November 30 2017

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Thursday, November 30, 2017 – Edition: #6109

The BS Press!

★ NBC News announced on Wednesday morning it has fired “Today” host Matt Lauer after they received a complaint about “inappropriate sexual behavior.”  A tweet from the “Today” show read: “Matt Lauer has been terminated from NBC News…On Monday night, we received a detailed complaint from a colleague about inappropriate sexual behavior in the workplace by Matt Lauer. As a result, we’ve decided to terminate his employment.” They also wrote that they have reason to believe that “this may not have been an isolated incident”
-TheBlast, RollingStone
★ William Shatner says he would like an Ontario condo developer to make a donation to his charity to settle a dispute over the use of his name and image to promote an upcoming condo in Hamilton.  The issue arose last week when Shatner objected to the use of his name and likeness to help promote a $1-million, 2-bedroom penthouse. In a Tweet, Shatner has asked Brad Lamb for a “nice big donation” for his charity in lieu of having to talk to his lawyers.  Quote: “I understand you are a kind gentleman.  Let’s settle this like gentlemen.”
(Insert ‘Star Trek’ line here….let’s go with “Highly illogical, Captain”.)
★ James Franco has confirmed he is ”developing” a superhero character.  Franco confirmed his superhero alter ego is in its ”early stages” but hasn’t revealed what hero it is who he’ll be bringing to the big screen. The film will reportedly be written Allan Heinberg, who wrote the ‘Wonder Woman’ movie.  If the geek rumor mill is true, he will be playing ‘Multiple-Man’, in an X-Men spinoff.
(I think this was more intriguing before we knew…)
★ CBS has halted production on Jeremy Piven’s new drama ‘Wisdom of the Crowd’.  Production on the 13 episodes originally ordered by the network has now been completed (and will continue airing in its Sunday night timeslot), and the show will not be renewed.  Piven has vigorously denied that there’s any truth to the multiple misconduct claims levelled against him, one of which dates back 14 years.
★ Armie Hammer has quit Twitter after an article questioning his career was published online. Hammer was the focus of a recent BuzzFeed piece titled ‘Ten Long Years Of Trying To Make Armie Hammer Happen’, in which writer Anne Helen Petersen questioned whether it was talent or white privilege that had led to Armie’s eventual success.
★ Pamela Anderson has sent Kim Kardashian West a faux fur coat. The former ‘Baywatch’ star – who is an animal activist and vegan – is determined to persuade Kardashian to ditch animal skins once and for all next year and, in a bid to kick-start her cruelty-free way of life, has given her a a coral eco-fur jacket that she custom-designed especially for her with Russian manufacturer Only Me.
★ Dog the Bounty Hunter’s wife Beth Chapman is cancer free after having a plum-sized tumor removed from her throat two months ago. Dog revealed the news during the two-hour special “Dog & Beth: Fight of Their Lives” this week where he turned to his family and said: “Hello, attention. No cancer”.  The reality star made the announcement after receiving a phatology report that came up clean.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Elizabeth Banks, Matt Smith
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Kumail Nanjiani, Kristaps Porzingis, Miguel
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Kate Winslet, Sen. Chuck Schumer, Wolf Alice
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV):  Allison Williams, Ben Mendelsohn, Jacob Banks, Will Dorsey Jr.
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Jennifer Garner, Bryan Cranston
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Josh Hutcherson, Talib Kweli featuring Anderson .Paak
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Greta Gerwig
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Diana Ross
• “The Talk” (CBS): Seth MacFarlane, Adrianne Palicki, Jaymes Vaughn
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Debra Messing, Ben Mendelsohn, Old Dominion
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Chelsea Handler, Sam Smith, Mary Bloom
• “A Charlie Brown Christmas” (ABC): In the Emmy and Peabody-winning animated cartoon from 1965, the gang mounts a holiday pageant as Charlie Brown bemoans Yuletide commercialism.
• “The Wonderful World of Disney: Magical Holiday Celebration” (ABC): Julianne Hough, Nick Lachey and Jesse Palmer host a holiday celebration that features Ciara, Darius Rucker, Fifth Harmony, Fitz and the Tantrums, Hanson, In Real Life, Jason Derulo and Lea Michele. From Walt Disney World.
• “The Christmas Train” (HALLMARK): A journalist travels by train across the country to get home in time for Christmas, and he chronicles his adventures as he encounters a variety of folks who open his eyes to wondrous possibilities, and one who even opens his heart to love.

•  Luis Fonsi – his ‘Despacito’ is the first Spanish-language song to be nominated for Record of the Year and Song of the Year in Grammy History.  The 60th Grammy nominations were announced on Tuesday.  Jay Z (8 noms), Kendrick Lamar (7) and Bruno Mars (3) lead the list of nominees.  The 2018 Grammy Awards will air live from New York City on January 28.
• Beyonce – will be singing some of the hit songs from ‘The Lion King’.  She has joined the cast of the upcoming live-action remake of the Disney animated classic as Nala – the love interest of Simba, who will be voiced by Donald Glover.
• Justin Timberlake – his fans have more to look forward to than just his Super Bowl performance. According to longtime producer Timbaland, Timberlake’s new album is almost ready for release.  Quote:  “The music we just made? It’s gonna put him on another plateau.”
• John Mayer – still follows his ex-girlfriend Katy Perry’s life. The two dated for two years, and now five years later, he admits he tuned into her four-day YouTube video, and he even watched her sleep, although he has acknowledged the footage made him feel weird.
• U2 – will rock Saturday Night Live as musical guest on Dec. 2.  SZA sings on Dec. 9, and the Foo Fighters on Dec. 16, which will be the holiday episode of the show (Beware of finding a lump of ‘Grohl’ in your stocking…).
• Bruce Springsteen – If it wasn’t enough that he had already extended his Broadway residency into 2018, he has now added a further string of dates through June 30.  That means that by the time he is done, he’ll have played 80 Broadway shows in total. (It’s not just his shows that last forever…so do his residencies!)
• Josh Groban – will headline this year’s ‘A Home for the Holidays’, the 19th annual CBS special celebrating families whose lives have been changed through adoption.  Kelly Clarkson, Kacey Musgraves and Kane Brown are also set to perform on the special, which will air on Dec. 19.
• Shania Twain –  Montreal Gazette reporter Herb Zurkowsky has apologized after tweeting that “Shania looked like a tramp” in her Grey Cup halftime appearance.  His employer has also posted an apology and stated that, “The Montreal Gazette will further address this incident with Zurkowsky internally.”
• Chris Stapleton – will head to the 60th annual Grammy Awards as the lead country nominee with a total of three nominations.  Other country hopefuls include Little Big Town, Lady Antebellum, Sam Hunt, and Alison Krauss.
• Cole Swindell – has announced that he will be hitting the road early next year for the ‘Reason to Drink’ tour.  It kicks off Feb. 15 in Allentown, PA, and will feature Chris Janson and Lauren Alaina as the opening acts. He had previously revealed a short run of January tour dates for 2018.
• Randy Travis – Madame Tussauds in Nashville is unveiling his wax figure to the public in a ceremony tomorrow.  Travis’ figure will be added to a collection of over 50 celebrity images, which features artists from all genres of music.

CHRISTMAS REVELRY (and it isn’t even December yet…):
• Police in Sudbury, Massachusetts are showing residents how NOT to transport their Christmas trees.  They posted a picture of a vehicle with a large tree on top of it.  Really large.  In fact, in the photo, almost the entire car appears to be hidden.  An officer stopped the vehicle in the town, about 25 miles west of Boston.  Police reminded people to transport holiday trees “responsibly.”  No word on charges.
(Or if the driver’s name is ‘Griswold’.)
• A Connecticut family could be forced to turn off its intricate Christmas display decorated with 30,000 lights because of complaints from neighbors.  The Halliwell family’s huge decorative display in Fairfield attracted about 30,000 visitors last holiday season, and those are just the ones who stopped (as opposed to driving by at a crawl, obstructing traffic, and not looking at the road…).  The family is trying to find a solution to their neighbor’s concerns, but say this could be the last year for the display.
(Let the neighbors charge for parking.  Boom!  Everybody’s happy!)
(30,000 lights, 30,000 visitors.  That explains the 3 visitors I had last Christmas season…)

Amazon founder and CEO Jeff Bezos has just become the second person ever to have his net worth top the US $100 billion mark.  That’s personal wealth.  The 53 year-old has been back and forth with Bill Gates a few times over the past few months for the title of world’s richest man, but with a recent surge in the value of Amazon stocks, the latest figures put him at number one with a net worth of $100.6 million.  For the record, there are 11 zeros in 100 million.
(But you have to ask yourself: Is he really happy?  And of course the answer is, “Damn straight!”)
(My personal net worth has the same number of zeros in it…it’s just that the “1″ is in a different place!)
(He doesn’t pay taxes.  He calls the government and says, “How much do you need?”)

☞ Mexican Jumping Beans:  Somehow, in the 1970s, the Mexican Jumping Bean became a popular trend, providing seconds of fun for children and adults of all ages. However, most people don’t know that a tiny moth larva lives inside the bean, making it move.  Great.
☞ ‘Baby on Board’ Signs: When first introduced in 1985, they became a huge hit but produced the wrong effect.  There is a theory that they are distracting, thereby causing more accidents. Oh, and they’ve always been wildly mocked by parody signs. (You’re telling me that there is a whole generation or two out there who have never known a world without ‘Baby on Board’ signs?)
☞ Fanny Packs: They’re practical, colorful, and kind of like a belt. How could you go wrong? The fanny pack was quickly thrown out of fashion’s good graces, leaving it as a calling card for geeks and tourists.  (Don’t even try to defend it.  You’ll lose.)
☞ Saggy Pants:  A fashion choice predominantly among young men, some guys wear their pants down to their knees; I guess in an effort to showcase their colorful boxer short designs or a silent protest against the oppressive belt industry? (Want to see something funny?  Make someone wearing saggy pants run!)
☞ Duck Face: Became a trend for average people to try to seem attractive and alluring. It eventually grew so popular that the internet pushed back, making fun of the trend and turning it on its head, transforming it into a symbol of narcissism. (I never got how that made anyone look attractive…well, maybe to a duck!)
☞ Planking:  Started around 2010 when a Facebook group encouraged people to lie down face first in awkward places, take a picture, and share it with everyone.  (Oh, so not the ‘fitness-planking’…just lying there like my neighbor on New Year’s Eve?)
☞ Pet Rock: The grandaddy of all Stupid Trends.  People will buy anything if it’s marketed properly, and in the 1970s, a guy sold millions of Pet Rocks. He became a millionaire by selling rocks. Let that sink in for a second.
☞ Honorable mentions: Tamagotchi, Pogs, YoLo, The Macarena and Crocs!


1937 [80] Ridley Scott, South Shields UK, movie producer-director (“The Martian”, “Gladiator”) COMING UP: The Aftermath, 2018

1952 [65] Mandy Patinkin, Chicago IL, TV actor (‘Saul Berenson’ on “Homeland” since 2011)/movie actor (“The Princess Bride”)/Broadway actor. COMING UP…Life Itself, 2018

1955 [62] Billy Idol (William Broad), Stanmore UK, punk-ish rocker (‘White Wedding’)/author (‘Dancing With Myself’)/Vegas performer (“Billy Idol: Forever” at the House of Blues)

1957 [60] Colin Mochrie, Kilmarnock, Scotland [raised Vancouver BC], improv comedian (“Whose Line Is It Anyway?” 1998-2004, 2013-present)

1965 [52] Ben Stiller, NYC, movie actor (“Night At the Museum” films, “Meet the Parents” films)/movie producer-director (“Tropic Thunder”, “Blades of Glory”)

1982 [35] Elisha Cuthbert, Calgary AB [grew up Longueuil QC], TV actress (“The Ranch” 2016, “24″ 2001-10)/movie actress (“Old School”)/wed to NHL player Dion Phaneuf in 2013

1985 [32] Kaley Cuoco, Camarillo CA, TV actress (‘Penny’ on “The Big Bang Theory” since 2007, “8 Simple Rules” 2002-05)

1985 [32] Chrissy Teigen, Delta UT, TV host (“Lip Sync Battle”)/fashion model (“Sports Illustrated”)/wed to singer John Legend in 2013

• “International Computer Security Day”, to remind us to protect our computers, programs, and data at home and work. Remember to always practise safe surfin’!

• “Mousse Day”, an annual celebration of the divine dessert made from egg whites and cream. Did you know that ‘mousse’ is the French word for ‘foam’?  It’s a fitting name for this light, fluffy, and decadent confection.

• “Stay Home Because You’re Well Day”, a day to call in ‘well’ instead of having to fake sickness in order to get a day off.  (Do it…your co-workers will love you!)

• “National Methamphetamine Awareness Day”, a day of education and awareness of the dangers of methamphetamine. (Is ‘Walter White’ the poster boy?)

• “St Andrew’s Day”, honoring the patron saint of Scotland who hurled his last haggis in 60 AD. It’s the wannabe independent country’s national day. Be sure to dust off your sporran!

[Fri] Christmas Lights Day
[Fri] Day Without Art
[Sat] Earmuff Day
[Sat] National Fritters Day

2004 [13] Canadian journalist/historian Pierre Berton (“Klondike Fever”) dies at age 84

2013 [04] “Fast & Furious” film franchise star Paul Walker and a friend are killed in a single car accident in Santa Clarita CA

2011 [06] Dubstep artist Skrillex is unexpectedly nominated for 5 Grammy Awards, a first in Grammy history for an EDM DJ

2011 [06] Washington State University researchers develop an artificial bone ‘scaffold’ which uses 3D printers to print replacement bone tissue for injured patients

2012 [05] Physics professor Enzo Di Fabrizio of Magna Graecia University in Catanzaro, Italy successfully takes the 1st direct photograph of DNA

2004 [13] After amassing $2,520,700 on TV quiz show “Jeopardy!”, contestant Ken Jennings is finally knocked off by real estate agent Nancy Zerg on a question about taxes (during his record 75-game run, he gives correct responses to over 2,700 clues)


✓ A baby is born on its predicted due date just 4% of the time.
✓ Babies are born with no bacteria in their bodies.
✓ From birth to toilet training, a baby goes through an average of 8000 diaper changes.
✓ Newborn babies can only see in black and white for the first few months.
✓ Women who snore during pregnancy are more likely to have smaller babies.
✓ Between 1838 and 1960, more than half the photos taken were of babies.
✓ Parents of new babies miss out on 6 months worth of sleep in the first 2 years of their child’s life.

➢ ‘Forks’ would be called ‘stabby-grabbies’
➢ ‘Wigs’ would be called ‘hairy-wearies’
➢ ‘Socks’ would be called ‘feetie-heaties’
➢ ‘Defibrillators  would be called ‘hearty-starties’
(Got any more?)

✗ “The Plumbers’ Union Pipe Band”
✗ “Pets on Display” float sponsored by Woody’s Taxidermy
✗ The Central Junior High Marching Piano Band.
✗ “The Black Friday Mob Trampling an Elderly Walmart Greeter” float.
✗ “Bambi’s Peeler Parlor North Pole-Dancing Bonanza”
✗ Uncle Earl’s souped-up purple Dodge Duster convertible.
✗ “The Pit Bull Drill Team”
✗ “The (Local) PD Pepper Spray Extravaganza!”
-First published in BS in 2015

☎ Which long ago wedding gift are you still using?

What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?  Hailing Taxi.

Question:  65% of us say it’s not important to have one of these in our home anymore.  What is it?
Answer:  A dining room

You never run out of chances until you stop taking them.

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