November 22 2017

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Wednesday, November 22, 2017 – Edition: #6103

Can You Believe This Sheet?

★ No false alarm this time … Kevin Hart is a daddy again.  Hart says his wife Eniko delivered their son on Tuesday at 1:45 AM, and mom and baby are doing fine.  As for the name … Kev says it’s Kenzo Kash. Kenzo is a Japanese name, meaning strong and healthy — and Kash means Mom and Dad’s pockets are strong and healthy. Last Wednesday, Hart cancelled a radio interview to head to hospital with Eniko, but that turned out to be a false alarm.
★ Seth Meyers is stepping in at the last minute to host the 2018 Golden Globes.  The ‘Late Night’ host and comedian is about to close a deal with the Hollywood Foreign Press Association to helm the star-studded film and television award ceremony on January 7th. There had been rumours the Golden Globes were set to go ahead host-less – as had been done until 2009 – because no stars were willing to take on the task of fronting the ceremony following Tina Fey and Amy Poehler’s celebrated three-year reign.
★ Jeremy Piven has passed a lie detector test which questioned whether he had “fondled” Ariane Bellamar. Piven had previously denied sexual assault accusations alleged by the actress and two other women.  In a statement on Twitter, he said: “I have offered to take a polygraph to support my innocence. I keep asking myself, ‘How does one prove something didn’t happen?”  According to reports, Piven took polygraph tests regarding the three claims, and a blanket lie detector test to determine if he had ever assaulted a woman, and he passed with no signs of deception.
★After hearing the news of Charles Manson’s death, Bryan Cranston says he “shuddered” at the memory of his run-in with the murderous cult leader back in 1968.  He was 12 years old when they crossed paths.  Cranston says he and his cousin came upon about eight people, and there was a man in the middle on a horse. Quote: “Charlie, I guessed, was this comatose, bearded, long-haired guy with big eyes riding as if he’s just stuck to the back of a horse. Totally zoned out. You couldn’t take your eyes off him. My cousin turned back to me and said, ‘Wow, that guy’s weird.’ When we passed him and their whole group, she turned around again and said, ‘That must be Charlie,’ and I said, ‘Yeah… and Charlie’s freaky!”
★ Jennifer Garner says she “hasn’t been on a date and is not interested in dating” since her split with Ben Affleck.  Garner, who has three children with her estranged husband, said that, “I would not have chosen this life for myself or for my kids”.  She says that people try to set her up on dates but she tells them no thanks.  Affleck, however, appears to have moved on. He is currently in a relationship with Saturday Night Live producer Lindsay Shookus.
★ Paris Hilton tried to take credit for inventing the selfie by posting a throwback pic she claims is the first example of the photo capturing trick.  Along with the 2006 image, her accompanying tweet read: ”11 years ago today, Me & Britney invented the selfie!  So far, her post has garnered almost 150,000 likes and over 43,000 retweets, but many of her followers posted photographic evidence of selfies taken as far back as the 1800s.
(OK, but they didn’t do the ‘duckface’ thing.)

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Howard Stern, Cardi B, Paul Shaffer ( R )
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Denzel Washington, Allison Williams, Talib Kweli featuring Rick Ross & Yummy Bingham
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Gayle King, Elton John
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Tim Meadows, Kenny DeForest
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Krysten Ritter, Josh Hutcherson
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Jake Gyllenhaal, Max Brooks, Rostam ( R )
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Pre-empted
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Rocco DiSpirito, Garth Brooks
• “The Talk” (CBS): Shirley MacLaine, Rabbi Steve Leder, Susan Feniger
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Kelly Clarkson, Gaten Matarazzo
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Kevin Hart
• “Survivor” (CBS): Fear of the Unknown
• “Saturday Night Live Thanksgiving Special” (NBC): Thanksgiving-themed comedy from the “Saturday Night Live” crew is presented.
• “Black Sabbath: The End of the End” (SHOWTIME): A chronicle of Black Sabbath’s final concert in February 2017 in Birmingham, England, at Genting Arena features interviews with the band and performances of some of their iconic songs, including ‘Iron Man’, ‘Paranoid’ and ‘War Pigs’.
• “George Michael: Freedom” (SHOWTIME): George Michael’s life and career are explored, with an emphasis on the formative period of the late singer’s life. Interviewed: Stevie Wonder; Elton John; Ricky Gervais; Nile Rogers; Mary J. Blige; James Corden; Tony Bennett.

• Katt Williams and Suge Knight – are now on the hook for over $35,000 to a photographer who sued them for wrecking her camera. The pair were sued over a 2014 incident when Williams and Knight allegedly went after the woman when they spotted her filming outside of a music studio in Beverly Hills. Williams and Knight are on the hook for her medical bills and damages to her camera.
• Pink – Despite their complicated history together, Pink insists she wasn’t cringing during Christina Aguilera’s tribute to Whitney Houston at the American Music Awards on Sunday. She tweeted that Aguilera “killed it tonight for one of our favorite singers ever…This about Whitney, and I am in awe of Christina’s talent. Show the clip where I’m in tears, you negative Nancys”.
• U2 – their new song ‘American Soul’ features a cameo from Kendrick Lamar.  Bono’s lyrics from the song also appear in Lamar’s song ‘XXX’ from his ‘Damn’ album.
• Green Day – are premiering a music video for ‘Born In The USA’, a track from their just-released best-of package, “Greatest Hits: God’s Favorite Band.” It’s one of two new tunes – alongside a duet with Miranda Lambert on ‘Ordinary World’.  And no, it is NOT a cover of the Springsteen song of the same name.
• John Oates – The ‘Oates’ of Hall & Oates will release the solo album ‘Arkansas’ on Feb. 2.  It was, of course, recorded in Nashville.
• Prince – his family members are furious over his unreleased music being removed from his home without being told. Sharon, Norrine and John Nelson filed docs to remove Comerica Bank & Trust as the personal administrator to Prince’s estate.
• Eagles – are streaming an unboxing video as a preview to Friday’s release of a series of expanded 40th anniversary editions of their classic 1976 album “Hotel California.”  With more than 32 million copies sold worldwide, it is one of the best-selling albums of all time.
• Dustin Lynch – says that he is breaking tradition this Thanksgiving, “I’m going to New York City. I’m playing the Macy’s parade. I’m going to be on the KFC float, and I’m taking the whole freaking family up there with me. So we’re going to do it big in New York City this year.”
• Reba McEntire – will be returning to the Opry stage on Monday to host the CMA Country Christmas special on ABC.  According to her, she is “Going to be singing with some of my buddies, singing some of my songs, and MC’ing…I am really looking forward to it.”

If you are a respectful and thoughtful person, when you see a senior board a bus or a subway car, you stand up and offer them your seat.  It’s what you do.  Or is WAS what you did.  Some health experts are saying that you should NOT offer your public transportation seat to the elderly, if you can believe it.  The thinking is that offering your seat to seniors on public transport can hamper their health. Instead, they should be “encouraged to stand and discouraged from taking it easy…in order to keep themselves fit,” according to Muir Gray, a professor at Oxford.  He points out that “standing is great exercise” for seniors.  He cites a recent report which advises older people to stay active, as it can reduce the need for social care and allow them to live more independently.  In the report, researchers say the effects of ageing are often confused with the loss of fitness, when it’s really the lack of fitness that ages them, making them require more care.  It is interesting to note that Mr. Grey also suggests that we do NOT allow our parents to install a stairlift in their home, and have them opt for a second railing instead.
(I wonder if this guy has the nerve to say that to his mother’s face?)
(Some of the seniors I know would chase me around the streetcar and beat me about the head with their cane if I didn’t offer them a seat!)
(If this guy takes a bus, I think he should prepare to get a LOT of exercise…running!)

If you REALLY like to stuff yourself at Thanksgiving (or Christmas), Stove Top has some stretchy pants for you.  That’s right, the company that makes Stove Top Stuffing is now selling maroon-colored, unisex pants.  Brace yourself.  Similar to maternity pants, ‘Thanksgiving Dinner Pants’ are equipped with a stretchy pouch waistband that fits over the belly, so your pants expand along with your girth as you enjoy serving after serving at the holiday table.  Oh, and for style?  The ‘Stuffin’ Stretch’ waistband is covered in images of Stove Top stuffing.  And if you need a little something extra for later when you’ve finally managed to pry yourself away from the table and collapse in front of the game in the living room?  The pants include XXL stuffing print pockets.  How much?  Just $19.98 (plus your dignity).  They are available at  Oh, by the way, at last check, they were sold out of both ‘Large’ and ‘Extra Large’.
(I’m guessing if you buy these, you aren’t too worried about what they look like!)
(Let’s face it, they really only need to make one size of these things…)
(Like maternity wear, except you aren’t guaranteed to lose the pouch in 9 months!)
-USAToday, DailyPress

➛ Don’t eat on the move: That can lead to weight gain. Simply taking a seat at the table will help you to register the fact that you have eaten a meal.  You will feel fuller than if you are snacking on the go.  (But I thought it was important to move as much as possible!)
➛ Chew slowly: Chewing slowly not only burns more calories but can also improve the levels of gut hormones related to hunger. (Looks a whole lot better too!)
➛ Keep a food diary: Jot down what you ate, why, how it made you feel and how hungry you were on it on a hunger scale of 1to 10. To understand your relationship with food, you have to connect with it and seeing it on paper allows it.  (I do keep a food diary.  Well, actually some call it a take-out menu, but whatever…)
➛ Switch off any distractions: Turning off electronic distractions such as the TV can help you to lose weight. By chewing slowly and really concentrating on our food, it can enable us to lose six times more weight as those who watch television during mealtimes.  (What if food IS my distraction?)
➛ Give yourself at least 30 minutes to eat a meal: This can enable you to lose weight as you will feel fuller quicker.  (Quicker?  I just spent half my lunch hour EATING LUNCH!)
➛ Drink two glasses of water before eating:  Dehydration can often be confused with hunger. Simply drinking two glasses of water can help indicate if you are in fact hungry. If after half an hour you still feel peckish, it’s time to prep your dinner.  (Or possibly time to go to the restroom!)
➛ Eat when you’re hungry:  Listen to your body. If you had a large lunch and still feel full by dinnertime, do you really need a full meal? But don’t skip breakfast, because that can lead to weight gain – especially in women.  (Eat when you’re hungry?  Finally, a tip that I can sink my teeth into!)
➛ It’s all about the mindset:  An experiment discovered that labelling a bowl of pasta as a ‘snack’ rather than a ‘meal’ made people eat more later on.  Those who stood up to eat the ‘snack’ ate more later in the day while those who sat down and ate the meal on a plate, were far less interested in snacking later on. (What does this tell us?  Stand up to eat if you want to have a snack later on!)
(And of course the other way to lose weight without going on a diet is to exercise religiously, but no one wants to hear about that…)



1950 [67] (‘Little’) Steven Van Zandt, Winthrop MA, rock guitarist (Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band)/TV actor (“Lilyhammer” 2012-15, “The Sopranos” 1999-2007)

1958 [59] Jamie Lee Curtis, LA CA, movie actress (“Halloween”, “True Lies”)/daughter of actors Janet Leigh & Tony Curtis. COMING UP…The Pages, 2018

1967 [50] Mark Ruffalo, Kenosha WI, movie actor (“Thor: Ragnarok”, “Avengers: Age of Ultron”) COMING UP…”Avengers: Infinity War”, 2018

1968 [49] Sidse Babett Knudsen, Copenhagen, Denmark, TV actress (‘Theresa Cullen’ on “Westworld” 2016)

1970 [47] Chris Fryar, Birmingham AL, country music drummer (Zac Brown Band-w/Alan Jackson-‘As She’s Walking Away’, ‘Chicken Fried’)

1978 [39] Karen O (Orzolek), Busan, South Korea, indie rock singer (Yeah Yeah Yeahs-‘Heads Will Roll’, ‘Zero’)

1984 [33] Scarlett Johannson, NYC, movie star (“Avengers” films, “Lost in Translation”)

1986 [31] Oscar Pistorius, Sandton South Africa, runner (sprint runner and double amputee who competed in the Olympics and is widely known as the blade runner. In 2014, he was convicted of negligent killing in the death of his girlfriend. In 2016, the conviction was changed to murder)

• “Go For a Ride on Something Day”, a day to take a breather and go for a relaxing ride on a bus, horse, motorcycle, boat … whatever! (Or go to a used car dealer and get taken for a ride.)

• “Start Your Own Country Day”, What 3 things would be different if you ran your own nation. (How about no taxes, no taxes, and no taxes?)

• “Stop The Violence Day”, observed annually on the anniversary of the assassination of US President John F Kennedy (1963).

• “Blackout Wednesday”, also known as  “Black Wednesday,” “Drinksgiving,” or “Thanksgiving Eve,” or “Wacky Wednesday”) is a pejorative term for the night before the Thanksgiving holiday in the United States, which is always a Thursday.

• “National Family Caregivers Day”,  if you know someone who is caring for an ill family member, please offer to help – even if just for an hour now and then.

[Thurs] Dr. Who Day
[Thurs] American Thanksgiving Day
[Fri] Black Friday
[Fri] Maize Day

2002 [15] “Die Another Day”, starring Pierce Brosnan, is released 40 years after the first ‘Bond’ film, “Dr No”

2005 [12] XBox 360 videogame platform is released by Microsoft

1997 [20] INXS singer Michael Hutchence commits suicide at 37

2003 [14] ZZ Top plays the final show at the Compaq Center (formerly The Summit) in Houston TX before it is closed down (and renovated into TV evangelist Joel Osteen’s mega-church)

1995 [22] Disney’s “Toy Story” opens in movie theaters, the 1st computer-animated movie

2005 [12] Angela Merkel becomes the 1st female Chancellor of Germany (she remains one of the world’s most powerful women)

1986 [31] At age 20, Mike Tyson becomes ‘Youngest World Heavyweight Boxing Champion’, after a 2nd-round knockout of Trevor Berbick in Las Vegas

2010 [07] After just 1 week of availability at the iTunes store, Beatles music sells more than 450,000 albums and 2 million individual songs


✓ If you add up the numbers 1-100 consecutively (1+2+3+4+5 etc) the total is 5050.
✓ All humans are 99.9% genetically identical
✓ The genetic similarity between a human and a cat is 90%, with a dog 84%, a cow 80%, a pumpkin 75%, a banana 60% and with a cabbage 57%.
✓ Carbonated water can dissolve limestone, talc, and many other low-hardness minerals. Carbonated water, by the way, is the main ingredient in soda pop.
✓ Cellophane is not made of plastic. It is made from a plant fiber, cellulose, which has been shredded and aged.
✓ Moisture, not air, causes superglue to dry.

• After Thanksgiving dinner, sharpens knife and says, “Okay, now it’s time to carve Uncle Leo!”
• Loudly gives thanks for ‘wonderful music of Justin Bieber’.
• Insists on wearing a homemade ‘Turkey Giblet Facial Mask’ to reduce unsightly wrinkles.
• Insists on leaving an extra glass of wine on the Thanksgiving table for Trader Joe.
• Eats.  Flosses.  Eats food off the floss.
• Can tolerate large family gatherings without complaint.
BONUS: Wears ‘Stove Top Stuffing Thanksgiving Dinner Pants’.
-First published in BS in 2002

• You’ve broken 7 nails trying to get the lid off the stupid Valium bottle.
• Every time a waiter puts your glass down from the wrong side you fire a warning shot … into his groin.
• The vein in your forehead throbs so violently, it knocks out the lady ahead of you in the supermarket line-up.
• You’ve been kicked off the debating team after one too many rebuttals containing the ‘F’ word.
• You were shocked to learn that the folks on DIY shows use ‘tools’ to make holes in walls.
• You once cold-cocked Grandma when she burned your French toast.
• I’ll TELL you who needs anger management counseling!!!!!!!!!

☎ What’s the worst thing about trying to share living quarters with someone? (Top beef in a poll: Sharing a bathroom.)

My wife says I talk while I sleep.  But I’m skeptical.  Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.

Question:  The average office worker believes they waste about an hour of time each day doing this. What is it?
Answer:  Correcting others’ mistakes.

The friend who doesn’t tell you what you want to hear, but tells you what you need to hear.  Keep that.

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