous states? [Kansas]
• The roadrunner is the state bird of which US state? [New Mexico]
• In which state is the USA’s only diamond mine? [Arkansas]
– “Just Riddles and More”

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I made a killing in the market. Unfortunately, it was the farmers’ market … where I ran over a chicken.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Quebecers lead the country in saying they would like to do THIS during their lifetime.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Travel the world.

Today’s Question: The further west you travel, the more people are able to tolerate THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Spicy hot food.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
There are 2 kinds of people in the world: givers and takers. The takers may eat better, but the givers sleep better.

NOW ON OUR SHEET LIST:
“BS” salutes Brad Dryden @ 106.9 The Bear [CKQB], Ottawa ON who’s re-upped for another full year; and we welcome samplers this week that include Sarah Starbuck @ Froggy 98 [WFGY] Altoona/State College PA; Julissa Rodulfo @ The New Cool FM, Aruba; Dezs Tomas @ 730 CKDM, Dauphin MB; and Lorraine Stanley @ Splash FM, Las Palmas, Canary Islands; and we wish bon voyage to long-time subscriber ‘Big Dawg’ Alan Wells @ Classic Rock 106.5 [WSFL], Greenville NC who’s retiring after 23 years of getting up before dawn. Happy traveling, Dawg!