Thursday, April 6, 2017 Edition: #****
Good Morning, Sheetheads!
The BS Press
The Sheet starts here!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ (copy from 2016)
★ Kit Harington & Rose Leslie – better known to “Game of Thrones” fans as ‘Jon Snow’ and ‘Ygritte’ – are dating in real life. Fans who swooned over the forbidden romance between a man of the ‘Night’s Watch’ and a woman of the ‘Free Folk’ on the HBO series were dismayed when ‘Ygritte’ was killed off. Rumors of an off-screen romance have been swirling for 4 years, but now they’ve appeared together at the UK’s Olivier Awards, where they held hands and kissed on camera, making their relationship public for the first time.
– “Vanity Fair”
★ Cheryl Fernandez-Versini (Cole) has quit Simon Cowell’s “The X Factor” in Britain in favor of recording new music. The 32-year-old singer confirmed the news in a statement released yesterday. In his own statement, Simon hinted that his time working with her has not ended, despite their collaboration on “The X Factor” coming to a close. As well as her goal of making her next album a success, her romance with One Direction’s Liam Payne is said to be a priority.
– “The Sun”
★ Stephen King’s sequel to cult classic novel and film “The Shining” is being adapted for the bigscreen. Bestselling novel “Doctor Sleep”, which was released in 2013, is being adapted by Oscar-winning writer Akiva Goldsman (“A Beautiful Mind”). The sequel focuses on the life of ‘Danny Torrance’, the son of writer ‘Jack Torrance’, famously played by Jack Nicholson, years after the events in the ‘Overlook Hotel’. Author King will be an executive producer on the project.
★ And “Pitch Perfect” actress/director Elizabeth Banks is putting a spotlight on funny women by launching a new female-driven digital comedy platform called ‘WhoHaha’. The site aims to give women who create comedy the opportunity to distribute their content to a wider audience. It’s also designed to be a place for users to – quote – “spend hours laughing until they pee”. The site’s motto is: “If men can do it, they probably learned it from a woman. Funny women have been keeping this planet alive for centuries.”
– “Ad Age”
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “American Idol” (FOX) – The remaining finalists compete in the show’s last-ever performance episode.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Mike Posner (“At Night, Alone”, out May 6th).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Granger Smith (“Remington”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Unknown Mortal Orchestra (“Multi-Love”).
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/M3) – Kacey Musgraves (“Pageant Material”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Birdy (“Beautiful Lies”).
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – Autolux (“Future Perfect”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Chad Smith.
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• AC/DC – Axl Rose is said to be the frontrunner to replace Brian Johnson if he can’t return to the stage. The singer was forced to rest in February when doctors told him he’d be risking permanent hearing loss if he continued with the band’s “Rock or Bust” tour. The trek is scheduled to fire up again on May 7th in Lisbon, Portugal.
• Adele – She’s shut down rumors actress Rebel Wilson is set to play her in a proposed biopic. Speaking to her audience at London’s O2 Arena this week she says it’s wrong to surmise that the comic actress would play her in a movie, just because she’s also a “plus-sized” woman.
• Aerosmith – Former frontman Steven Tyler has announced the special “Steven Tyler … Out On a Limb” concert at NYC’s Lincoln Center on May 2nd. Director Brett Ratner and Tyler are collaborating on the benefit for Janie’s Fund, Tyler’s charity to help girls overcome the trauma of abuse and neglect.
• Disclosure – Tonight they return to North America for a 2nd headline tour in support of the album “Caracal”. The trek begins in Monterrey, Mexico and runs through May 25th in Eugene OR. The duo will then appear at the Sasquatch, Boston Calling, and Firefly music festivals.
• The Game – Like so many others, he’s fronting a new cannabis line. The “Dreams” hitmaker has teamed with G FarmaBrands, a marijuana-based company which serves more than 700 dispensaries throughout California. He’ll be ‘brand ambassador’ for a new G Drinks line.
• Iggy Azalea – Her fiancé Nick Young has been dropped from the LA Lakers’ active roster and will most likely skip their remaining games this season. The news comes after a video secretly recorded by teammate D’Angelo Russell emerged last month allegedly showing Young cheating with another woman. Coach Byron Scott says: “Right now he’s not here with us mentally.”
• Rolling Stones – This week they reunited with former member Bill Wyman as they celebrated the launch of a new Rolling Stones exhibit. “Exhibitionism”, a collection of rare and unseen memorabilia spanning their 50-year career, opened yesterday at London’s Saatchi Gallery.
• Selena Gomez – She’s teaming with her mother, Mandy Teefey, and producer Aaron Kaplan to develop a new TV show about a young woman living in a low-income Latino neighborhood, working to realize her dreams. It is unclear if Selena will also appear on the show.
Our favorite ice-cream flavor is getting a lot pricier. We’re talking about vanilla, which became 150% more expensive last year after Madagascar suffered a poor harvest. Cakes, soft drinks, and perfumes could all be affected, but ice cream manufacturers will really feel the chill as the price has again doubled in the last month. But one ice cream maker sees little choice saying: “Vanilla is every ice-cream company’s biggest-selling product”. Vanilla prices were once low, so low that production fell off in countries like China, Indonesia, and Uganda, leaving Madagascar as the world’s top vanilla producer. Some manufacturers are using synthetic alternatives to get cheaper vanilla flavoring. (Ick … would you eat fake chocolate?)
LOST & FOUND:
A slew of corporations has been surveyed about the strangest items discovered in their company vehicles when they were returned by employees. Among the weirdest: Used diapers, false teeth, feminine hygiene products, underwear, a G-string, condoms, a microwave, an unopened bag of fish & chips under the passenger seat, a chainsaw, a store mannequin and … a dead goat. (An excuse to use the car-pool diamond lane?)
– “Fleet News”
FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 75% of teenagers say they have trouble with sleeping.
• 50% of men say they have no idea how to tie a necktie.
• 33% of us have cried at a baseball game when our team loses.
• 29% of guys admit to talking to their car pretty much on a daily basis while driving.
• 20% of adults eat breakfast cereal every day.
• 14% of adults admit they’ve had a drink, or two, before going to the dentist.
SAY HELLO TO THE $700 JUICER:
The Juicero, is making its debut this month. The sleek-looking cold-press juicer (dubbed the ‘Keurig for juice’) costs $699 so you’d hope it lives up to its goal of being the most hi-tech kitchen appliance. Connected to the Internet, the Juicero reads QR codes on its recyclable juice packets to make sure they aren’t expired; it can also order more packets for you. At the moment 5 flavors are being offered, such as ‘Spicy Greens’ and ‘Carrot Beet’, and the machines are only being shipped in California (though they’re taking orders from elsewhere). Before you latch on to the new gizmo, be aware that the little produce packets that Juicero squeezes cost between $5 and $10 … per 8-ounce serving. (As well as juice, it’s apparently intended to squeeze your wallet dry.)
Cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Fun Sponge’ – A joyless or grumpy person who soaks up all the fun out of an event or situation.
• ‘MoJo’ [Mobile Journalism or Journalist] – Thanks to the smartphone, traditional journalism (including radio) is no longer studio-bound, reliant on media releases or a news wire.
• ‘Multicrastinating’ – Procrastinating by performing multiple non-work tasks simultaneously. This is often the downfall of people working from home for the day.
LEAVING A BAD TASTE:
Drinking vinegar for weight-loss? The fad may be appearing all over social media, but it’s not only as gross as it sounds, sipping vinegar is simply not the weight-loss miracle it’s purported to be, say dietitians. One says that drinking vinegar could cause stomach discomfort and acid reflux. That could be the exact adverse effects that curb the appetite. The recent hubbub about vinegar seems to stem from a 2009 Japanese study, in which obese adults dropped 2-to-4 lbs in 12 weeks after taking 2 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar daily. But be warned that consumption of vinegar has been linked to vocal cord spasms, fainting, damage to the esophagus, and tooth erosion. (Skinny and toothless … how attractive.)
ALL-INCLUSIVES INCLUDE CANCER:
People now in their 60s and 70s are more than 5 times more likely to be diagnosed with malignant melanoma than their parents were, according to recent statistics. Experts say it’s likely not coincidental that this generation would have been in their 20s and 30s when cheap packaged ‘sun vacations’ exploded in popularity. They now have 36 cases of malignant melanoma per 100,000, up by more than 500% from the mid-1970s. (Nothing more dangerous than baking unprotected lily-white northern skin in searing hot southern sun.)
– BBC News
DID YOU KNOW?
• The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%. The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%. (Surprised?)
– PA News
• It seems nobody has noticed that Kraft has changed its traditional mac & cheese recipe. (What, it now contains actual cheese?)
– “Washington Post”
BS CHRONOMETER 04.06.17
1937  Merle Haggard, Bakersfield CA, ailing country legend with 38 #1 hits (“Okie from Muskogee”)/Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award (2006)/Country Music Hall of Fame (1994)
1969  Paul Rudd, Passaic NJ, movie actor (“Ant-Man”, “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”)
1975  Zach Braff, South Orange NJ, movie director (“Garden State”)/movie actor (“The Pursuit of Happyness”)/TV actor (“Scrubs” 2001-10)
1990  Charlie McDermott, West Chester PA, TV actor (‘Axl Heck’ on “The Middle” since 2009)
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Drowsy Driver Awareness Day”, an annual initiative to encourage motorists to take notice when they’re too sleepy to steer. According to a recent poll, more than 10% of drivers admit to having fallen asleep at the wheel; and over 20% say they’ve momentarily dozed while driving.
• “Paraprofessional Appreciation Day”, observed annually on the 1st Wednesday of April to honor those who assist professionals, particularly in the field of education. Often called ‘Teachers’ Aides’, they work individually with students and organizationally in the classroom.
• “Student Athlete Day”, celebrated annually since 1987 to salute the outstanding achievements of high school and college student-athletes who have also excelled in academics while making significant contributions to their schools and communities.
• “Tartan Day”, the anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Arbroath in 1320, a day set aside for the celebration of Scottish influence. More practically, it’s now the day that officially kicks off the annual Scottish tourism season.
• “Teflon Day”, commemorating the accidental 1938 discovery of the coating used to create non-stick surfaces by Du Pont researcher Roy Plunkett. (How do they get it to stick to a pan?)
• “Walking Day”, an annual initiative of the Heart Association on the 1st Wednesday in April that kicks off a month-long program designed to help us become more active. We’re encouraged to take 30 minutes out of the day today to get up and walk, the first step to a healthier lifestyle.
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2014  Longtime movie star Mickey Rooney dies at age 93 in Studio City CA
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2006  Eminem files for divorce from wife Kim less than 3 months after the couple re-married (he first married his high school sweetheart Kimberly Scott in 1999)
TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2000  A private company mapping the human genetic blueprint announces it has decoded all of the DNA pieces that make up the genetic pattern of a single human being
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2003  Brit adventurer David Hempleman-Adams became the first person to walk alone and unaided to the geomagnetic North Pole
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] The Masters Tournament begins (Augusta GA)
[Thurs] International Beaver Day
[Thurs] No Housework Day
[Fri] Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Induction (Brooklyn NY)
[Fri] “The Boss”; “Hardcore Henry” open in movie theaters
[Fri] International Roma Day
This Week Is … Window Safety Week
This Month Is … Parkinson’s Awareness Month
BS SIGNS YOU’RE LIVING IN 2017:
✓ You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
✓ You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.
✓ Leaving the house without your smartphone is cause for panic, and you turn back to go get it.
✓ You email the person who works at the desk next to you.
✓ You haven’t played Solitaire with real cards in years.
✓ You pull up in your own driveway and use your cellphone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
✓ You’ve starting tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
BS RANDOM JOKE:
I had a girlfriend with a wooden leg, but I broke it off.
CRUZ CAMPAIGN PROMISE OR STUDENT COUNCIL CAMPAIGN PROMISE?
Some are actual promises from US presidential candidate Ted Cruz; others from 4th grade candidates for student council. Which are which?
• “I will abolish the IRS!” [Cruz]
• “I will abolish homework!” [4th Grade]
• “I will apologize if I make a mistake!” [4th Grade]
• “I will never apologize!” [Cruz]
• “I will kill terrorists!” [Cruz]
• “I will bring dodgeball back to Phys Ed!” [4th Grade]
• “I will eliminate the Department of Education!” [Cruz]
• “I will build a fence!” [Cruz]
• “I will build a fence around the kickball field!” [4th Grade]
• “I will put french fries back on the lunch menu!” [Both]
– Thanks to Andrew Knott
BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: If you are average, you do THIS 4 times a week.
Answer: Shampoo your hair.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
Sheet note: This marks the first edition of the Bull Sheet from Dave, your new purveyor of BS.
My aim is to continue the great legacy of The Bull Sheet as one of the best and best-known radio show prep services. With that in mind, please feel free to contact me with any suggestions you have that might help the Bull Sheet
ALT (next day): Comments? Suggestions? Contributions? Constructive criticism? The BS door is always open: