Tuesday, October 24, 2006 Edition: #3393
Sheet, Featuring Bull
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
THIS AFTERNOON an extended trailer previewing the 6th season of “24”(FOX) will be shown on the giant screen overlooking NYC’s Times Square while teams dressed as CTU agents pass out souvenirs from the show (the new season doesn’t premiere until JANUARY 14th) . . . TONIGHT in NYC, the 6th annual “Stony Awards” are presented by “High Times” magazine, celebrating the ‘highest & stoniest’ movies and TV shows of the past year (the Adam Sandler-produced “Grandma’s Boy” leads movies with 6 nominations; and not surprisingly, “Weeds” leads TV shows with 8) . . . TONIGHT the oft-staged musical “Les Miserables” kicks off yet another revival as previews begin at the Broadhurst Theatre on Broadway (the original production was the 3rd-longest-running show in Broadway history, with a total of 6,680 performances) . . . Movie star Nicolas Cage is looking to sell his 7-bedroom, 11,000-sq-ft house in pricey Bel-Air CA for $35 million, a bit greedy considering he bought the property 8 years ago for a song – just $7 million . . . Word has it Katie Holmes is in talks about reprising her role as ‘Bruce Wayne’s love interest ‘Rachel Dawes’ in the upcoming sequel “Batman: The Dark Knight”, set to begin shooting JANUARY 1st (the real reason she’s been exercising and dieting furiously?) . . . Anna Nicole Smith may be losing her house in the Bahamas which was paid for by a well-to-do man of a certain age named Ben Thompson, whom it turns out may be another candidate as the real father of her new baby (whether that’s true or not, he’s said to be filing to have her booted out for non-payment of rent) . . . Late British radio DJ John Peel (BBC Radio 1) has left over $3.4 million as well as his beloved record collection of over 25,000 LPs to his wife & kids in his will (only notable due to the words ‘radio DJ’ and ‘$3.4 million’ appearing in the same sentence) . . . British soccer star David Beckham is reportedly set to become a ‘Sir’ as Prime Minister Tony Blair is expected to recommend him for Queen Elizabeth’s annual ‘New Year’s List’ of those recommended for knighthood (that would make his wife ‘Lady Posh’?) . . . A date with Paula Abdul, offered as a charity fundraiser on eBay, has failed to attract any bids – not even the reserve price of $25,000 (bet you could raise more than that if you could get her to promise not to speak on “American Idol”) . . . And comedian Chris Rock’s mother claims she has been the victim of racial discrimination at a Cracker Barrel restaurant (uh, all due respect ma’am, but why the heck would you wanna frequent a business whose first name is ‘Cracker’?).
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• The Beatles – TODAY indie label Restless Records releases “Butchering The Beatles”, featuring cover renditions of their hits by heavy metal artists, including various members of Velvet Revolver, Motorhead, Queensryche, Anthrax, Def Leppard, etc. But why?
• Guns N’ Roses – TONIGHT they’re scheduled to kick off the North American leg of their “Chinese Democracy” in Sunrise FL.
• The Killers – TONIGHT they perform on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).
• Lonestar – TODAY they’re on daytime gabfest “The View” (ABC/CTV).
• Also on CD TODAY: Aimee Mann’s “One More Drifter in the Snow”; Alabama’s “Songs of Inspiration”; Brooke Hogan’s “Undiscovered”; and My Chemical Romance’s “The Black Parade”.
TODAY’S DVD RELEASES:
• “Monster House” ( Animated Family Adventure): 3 kids do battle with a mysterious home that is determined to eat every trick-or-treater in sight on Halloween. Among those providing voices: Steve Buscemi, Nick Cannon, Jon Heder, Kevin James, and Jason Lee.
• “Nacho Libre” ( Comedy ): Jack Black stars as a lowly slop cook at an orphanage who secretly dreams of becoming a famous Mexican wrestler. He’s excommunicated by the church for moonlighting in disguise but eventually becomes a local hero. Shot on location in Oaxaca, Mexico.
• “Slither” ( Horror Comedy ): Huge slugs from outer space infect the denizens of a small town, turning them into bloodthirsty meat-eating zombies, and revealing slime-ridden oozing bug overlords that want to take over the world. No-name cast. Shot in Vancouver.
• Also on DVD TODAY: “The OC – The Complete 3rd Season”; “The L-Word – The Complete 3rd Season”.
HAPPINESS IS THE INABILITY TO FROWN:
Dr Eric Finzi of the Chevy Chase Cosmetic Center in Maryland contends that using Botox to prevent patients from frowning helps relieve symptoms of depression. To his amazement, 2 months after injecting Botox into the brows of clinically depressed patients, 90% no longer suffered from depression. Finzi contends that preventing people from expressing sad emotions on their face somehow feeds back directly to the brain to relieve the cause. And conveniently for the doc, the antidepressant effect wears off along with the injection, meaning if you want to be happy, you need a $400 shot of Botox … every 3 months. (But they’re gonna hate you at grandma’s funeral.)
– “Curious Times”
HOW CHEAP ARE WE?
A statistical breakdown of just what skinflints most of us are …
• 95% of us have taken advantage of 2-for-1 offers.
• 90% of parents admit to stealing from their kids by sneaking treats out of their trick-or-treat bags.
• 50% of us admit to sneaking our own snacks into a movie theater.
• 21% of us have asked for a return call on a cellphone in order to avoid charges.
• 14% have had our hair cut really short in order to delay a return trip to the hairstylist.
New reports claim that cigarette manufacturers lace their smokes with an assortment of sweeteners and sugary flavorings in order, critics say, to make cigarettes more palatable to children. Among 14 sweeteners in a Marlboro cigarette are cocoa, licorice root and sucrose syrup. Benson & Hedges includes caramel and sorbitol (among others) and Camel Lights contain 13 sweeteners, including maple syrup and honey. (Yummy! Lemme lick your ashtray, okay?)
– “Times of London”
WHAT TO WEAR?
Halloween is 1 week from TODAY. Here’s what’s hot in prepackaged costumes for 2006 (but homemade ones are better, right?) …
BOYS: Captain Jack Sparrow, Superman, Batman.
GIRLS: Disney Princess, Fairy, Punk Pirate.
MEN: Captain Jack Sparrow, Headless Horseman, V For Vendetta.
WOMEN: Lacy Pirate, Marilyn Monroe, Purple Witch.
PETS: Cat From Hell, Yoda Dog, Superman Dog.
DID YOU KNOW?
• The tongue is the only muscle attached to you at only one end.
• About 40 people in the world cannot control one of their hands. In one reported case, a patient regularly tries to strangle himself at night.
• Playing one verse of “Yankee Doodle” on the harmonica is the pulmonary equivalent of walking one-tenth of a mile.
– “Wall Street Journal”
• Adults who were verbally abused as children have 10% less grey matter in the area of the brain involved in language than non-abused adults.
– “New Scientist”
• Teenagers spend an average of $329 a year on ‘personal care and beauty’.
• At birth, a female in Canada can expect to live approximately 2,511 days longer than a Canadian male.
– “World Factbook”
• Two-thirds of the world’s population and 99% of people in the continental US and Europe never see a truly dark, starry sky due to ‘light pollution’ – the glow from artificial lights in urban areas.
– “Astronomy Magazine”
According to a recent study, countries that have cold winters are the world’s wealthiest. Why? A hard frost each year kills off disease-carrying bugs keeping humans healthier, and frost also helps crops by killing off micro-organisms that use up nutrients in the soil. (Another reason people in frigid climes are well off – for 6 months it’s too frickin’ cold to do anything other than go to work!)
– “The Week”
AND WE QUOTE:
“She was very attractive then, I happened to notice. She would have definitely fallen into the right parameters.”
– Wrinkle rocker Rod Stewart, telling “Blender” magazine about when he first met Paris Hilton when she was 14-years-old … and he was apparently a really creepy 50.
THE BULL SHEET 10.24.06
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1936  Bill Wyman (Perks), Lewishman UK, retired rock bassist who left the Rolling Stones in 1992 and is now a restaurant owner/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1989)
1947  Kevin Kline, St Louis MO, movie actor (“A Prairie Home Companion”, Academy Award-“A Fish Called Wanda”)
1980  Monica (Arnold), College Park GA, pop singer (“The Makings of Me”, “Angel of Mine”)
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Bologna Day”, a good day to fry up a slice to add to your peanut butter sandwich. Yummers!
• “Eid-Al-Fitr” [‘EED-ul-FIT-tur’), the 3-day feast that ends the month-long Muslim fast of “Ramadan”. Many decorate their homes and celebrate with a complete new outfit of clothing, right down to the shoes. It’s an Islamic ritual more than 1,400-years-old, but because it’s based on the appearance of the new Moon, no one knows exactly when it begins until just hours beforehand.
• “United Nations Day”, honoring the 61st anniversary of the day in 1945 that the majority of the world’s countries adopted the charter that formed the UN.
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1991  “Star Trek” creator Gene Roddenberry dies in Santa Monica CA at age 70 (his ashes are now floating in space somewhere)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1836  1st ‘Friction Safety Match’ patented (Alonzo Dwight Phillips, Springfield MA)
1857  World’s 1st ‘Football Club’ (soccer) founded (Sheffield Football Club, England)
1901  1st person to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel – and live – as 43-year-old Annie Edson Taylor of Bay City MI expects fame & fortune … but later dies in poverty
1939  1st ‘Nylon Stockings’ go on sale, developed by DuPont (ok, but who’s to blame for knee-highs?)
1992  1st non-US team to win baseball’s World Series (Toronto Blue Jays defeat Atlanta Braves 4-3 in Game 6)
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1921  Lunenburg NS fishing schooner ‘Bluenose’ defeats US vessel ‘Elsie’ to win “International Schooner Championship” (the reason she’s on the Canadian dime)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] World Pasta Day
[Wed] Punk For A Day Day
[Wed] Cartoonists Against Crime Day
[Wed] International Greasy Foods Day
[Fri] Cranky Co-Workers Day
[Fri] Frankenstein Friday
[Fri] “Babel”; “Saw III” open in movie theaters
This Week Is … Prescription Errors Education & Awareness Week
This Month Is … Pajama Month
MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• What are chickens called if they are scared to do something?
• Is it only coincidence that STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS?
• Howz come as soon as you’re doing what you want to be doing, you want to be doing something else?
• If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
• How come the foods that are good for you tend to seek the back of the refrigerator?
BS PHONE STARTER:
Which is the scariest Hollywood movie character of all time? (An online poll picks ‘Freddy’ from “Nightmare on Elm Street”, followed by ‘Leatherface’ from “Texas Chainsaw Massacre”, and ‘Creeper’ from “Jeepers Creepers”. We would have picked Liza Minnelli.)
IT STARTS WITH ‘S’:
• What’s missing from a naval orange? [Seeds.]
• What’s the product name ‘Sanka’ short for? [‘Sans cafeine’, French for ‘without caffeine’.]
• What’s the common term for ‘pulverized tobacco’? [Snuff]
• What dance’s name literally means ‘to rub navels together’? [Samba]
• If you keyboard correctly, the longest word that can be typed with only the left hand is this no longer politically-correct job title. [Stewardesses.]
BS RANDOM JOKE:
All work and no play will make you a manager.
BS REASONS WHY WOMEN ARE SUPERIOR:
• We can scare male bosses with mysterious female disorder excuses.
• Men’s clothes make women look elfin and gorgeous. Men look like complete idiots in women’s clothes.
• We’ve never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
• Taxis stop for us.
• Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
• It’s possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
• Our friends won’t think we’re weird if we ask whether there’s spinach in our teeth.
• We know that there are times when chocolate really can solve all of your problems.
• Gay waiters don’t make us uncomfortable.
• We’ll never regret piercing our ears.
BS REASONS WHY MEN ARE SUPERIOR:
• Our rear ends are never a factor in a job interview.
• Our last name stays put.
• The garage is all ours.
• Wedding plans take care of themselves.
• Car mechanics tell us the truth.
• We couldn’t care less if someone notices the new haircut.
• Same work – more pay.
• Wrinkles add character.
• People never glance at our chests when we’re talking to them.
• One mood, ALL the time.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Women would disagree but almost half of men say they always do THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Put down the seat.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
After all is said and done, a lot more has been said than done.