Wednesday, October 18, 2006        Edition: #3389
When You Can’t Dazzle Them with Brilliance, Baffle Them with Bull!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Will it be Uli, Jeffrey, Laura or Michael? TONIGHT Heidi Klum gives the $100,000 grand prize to the last designer standing on the 3rd season finalé of “Project Runway” (Bravo) . . . TONIGHT (through NOVEMBER 2nd) the 50th annual “London Film Festival” gets underway, highlighted by the premiere of “Bobby”, Emilio Estevez’s bio-film about the 1968 shooting of Robert F Kennedy . . . TONIGHT the pre-taped 2nd annual “Black Movie Awards” air (TNT), at which “Akeelah & The Bee” took 4 awards including ‘Outstanding Motion Picture’ and Spike Lee won ‘Outstanding Director’ for “Inside Man” . . . Movie star Leonardo DiCaprio is the co-creator of a proposed new reality TV series called “E-Topia” that’s currently being shopped to broadcast networks; it would chronicle the eco-friendly reconstruction of an American town as it is transformed into a ‘green utopia of tomorrow’ (for a real challenge, why not make it Detroit?) . . . According to new stats, digital download sales now account for 11% of the total recorded music market (if that’s true, then the other 89% is mostly being stolen) . . . Word has it the 11th edition of “The Amazing Race” (CBS/CTV), which begins shooting NEXT MONTH, will be an ‘All-Star’ edition and the cast is already in place (apparently the network didn’t learn from the underwhelming “Survivor” and “Big Brother” All-Star fiascoes) . . . And just in time for Halloween, a new poll on ‘TV tyrants’ has picked celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay (“Hell’s Kitchen”) as the ‘Scariest Man on TV’ (we’d pick face-stretched William Shatner, especially during closeup shots).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Jessica Simpson – She’s taken over her own public relations duties after a rift with the media over her relationship with singer John Mayer. She’s personally called all of the tabloid magazine editors to repair her damaged relationship. Arguably, without them she wouldn’t be a star.
• Justin Timberlake – TONIGHT he guests on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).
• Kiss – THIS WEEK Gene Simmons stopped in at North Carolina’s Fort Bragg army base to flog the new fragrances ‘Kiss Him’ cologne and ‘Kiss Her’ perfume. Quote: “If people decide that a Kiss fragrance line makes sense, who’s to argue?”
• Sarah McLachlan – TONIGHT she performs on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).

FUTURE FLICKS:
A sampling of movies in the making …
• “The Best Time of Our Lives” – Keira Knightley & Lindsay Lohan will star in this bio-film about the complex relationship between Welsh poet Dylan Thomas, his wife Caitlin, childhood friend Vera Phillips, and her eventual husband William Killick. Word is Knightley & Lohan’s characters develop a ‘romantic attraction’ to one another but don’t bet on it amounting to much – the screenplay was written by Keira’s mother, Sharman Macdonald.
• “Dallas” – The odds of this bigscreen adaptation of the popular ‘80s TV show ever getting made seem to keep getting slimmer. The latest news has John Travolta (‘JR Ewing’) and Katie Cassidy (‘Lucy Ewing’) still attached to the cast but pretty much everyone else has jumped ship, including Luke Wilson, Shirley MacLaine, Jennifer Lopez and – if rumors are true – Gurinder Chadha, the project’s 2nd director.
• “Jawbreaker” – Oliver Stone, whose last film was “World Trade Center”, will next work on this story about the invasion of Afghanistan and hunt for Osama bin Laden. It’ will be based in part on the memoir of the same name by Gary Berntsen, the CIA’s point-man in Afghanistan who coordinated the efforts to end Taliban rule. Stone secured the rights to the book months ago, before “World Trade Center” was released.
• “Untitled Charley Pride Bio-Film” – The story of country singer Charlie Pride will be the subject of a feature film that’s expected to be shot in 2008 in Memphis and Nashville TN. To play the Country Music Hall of Famer, director Craig Brewer has picked Oscar-nominated actor Terrence Howard, whom he worked with in 2005’s rap-themed “Hustle & Flow”. In fact, it was Howard who originally suggested the idea for the film.

A GRAND AN INCH:
London’s oh-so-upscale department store Selfridges is selling a gold-studded men’s belt designed by the Money group that’s intended for consumers with high disposable income and who are ‘quite bling’. It features 70 individually carved 18-carat gold pyramid studs on white leather and a buckle crafted from 18-carat solid gold. Here’s what makes it even more unusual – the base 28-inch model costs $37,000 … but each additional inch will set you back another $1,000. (Sounds like something Elvis would have worn, but it would have cost him like 350 grand.)
– UPI

INVENTED ICONS:
The ponderously-titled new book, “The 101 Most Influential People Who Never Lived: How Characters of Fiction, Myth, Legends, TV, and Movies have Shaped our Society, Changed our Behavior, and Set the Course of History” by Allan Lazar, Dan Karlan & Jeremy Salter, tells the individual stories of the most influential people who never existed. Among them …
• ‘Batman’ (#60)
• ‘Saint Valentine’ (#58)
• ‘GI Joe’ (#48)
• ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ (#44)
• ‘Barbie’ (#43)
• ‘Cinderella’ (#26)
• ‘Mickey Mouse’ (#18)
• ‘Santa Claus’ (#4)
• ‘Big Brother’ (#2)
And topping the list at #1 is what the authors describe as the most famous killer of the last 200 years … ‘The Marlboro Man’.
– USA Today

BS BUZZWORDS:
New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Celebutard’ – A celebrity who is perceived to be unintelligent. (Also known as a ‘Lohan’.)
• ‘Flat Daddy/Flat Mommy’ – A life-size photo of a soldier, used to comfort his/her children while the parent is deployed overseas. (Similar to cardboard cut-outs of stars used in theaters.)
• ‘Foliologist’ – A person who is an expert on where and when tree leaves change color during Autumn. (Sounds like a cheesy invention by some local TV news team.)

THE NEW TELEPHONE BANKING:
California-based Yodlee Inc has developed new software to allow bank customers to check account balances, make bill payments, and transfer funds using their cellphone keypads. The aim of the service is to provide the same level of online banking you can perform on a PC. ‘Yodlee Mobile’ is already being tested by some financial institutions and should be available in the US, Canada and the UK shortly. (Great idea … until you ‘fat finger’ the zero on your phone and accidentally transfer 7 million to your utility company.)
– AP Business

FOR THE RECORD:
• Four Italians have constructed what they believe is the world’s first full-sized ‘Chocolate Igloo’ for the “Eurochocolate Fair” in the town of Perugia. The 1.65-meter-high (about 5-and-a-half feet), dome-shaped traditional Inuit shelter is made of some 330 dark chocolate bricks. But they’re facing the same problem that Inuit in the far north have been experiencing lately – it keeps melting. They’re not sure how they’ll manage to preserve it until the fair ends SUNDAY.
• The ‘Most Expensive Wedding Cake in the World’ has been unveiled in Beverly Hills CA. The glittering, diamond-studded extravaganza will be showcased on Rodeo Drive, then displayed at the “Luxury Brands Bridal Show”. Created by Mimi So Jewelers with cake designer Nahid La Patisserie Artistique, it’s estimated value is – whoa! –$20 million!

LOST IN TRANSLATION:
In preparation for the 2008 “Summer Olympics” in Beijing, Chinese officials are trying to stamp out ‘Chinglish’, mistranslated English phrases that appear on street signs and menus. They plan to issue new translation guides to hotel and tourist-attraction operators by year’s end. Among the embarrassing gaffes they hope to correct are signs that say, ‘The Slippery Are Very Crafty’ (instead of ‘Slippery When Wet’) and ‘Racist Park’ (‘Ethnic Minorities Park’), and restaurant menus that offer confusing delicacies such as ‘Corrugated Iron Beef’ and ‘Government Abuse Chicken’.
– “NY Post”

BS LAW & DISORDER:
• In Arkansas, a scam artist has bilked a Hot Springs woman by promising to squirrel-proof her home. The man told the woman he’d seen a squirrel crawl into a plumbing vent atop her house and offered to cap the vent for $40. When he went to the front door later for payment, he said he had capped 100 holes and wanted $4,000. The crafty homeowner managed to talk him down to just $2,000.
• In Norway, a very different kind of ‘prison break’ has occurred. A very drunk young man surprised guards by breaking INTO the district prison in the Arctic town of Bodoe. The 20-something apparently broke into the jail through a section of temporary fencing while trying to find his way home from a party.
• In India, they’re painting the crime-infested town of Aurangabad pink … literally! It’s thought the image make-over will help lift the sagging morale of residents who are fed up with the decline in law and order. It’s hoped that most of the town’s buildings will be pinked over in time for SATURDAY’s Hindu festival of light, “Diwali”.

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• According to the most recent “Zagat” guide, the world’s most expensive restaurant is a steakhouse in Tokyo, Japan called Aragawa, where the average meal costs … $404!
• OCTOBER is the most likely month for managers to be fired, according to employment stats.

AND WE QUOTE:
“One of these days, if the opportunity’s there, that’s something I’d love to do. It’s a high calling to serve the community, and if you can do it, I think you should.”
– Country star Tim McGraw telling “TIME” magazine he may someday consider running for office someday.

THE BULL SHEET 10.18.06

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1926 [80] Chuck Berry, St Louis MO, rock ‘n roll pioneer (“Johnny B Goode”, only #1 was 1972 novelty song “My Ding-A-Ling”)/Lifetime Achievement Grammy Award (1984)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1986)

1935 [71] Peter Boyle, Philadelphia PA, TV actor (“Everybody Loves Raymond” 1996-2005)/movie actor (“Taxi Driver”)

1960 [46] Jean-Claude Van Damme (Van Varenberg)’, Brussels, Belgium, movie actor (“Double Impact”) whose career has pretty much tanked

1980 [26] Josh Gracin, Westland MI, country singer (“I Want to Live”, “Nothin’ To Lose”)/”American Idol” finalist (2003)

1989 [17] Joy Lauren, Atlanta GA, TV actress (‘Danielle Van De Kamp’ on “Desperate Housewives” since 2004)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Alaska Day”, commemorating the formal transfer of Alaska from Russian to US control on this date in 1867 – one of the sneakiest real estate deals ever! The US paid $7.2 million, or less than 2 cents an acre. Nowadays, millions of dollars worth of oil is piped out of Alaska EVERY DAY.

• “Confucius’ Birthday”, a Chinese observance on the 27th day of the 8th lunar month. One of China’s most influential philosophers and teachers, Confucius was born in 551 BC.
NET: http://www.whatsonwhen.com/events/~13638.jml
BS THINGS CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY:
– Confucius did not say, baseball wrong. Man with 4 balls not able to walk.
– Confucius did not say, panties not best thing on Earth, but next to it.
– Confucius did not say, war not determine who right. War determine who left.
– Confucius did not say, woman who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
– Confucius did not say, man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.
– Confucius did not say, man who keep feet on ground have trouble putting on pants.
– Confucius did not say, passionate kiss like spiderweb, soon lead to undoing of fly

• “No Beard Day”, an observance likely started by some guy’s extremely chapped partner.

• “Persons Day”, commemorating the anniversary of the 1929 ruling that declared women to be ‘persons’ in Canada (shouldn’t that be ‘people’?). Previously, under English common law, women were persons in matters of pains and penalties, but were not persons in matters of rights and privileges.

• “Watch a Squirrel Day” to which we say, nuts to you!

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1954 [52] Comic strip “Hi & Lois” 1st appears in newspapers, created by “Beetle Bailey” cartoonist Mort Walker (now a collaboration of Brian & Greg Walker and artist Chance Browne, it appears in more than 1,100 newspapers in 37 countries in 10 languages)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1776 [230] 1st ‘Cocktail’ served when the back of a NYC bar is decorated with bird tail feathers and a customer jokingly asks for ‘a glass of those cock tails’

1898 [108] Puerto Rico 1st becomes a US colony

1977 [29] Canada’s House of Commons is televised for the 1st time (are they supposed to have their heads down on the desks like that?)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1989 [17] ‘World’s Largest Cake’ weighs in at 128,238 lbs (Fort Payne AL, in celebration of its 100th birthday)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Evaluate Your Life Day
[Fri] “Flags of Our Fathers”; “Flicka”; “Marie Antoinette”; “The Prestige”; “The Nightmare Before Christmas” (3-D version) open in movie theaters
[Sun] Mother-In-Laws Day
[Sun] Western Canadian Music Awards
[Mon] Canned Food Day
[Mon] TV Talk Show Host Day
[Mon] Make a Difference Day
This Week Is … Freedom From Bullies At Work Week
This Month Is … Adopt-A-Shelter Dog Month

BULL’S BITS

HOW YOU SLEEP REVEALS YOUR RELATIONSHIP:
UCLA psychiatrist Dr Mark Goulston says the way couples cuddle up in bed – or don’t – reveals the true state of their relationship. For instance …
• ‘Allowing a Child to Sleep in the Bed’ – When one partner repeatedly does this, it shows fear of being alone with the other.
• ‘Cliffhanger’ – A couple positioned back-to-back on opposite sides of the bed means they’re avoiding a lot of issues and don’t trust each other.
• ‘Leg Hug’ – Legs wrapped together but no conventional hugging. They need contact but have an equal relationship and lead independent lives.
• ‘Sleeping With a Pet’ – When one partner insists on bringing a pet to bed, he/she needs more affection, fears rejection and wants to put a barrier between themselves and their partner.
• ‘Spoons’ – One partner cuddled up close to the other’s back says you feel safe and trust your partner and are not worried about being taken advantage of.
• ‘Sweethearts Cradle’ – One person on their back, arm round the other whose head is on the first’s chest. A couple content to play different roles and not locked in a power struggle. The partner on their back has a more dominant and protective role.
• ‘Zen Position’ – Back-to-back with butts touching. Feeling close and relaxed but not putting much effort into the relationship.
– “Sydney Morning Herald”

BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s the strangest thing you ever ate?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: According to a poll of men, the 2 most embarrassing things to discuss with a doctor are sexual problems, and weak bladders. What’s #3?
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Smelly feet.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Solitude: a great place to visit, but a bad place to stay.