November 30 2018

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Friday, November 30, 2018 – Edition: #6347

The BS Press!

★ Sylvester Stallone says he will never play Rocky Balboa again. Stallone confirms he has hung up his boxing gloves permanently in a video which shows him standing by a burning drum in homage to the first Rocky movie.  In the clip, Stallone says:  ”I just want to thank everyone around the whole wide world for taking the Rocky family into their hearts for over 40 years. Though it breaks my heart, sadly all things must pass… and end.”  He made his last appearance as Rocky in the recently-released “Creed II”
(Don’t worry, knowing him, he’ll do a sequel to his farewell!)
★ Kevin Smith seems to be taking the blame for his falling-out with Ben Affleck.  Smith was recently asked why the two are no longer in touch, and he took ownership, saying: “If I had to guess? It’s because one of us has a big mouth and told too many candid stories that sometimes weren’t his to tell, and the other one is Ben.”
★ “Baywatch” star David Charvet has filed a restraining order against former USA Soccer star Jermaine Jones, claiming Jones has been harassing and threatening him over an alleged sexual relationship with Jones’ ex-wife.  Charvet claims Jones tried to gain access to his home, but was turned away by security. The actor believes Jones may have access to firearms, claiming he owns an AR-15 assault rifle. The threats are said to have “escalated to include guns”. Charvet included a text message from Jones in his filing, which appears to show the rifle.
★ Canadian writer Margaret Atwood is writing a sequel to her internationally renowned dystopian novel “The Handmaid’s Tale.” Publisher McClelland and Stewart says it will publish “The Testaments” on Sept. 10, 2019. “The Handmaid’s Tale” was published in 1985 and won a Governor General’s Award. The story, about a totalitarian society in which women are a property of the state, was adapted last year into an Emmy Award-winning series.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Bono, Chris Rock, Will Ferrell, Kristen Bell, Channing Tatum, Snoop Dogg, Mila Kunis, Pharrell, Brad Paisley, Zoe Saldana (R)
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Dolly Parton, Nick Kroll
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Michelle Obama
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Martin Short, Brian Tyree Henry, Amir Obe, Caitlin Kalafus (R)
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Jeff Bridges, Jenny Slate, Arctic Monkeys (R)
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Guest co-host Ana Navarro
• “The Talk” (CBS): Tyra Banks, guest co-host Carrie Ann Inaba
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Garth Brooks, Adam Trent, Lance Ulanoff
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Julia Roberts, Alessia Cara
• “A Very Nutty Christmas” (LIFETIME): Bakery owner Kate’s Christmas joy disappears after her boyfriend suddenly breaks up with her. After Kate hangs the last ornament on the tree and goes to bed, she awakens the next morning to a little bit of Christmas magic.

• “Canada’s Walk of Fame Awards” (CTV): Inductees include Seth Rogen, Andrea Martin, Col. Chris Hadfield, Leonard Cohen, Andy Kim, and Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir.
• “A Twist of Christmas” (LIFETIME): In the frenzy before Christmas, two single parents accidentally mix up their toys at a crowded department store. As a result, both of their Christmases appear to be ruined.
• “Mingle All the Way” (HALLMARK): A new networking app is designed to pair busy professionals for upcoming events, without long-term romance. Molly, founder of the app, is determined to prove to her family that it is a success. She joins the app, and meets another busy professional.

• “Garth: Live at Notre Dame!” (CBS): Garth Brooks performs at Notre Dame Stadium at the University of Notre Dame.
• “Dancing With the Stars: Juniors” (ABC): The Semi-Finals
• “The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show Holiday Special” (ABC): Bebe Rexha, the Chainsmokers, Halsey, Kelsea Ballerini, Rita Ora, Shawn Mendes and the Struts perform at this showcase of Victoria’s Secret’s lingerie.

• Taylor Swift – Her “Reputation” Tour has earned her the honor of Artist of the Year in Ticketmaster’s annual Fan Vote.  Bruce Springsteen’s “Springsteen on Broadway” was named 2018 Event of the Year and Ariana Grande’s upcoming tour was named Most Anticipated Tour of 2019.
• Ariana Grande – Her YouTube docuseries debuted yesterday.  The four-part “Ariana Grande: Dangerous Woman Diaries” gives viewers a behind-the-scenes look at some of the biggest moments in her career, including the making of her last album, “Sweetener”, plus concert performances and moments from her One Love Manchester tribute concert.
• LL Cool J – is suing the dormant Rock the Bells music festival for trademark-infringement.  He alleges that those who produce the annual event (last held in 2013), used the phrase “Rock the Bells” – the title of his 1985 hit – without his permission. (Sounds like a Battle Rap to me!)
• Elton John — WWE star Kevin Owens has taken to Twitter to jokingly challenge him to a wrestling match. After Elton had to cancel his “Farewell Yellow Brick Road” tour stop in Orlando Tuesday due to an ear infection, Owens wrote: “Nobody ruins my wife and I’s date night except me!  You, me … WrestleMania. I’ve fought men in their 70s before, I can do it again.”
• David Bowie – will be among the artists profiled in the new book called “Rock Stars at Home”.  Publishers promise a “sometimes shocking” look at the private lives of artists including Bowie, Ozzy Osbourne, the Beatles, Prince, Elvis Presley and others. Written by six music journalists, it contains unpublished photographs along with personal anecdotes and analysis of personal decorating choices, in what is called “the first-ever guide to the most ostentatious and over-the-top homes in rock ’n’ roll history.” It comes out Jan 15. (So, don’t ask for it for Christmas?)
• Chris Stapleton – will headline the Mack, Jack & McConaughey 2019 MJ&M Gala on April 25 at Austin City Limits Live at the Moody Theater.  Mack, Jack & McConaughey (MJ&M) is the joint fundraising campaign of Matthew McConaughey, country artist Jack Ingram, and ESPN analyst and Texas Longhorns coach Mack Brown. The two-day event is a fundraiser benefiting children’s education, health and wellness.
• Carrie Underwood – is now so pregnant, that none of her clothes fit. She and hubby Mike Fisher are expecting their second child — another boy — in January, and she tweeted: “Officially wearing Mike’s clothes in public now, so…”

• “The Possession of Hannah Grace” (R-Rated, Horror/Mystery):  When a cop who is just out of rehab takes the graveyard shift in a city hospital morgue, she faces a series of bizarre, violent events caused by an evil entity in one of the corpses. (Shay Mitchell, Grey Damon)
• “Mowgli” (PG-13, Action/Adventure):  A child raised by wolves must face off against a menacing tiger named Shere Khan, as well as his own origins. (Christian Bale, Benedict Cumberbatch)
• “Head Full of Honey” (PG-13, Drama):  Matilda tries to help her grandfather, Amadeus, who is suffering from Alzheimer’s, navigate his increasing forgetfulness, and ends up going on a remarkable adventure with him. (Nick Nolte, Matt Dillon, Emily Mortimer)
• “Anna and the Apocalypse” (R-Rated, Comedy/Horror):  A zombie apocalypse threatens the sleepy town of Little Haven – at Christmas – forcing Anna and her friends to fight, slash and sing their way to survival, facing the undead in a desperate race to reach their loved ones. (Ella Hunt, Malcolm Cumming)
• “Blood Brother” (R-Rated, Action/Drama):  A recently released convict begins to take murderous revenge against his childhood friends, whom he believes let him take the fall for a crime they collectively committed. (China Anne McClain, Jack Kesy)

We knew that Detroit was called “Hockeytown” but this still seems a little strange.  To thwart any potential shooter attacks, faculty at Oakland University in the city have been armed…with hockey pucks.  University Police Chief Mark Gordon says to fight an active shooter effectively, faculty and students need to be prepared to throw heavy objects that will cause a distraction.  He says pucks will do the trick and they are easily carried in backpacks and briefcases.  The 800 staff members will be trained to use them in case of an emergency, and there are plans to similarly outfit 1,700 students.
(They may have a point.  Have you ever heard of someone opening fire at a hockey game?)
(The main problem is reloading…)
(A literal case of fire and ice!)

► Passengers on a LOT Polish Airlines flight were asked to help pay for their plane’s repairs.  The flight from Beijing to Poland was delayed due to a hydraulic issue.  After mechanics demanded cash payment for a new pump, passengers were asked to help contribute to the bill, which ran about $350.  The airline has apologized and said passengers have benn compensated for the delays, and those who contributed were reimbursed.  (How is it that they can get a jet airplane fixed for $350, but I can’t drive onto my mechanic’s lot without spending 700 bucks?)
► A driver in Connecticut was not “lovin’ it” when he was pulled over and ticketed by police for distracted driving. And he’s going to court to prove he wasn’t using his cell phone while driving, but was in fact eating a McDonald’s hash brown.  Jason Stiber was issued a $300 ticket when, according to him, he was eating a hash brown and a police officer thought he saw a cell phone near his mouth.  His cell phone records show he made no calls in the hour that he received the ticket. (Is there a charge for “distracted drive-thru”?)
► Some people near Houston, TX found a good reason to make several transactions at a local ATM…when they discovered that it was dispensing $100 bills instead of $10s.  And of course, word got around.  Before long, police showed up to stand guard until the bank could be contacted to send an employee to the scene.  It turned out that the person in charge of loading the ATM accidentally put $100s into the slot where the $10s were supposed to go.  The Bank of America says those who took advantage of the windfall can keep the money. (Because it’s coming out of that guy’s paycheck!)

☞ “Pooch Selfie: The Original Dog Selfie Stick” ($9.99): Features a squeaky tennis ball that’ll capture your doggo’s attention long enough for an adorable photo. Works with both front- and rear-facing cameras, so you can take a selfie with your dog, or get a smiling solo shot.
☞ “Poo-Pourri Before-You-Go Toilet Spray” ($9.95):  A gag gift that is also a useful one they’ll secretly love — after they finish giving you the stink-eye. (“Gag” gift pretty much says it all!)
☞ “Secret Santa T-Shirt” ($24.99):  It literally says “This is my Secret Santa T-Shirt” on it.  Not red.
☞ “Sriracha To-Go Bottle Keychain” ($8.00):  Yes, it’s a sriracha-bottle shaped keychain that the recipient can fill with sauce, so they are never without it.  Throw in an actual bottle of the sauce and they’ll weep tears of joy…or pain!
☞ (***Caution***) “Go F*** Yourself, I’m Coloring: Swear Word Coloring Book” ($5.99):  Perfect for the potty mouth in your life. Pick up a pack of colored pencils at the dollar store and you have a complete, personalized (effin) gift!


1937 [81] Ridley Scott, South Shields UK, movie producer-director (“The Martian”, “Gladiator”, “Alien”) COMING UP…”The Aftermath” 2019

1952 [66] Mandel “Mandy” Patinkin, Chicago IL, TV actor (‘Saul Berenson’ on “Homeland” since 2011)/movie actor (“The Princess Bride”)/Broadway actor

1955 [63] Billy Idol (William Broad), Stanmore UK, punk-ish rocker (‘White Wedding’)/author (‘Dancing With Myself’)

1957 [61] Colin Mochrie, Kilmarnock, Scotland [raised Vancouver BC], improv comedian (“Whose Line Is It Anyway?” 1998-2004, 2013-present)

1965 [53] Ben Stiller, NYC, movie actor (“Night At the Museum” films, “Meet the Parents” films)/movie producer-director (“Tropic Thunder”, “Blades of Glory”)

1982 [36] Elisha Cuthbert, Calgary AB [grew up Longueuil QC], TV actress (“The Ranch” since 2016, “24″ 2001-10)/movie actress (“Old School”)/wed NHL player Dion Phaneuf in 2013

1985 [33] Kaley Cuoco, Camarillo CA, TV actress (‘Penny’ on “The Big Bang Theory” since 2007, “8 Simple Rules” 2002-05)

1985 [33] Chrissy Teigen, Delta UT, TV host (“Lip Sync Battle”)/fashion model (“Sports Illustrated”)/wed to singer John Legend since 2013

Film director Woody Allen (“Annie Hall”) is 83; Singer Bette Midler (‘The Rose’) is 73; Comedian Sarah Silverman is 48; Pop singer Janelle Monae (‘Cold War’) is 33; Movie actress Zoe Kravitz (“Mad Max: Fury Road”) is 30, Reality star Robert Irwin (son of the late Steve Irwin) is 15

TV actress Lucy Liu (“Elementary”) is 50; Pop singer Nelly Furtado (‘I’m Like a Bird’) is 40; Pop singer Britney Spears (‘Baby, One More Time’) is 37; Quarterback Aaron Rodgers is 35; Pop singer Charlie Puth ‘See You Again’) is 27

• “International Computer Security Day”, to remind us to protect our computers, programs, and data at home and work. Remember to always practice safe surfin’!

• “Mousse Day”, an annual celebration of the divine dessert made from egg whites and cream. Did you know that ‘mousse’ is the French word for ‘foam’?  It’s a fitting name for this light, fluffy, and decadent confection.

• “Stay Home Because You’re Well Day”, a day to call in ‘well’ instead of having to fake sickness in order to get a day off.  (Do it…your co-workers will love you!)

• “National Methamphetamine Awareness Day”, a day of education and awareness of the dangers of methamphetamine. (Is ‘Walter White’ the poster boy?)

• “St Andrew’s Day”, honoring the patron saint of Scotland who hurled his last haggis in 60 AD. It’s the wannabe independent country’s national day. Be sure to dust off your sporran!

• “Advent Calendar Day”, the day many kids begin opening one compartment on their seasonal calendar each day through December 24th. (Who are we kidding?  Through about Dec 10, when the rest mysteriously disappear.)
• “Antarctica Day”, begun in 2010 to celebrate the December 1, 1959 signature of the Antarctic Treaty, signed by 12 nations to set aside the entire continent (nearly 10% of the Earth) to be forever used exclusively for peaceful purposes in the interests of all mankind.
• “National Pie Day”, a special day that is set aside to bake and cook all of your favorite pies. You are also encouraged to bake a few new pie recipes. And most importantly, it’s a day to eat pies!
• “World AIDS Day”, the annual day of AIDS awareness and education, first declared by the UN’s World Health Organization in 1988. The official symbol of “World AIDS Day” is the red ribbon. In some communities, the occasion is observed as “Day Without Art”.
• “Ear Muff Day”, celebrating the first ‘Earmuffs’ patented by one Chester Greenwood of Farmington, Maine on this day in 1877.

• “Fritters Day”, honoring the yummy treat made by frying up small cakes of dough in butter or oil. (Yum! Really good for you, too!)
• “Mutt Day”, saluting all dogs that are cross-breeds, no-breeds, or all-breeds.
• “Business of Popping Corn Day”, honoring this day in 1885 when Charles Cretors founded his company (“C. Cretors & Company”), which invented the first large-scale commercial oil popcorn popper.  (Perhaps “Toothpick Day” should be celebrated then too?)

2004 [14] Canadian journalist/historian Pierre Berton (“Klondike Fever”) dies at age 84

2013 [05] “Fast & Furious” film franchise star Paul Walker and a friend are killed in a single car accident in Santa Clarita CA

1977 [41] Bing Crosby’s final Christmas special airs. It was recorded in September, and Crosby died that October. The show is remembered for Crosby’s unusual duet with David Bowie, where they sing a modified version of ‘Little Drummer Boy’, with Bowie singing his new ‘Peace On Earth’ lyrics.

1982 [36] Michael Jackson releases “Thriller”, which becomes the best selling album worldwide (currently at 47.3 million in certified sales)

2011 [07] Dubstep artist Skrillex is unexpectedly nominated for 5 Grammy Awards, a first in Grammy history for an EDM DJ

2011 [07] Washington State University researchers develop an artificial bone ‘scaffold’ which uses 3D printers to print replacement bone tissue for injured patients

2004 [14] After amassing $2,520,700 on TV quiz show “Jeopardy!”, contestant Ken Jennings is finally knocked off by real estate agent Nancy Zerg on a question about taxes (during his record 75-game run, he gives correct responses to over 2,700 clues)


✓ Yoda, from “Star Wars”, was modeled after the appearance of Albert Einstein.
✓ Freddie Mercury and Paul McCartney used the same piano to record ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ and ‘Hey Jude’.
✓ The world is running out of sand. We use 40 billion tons of it each year.
✓ Brain scans found that women are more responsive to romance after they’ve been fed – Food is the way to a woman’s heart, as well.
✓ Studies show that Sprite may be one of the best hangover remedies.
✓ The inventor of rolled toilet paper filed his patent in 1891 clearly showing in illustrations that the paper should hang OVER the roll, not under it.

• You schedule your panic attacks
• You perform your own open heart surgery.
• You changed your neighbor’s dog’s name.
• You are a helicopter parent, but you don’t have kids.
• You can’t help but pass on a few driving tips…to your driver’s ed instructor.
• Your husband wears the pants in the family, but you tell him which ones to wear.
• If you want someone else’s opinion, you’ll gladly give it to them.
• You organize your own surprise party.
• You have on any occasion flipped the toilet paper roll to the “right way” at someone else’s house.
• You don’t consider yourself a control freak…but you do know what’s better for everyone else.

Best of  BS . . .

✗ “The Plumbers’ Union Pipe Band”
✗ “Pets on Display” float sponsored by Woody’s Taxidermy
✗ The Central Junior High Marching Piano Band.
✗ “The Black Friday Mob Trampling an Elderly Walmart Greeter” float.
✗ “Bambi’s Peeler Parlor North Pole-Dancing Bonanza”
✗ Uncle Earl’s souped-up purple Dodge Duster convertible.
✗ “The Pit Bull Drill Team”
✗ “The (Local) Police Department Pepper Spray Extravaganza!”
-First published in ‘BS’ in 2015

Which country song could have been written about your life?

If this weekend goes as planned, it will not include any actual plans…

Question:  THIS is considered the number one dating dealbreaker.  What is it?
Answer:  Someone who has been arrested

A weekend well-spent brings a week of content.


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