October 1, 2013

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Tuesday, October 1, 2013        Edition: #5070

You Really Know Your Sheet!

★ ‘Bridget Jones’ will be left a widower when her husband ‘Mark Darcy’ dies in Helen Fielding’s upcoming 3rd novel of the series, “Mad About the Boy”. In published excerpts of the new novel it’s revealed that the dashing hero, played by Colin Firth in the movie versions, died 5 years previously and bumbling blonde ‘Bridget’ (played by Renee Zellweger) has embarked on a new relationship with a 30-year-old boy-toy named ‘Roxster’.
– Bang Showbiz
★ In her new book “Unbreakable”, Sharon Osbourne reveals she didn’t hesitate to ask for a divorce after discovering rocker-husband Ozzy Osbourne had returned to booze & drugs after 7 years of sobriety. The book details how she found incriminating texts messages on Ozzy’s phone and outlines the pain she went through revealing to their children that she wanted to separate from Ozzy just ahead of their 30th wedding anniversary. Fortunately, things seem to be back on track these days.
– Mirror Online
★ 27-year-old ‘actress’ Amanda Bynes has been transfered to a celebrity rehabilitation facility in California for ongoing treatment for mental health issues. The former TV star has been under medical care since July, following weeks of erratic behavior. She was later transferred to UCLA Medical Center for specialist treatment, and now it has emerged the “Hairspray” actress has been moved to The Canyon, a rehab unit in Malibu which specifically caters for celebs.
– TMZ.com
★ Lindsay Lohan’s parents, Michael & Dina Lohan, have been banned from appearing on her upcoming reality TV show. The “Mean Girls” star, who successfully completed a 90-day stint in rehab in July, has struck a deal with Oprah Winfrey’s OWN Network to film her struggle to rebuild her life, but it’s thought any mention of her estranged parents would only serve to confuse viewers. Lohan is reportedly set to receive $2 million for the series.
– ContactMusic.com

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Jake Bugg (“Jake Bugg”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Capital Cities (“In a Tidal Wave Of Mystery”).
• “iHeartradio Music Festival, Night 2″ (CW) – Performers include Bruno Mars, Justin Timberlake, Maroon 5, Paul McCartney, and Tim McGraw.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Bonnie Raitt (“Slipstream”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – ZZ Ward (“Til the Casket Drops”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Lorde (“Pure Heroine”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (ABC/CTV) – Cher (“Closer To the Truth”).
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Gloria Estefan (“The Standards”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Mika f/Ariana Grande (“The Origin of Love”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV) – Blind auditions continue.

• Eminem – His childhood home on Detroit’s east side is being auctioned off by the Michigan Land Bank, and the minimum bid is reportedly set at $1. The 747-sq-ft house has been featured on 2 of his album covers: “The Marshall Mathers LP” and the new “Marshall Mathers LP 2″.
• Haim – Sisters Este (27), Danielle (24), and Alana (21) perform under their surname (rhymes with ‘time’). When they were growing up, their parents had an amateur covers band, The Mommies & the Daddies, and in the late ‘90s the whole family would perform for charity.
• Jay Z – Due to his new management firm Roc Nation Sports, he’s already sold his minority stake in the Brooklyn Nets to the team’s coach, Jason Kidd. Now he must also unload his estimated $1.5-million piece of the Barclays Center, the building in which the NBA team plays.
• Joan Jett – The just-released “Unvarnished” is her 1st new album in 7 years. It features contributions from Dave Grohl and Against Me!’s Laura Jane Grace, both of whom she’s shared a stage with in recent years.
• Katy Perry – She tells Billboard.com she suffered dark thoughts about ending her life following the breakdown of her marriage to Russell Brand in 2011. The track “By the Grace of God” on her upcoming album “Prism” (October 22nd) details what she calls the lowest point of her life.
• Kings of Leon – “Mechanical Bull” has become their 4th chart-topping album in the UK.
• Paris Hilton – After signing with Birdman’s Cash Money Records earlier this year, her sophomore album’s lead single and video “Good Time” f/Lil Wayne is out today. Her 2nd studio album is due in December. Let’s hope it’s better than the last.
• Taylor Swift – She tells “Glamour” magazine that she avoids reading about the latest ‘let’s-make-fun-of-Taylor’ stories in the media in order to save her sanity.

• “The Croods” ( PG Animated Adventure ): The world’s very first prehistoric family goes on a road trip to an uncharted and fantastical world. The voice cast includes Nicolas Cage, Ryan Reynolds, Emma Stone, Catherine Keener. In development since at least 2005, John Cleese of “Monty Python” fame had an early hand in the screenplay.
• “This Is the End” ( R-Rated Comedy ): Based on a Seth Rogen-Jay Baruchel short film, celebrities are faced with the apocalypse while attending a party at actor James Franco’s house. Other stars playing themselves include Channing Tatum, Craig Robinson, Emma Watson, Michael Cera, Mindy Kaling, Paul Rudd, and Rihanna.
• Also released today: “A Fierce Green Fire: The Battle For a Living Planet” (Documentary); “Beauty & the Beast: The 1st Season” (TV); “Columbo: Seasons 1-to-4″ (Vintage TV); “Glee: The Complete 4th Season” (TV); “How I Met Your Mother: The Complete Season 8″ (TV); “Magnum PI: The Complete Series” (Vintage TV); “Murder, She Wrote: The Complete Series” (Vintage TV); “New Girl: Season 2″ (TV); “North America” (Documentary); “Shaquille O’Neal Presents All Star Comedy Jam – Live from Atlanta” (Comedy); and “The Wizard of Oz: 75th Anniversary Edition” (Blu-ray Collector Edition).

British retailer Tesco has apologized for marketing a ‘Gay Best Friend’ doll. The inflatable novelty toy has been pulled from its website after widespread criticism. The doll was pictured wearing blue shorts and a pink shirt and described as a new craze that’s both an ‘amusing gift’ and a suitable item for children as young as 3. Quote: “Your Inflatable Gay Best Friend is ready to give you fashion advice, tell you if your bum looks big, and bitch about everyone who doesn’t wear Jimmy Choos”. Tesco says it’s sorry but claims a third-party seller uploaded the doll to their website. (Not to point any fingers, but the same retailer also had to embarrassingly withdraw their ‘Psycho Ward Halloween Costume’ recently.)
– Sky News

They may suck on the field but the Philadelphia Eagles likely have the best-dressed cheerleaders in the NFL. Their sleek and stylish uniforms, which include skimpy sports bras, boy shorts, and sparkly sneakers, are by wedding-dress designer Vera Wang. They’re actually an update of those she designed for the team back in 2003. The new white, black, and midnight green gear is described as ‘ideal for the cutting-edge image of the cheerleaders … chic while displaying athleticism’. Wang is the first high-fashion designer to team up with an NFL troupe. (Why? She’s a friend of the owner’s ex-wife.)
– Philly.com

You might want to double check your route the next time you get driving directions from your smartphone. A glitch in the Apple iPhone maps app recently resulted in several people driving directly onto the runway of an Alaskan airport. Fairbanks International Airport had to shut down an access road normally used by local pilots after at least 2 motorists steered their vehicles right onto the runway. Luckily there have been no accidents and no airplanes were landing at the time of the incidents. Apple has now fixed the app, but has declined to comment on the glitch. (What screw-up has your GPS caused that resulted in stress and lost time?)
– BBC.co.uk

Nova Scotia and British Columbia have the highest percentage of pot smokers in the country, according to a new survey from Statistics Canada. The Canadian Community Health Survey reveals that Nova Scotia tops the pothead list, with 14.8% saying they have smoked marijuana in the previous 12 months, edging out BC at 14.2%. Ontario is 3rd with 12.1%, followed by Alberta (11.8%). In last place: Saskatchewan, with a comparatively sober 10.1%. (Ever wonder why there seems to be a purple haze overhanging our coasts?)
– Canoe.ca

• Not content with ruining sex for everyone, novelist EL James is bringing out a “50 Shades Of Grey Wine”, ruining booze for everyone too.
– PopBitch.com
• A 1928 Yiddish-English-Hebrew dictionary may be the first official record of the word ‘meh’.
– “Smithsonian Magazine”


1924 [89] Jimmy Carter, Plains GA, 39th US President (1977-81)/Nobel Peace Prize (2002)

1928 [85] Jimmy Pattison, Saskatoon SK, Canadian billionaire (Chairman, President, CEO & sole owner of Jim Pattison Group/Canada’s 3rd-wealthiest at $5.5 billion (2013)/Order of Canada (1987)

1950 [63] Randy Quaid, Houston TX, movie actor (“Brokeback Mountain”, “Independence Day”)/actor Dennis Quaid’s loony brother

1969 [44] Zach Galifianakis, Wilkesboro NC, movie actor (“The Hangover” films, “The Muppets”)

1980 [33] Sarah Drew, Charlottesville VA, TV actress (‘Dr April Kepner’ on “Grey’s Anatomy” since 2009, “Everwood” 2004-06)

• “Homemade Cookies Day”. Nummers! What’s the absolute best kind? Chocolate chip? Oatmeal & raisin? Peanut butter? Shortbread? Dirt balls?
NET: http://www.mahalo.com/national-homemade-cookies-day

• “International Day of Older Persons”, an annual observance begun by the UN to recognize the contributions of older persons and to examine issues that affect their lives.

• “National Day Of the People’s Republic of China”, honoring the PRC’s founding on October 1, 1949 with a ceremony at Tiananmen Square. It’s celebrated throughout mainland China, Hong Kong, and Macau with a variety of government-organized festivities, including fireworks and concerts.

• “October”, which actually means ‘8th month’ but has been the 10th month ever since New Year’s Day was moved from March to January. At other times in history October has been called Germanicus, Herculeus, and Faustinus. So, happy First of Faustinus!

• “Popcorn & Tears Movie Appreciation Night”. Men can stay home and vacuum.

• “World Vegetarian Day”, the 36th annual designed to create awareness of the ethical, environmental, health, and humanitarian benefits of a vegetarian lifestyle. Enjoy your bark and leaves, veggie folks! (When’s ‘World Carnivore Day’ anyway?)
NET: http://www.worldvegetarianday.org

1968 [45] Cult horror movie hit “Night Of the Living Dead” has its world premiere in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

1998 [15] The Philippines bans actress Claire Danes from entering the country after she called its capital Manila ‘smelly, weird and full of rats’ in an interview (the 3rd season of the 2-time Emmy winner’s series “Homeland” debuted on Sunday)

1982 [31] 1st-ever music CD, Billy Joel’s “52nd Street”, is unveiled in Japan (the new Sony Compact Disc Player on which to hear it costs $650)

1971 [42] The Magic Kingdom of Walt Disney World opens in Orlando, Florida (world’s largest manmade tourist attraction)

1997 [16] Gul Mohammed, world’s shortest man at 22.1 inches (56 cm), dies

[Wed] “NHL Face-Off” (CBC)
[Wed] “Ironside” debuts (NBC/Global)
[Wed] Balloons Around the World Day
[Wed] Custodial Workers Day
[Wed] Walk to School Day
[Wed] World Farm Animals Day
This Week Is … Universal Children’s Week
This Month Is … Bat Appreciation Month


• Hushed White [Paint Color]
• White Walls [Song]
• White Privilege [Song]
• Chinchilla [Paint Color]
• Thrift Shop [Song]
• Dusk [Paint Color]
• Cornbread [Paint Color]
• Neon Cathedral [Song]
• Wings [Song]
• Castle [Song]
• Tobacco Leaf [Paint Color]
• Cowboy Boots [Song]
• Smoke Bush Rose [Paint Color]
• Hemp [Paint Color]
• Gold [Both]
– Thanks to Sid Karger.

☎ What’s the best movie soundtrack of all-time? In a new BBC poll, John Williams’ “Star Wars” score was picked most popular, ahead of “The Good, The Bad & The Ugly” and “Grease”. 36 years ago today (1977), Meco’s “Star Wars Theme/Cantina Band” from that soundtrack hit #1 on pop charts.

Have some spare placenta kicking around? Why not make lasagne, or ‘plasagne’ as it’s known?
NET: http://bit.ly/1f5fLx6

Which is the world’s most northerly capital?
a. Moscow, Russia
b. Reykjavik, Iceland [CORRECT, with a latitude just under the Arctic Circle at 64° 08′ N.]
c. Ottawa, Canada
d. Helsinki, Finland
– geography.about.com

If your man appears happy, excited and keeps looking at you all of a sudden, he is probably checking out the women behind you.

Question: You probably have a ready supply of THIS at home and at work even though it costs a whopping $8,000 per gallon.
Answer: Computer printer ink.

It may be bad manners to talk with your mouth full, but it’s also ill advised to speak when your head is empty.

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