Wednesday, October 1, 2008        Edition: #3869
Sheet Rocks!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Marvel Comics has announced that TV personality Stephen Colbert (“The Colbert Report”) will be featured as a US presidential candidate teaming up with Marvel’s most iconic crime fighter in a new 8-page story in edition #573 of the “Amazing Spider-Man” (we always thought he was a comic-book character) . . . Classical composer Philip Glass has been commissioned to produce an opera to open the New York City Opera’s 2012-13 season that imagines the life of the late Walt Disney (1901-66), based on the novel “The Perfect American” (sounds kind of Mickey Mouse to us) . . . No BS: Britain’s legendary Secret Intelligence Service is now recruiting for new spies on Facebook (Quote: “Time for a career change? MI6 can use your skills!”) . . . “NY Post” reports that “People” magazine paid $500,000 for the rights to photos of Clay Aiken’s new baby, Parker, that appear in the current issue (well, they sure weren’t paying for an ‘I’m gay’ exclusive) . . . “Kids In the Hall” alum Mark McKinney has developed the new half-hour comedy, “Less Than Kind”, that’s soon to launch on CityTV, which follows the life of an overweight 15-year-old high school student and his dysfunctional family which includes a pyromaniac mother and a failed-actor brother still living at home (what’s most interesting here is that CityTV is now getting into airing original series) . . . Actor Kevin Costner, who can’t seem to buy a hit movie these days (witness “Swing Vote”), is now proposing to assault the country music genre with a new as-yet-untitled album by his hobby band Modern West (due out NOVEMBER 11th) . . . And yet another in a long line of lenders is litigating against 85-year-old former “Tonight Show” sidekick Ed McMahon as The Griffin Group (founded by late TV pioneer Merv Griffin ) is demanding repayment of a $100,000-loan plus interest & attorney fees (is it possible this guy created the need for a financial bailout plan all on his own?).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Bonnie Hunt Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – Gavin Rossdale (“Love Remains the Same”) guests; then also appears late-night on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV).
• “CSI:NY” (CBS) – Pop band Maroon 5 makes an appearance, playing themselves.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Actor/singer/songwriter Demi Lovato (“Camp Rock“) is on.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Country chart-topper Darius Rucker performs.
• “Live With Regis & Kelly (syndicated/CTV) – Kellie Pickler promotes her self-titled new country album.
• “The Seagull” – Anton Chekhov’s melancholy play about the upper crust of 19th-century Russia opens on Broadway in the highbrow cultural event of the season. Stars Brit actress Kristin Scott Thomas (“The Horse Whisperer“) and Peter Sarsgaard (“Rendition”).
• “Tina: Live in Concert” – Once-retired 68-year-old singer Tina Turner hits the road for her first North American tour in 8 years. The circa 40-concert tour kicks off at the Sprint Center in Kansas City and will likely be followed up with European and other international dates.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Blink-182 – The band’s former drummer Travis Barker has been released from an Augusta GA hospital just a little over a week after suffering severe burns in that fiery plane crash. (Even better news:  He now has fewer tats.)
• Britney Spears – Britain’s “Daily Telegraph” (NOT a tabloid) is reporting her one-time BF, UK paparazzo Adnan Ghalib is shopping an explicit 2-hour video made during a vacation in Mexico.
According to the paper, Ghalib says he’s prepared to sell the video, in which Britney is allegedly only wearing a pink wig, for the right price.
• Janet Jackson – TONIGHT’s Boston date of the “Rock Witchu Tour” is still on as of this writing, despite the fact the 42-year-old purportedly ‘took ill’ shortly before her cancelled MONDAY concert in Montréal and was said to be hospitalized. Last FRIDAY, she cancelled the weekend Detroit stop due to ‘production constraints’. (Did your ‘diva radar’ just go off?)
• Katy Perry – Fashion designer Jason Wu has created a 12-inch doll of the “I Kissed a Girl” singer which will be sold worldwide by Integrity Toys in a limited edition retailing for $49.99. Katy is said to have ‘collaborated’ on the doll. (BS translation: Here’s the account number where you can deposit the money.)
• Kenny Chesney – He has a new deal with Constellation Spirits to develop a new premium rum. According to the agreement, Chesney will ‘work together on every aspect of the development, marketing & advertising elements, as well as product positioning of the rum’. (BS translation: Here’s the address of my island where you can ship the 100 cases of freebies each month.)
• Mindy McCready – YESTERDAY the 32-year-old country singer surrendered to Tennessee authorities to begin serving a 60-day jail sentence for violating probation on a previous drug-related charge.
• Paul McCartney – The BBC reports he’s releasing an album of electronic dance music under the pseudonym ‘The Fireman’ in NOVEMBER. Each song was written by Paul and recorded in a single day. (Well, thank goodness it’s not something he just ripped off for a lark.)

BS BUZZWORDS:
New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Dipping‘ – Using satellite pictures from Google Earth to identify homes that have large outdoor pools. Once a cool pool is found, teens use social networking sites such as Facebook to spread the word and meet up for impromptu parties … unbeknownst to the absentee owners.
– “Centralian Advocate”
• ‘Foodshed’ – Akin to a ‘watershed’, it’s the area from which families can obtain locally grown food; or the local area from which a city gets its food supply. Places with a year-round foodshed normally have mild Winters and early Springs.
– WordSpy.com
• ‘SUP‘ [‘Stand-Up Paddle Surfing’] – A new form of surfing gaining popularity in California that involves tabletop-size surfboards that are stable enough to stand on in flat water. Using a paddle [‘blade’] for propulsion, SUP riders canoe up to catch waves. Needless to say, the new wave hogs are NOT popular with traditional surfers.
– “Christian Science Monitor”

NO TALKING:
According to the authors of the new book, “How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It”, continually urging your guy to discuss your relationship only serves to make him feel criticized and ashamed for not measuring up, which in turn causes him to withdraw and shuts down the lines of communication. Co-author Patricia Love, a relationship therapist, says the #1 myth about relationships is that talking helps; the truth is, more often than not, it only makes things worse. (Men everywhere cheer!)
– CNN

BS FROM AROUND-THE-WORLD:
• In Scotland, there are attempts to ban a local Orkney brewery from making an 8.5% ale called ‘Skull Splitter’ because the Viking-themed bottle labels are … ‘too aggressive’. The brewery says the beer is named after the 7th Viking Earl of Orkney (947-77 AD) who was given the common Norse nickname Hausakluif, which literally means ‘skull splitter’. (Uh, would you want to drink a beer with that name? Pass the Tylenol!)
– TimesOnline.co.uk
• In Russia, playboy oligarch Mikhail Prokhorov has started a new upmarket magazine for rich Russians whose title is simply … “Snob”. THIS MONTH’s initial issue is on sale for – yikes! – $19 a copy. According to the editor, “Snob” is intended for Russians who are ‘well-educated, successful and competent’ and have ‘achieved a lot in professional and social fields.’ (And apparently gullible.)
– “The Independent”
• In Japan, a couple walking their dog in a remote, wooded area of the town of Izu found what appeared to be a corpse and alerted the police. When forensic pathologists investigated, they discovered the ‘body’ is nothing more than a state-of-the-art ‘companion doll’ which a local widower decided to dump before moving in with one of his adult children. He now faces fines for violating Japan’s … Waste Management Law. (Couldn’t she be ‘recycled’?)
– PinkTentacle.com
• In Germany, a dentist has made a special house call to a patient in the town of Neu-Ulm whose insurance company refused to pay for her dental work. It seems the doc decided if he wasn’t getting paid, he wanted his work returned. According to a police report, the dentist arrived at the patient’s house with his equipment, forced her into the living room, tied her hands and pried open her mouth in order to remove 2 dental bridges worth about $650. And what’s really creepy … he never said a single word the entire time. (New nightmare fodder, no?)
– “The Telegraph”

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Research suggests that the average adult asks about 8 questions per hour during polite conversation, not counting the questions we ask ourselves. (“Why am I talking to this dullard?”)
– “Daily Telegraph”
• Pears rot more quickly than apples because the oxygen that keeps the core fresh has to travel through extremely tiny pathways. Apples deliver oxygen through a system of ‘cavities’. This also explains why pears sink and apples float. (And no one ever ‘bobs for pears’.)
– BBC News
• The longest distance run on a treadmill in 24 hours is 247.68 km or 153.9 miles. (Then someone finally showed up to unplug it.)
– GuinnessWorldRecords.com

BS CHRONOMETER 10.01.08
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1924 [84] Jimmy Carter, Plains GA, 39th US President (1977-81)/Nobel Peace Prize (2002)

1928 [80] Jimmy Pattison, Saskatoon SK, Canadian billionaire (Chairman, President, CEO & sole owner of Jim Pattison Group, Canada’s 3rd-largest privately held company with 28 radio stations, 3 TV stations, plus Pattison Outdoor Advertising, Ripley Entertainment, Guinness World Records, Great Wolf Lodge, car dealerships, etc)/Order of Canada (1987)

1935 [73] [Dame] Julie Andrews (Wells), Walton-on-Thames UK, movie actress (“The Princess Diaries”, “The Sound of Music”)/Broadway actress (“Victor/Victoria”, “My Fair Lady”)

1947 [61] Stephen Collins, Des Moines IA, TV actor (“Seventh Heaven” 1996-2007)

1950 [58] Randy Quaid, Houston TX, movie actor (“Brokeback Mountain”, ”Independence Day”)/actor Dennis Quaid’s brother

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Eid-Al-Fitr” [‘EED-ul-FIT-er’] the Muslim feast celebrating the end of the annual month-long “Ramadan” fast.

• “Homemade Cookie Day”. Nummers! What’s the absolute best kind? Chocolate chip? Oatmeal & raisin? Peanut butter? Shortbread? Dirt balls? Mmm, can’t you just smell ‘em coming out of the oven all hot and soft and gooey?

• “October”, which actually means ‘8th month’ but has been the 10th month ever since New Year’s Day was moved from March to January. At other times in history October has been called Germanicus, Herculeus, and Faustinus.

• “International Day of Older Persons”, an annual observance begun by the UN. The Governor General’s office sends out over 1,000 birthday greetings annually to Canadians celebrating birthdays of 100 or more years.
NET: http://www.un.org/Depts/dhl/olderpersons

• “World Smile Day”. This year’s official theme is, ‘Do an act of kindness. Help one person smile’. (Another observance of the Association of the Hopelessly Optimistic.)

• “World Vegetarian Day”, the 31st annual designed to create awareness of the ethical, environmental, health, and humanitarian benefits of a vegetarian lifestyle. Enjoy your bark and leaves, veggie folks! (When’s ‘World Carnivore Day’ anyway?)
NET: http://www.worldvegetarianday.org

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1961 [47] CTV television network signs on (back when Lloyd Robertson was only 72)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1962 [46] Brian Epstein signs a contract to manage The Beatles through 1977 (neither lasts that long)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1888 [120] 1st issue of “National Geographic” magazine (teen boys begin going blind)

1903 [105] 1st baseball ‘World Series’ (Pittsburgh Nationals & Boston Americans)

1946 [62] Founding of the intellectual group ‘Mensa’ in Oxford, England (its 100,000 worldwide members score in the top 2% of the general population on standardized IQ tests)

1971 [37] ‘Disney World’ opens in Orlando FL

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] 19th International Bluegrass Music Awards (Nashville)
[Thurs] “Billy: The Early Years” world premiere (Nashville)
[Thurs] Name Your Car Day
[Thurs] World Farm Animal Day
[Thurs] Custodial Workers Day
[Fri] “The Ex-List” series debut (CBS)
[Fri] 14th National Denim Day
[Sat] Toot Your Flute Day
[Sat] NHL season begins (Prague CZ/Stockholm SE)
This Week Is … Pickled Pepper Week (thanks, Peter Piper!)
This Month Is … Workplace Politics Month (because we really need more of this)

BULL’S BITS
BS SIGNS YOU’RE SUFFERING FROM EMPTY NEST SYNDROME:
• You’ve thrown out the better part of the last several milk jugs.
• You’ve called the utility company and asked them to check your meter because the hot water bill has been way too low.
• You are shocked when you notice you can push the buttons on the car radio and KNOW what station you’ll get.
• They’ve been gone 3 years and you still cook enough for your husband to have seconds … and thirds … and fourths.
• You still walk through the living room in the crouched position with your picking-up hand brushing the floor, even though it encounters no dirty socks.
• You still hide your best make-up.

BS PROMOTION:
For those wanting more info regarding the recently outlined “2 Strangers & a Wedding” promotion, the originators of it and other unique radio contests (“The Fugitive”, “Workplace Mole”, etc) have details here …
NET: http://www.absolutedowse.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
Are you fearful for your economic future? Is it because of the delay in putting together a bailout plan in Washington DC; or fundamental goof-ups you’ve made on your own.?

BS ‘QUICK-PICK QUIZ’:
• Why do divers spit into their masks before entering the water?
a. It’s just an old superstition thought to bring good luck.
b. So no one else will want to steal their diving mask.
c. To prevent it from fogging up. [CORRECT. Saliva contains a natural anti-fogging ingredient.]

• What causes the holes in Swiss cheese?
a. A special machine that puts them there.
b. Bacteria. [CORRECT. It emits gas bubbles which expand to form the holes.]
c. Mice.

• How did the ‘zipper’ get its name?
a. It’s named after its inventor, Franz Zipperman of Germany.
b. The name is meant to sound like the sound it makes when it’s used. [CORRECT]
c. Long before it was invented, ‘to zip’ was an English verb meaning ‘to close tightly’.
– “Imponderables”

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: The number of younger girls that do THIS has increased by more than 50% since the early 1990s.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Go hunting.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
People don’t change when they see the light; they change when they feel the heat.