Thursday, October 31, 2002 Edition: #2411
Eat, Breath Sheet!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
“Friends” star Matt LeBlanc is reportedly throwing a Halloween bash where male guests have to come dolled up in women’s clothing & female guests have to put on their butchest outfits and paint on whiskers (for Richard Simmons, it’s a ‘come-as-you-are’ party) . . . Mercifully, VH1 has pulled the plug on the reality-TV “Liza & David Show” after weeks of frustration trying to deal with Liza Minelli’s domineering hubby David Gest (to VH1 we say thank-you thank-you thank-you!) . . . UPN has picked up the new reality series “Supermodel”, an “American Idol”-style talent search for models which will feature Tyra Banks as a judge (wanna fill a job opening? – start your own reality-radio show called “DJ”!) . . . Gossip maven Cindy Adams says Britain’s Prince William is lobbying for his own apartment by himself in the heart of London – complete with hot & cold running babes (seems he has his parents genes) . . . Ray Liotta, Dennis Hopper & Debbie Harry will appear as characters in the gangland computer game “Grand Theft Auto: Vice City” (answering the question – what do actors do when they’re short on movie roles?) . . . King Mohammad VI of Morocco has generously agreed to foot the bill for P Diddy’s lavish million-dollar, 5-day 33rd birthday party NEXT WEEK in Marrakesh (why? – likely so he can rub elbows with the 2 plane-loads of celeb guests to be flown in) . . . And we quote erudite 18-year-old popster Avril Lavigne who says, “So many moms come up to me and they’re like, ‘Thank you for not dressing like Britney. Thank you for being a good influence on my daughter.’ I’m like, ‘Uh, you’re welcome.’” (any day now the 1st nude pics will show up).
FUTURE FILMS:
Cole Hauser (“White Oleander”) will play a besieged movie star hounded by a photographer in the Mel Gibson-produced “Paparazzi”, which will feature a slew of high-profile stars in cameos (you can bet they’re lining up for a chance to skewer photogs) . . . “Wedding Singer” co-stars Adam Sandler & Drew Barrymore are being lined-up to star in another romantic comedy, “Fifty First Kisses”, about a guy who falls in love with a woman who suffers from short-term memory loss so he has to has to get her to fall in love with him all over again each day . . . Picture this – Jim Carrey was reportedly so moved by some off-camera lines in his newest film “Bruce Almighty”, he misted up and started crying – for real . . . “Friends” star Matthew Perry & his pop John Bennett Perry are in negotiations to star as father & son in the 1970s drama “The Beginning Of Wisdom” (they most recently worked together in 1997’s “Fools Rush In”) . . . NYC officials are furious that “Rudy”, the USA Networks bio-pic about former NYC mayor Rudi Giuliani starring James Woods, is all set to start shooting within days – in Montréal . . . Meg Ryan is demanding that extras working on her films are screened more carefully after finding out that an escaped convict and ex-porn star charged with 1st-degree murder worked within yards of her during the filming of “Against The Ropes” in Hamilton ON.
LAST-SECOND HALLOWEEN COSTUMES:
You can make these in minutes with items from around the house!
• Get a white sweatsuit. From there, you can easily be a dog, a cow or a ghost. Just get some black felt, cut it into shapes and pin or velcro them on as ‘spots’. Add a little black eyeliner to the tip of the nose. For a dog, draw on whiskers. (If it still sucks, wear a name-tag that says “Hello I’m a Dog”.)
• Attach a whole mess of green or purple balloons to a sweatsuit. Voila! You’re a bunch of grapes! (Soon to be a deflated bunch of grapes, but a bunch of grapes nonetheless.)
• Your toddler can be a ‘baby greaser’. Use hair gel to slick his hair back, then find him a white T-shirt, roll up some oversized jeans, and put a comb in his back pocket. (Best to forget about the switchblade.)
• Make a refrigerator out of a large box. When you open the door, there are pictures of food glued inside. (Use green paint for spray-on mold.)
• Take a large rectangle of cardboard and fasten it to your head. Glue paper plates and plastic cutlery on top of it. Stick gum wrappers all over your body. Hey, you’re a wad of gum stuck to a table!
PUNKIN FACTS:
• The pumpkin is a fruit, a type of squash from the gourd family which also includes cucumbers, gherkins and melons.
• Why ‘pumpkin’? After French explorer Jacques Cartier explored the St Lawrence River region of North America in 1584, he reported finding ‘gros melons’ [groe meh-LAHN]. The name was somehow butchered in English to sound like ‘pompions’, which eventually evolved into ‘pumpkin’.
• The largest pumpkin ever weighed was 1,140 lbs, grown by Dave Stelts of Leetonia OH in 2000.
BOOZE ON THE BRAIN:
A 12-year study of close to 1,500 adults at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore MD suggests that moderate alcohol consumption does not seem to affect memory and other cognitive skills. In fact, it may even make women sharper, protecting them against cognitive decline. (Also, alcohol does not seem to affect memory. In fact, it may even make women sharper!)
NO WONDER I LIKE TO LICK MY HANDS:
According to “Smithsonian” magazine, scientists have discovered that when it comes to the arrangement of the genes on our chromosomes, we’re closer to cats than any other animal group studied so far, except for primates. (That reminds me, it’s time I changed our studio litter box.)
WEIRD WORLD OF BS:
• An Eminem impersonator caused panic when he decided to make a dramatic entrance to a costume party in Lincolnshire, England. Police were called after a terrified resident answered the door to find the reveller wearing ski goggles and overalls, and wielding a roaring chainsaw. It seems he went to the wrong address.
• German manufacturer Condomi is recruiting students in Britain as – condom testers. The 100-150 young college men selected will be paid each term to test-drive various rubbers and give them a rating. (“Model #2407 stood up well when used for water balloons . . .”)
• Students in Hamburg, Germany are washing their clothes while they party hardy. At the country’s first disco laundromat, ‘The Wash Bar’, cocktails such as ‘Fast Spin’ and ‘Fabric Softener’ are served up while a DJ plays the latest hits. (We’re guessing there’s a lot of mixed-up underwear by the end of the night.)
• Auckland NZ police officers thought they were dealing with a grisly murder when they searched a home and found a severed human leg hanging outside the back door with flies buzzing around it. It turns out the limb belonged to the resident, who’d just had it amputated and wanted to keep it as a souvenir. (Thank god he wasn’t a eunuch.)
THE BULL SHEET 10.31.2K2
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1931 [71] Dan Rather, Wharton TX, $7-million-a-year TV anchor (“CBS Evening News” since 1981, “60 Minutes II”) who’s successor may be Canadian-born senior White House correspondent John Roberts (former MuchMusic VJ) or “60 Minutes II” correspondent Scott Pelley
1939 [63] Ron Rifkin, NYC, TV actor (SD-6 Director Arvin Sloane-“Alias”)
1947 [55] Deidre Hall, Milwaukee WI, TV daytime drama actress (Marlena Evans-“Days Of Our Lives” 1976-87, 1991-present)
1950 [52] Jane Pauley, Indianapolis IN, TV anchor (“Dateline: NBC” since 1992)/Mrs Gary Trudeau (“Doonesbury”) since 1980
1961 [41] Larry Mullen Jr, Dublin IRE, rock drummer (U2-“Electrical Storm”, “Beautiful Day”)
1963 [39] Rob Schneider, San Francisco CA, movie actor (“Big Daddy”, “Deuce Bigalow Male Gigolo”)/former TV comic (“Saturday Night Live” 1990-94)
1968 [34] Antonio Davis, Oakland CA, NBA forward (Toronto Raptors)
1980 [22] Eddie Kaye Thomas, NYC, movie actor (“American Pie 1 & 2”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Halloween”, a tradition in Canada, the USA, the UK, Ireland, Australia and the Philippines. In recent years, the celebration has spread to other countries around-the-world.
• The observance originated with 5th century BC Celtic Druids who believed that on October 31st, all persons who’d died the previous year assembled to choose the body of a person or animal they would inhabit for the next 12 months.
• After the 9th century AD, the day became known as “All Hallows’ Eve” or “Halloween” since it was the night before “All Saints’ Day”.
• The Irish brought the Halloween custom to North America in the 1840s. Of the countries that celebrate Halloween, only in Ireland is it considered a national holiday.
ORIGINS OF HALLOWEEN TRADITIONS:
TRICKS: Witches’ pranks were replaced by kids’ ‘tricks’ in the 1800’s on “Mischief Night”.
COSTUMES: Ancient Druids began the tradition of ‘guisers’ (disguisers) by blackening their faces with ash from bonfires, then roaming around demanding money or food.
TREATS: May have come from Medieval England when people made rounds on “All Souls Day” asking for ‘soulcakes’. Later evolved into a form of bribery in order to avoid pranks.
JACK-O’-LANTERN: In ancient Ireland the first jack-o’-lanterns were made of turnips, beets or hollowed-out potatoes to represent a lost soul carrying a coal from hell.
BOBBING-FOR-APPLES: Scottish ritual for young people to determine future spouses. A name was stuck to each apple.
TODAY is “International UNICEF Day”, observed on October 31st since 1967, the reason many trick or treaters collect donations in UNICEF coin boxes.
TODAY is “National Magic Day,” traditionally a day for magicians to meet, celebrated on the anniversary of Harry Houdini’s death October 31st, 1926 – 76 years ago TODAY. Every year, spiritualists hold a seance on Halloween to try and contact the late magician. So far, the line’s been busy!
TODAY is “Increase Your Psychic Powers Day”. Did you sense we were going to say that?
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
0834 [1168] 1st ‘All Hallows Eve’, established by Pope Gregory IV to honor saints
1991 [11] At their Halloween wedding Jayne & Dale Peterson of Madison WI dress as ‘Frankenstein’ & the ‘Bride of Frankenstein’ as champagne is chilled in a coffin
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1987 [15] ‘Longest singles tennis’ match lasts 80 hours, 21 minutes in Coventry ENG (“Geez, I can’t believe it’s deuce AGAIN!”)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead)
[Fri] All Saint’s Day
[Sat] All Soul’s Day
[Sat] 17th Gemini Awards
[Wed] 36th Country Music Association Awards
[Nov 24] 90th Grey Cup (Edmonton)
This Month is – Youth Against Tobacco Month / Energy Awareness Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS SIGNS YOU’RE TOO OLD TO GO TRICK-OR-TREATING:
• You get winded from knocking on the door.
• When someone drops a candy in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
• You have to carefully choose a costume that won’t dislodge your hairpiece.
• You ask for high fiber candy only.
• When the door opens you yell, “Trick or . . .” and can’t remember the rest.
• You’re the only ‘Spider-Man’ in the neighborhood with a walker.
• You have to ask a kid to chew the candy for you.
• People say, “Great Keith Richards mask!” You’re not wearing a mask.
BS HALLOWEEN SAFETY TIPS:
The following are houses that should be avoided when trick-or-treating –
• Any house made of food.
• Any house whose only entrance goes to the basement.
• Any house that seems to be imploding into a space-time wormhole.
• Any house that growls at you “Get out!”
• Any house that wasn’t there just a minute ago.
BS HORRIBLESCOPES:
• Aries – Today you will find yourself in a most romantic situation. Of course, you know that animals are only our friends and nothing more. Don’t you?
• Taurus – Tonight you’ll attend a party to remember. Be sure to stop at an ATM for cash so the cops will only hold you overnight.
• Gemini – You will write a newspaper article about the Internet today. Why not? Everybody else has.
• Cancer – Good day to learn ventriloquism. Lesson 1: Make squishy sounds when people walk by in time with their footsteps.
• Leo – A good day to remember that Drano is for unclogging pipes, not your sinuses.
• Virgo – Your slogan for the week should be ‘Carpe Diem’ or ‘Seize the Day’! Once you seize
it, give it a good shake just to prove you mean business.
• Libra – Don’t go to a party tonight with the strange little green man who just moved in next door.
• Scorpio – The magic number for you today is 2. That’s how many times it will take you to put your underwear on before you realize it’s your mom’s underwear.
• Sagittarius – Birds figure heavily in your day today. The best advice? Wear a hat.
• Capricorn – You will sense a haunting melody floating through the air this evening with no apparent source. It will turn out a renegade oboe player is hiding in the shrubbery.
• Aquarius – You will have a nightmare about being transformed into a Chihuahua and will wake up screaming – in a very high-pitched, whiny and annoying sort of way.
• Pisces – Fame is within your grasp. Simply send your husband’s socks to the “Guinness Book of World Records”.
BS INTERVIEW:
Castaways Travel is a tour company specializing in ‘clothing optional and nude travel opportunities’. Its new charter airline service ‘Naked Air’ will soon offer NUDE FLIGHTS to a clothing-optional resort in Cancun, Mexico. There are a few rules – passengers cannot disrobe until the plane reaches cruising altitude, they have to dress before going through customs, and they are not allowed to join the ‘mile-high club’. The airline’s first flight is almost sold out. So why would anyone wanna fly naked, especially knowing someone else’s bare butt has spent several hours in the same seat?
PHONER: 800-470-2020/281-362-8785 (Jim Bailey & Donna Daniels-Spring TX)
NET: http://castawaystravel.com
BS PHONE STARTER:
“Which TV show does your family pet like the most?” (Compile ‘pet ratings’ ie: #1 with cats, etc)
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: If you’re average, you will have done this for 600 hours by the time you turn 70.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Had sex.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
