May 27 2019

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Monday, May 27, 2019 – Edition: #6459

Sheet For Brains!

★ Can you imagine an actor other than Harrison Ford playing Indiana Jones? Well, Harrison Ford isn’t having it. While promoting “The Secret Life of Pets 2″, Ford was asked who should play the swashbuckling archaeologist once he is done with the role. Ford left little doubt as to what he thought, saying: “Nobody! Don’t you get it? I’m Indiana Jones. When I’m gone, he’s gone. It’s easy.”
★ The live-action “Sonic the Hedgehog” movie has been pushed back so that the visual effects artists can make adjustments to Sonic’s character. It will now open Feb. 14, 2020, after being originally slated to be released Nov. 8 of this year. Fans of the video game character were highly critical of the speedy blue hedgehog’s fur, his eyes, and most notably his human-looking teeth.
★ “Rocketman” earned rave reviews at its recent premiere at the Cannes Film Festival, but the film’s subject admits some scenes in the rock biopic have been uncomfortable to watch. Elton John said: “This is how my life was, and I didn’t want to cover it and gloss it over. And it’s difficult to watch because I thought, ‘God, I don’t want to go back there, thank God I came out of it.'” As Sir Elton recalls, his meteoric rise to superstardom became a case of too much, too fast. “Rocketman” hits theatres on Friday.
★ Sylvester Stallone wants to make a new “Rocky” movie. He revealed his idea for a new film in the franchise, explaining that he would like to put the focus on an immigrant living illegally in the US. Speaking at the Cannes Film Festival, he said: ”I have a great idea for Rocky. He finds this fella who’s in the country illegally and it becomes a whole thing. It would be really phenomenal, really different.
(Hey!  In November, you literally promised that you were done playing Rocky!)

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Trevor Noah, Billie Lourd, Ciara (R)
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Paul Rudd, Diane Guerrero, Leonard Ouzts (R)
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Keanu Reeves, Santino Fontana, Bryan Cranston (R)
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Colin Quinn, Margo Martindale, Pkew Pkew Pkew, Johnny Radelat (R)
• ” The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Sonequa Martin-Green, Pete Holmes, Rebecca Ferguson, Ava Max (R)
• “Conan” (TBS): Ray Romano (R)
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Carl Radke, Scheana Shay (R)
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Joe Scarborough, Mika Brzezinski, Common (R)
• “The Talk” (CBS): Allison Williams, James Tupper
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Hilary Swank, Yvonne Strahovski, Lukas Graham
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Kris Jenner, Kourtney Kardashian (R)
• “Stanley Cup Playoffs” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): St. Louis Blues at Boston Bruins in Game 1
of the Stanley Cup Final.
• “Biography: Chris Farley – Anything for a Laugh” (A&E): In his all-too-brief career, Chris Farley connected viscerally with audiences, creating hilarious characters that have stood the test of time.
• “Colin Quinn: Red State Blue State” (CNN): This filmed version of Quinn’s recent Off-Broadway show is the cable news network’s first comedy special.

• Maroon 5 – singer Adam Levine ”plans to continue acting” following his just-announced departure from ‘The Voice’. He has appeared in several films, including “Begin Again”, as well as in TV’s “American Horror Story: Asylum”. Levine also plans to work on new music. He’ll be replaced by three-time coach Gwen Stefani.
• Ed Sheeran – celebrated the announcement of his “No.6 Collaborations Project”, out July 12 – with the release of ‘Cross Me’ featuring Chance the Rapper and PnB Rock. That follows the release of ‘I Don’t Care’ with Justin Bieber earlier this month. The album is available for pre-order now.
• Spice Girls – Fans blasted the group’s techies on Twitter for “ruining” their first comeback gig in Dublin, Ireland, on Friday night. Many concertgoers walked out because the sound was so bad. Mel B shared a video on Instagram in which she pledged to improve the sound quality for the next show. (Which doesn’t really help fans at the FIRST show, does it?)
• Alanis Morissette – The original Broadway cast of “Jagged Little Pill” the musical has been announced. It will star will star Kathryn Gallagher (Spring Awakening), newcomer Celia Rose Gooding, Derek Klena (Anastasia), and Sean Allan Krill (Honeymoon in Vegas). Preview performances begin November 3 at the Broadhurst Theatre.
• Hole – may reunite to celebrate this year’s 25th anniversary of their grunge-classic “Live Through This” album. Frontwoman Courtney Love says, “We are definitely talking about it.”
• Rod Stewart — wants his own movie. He told a member of the press: ”I haven’t seen the Elton John biopic, but I’d love one of me.”  And he admitted the rivalry between the pair is showing no signs of dying out. Quote: “We are still competitive. We text back and forth… how many albums I’ve sold and how many he’s sold. I’m winning.”
• The Turnpike Troubadours — canceled their Memorial Day weekend concerts and have asked for “prayers and support” during what they say is a “stressful time”.  Shows in Houston, Concan, Texas and at Austin’s Lone Star Jam, where they were booked as headliners, were called off on Friday.
• Maren Morris — will release the EP, “Maren Morris: Reimagined,” on May 31, featuring reworked acoustic renditions of three of her biggest hits: ‘GIRL’, ‘The Bones’, and ‘The Middle’. There will also be a short film released featuring behind the scenes studio footage.

New research shows that the type of wine you drink can say a lot about your personality. According to the results of a study of 2,000 Americans, if you prefer white wine, you are more likely to be an extrovert who is known for being curious, sarcastic and a bit of a perfectionist. You’re also less likely to be a morning person and probably prefer cats to dogs. Red wine lovers? You’re more likely to be an early bird who is often described as adventurous, humble and organized. You prefer dogs to cats and jazz music is one of your favourite genres. Red wine drinkers tend to consider themselves to be connoisseurs and are more likely to know how to correctly hold a glass. White wine devotees are reportedly less knowledgeable about vino, and likely wouldn’t wish to spend more than US$37 (£29) on a bottle.
(And if you prefer rosé, you tend to be indecisive…)
(I don’t pretend to know much about wine, but I do know that drinking red makes me feel like I was beaten with a shovel the next morning!)
(I’m a wine enthusiast. The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I get!)

It’s all a bit confusing when you look at the dates on your food labels. Some say “sell by”, others “best before” and others “best if used by”. Now in the U.S., the Food and Drug Administration wants to make it a little easier. They are urging the food industry to streamline food labels into one standard date label: “Best if used by”. Americans throw out $161 million worth of food each year, and confusion over the various labels is one reason why. The USFDA says that a “best if used by” label on packaged food will help if the date is simply related to optimal quality — not safety. They say that will best convey to consumers that these products do not have to be discarded after the date if they are stored properly. They are asking food producers to gradually adopt the “best if used by” system of dating their products to replace all others currently in use.
(In my house, that date means “Either dad is going to eat it, or it’s getting thrown out.”)
(I usually realize I’ve eaten something past its “best before” date about 2 hours after!)
(They only one I really pay attention to is “brewed on”.

1. The Bradys (The Brady Bunch)
2. The Bundys (Marries…With Children)
3. The Simpsons (The Simpsons)
4. The Cleavers (Leave it to Beaver)
5. The Conners (Rosanne)
6. The Bunkers (All in the Family)
7. The Bluths (Arrested Development)
8. The Barones (Everybody Loves Raymond)
9. The Clampetts (The Beverly Hillbillies)
10. The Keatons (Family Ties)
(What family is YOUR favorite?

☞ Washing your hair every day:  Doing so strips it of its essential oils. And many feel their hair looks better on day two after a wash than when freshly-washed. ([Co-host’s] hair looks really, really, really, really, really nice today…)
☞ Throwing away bananas with brown spots:  That’s when they’re at their best. They’re sweeter, tastier, and have a higher level of antioxidants than yellow or green, unripe bananas. (For about 6 minutes before they turn into a soft, wet, pulpy swill…)
☞ Signing up for every free trial that is offered to you:  Free’ is the internet’s favorite word. But before you know it, your free trial expires and turns into a paid subscription. (Or you could have read the “terms of use” [Ha-ha!])
☞ Trying to be witty online:  Your message can too easily be misinterpreted without your body language to help to explain it, and you won’t be there to soften the blow when your joke doesn’t go over as intended. If you must, make sure that you are the butt of the joke (or a politician, they’re fair game…)
☞ Going full speed all the time:  Take a minute to observe one of your lazy friends. They don’t flit from one thing to the other. They take the time’ to finish one task before going on to the next. “Lazy” people have fewer worries and calmly do their job. (If they have one…)
☞ The instant gratification purchase:  Wait 48 hours before clicking “buy”. By waiting, you will find that, most of the time, the item was more of a ‘want’ than a ‘need.’

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends we DON’T wash raw chicken before cooking. Why? Because of the risk of splattering juices contaminated with bacteria, such as salmonella. Germs can be easily spread onto other foods, utensils, and even onto our clothes. According to a spokesperson, “Thoroughly cooking meat and poultry will kill bacteria, so washing is not necessary.”


1945 [74] Bruce Cockburn, Ottawa, ON, folk rock singer songwriter (‘Lovers in a Dangerous Time’, ‘If a Tree Falls’)

1958 [61] Neil Finn, Te Awamutu, New Zealand, singer, guitarist (Split Enz –‘I Got You’, Crowded House-‘Don’t Dream Its Over’), currently with Fleetwood Mac

1966 [53] Sean Kinney, Renton WA, rock drummer (Alice in Chains-‘Rooster’, ‘Man in the Box’)

1970 [49] Joseph Fiennes, England, TV actor (“The Handmaid’s Tale” since 2017, “Flashforward” 2009-2010)

1971 [48] Paul Bettany, London UK, movie actor (“Iron Man 2”, “The Da Vinci Code”)/married to actress Jennifer Connelly since 2003

1973 [46] Jack McBrayer. Macon GA, TV actor (“30 Rock” 2006-13, “The Middle” 2013-18)

1975 [44] André 3000 (Benjamin), Atlanta GA, hip-hop artist (OutKast-‘Hey Ya!’, ‘The Way You Move’)

1975 [44] Jamie Oliver, Clavering UK, celebrity TV chef (“Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution”, “Jamie’s Kitchen”, “The Naked Chef”, etc)

1980 [39] Ben Feldman, Washington DC, TV actor (“Superstore” since 2015, “Mad Men” 2012-14)

1990 [29] Chris Colfer, Clovis CA, TV actor (“Glee” 2009-15)

• “Memorial Day”, observed on the last Monday in May in America, a day of remembrance for those who have died in the nation’s service. It was originally called “Decoration Day” 151 years ago (1868) when General John Logan declared a day to decorate Civil War soldiers’ graves with flowers at Gettysburg PA. Nowadays its more often observed as ‘Beach Day’ or ‘Picnic Day’. (Or ‘Buy a Mattress Day…’)

• “Cellophane Tape Day”, marking the date in 1930 that a patent for the product was granted to one Richard Drew. His invention was later marketed by 3M as ‘Scotch’ tape. Mr. Drew also invented masking tape.

• “Grape Popsicle Day”, a salute to one of the favorite flavors of the frozen treat. Also, messiest.

• “Sunscreen Protection Day”, to create awareness of the importance of using protection against the harmful UV rays from the Sun.

• “Nothing To Fear Day”, it’s a chance to stand up and declare, as President Franklin D. Roosevelt did on May 27, 1941 that, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself,” and take back control of our lives.

[Tues] Amnesty International Day
[Tues] Hamburger Day
[Wed] National Biscuit Day
[Wed] Paper Clip Day
This Week Is…National African Violet Week
This Month Is…National Egg Month

2006 [13] Movie stars Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt welcome their 1st biological child, a daughter named Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt, while staying at a compound in Swakopmund, Namibia

2004 [15] The Bee Gees are made Commanders of the Order of the British Empire by Prince Charles at Buckingham Palace; Maurice’s son Adam accepts on behalf of his father, who’d died six months earlier

2013 [06] A report is published saying many musicians are frustrated with fans filming their gigs on smartphones (Jack White and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs put up signs at concerts asking people to leave their phones in their pockets)

2017 [02] ‘Despacito’ by Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee featuring Justin Bieber tops the Hot 100, becoming the first #1 sung mostly in Spanish since ‘Macarena’ in 1996.

2014 [05] Google unveils its self-driving car, a prototype that can drive 25 mph and safely respond to a variety of situations

2013 [06] Guinness World Records confirms the ‘World’s Largest Flag’, made by a village in Romania, weighing 5 tons and using 44 miles of thread


✓ The world record for the most candles ever put on a birthday cake is 50,151.
✓ In 2015, more people died by taking selfies than by shark attacks.
✓ People who read books live an average of almost 2 years longer than those who do not, according to Yale research.
✓ St Lucia is the only country in the world named after a woman.
✓ Birds never crash into each other because they always veer right.
✓ The farthest recorded distance for projectile vomiting is 27 feet.

• Belt out songs like a rock star with your kids in the car.
• Bust out your finest moves at home.
• Investigate the parents of your kids’ friends on social media.
• Hide or toss out a loud and annoying toy.
• Re-enact the ‘Circle of Life’ scene from “The Lion King”.
• Use your kid as an excuse to get out of something.
• Take candy from waiting rooms to give to your kids.
• Tell your own ‘abridged’ version of a bedtime story by flipping 10 pages instead of 1.
• Let your kid play with your phone so you can get a few minutes of peace.
• Pass gas and blame it on the kid.
– Adapted from

Best of BS . . .
• In addition to 2 weeks vacation, I need 2 weeks worth of rolling in at 10am in my sweatpants.
• A bag of M&Ms with all the “W”s removed.
• I want to be paid less.
• A 15-minute nap every half-hour.
• A computer password that doesn’t require uppercase, lowercase, special characters, or numbers.
• I want a company credit card. Also, a company car. And a company Slap Chop. Those look cool.
• Take my wife…please.
• All I want is my two dollars.
• A service llama.
• Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun.
-Twitter, first published in ‘BS’ in 2018

• What did Ancient Egyptians do to mourn the deaths of their cats?
a. Shaved their eyebrows [CORRECT. They shaved them right off.]
b. Shaved their beards
c. Shaved their armpits
d. Shaved the dead cat

• “Alcatraz” is a Spanish word that translates into what?
a. Prison
b. Pelican [CORRECT]
c. Paradise
d. Puffin

When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, “Why, what did you hear?”

What financial advice do you wish someone had told you a lot sooner?

Question:  An angry gorilla does THIS to show anger, while a native of Tibet does it to show respect.
Answer:  They stick out their tongues.

Anyone who will gossip to you, will gossip about you.


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