November 1, 2013

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Friday, November 1, 2013        Edition: #5093

Sheeters Always Prosper!

★ Cirque Du Soleil is being fined over the death of 31-year-old acrobat Sarah Guillot-Guyard, who fell 90 feet (27 m) during a performance of “Ka” at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas earlier this year. It was ruled an accident but now Nevada Occupational Safety & Health Administration has cited Cirque du Soleil on 6 counts and imposed a fine of $25,000, as well as suggesting the MGM Grand pay a (paltry) penalty of $7,000. (Which they’ll do once they finish laughing.)
★ The producers behind CBS-TV’s “How I Met Your Mother” are planning a spin-off. The hit sitcom, which stars Neil Patrick Harris, Jason Segel, and Alyson Hannigan, is currently in the midst of its 9th and final season, but creators Carter Bays & Craig Thomas have already pitched an all-female comedy called – wait for it – “How I Met Your Father”. (Seriously? How inventive.)
– “Entertainment Weekly”
★ Ashton Kutcher (35) & Demi Moore (50) have finally come to terms on a divorce agreement after separating in November 2011. That puts an end to a 2-year court battle in which she was requesting spousal support plus half his earnings from his investment firm Grade-A, reportedly worth $100 million. He claims he made his millions after splitting from his wife of 6 years. It now appears they’ve agreed on a settlement. (Here’s a couple mill … now go away.)
– “New York Post”
★ And Gwyneth Paltrow reportedly wants her 2 children, Apple (9) & Moses (7), to have perfect cut-glass English accents like the ‘Crawley’ family on her favorite TV show, “Downton Abbey”. Earlier this year, she was tipped to guest-star on the hit Brit show, which has featured cameos from well-known actors. But alas, an insider says the kids now use a blend of British & American slang, which apparently drives Gwyneth nuts. (Keep in mind, dear, that you were born in LA of Polish-Belarusian-Pennsylvania Dutch heritage. One hates to over-reach.)
– “Daily Star”

• “Arsenio Hall” (syndicated) – Tonight Bernhoft (“Solidarity Breaks”).
• “Betrayal” – Sunday is the official opening night on Broadway for this Harold Pinter play for which Daniel Craig & Rachel Weisz have been getting rave reviews in previews. It’s the first time the real-life couple has shared the stage. The production is scheduled to run 14 weeks.
• Live In the Vineyard Festival (Napa Valley CA) – Saturday this 3-day multi-faceted event in California’s wine country gets underway with performances by Five for Fighting, Gavin DeGraw, James Blunt, Jason Derulo and more.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight KoRn (“The Paradigm Shift”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Tomahawk (“Mit Gas”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Big Sean (“Hall of Fame”).
• Miles & Music for Kids (Nashville) – Sunday Dierks Bentley revs up his 8th annual celebrity motorcycle ride & concert benefitting the Children’s Hospital at Vanderbilt. Special guests include Brett Eldredge, Easton Corbin, Jake Owen, and Luke Bryan.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host Kerry Washington (“Scandal”); musical guest Eminem (“The Marshal Mathers LP 2”, out November 5th).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Empire Of the Sun (“Ice On the Dune”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Today Olivia Newton-John (“This Christmas”).
• Voodoo Music + Arts Experience (New Orleans) – The Cure, Nine Inch Nails, and Pearl Jam headline the 3-day 2013 edition at City Park. Also on the bill: Calvin Harris, How to Destroy Angels, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, Paramore and many more.
• YouTube Awards – Sunday this inaugural 90-minute event hosted by actor Jason Schwartzman & comedian Reggie Watts live-streams from NYC’s Pier 36. Awards are handed out in 7 categories, based entirely on fan voting. Macklemore & Ryan Lewis lead nominations with 3. Performers include Arcade Fire, Avicii, Eminem, Lady Gaga, and MIA.

• David Bowie – He claims the video for his new single “Love Is Lost” cost a whopping …. $12.99. That was the cost of the thumb-drive to download the finished video onto.
• Ed Sheeran – Tonight he plays the 2nd of 3 dates at NYC’s Madison Square Garden. He says headlining in the famed venue is the ‘biggest thing in my career to date’. The 3rd date is coming up November 7th. His breakthrough hit, “The A Team”, was 2011’s best-selling debut single.
• Elvis Costello – Saturday in Burlington VT he begins his first major headlining solo tour on the East Coast in a decade. The set of 13 shows runs through November 19th in Orono ME.
• Justin Bieber – An exotic dancer named ‘Diamond’ tells “In Touch” magazine he gave her $7,000 for a lap dance at a strip club in Houston TX. In all, the Biebs is said to have blown $10,000 in less than 90 minutes.
• Lou Reed – Interest in the singer-musician who died last Sunday at 71 has spiked this week, sending his albums “Transformer” and “Rock ‘N Roll Animal” into iTunes’ and Amazon’s top 25.
• Rihanna – Tonight’s concert in Barbados was indefinitely postponed last week, the result of ‘technical difficulties associated with the transport of equipment’. She’s in her hometown anyway, hosting a bash at Sugar Ultra Lounge in Bridgetown’s St Lawrence Gap party zone.
• Robin Thicke – Nona Gaye & Frankie Christian Gaye, 2 of late Motown singer Marvin Gaye’s kids, have now filed suit claiming Thicke has changed his tune about “Blurred Lines” not being a rip-off of the Gaye track “Got to Give It Up”. The filing cites interviews in which he admitted the track was one of his all-time favorites and he wanted to ‘make something with that groove’.
• The Strokes – Sunday  in Washington DC, guitarist Albert Hammond Jr kicks off a 3-week tour in support of his just-released solo EP, “AHJ”. The Strokes remain an ongoing entity, he says, but right now they’re not writing, recording … or doing anything.

• “Ender’s Game” ( PG-13 Sci-Fi Adventure ): When the ‘International Military’ seek out a leader who can save the human race from an alien attack, ‘Ender Wiggin’, a brilliant young mind, is recruited and trained to lead his fellow soldiers into a battle. Stars Harrison Ford, Asa Butterfield, Hailee Steinfeld, Abigail Breslin. Based on the Orson Scott Card novel.
• “Free Birds” ( PG Animated Comedy ): Two turkeys from opposite sides of the tracks must put aside their differences and team up to travel back in time to change the course of history … and get turkey off the holiday season menu for good. Voice cast includes Woody Harrelson, Owen Wilson, Dan Fogler, Amy Poehler.
• “Last Vegas” ( PG-13 Comedy ): A trio of 60-something friends take a break from their day-to-day lives to throw a bachelor party in Las Vegas for their last remaining single pal. Starring Robert De Niro (70), Michael Douglas (69), Morgan Freeman (76), and Kevin Kline (66), it’s already been nicknamed the ‘The Geriatric Hangover’.
• Opening in limited release: “About Time” (Dramedy); “Big Sur” (Drama); “The Broken Circle Breakdown” (Drama); “Dallas Buyers Club” (Drama); “Diana” (Bio-Drama); and “Mr Nobody” (Fantasy).

A new Harris Interactive online poll of close to 2,000 adults measures how much actual living goes on in vehicles. A few highlights …
• 19% have eaten using a fork, spoon, or knife while driving.
• 11% (17% of men, 5% of women) have ‘participated in a sexual activity’ while driving.
• 10% have applied makeup while driving … mostly women.
• 9% have flirted with another driver.
• 4% have read a book while behind the wheel.
The results are not considered scientific … but they sure are interesting.

Customers have been complaining that their Dell Lattitude 6430u laptops smell of … cat urine. Some say it’s embarrassing taking their laptop to client offices because it smells so bad. Dell engineers have ruled out biological contamination and promise the smell was not a health hazard. The problem is in the manufacturing process, which has now been corrected, the company says. Dell recommends users experiencing the problem send affected laptops back for a replacement palm rest. (Microsoft may have the X Box, but Dell has the litter box!)
– BBC News

According to a just-released new ranking …
10. Michael Duke, Walmart CEO.
9. Mario Draghi, European Central Bank president.
8. Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz Al Saud, king of Saudi Arabia.
7. Ben Bernanke, US Federal Reserve chairman.
6. Bill Gates, Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation co-chair.
5. Angela Merkel, German chancellor.
4. Pope Francis, Roman Catholic Church.
3. Xi Jinping, Chinese president.
2. Barack Obama, US president.
1. Vladimir Putin, Russian president.

A recent study from Texas Christian University shows that we are more likely to exaggerate our accomplishments when we’re speaking to pretty people and are also more likely to change our minds if we think a good-looking person has an opposing view. During experiments, participants who took an opinion poll adjusted their responses once they discovered an attractive person disagreed with their point-of-view. (Oh, did I say that “The Ides of March “ sucked? Sorry, George. I meant to say it was Oscar-worthy.)

German word of the week: ‘Schmutzwortsuche’ … looking up dirty words in the dictionary.


1949 [64] David Foster, Victoria BC, music producer noted for discovering Celine Dion, Josh Groban, and Michael Bublé/16 Grammy Awards

1962 [51] Anthony Kiedis, Grand Rapids MI, rock singer (Red Hot Chili Peppers-“Snow [Hey Oh]”, “Dani California”)

1963 [50] ‘Big’ Kenny (Alphin), Culpeper VA, country singer (Big & Rich-“Lost In This Moment”, “Save a Horse [Ride a Cowboy]”)

1963 [50] Rick Allen (Cyril), Sheffield UK, one-armed rock drummer (Def Leppard-“Promises”, “Photograph”)

1972 [41] Toni Collette, Sydney, Australia, TV actress (Emmy Award-“United States of Tara” 2009-11)/movie actress (“Little Miss Sunshine”, “The Hours”)

1972 [41] Jenny McCarthy, Chicago IL, TV personality (“The View” 2013, “Love In the Wild” 2012)/model (“Playboy” cover 32 times)/movie actress (“John Tucker Must Die”, “Santa Baby”)

1986 [27] Penn Badgely, Baltimore MD, TV actor (“Gossip Girl” 2007-12)/movie actor (“Easy A”, “Margin Call”)

Rock drummer Carter Beauford (Dave Matthews Band) is 56; Pop singer kd lang (“Constant Craving”) is 52; TV actress Lauren Velez (“Dexter”) is 49; Rock bassist Fieldy Arvizu (KoRn) is 44; TV personality ‘Cookie Monster’ (“Sesame Street”) is 44; Rapper Nelly (“Grillz”) is 39; Indie-rock guitarist Chris Walla (Death Cab For Cutie) is 38.

Comedian Dennis Miller is 60; NFL analyst Phil Simms (CBS-TV) is 58; Actor Dolph Lundgren (“The Expendables 2”) is 56; Rock vocalist-guitarist Tim McIlrath (Rise Against) is 34.

• “All Hallows” or “All Saints’ Day” (begun in 835 AD), a Roman Catholic ‘Holy Day of Obligation’ (aren’t they all?). It’s a public holiday in the Philippines, when families gather to honor the dead.
• “Authors Day”, a day to celebrate literature in all its forms and to show your appreciation for the incredibly hard work put in by the authors behind your favorite writings.
• “Go Cook For Your Pets Day”, because it’s apparently not enough to house them, train them, exercise them, and clean up after them … now they need haute cuisine!
• “Movember” begins, the idea being for men to let their lip hair accumulate for the entire month to raise awareness of men’s health issues such as prostate cancer. (Last year a 36-year-old Brit woman who’s suffered from excessive facial hair since she was a teen decided to participate by growing a mustache & goatee.)
• “World Championship Punkin Chunkin”, the 28th annual 3-day pumpkin-throwing contest held the weekend after Halloween in Sussex County, Delaware. Competing teams use a variety of pumpkin-launching devices, including catapults, centrifugal machines, and pneumatic cannons.
• “World Vegan Day”, an international focal point for celebrating veganism, a term invented by Donald Watson in 1944. True vegans do not eat meat, fish, dairy products, or eggs; nor do they use any products derived from animals, such as fur or leather.

• “All Souls’ Day”, the excuse for an annual tradition in Santiago, Guatemala – the “Kite Festival”, when natives send massive, extremely colorful kites up to the heavens in an effort to communicate with the dead. (Hello, anybody home?)
• “Deviled Egg Day”, saluting the dish that entails hard-boiled eggs cut in half and filled with the egg’s yolk mixed with mayonnaise & mustard. Erp.
• “Plan Your Epitaph Day”, dedicated to the proposition that a forgettable gravestone is a fate worse than death.

• “Cliché Day”. It’s amazing how they infiltrate our daily conversations. Try to make it through an entire show without anyone uttering a cliché. Hit the buzzer every time one pops up.
• “Daylight Saving Time” in North America officially ends at 2 am. Remember: Spring forward, Fall back, so set your clock back an hour. (Hey, it’s a long weekend!)
• “Diwali” begins, a major Indian festival for 5 consecutive days at the end of the Hindu month Ashwayuja. Traditional earthen lamps and fireworks are symbols of the celebration.
• “New York City Marathon”, one of the most prestigious annual runs.
• “Sandwich Day”, celebrating the 1718 birth of John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich. A compulsive gambler, he wanted something that could be eaten at gaming tables and earned immortality by slapping some beef between slices of toast in 1792. A few odd sandwiches …
• “Zero Tasking Day”, always the same day that Daylight Saving Time ends, a day to do absolutely squat with the extra 60 minutes you put on the clock because the real gift for this day is not feeling like you have to do something worthwhile with that ‘extra hour’.

1939 [74] The poem (and later song) “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” 1st appears in a promotional pamphlet for Chicago’s Montgomery Ward department store

1993 [20] The Maastricht Treaty takes effect, formally establishing the ‘European Union’

[Mon] Fill Our Staplers Day
[Mon] Al-Hijra begins (Islamic New Year)
[Mon] Traffic Directors Day
[Mon] Use Your Common Sense Day
[Tues] Muse’s “Live at Rome Olympic Stadium” debuts in 20 cities
[Wed] CMA Awards (Nashville)
This Week Is … Give Wildlife a Break Week
This Month Is … Adopt a Senior Pet Month


✗ Act Naturally
✗ Government Organization
✗ Sanitary Landfill
✗ Small Crowd
✗ Soft Rock
✗ Butt Head
✗ Military Intelligence
✗ Tight Slacks
✗ Religious Tolerance
✗ “Now, then …”
(Ask listeners for more!)

If love is a matter of chemistry, I must be toxic waste.

☎ Which TV show does your family pet like the most?

Question: According to University of Notre Dame research, THIS has a negative effect on our intelligence.
Answer: Daylight Saving Time. (We’ll all be smarter starting Sunday.)

It’s better to retire too soon than too late.

Leave a comment