Thursday, October 18, 2001 Edition: #2156
Remember the old days when the only bad thing in the mail was chain letters?
BS SIGNS SHE’S INTERESTED:
Women give constant physical signs when they are interested in a man. Unfortunately, most guys just can’t read them. Here are some of the more common signals, according to a study in “Men’s Health” magazine . . .
• Women who move their bodies frequently while talking with you are trying to get your attention.
• Laughter is a sign she thinks you’re cute and funny, but guffaws signal she’d rather be with someone else.
• If she’s touching herself — flipping her hair, fixing her clothes, playing with her jewelry — she’s hot on you!
(Another subtle sign – if she barks like a dog and starts humping your leg. Happens to me all the time.)
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT Bruce Springsteen debuts a new song about the terrorism crisis at a benefit concert in Red Bank NJ . . . CBS-TV has yanked TONIGHT’S episode of “The Agency” because the storyline involves an anthrax threat to the US (this is not only timely, it could be informative and thought-provoking — aren’t we getting TOO sensitive?) . . . For the cover of his new album “Driving Rain”, Paul McCartney took a picture of himself at a urinal with a miniature camera built into his Casio watch (which leaves us wondering, is he right-handed or left?) . . . Cher says the widely-circulated rumor that she had a rib removed to make her waist smaller is total hooey (actually she had a rib removed so scientists could make Calista Flockhart) . . . Contrary to an “US” magazine report, Nicole Kidman is not only NOT dating Adam Duritz, her publicist says she’s never even met the Counting Crows singer (hey, never let facts get in the way of a good lawsuit) . . . And Britney Spears has delayed the start of her scheduled tour due to the flu (heaven sakes girl, put some clothes on or you’ll catch your death!).
MOVIES IN THE MAKIN’:
Hip hop artist/songwriter Ja Rule will co-star in the Steven Seagal heist thriller “Half Past Dead” (he also appeared in “the Fast & the Furious”) . . . A remake of the 1971 kids’ classic “Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory” is in the works, with a screenplay by Scott Frank (“Get Shorty”) and helmed by “Stuart Little” director Rob Minkoff (so what will it be called — “Get Willy”?, “Little Willy”?) . . . Up-and-coming Australian actor Eric Bana has nailed down the lead in the bigscreen adaptation of “The Incredible Hulk”, to be directed by “Crouching Tiger’s” Ang Lee . . . And Sylvester Stallone is set to be a screen bandit for the first time, playing a killer monster in the Stephen King story “Dolan’s Cadillac”, coming NEXT YEAR.
COLD PANTS:
Japanese sportswear company Mizuno Corp has developed underwear which purportedly leaves you feeling ‘cool and fresh’. The new ‘Icetouch’ underpants sell for about $18 and are made from hi-tech materials that dissipate heat quickly around the, uh . . . nether regions. (Just what we need, more frigid women!)
MECHANICAL PUSSY:
Omron Corp, the Japanese company that brought us the ‘Aibo’ robot dog, has now unleashed ‘NeCoRo’ the robot cat. For a whopping $1,530, it purrs contentedly when stroked just like a 20-dollar pound-cat. Also like real cats — it doesn’t respond to commands or perform any tricks (and it will knock over expensive vases, but only if you throw it). Sorry fake feline fans, but only 5,000 are available, and only in Japan.
SPEAKING IN TONGUES:
There are only 12 known cases in the entire world of an odd malady called ’Foreign Accent Syndrome’. This strange ailment suddenly causes sufferers to speak with speech patterns totally different from their own. In a recent case, a Scottish women went to bed with a headache and woke up with a strong South African accent. (In a similar experience, I once went to bed drunk and woke up with a Greek wrestler.)
NO DUMPING:
Scientists are developing a genetically-altered banana which they hope will help prevent travellers to foreign countries from getting diarrhea. (The biggest problem they’ve encountered so far is inserting it.)
CANINE HOS:
Rio de Janeiro pet shop owner Ricardo Brito is planning to open a ‘brothel for dogs’ in FEBRUARY. Five special female dogs will be sterilized to work as ‘pet courtesans’. As part of the free service, the pup prostitutes will offer special baths and have their claws painted red to attract clients. (Yeah right, like a dog needs help getting in the mood.)
BLINDING SNEEZES:
A common sneeze causes about 15 seconds of snorting and grimacing. During that time, a driver traveling at 50 mph is partially blinded and dazed for — 400 yards! So what are you supposed to do if you feel a sneeze coming on while driving? AAA recommends pressing a finger against the upper lip, or smacking a thigh soundly. (Does it have to be your own?)
THE BULL SHEET 10.18.01
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1919 [D-2000] Pierre Elliot Trudeau, Montreal QC, 15th Canadian PM (’68-79, ’80-84)/briefly namesake of Canada’s highest mountain
1926 [75] Chuck Berry, St Louis MO, rock ‘n roll pioneer (“Maybelline”, “Sweet Little 16″, “Johnny B Goode”, “Roll Over Beethoven”, but his biggest hit was the 1972 novelty song “My Ding-A-Ling”) NOTE: TONIGHT he’s celebrating his 75th birthday with a hometown concert in St Louis, also featuring Little Richard
1933 [68] Peter Boyle, Philadelphia PA, TV actor (Frank Barone-“Everybody Loves Raymond”)
1939 [62] Mike Ditka, Carnegie PA, CBS-TV football analyst/ex-NFL coach (New Orleans Saints, Super Bowl-Chicago Bears)
1960 [41] Jean-Claude Van Damme (Van Varenberg) aka ‘The Muscles from Brussels’, Sint-Agatha Berchem BELG, film actor (“Double Team”, “Timecop”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Persons Day”, commemorating the anniversary of the 1929 ruling that declared women to be ‘persons’ in Canada (shouldn’t that be ‘people’?). Previously, under English common law, women were persons in matters of pains and penalties, but were not persons in matters of rights and privileges.
TODAY is “No Beard Day”, an observance likely started by somebody’s wife somewhere. It is NOT observed, however, by either the Taliban or ‘Mimi’ on “The Drew Carey Show”.
TODAY is “Alaska Day”, commemorating the formal transfer of Alaska from Russian to US control on this date in 1867 – one of the sneakiest real estate deals ever! The US paid $7.2 million, or less than 2 cents an acre. Nowadays, millions of dollars worth of oil is piped out of Alaska EVERY DAY.
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1776 [225] 1st ‘cocktail’ served when the back of a NYC bar is decorated with bird tail feathers and a customer jokingly asks for ‘a glass of those cock tails’ (guess you had to be there)
1898 [103] Puerto Rico becomes a US colony (hey San Juan, thanks for Ricky Martin)
1954 [47] Comic strip ”Hi & Lois” 1st appears in newspapers, created by “Beetle Bailey” cartoonist Mort Walker (now a collaboration of Brian & Greg Walker and artist Chance Browne, it appears in more than 1,100 newspapers in 37 countries in 10 languages)
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1989 [12] World’s ‘largest cake’ weighs in at 128,238 lbs (Fort Payne AL)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Evaluate Your Life Day
[Sat] National Brandied Fruit Day (booze with a pit)
[Sun] Babbling Day
[Oct 28] Mother-In-Law Day
National YMCA Teen Week
Canadian Citizenship Week (when terrorists are reminded to renew their Canadian passports)
Dental Hygiene Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS PHONE STARTER:
THIS WEEK Ottawa was admitted back into the Canadian Football League and the new owner says the team may again be called the Ottawa Rough Riders if fans demand it. Do we really want 2 teams with the same name in the league again? (In 1976, the Rough Riders beat the Roughriders in the Grey Cup.) Aren’t there more creative possibilities?
BS 3-NAMED STARLET GAME:
Seems like every actress has to have 3 names these days. See if you can guess the triple-named actress from the triplet of clues . . .
SARAH JESSICA PARKER . . .
• This 5′-4″ actress made her first TV special at the age of 8.
• She dated JFK Jr and lived with Robert Downey Jr, but since 1997 she’s been married to actor Matthew Broderick.
• She plays ‘Carrie Bradshaw’ on “Sex & the City”.
JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT . . .
• She was born in Waco TX 22 years ago.
• Her close friends call her by her 2nd name.
• Her big show biz break came as a cast member of TV’s “Party of Five”.
RACHAEL LEIGH COOK . . .
• She began her career as a model at the tender age of 10.
• She had the caterwauling lead in this year’s bigscreen version of “Josie and the Pussycats”.
• She starred opposite Freddie Prinze Jr in the 1999 movie “She’s All That”.
JENNIFER JASON LEIGH . . .
• Born in Hollywood, she’s the daughter of late actor Vic Morrow who was killed in a movie set accident.
• Her first major success came as the female lead in “Fast Times At Ridgemont High”.
• She took her second name from family friend, actor Jason Robards.
HELENA BONHAM CARTER . . .
• She was born in London, the great-great granddaughter of British Prime Minister HH Asquith.
• She co-starred with Brad Pitt in “Fight Club”.
• This summer, we watched her make a monkey of herself in “Planet of the Apes”.
CATHERINE ZETA JONES . . .
• She’s a trained singer and dancer born in Swansea, Wales.
• Her screen credits include “Traffic”, “Entrapment”, and “The Mask of Zorro”.
• Her Plaza Hotel wedding to Michael Douglas is said to have cost millions.
SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR . . .
• She was ‘discovered’ by an agent when she was 4-years-old eating in a restaurant.
• This 5 ft-3-inch actress appeared in both “I Know What You Did Last Summer” and “Scream II”.
• Her most famous TV role is vampire fighter ‘Buffy Anne Summers’.
LARA FLYNN BOYLE . . .
• She auditioned for but didn’t get the role of ‘Ally McBeal’, even though she’s skinny enough.
• She dated Jack Nicholson for 2 years.
• She plays ‘Helen Gamble’ on the TV lawyer show “The Practice”.
(There’s oodles more triple-named actresses – Melissa Joan Hart, Kristin Scott Thomas, Jamie Lee Curtis, Penelope Ann Miller, Carrie Anne Moss, Mary Louise Parker, Mary Stuart Masterson . . . what’s the deal with this anyway?)
BS TAG LINE:
Learn from your parents’ mistakes — use birth control!
