April 4, 2016

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Monday, April 4, 2016        Edition: #5701

The Sheet Hits the Fans!

★ Recovering alcoholic Will Arnett has relapsed while filming his new TV series “Flaked”. He wrote, produced, co-created, and stars in the Netflix comedy which centers on a self-help guru struggling with his own sobriety … much like Will. He marked his 15th anniversary of being sober on the 1st day of shooting, then fell off the wagon. He’s coy about details but says he’s been clean again a few months and is regularly attending AA meetings. Arnett has 2 young sons with ex-wife Amy Poehler.
– “Hollywood Reporter”
★ Canadian funnyman Mike Smith was arrested for alleged domestic battery in Los Angeles on Friday. The 43-year-old star of cult comedy show “Trailer Park Boys” was arrested at Hollywood’s Roosevelt Hotel following reports of an altercation with a female. Smith, who plays ‘Bubbles’ on the Netflix series, was taken into custody after police officers responded to a domestic disturbance call. He was released hours later on $20,000 bail.
– WENN.com
★ Ben Affleck has written a stand-alone ‘Batman’ film script. The 43-year-old, who portrays the ‘Caped Crusader’ in “Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice”, is contracted to do at least 2 “Justice League” movies, meaning at least 3 times he’ll done the cape, and his script is reportedly set to be considered for one of those films. Ben’s ‘Batman’ also does a cameo in “Suicide Squad”, due to hit theaters in August.
– THR.com
★ And Hans Zimmer has retired from scoring superhero films following his work on “Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice”. The Oscar-winner is the mastermind behind over 100 soundtracks and film scores, and among them are many movies featuring superheroes, including “Amazing Spider-Man 2”, “Man of Steel”, and “The Dark Knight”, which earned him a Grammy Award. He’ll continue to compose other film scores, next for the WW2 drama “Dunkirk”.
– BBC News

• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) – The couples perform dances meant to commemorate their most memorable year; Andra Day (“Cheers To the Fall”) performs.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Lukas Graham (“Lukas Graham”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – LoCash (“I Love This Life”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/M3) – Jennifer Hudson (“JHUD”); Hozier (“Hozier”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Mastodon drummer Brann Dailor.
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – Explosions In the Sky (“The Wilderness”).
• “NCAA Men’s Basketball Championship” (TBS/TNT) – Live from NRG Stadium in Houston TX.
• Snowbombing (Mayrhofen, Austria) – Through Saturday, a festival that combines dance music and fun in the snow. Performances by The Prodigy, Bastille, Fatboy Slim, etc.
NET: http://www.snowbombing.com
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Wild Belle (“Dreamland”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – Miley Cyrus again joins the coaches to prepare the vocalists for Part 2 of the knockout rounds.

• Avicii – He’s announced he will retire from touring at the end of this year. The Swedish EDM star can certainly afford to … his estimated net worth is $75 million. He’s currently slated to perform the UK leg of his “Electric Daisy Festival” in July.
• Beyoncé – She’s announced that her own line of workout clothes, ‘Ivy Park’, will hit stores April 14th. The clothing line is described as ‘merging fashion-led design with technical innovation’.
• Florence + The Machine – They’ve recorded a cover of “Stand By Me” for the videogame “Final Fantasy XV”. The game is scheduled to be available September 30th.
• Cole Swindell – He’ll once again lead the new ‘Billboard Hot Country Songs’ chart with “You Should Be Here” when it’s released tomorrow.
• Good Charlotte –  While the pop/punk band is currently in the studio finishing their 6th studio album, the lead single off it is due out today. They’ve announced a series of East Coast shows for later this month to promote the new project.
• Jason Aldean – He debuted the new song “Lights Come On” last night at the 51st ACM Awards on CBS-TV. The track is the lead single from his upcoming 7th studio album, due this Summer.
• Guns N’ Roses – It’s confirmed the reunited band is playing 2 months of stadium gigs across North America this Summer. Axl Rose, Slash, and Duff McKagan are set for 20 dates beginning June 23rd at Ford Field in Detroit MI. Friday night the band tuned up with a surprise gig at The Troubadour in Los Angeles.
• Lady Gaga – Today she’s being presented the ‘Jane Ortner Artist Award’ at the Grammy Museum’s 2016 Jane Ortner Education Award Luncheon in LA. The award honors musicians who have shown a passion for arts education. Gaga and John Legend will perform at the event.
• Miley Cyrus – Buzz out of Britain has it that she and Lindsey Lohan were almost a twosome but … Linds turned her down, apparently.
• Rolling Stones – Mick Jagger & Richards are like ‘a bitter married couple’ just in it for the money, according to the new biography “The Sun & The Moon & The Rolling Stones”. Author Rich Cohen, who’s known the Stones for decades, says since Jagger’s solo albums in the 1980s it has ‘never been the same’.

Researchers say that over the last 40 years, the number of obese people worldwide has ballooned and the obese now outnumber the underweight. The proportion of obese people worldwide now stands at 11% among men and 15% among women, while 9% of men and 10% of women are underweight, according to researchers who analyzed data on 20 million people in 186 countries. The researchers warn that if current trends continue, there’s no chance of meeting the global target of keeping obesity at 2010 levels in 2025. Instead, they predict that around a 5th of adults worldwide will be obese by then. (The rest of you just aren’t trying!)
– “US News & World Report”

Doing some Spring Cleaning? Try these tips to do it more easily and efficiently …
✓ Cheese Grater – To clean, simply grate a piece of a potato. It’s oxalic acid removes any cheese debris immediately.
✓ Cutting Board – Rub lemon with salt on wooden boards. Salt dislodges dirt; lemon removes unpleasant odors.
✓ Furniture – Using a dryer sheet to dust not only cleans but its anti-static properties help prevent future dust from collecting.
✓ Hair – As bizarre as it sounds, a squeegee is more efficient for removing hair from furniture than a vacuum cleaner. The rubber blade gathers hair into wads that can be easily picked up.
✓ Iron – Put some table salt on the ironing board and iron it. Then, turn the iron off, let it cool down and wipe the bottom with a damp cloth.
✓ Kitchen Sponge – To kill germs, microwave the sponge for 2 minutes on high.
✓ Mattress – Sprinkle  baking soda all over and let it sit a few hours. Then, just vacuum it away.
✓ Microwave – Mix vinegar and water in a cup, zap it for a few minutes on high, wipe clean.
✓ Showerhead – Pour white vinegar in a plastic bag and secure it around the showerhead. After a few hours, take it off and wipe with a wet cloth.
– Excerpted from List25.com

SCARJO 5000:
A 42-year-old man in Hong Kong has spent $50,000 to realize a childhood dream: making a robot modeled on a Hollywood star. Ricky Ma won’t say which star his fembot is modeled on, but by its appearance it’s obviously Scarlett Johansson. After a year-and-a-half of work, including teaching himself programming and electromechanics, Ma has built the bot, which he calls ‘Mark 1’, on the balcony of his apartment. It can change its facial expressions, move its limbs, bow, and even respond to verbal commands. For example, if you tell it that it’s beautiful, it will smile and respond with, “Hee hee, thank-you”. That’s fairly impressive considering Ma is completely self-taught. (Not to mention a tad pervy.)
NET: http://tinyurl.com/z8v5hkq
– Engadget.com

Humans may have once lived alongside Siberian unicorns.
– History Channel


1958 [58] Constance Shulman, Johnson City TN (‘Yoga Jones’ on “Orange Is the New Black” since 2013)

1965 [51] Robert Downey Jr, NYC, movie star (“Iron Man” films, “Sherlock Holmes” films)

1970 [46] Barry Pepper, Campbell River BC, movie actor (“Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials”, “True Grit”)/TV actor (“The Kennedys”, “61*”)

1971 [45] Josh Todd, LA CA, rock singer (Buckcherry-“Sorry”, “Lit Up”)

1973 [43] David Blaine (White), Brooklyn NY, illusionist who’s been suspended over the River Thames for 44 days, buried alive, and frozen in a block of ice among other stunts

1979 [37] Natasha Lyonne, NYC, TV actress (‘Nicky Nichols’ on “Orange Is the New Black” 2013)/movie actress (“American Pie” movies)

• “Ballroom Dancing Day”, celebrated on the birth anniversary of Arthur Murray, the famous ballroom dancing instructor. It’s an activity that’s hot once again thanks to TV shows like “Dancing With the Stars” and “So You Think You Can Dance”.

• “Hug a Newsman/Newswoman Day”. Make sure you have a lawyer on retainer before you attempt this.

• “International Day for Landmine Awareness & Assistance”. (Unfortunately, participation in this can cost you an arm and a leg.)

• “School Librarian Day”, honoring those who serve our young students so well in local school libraries.

• “Walk Around Things Day”, a good day to avoid problems you don’t want to deal with. It is often best to face sticky situations head on but it’s OK to take a day off now and then, right?

• “World Rat Day”, the 14th annual recognizing the ‘dear, sweet animals which deserve greater recognition and admiration’, according to people who own them. It’s claimed their bad image only suffers from ignorance and unthinking prejudice. (Well that and the plague.)
NET: http://www.worldratday.com

2008 [08] Director Martin Scorsese releases his Rolling Stones’ concert documentary “Shine A Light”

2013 [03] Movie critic/TV personality/screenwriter Roger Ebert dies of cancer at age 70 in Chicago IL

2007 [09] Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones retracts a statement made to “New Musical Express” a few days earlier suggesting he once snorted his father’s ashes (meant to say smoked?)

2008 [08] Beyoncé Knowles marries Jay Z in a private ceremony in his NYC apartment (guests include Chris Martin & Gwyneth Paltrow, Kelly Rowland, and Michelle Williams)

2013 [03] In Sri Lanka, a researcher discovers Poecilotheria rajaei, a new species of tarantula with a leg-span of 8 inches … slightly smaller than a dinner plate

2015 [01] Italian ships rescue 1,500 people from 5 separate vessels in less than 24 hours as swarms of migrants continue to try to reach Europe via the Mediterranean

[Tues] “Black Girls Rock! Awards” (BET)
[Tues] Equal Pay Day
[Tues] Deep Dish Pizza Day
[Tues] Read a Road Map Day
[Wed] Drowsy Driver Awareness Day
[Wed] Student Athlete Day
[Wed] Whole Grain Sampling Day

Bat Appreciation Week / Explore Your Career Options Week / Golden Rule Week / Laugh at Work Week / Medication Safety Week / Public Health Week / Robotics Week / Testicular Cancer Awareness Week / Window Safety Week / Week Of the Ocean / Youth Violence Prevention Week


Highlight bits culled from 23 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
✗ You know the entire week’s TV schedule by heart.
✗ You won’t bend over to pick up a $20-bill.
✗ Your favorite dessert is Pepto-Bismol.
✗ You’re on the ‘Amazing Jonah Hill Diet’.
✗ You list Doritos as one of the primary food groups.
✗ You get winded after 2 flights … on an escalator.
– First published in “BS” 1996.

• A typical day would be 24 hours long … give or take 86.4 seconds.
• 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents today.
• 114,500 mismatched pairs of shoes will be shipped every year.
• 18,322 pieces of mail will be mishandled every hour.
• 2.5 million books will be shipped with the wrong covers.
• 315 entries in “Webster’s Dictionary” will be misspelled.
• 20,000 incorrect drug prescriptions will be written this year.
• 880,000 credit cards will have incorrect cardholder information on their magnetic strips.
• 5.5 million cases of soft drinks produced will be flat.
• 291 pacemaker operations will be performed incorrectly.
– First published in “BS” 2014.

Dogs can’t operate MRI scanners. But cats can.

☎ Which vowel do you feel most sorry for? (Gotta be ‘sometimes Y’, no? Or is it ‘e’ because ‘I’ almost always gets to go first? Or ‘u’, because it’s silent most of the time? Or ‘a’ because it’s so often mispronounced? God, they’re a sorry lot.)

BS 1980s QUIZ:
A pop culture test for 40-somethings …
• What was the sequel to the 1984 hit film “Romancing the Stone”? [“The Jewel of the Nile”]
• What singing group recorded an updated version of the Ritchie Valens classic hit “La Bamba” for the soundtrack of his bio-film? [Los Lobos]
• In 1982, what actor was killed on the set of “Twilight Zone: The Movie”? [Vic Morrow]
• What was the name of the lead singer of the “Dead Kennedys”? [Jello Biafra]
• A year before 1983’s “The Big Chill”, Glenn Close made her bigscreen debut in what movie? [“The World According to Garp”]
– “The ’80s Server”

Question: It’s projected that half of those who buy a minivan this year will have THIS in common.
Answer: No children.

He who angers you controls you.

Jason Kladiva @ ValpoRadio 98.3 [WVLP] Valparaiso IN; Colin Candy @ BCR Stourbridge UK; Brad Allen @ Classic Hits 93.1 [WNOX] Knoxville TN; Patricia Pereira @ Radio Comercial, Lisboa, Portugal; and JD Rachal @ Classic Hits 103.3 [WRQQ] Baton Rouge LA.

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