BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Actor Zach Galifianakis (“The Campaign”) has sneakily wed fiancée Quinn Lundberg in a private weekend ceremony at UBC Farm – literally a farm linked to the University of British Columbia (see, you CAN stay under the radar, if you want to) . . . Talent-free starlet Lindsay Lohan was flat broke at the time she was sentenced last year in her shoplifting case, but things have changed dramatically and she’ll rake in more than $2 million this year (half of it from posing naked in “Playboy”) . . . “The Expendables 2” opens Friday and word has it that Nicholas Cage, Clint Eastwood, and Harrison Ford are on the producers’ wish lists to join the cast for a 2nd sequel (about as likely as John Wayne, Steve McQueen, and Brandon Lee) . . . Freshly-shorn Miley Cyrus (now a blonde with a pixie) has just signed on to guest-star on CBS-TV’s “Two-And-a-Half Men” (in case you need another reason to never watch) . . . Actress Kristin Chenoweth is cutting her recurring gig on CBS-TV’s “The Good Wife” short to focus on healing following that head injury she sustained on the set (seems she’s in worse shape than originally thought) . . . And famous person Kim Kardashian says she plans to stay with Kanye West until 80 (80 what? Days? Pounds? Combined IQ?).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC) – Gavin DeGraw (“Sweeter”) performs; 4 acts move on to the top 24.
• “Celebrating the Music of Johnny Cash: We Walk the Line!” (PBS) – Performances by Kris Kristofferson, Lucinda Williams, Pat Monahan, Ronnie Dunn, Sheryl Crow, and Willie Nelson.
• “Colbert Report” (Comedy Central) – Santigold (“Master of My Make-Believe”).
• “Conan” (TBS) – Kids These Days (“Traphouse Rock”, coming in September). Rerun.
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – Actor Robert Pattinson has officially come out of hiding, but will likely limit conversation to his new movie “Cosmopolis”.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC) – Jjamz (“Suicide Pact”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – fun. (“Some Nights”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC) – TI (“Trouble Man”, out September 4th).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Rick Ross (“God Forgives, I Don’t”).
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX) – The finalists perform some of Mia Michaels’ greatest routines.
• “Today Show” (NBC) – Carrie Underwood (“Blown Away”) performs in NYC’s Rockefeller Plaza as part of the ‘Summer Concert Series’.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Green Day – Tonight their video for the new track “Oh Love” premieres during the “MTV First: Green Day” special. It’s followed by a 30-minute interview on MTV.com, where they’ll talk about their upcoming trio of new albums, “¡Uno!”, “¡Dos!”, and “¡Tre!”.
• Guns N’ Roses – They’re set to play a limited Las Vegas residency this Fall. The 12 shows will take place at The Joint inside the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino, running from October 31st to November 24th. Tickets go on sale this Friday, August 17th.
• Love & Theft – Stephen Barker Liles and Eric Gunderson will hold the top spot this week on “Billboard” magazine’s ‘Hot Country Songs’ chart with their debut single “Angel Eyes”.
• Taylor Swift – She’s announced her new 16-track album “Red” will be out October 22nd. In other news, she’s reportedly just bought a house in Hyannis Port, Massachusetts, across the street from her 18-year-old boyfriend Conor’s grandmother, Ethel Kennedy.
• U2 – They’re unleashing a double-disc live album “U22”, culled from the “U2360” world tour. It’s being offered to those who sign up for the official online fan club, which costs $50. The set is presented in a deluxe book of live photos complete with liner notes from Adam Clayton.
• Whitney Houston – Today an exhibition dedicated to the late singer opens at the Grammy Museum in Los Angeles. ‘Whitney! Celebrating the Musical Legacy of Whitney Houston’ is expected to run until February next year.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENING:
“The Odd Life of Timothy Green” ( PG Fantasy ): A childless couple bury a box in their backyard, containing all of their wishes for an infant. Soon, a child is born, though ‘Timothy Green’ is not all that he appears. A unique family story about adoption with a sprinkle of Disney magic. Stars Jennifer Garner, Joel Edgerton, CJ Adams.
NET: http://disney.go.com/the-odd-life-of-timothy-green

HOW TO GO HAIRLESS:
It seems like Hollywood’s biggest badasses have one thing in common these days: They’re bald (ie: Bryan Cranston on “Breaking Bad”). Here’s how to get the look and do it right …
1. Start Slowly – Go for a buzz cut first. This way, you’ll see if there are any hidden birthmarks, bumps, or scars before you take the plunge.
2. Go With the Grain – Shave in the direction of hair growth the first few times to prevent irritation. Then, if you want a closer shave, shave in the opposite direction.
3. Use an Aftershave Balm – Since shaving removes a layer of skin, you need an aftershave treatment to quicken the healing process. And don’t forget sunscreen!
4. Maintain It – Shave no more than every 2 days to give your skin a breather. You’ll still look bald, but your scalp won’t become irritated.
5. Wear It Proud – Confidently act like you ‘own it’ in order to wear it right.
– Condensed from “Men’s Health”

BS CUTTING-EDGE VOCAB:
New terms leaking into our lingo …
✓ ‘Binge Viewing’ – Watching a TV show in quick succession, episode after episode, season after season. It’s now possible with on-demand video, DVRs, and illegal TV downloads. The phenomenon is transforming the way we watch TV and changing the economics of the industry.
✓ ‘Pocket Condo’ – A very small condominium unit or a condo building with a small number of floors. (“We’re moving into a pocket condo downtown with just 800 square feet. Well, double that if you count the storage locker.”)
✓ ‘Salmon’ – To ride a bicycle against the flow of traffic, like a salmon swimming upstream to spawn. (“So I’m trying to exit the freeway when this idiot cyclist comes salmoning down the ramp, riding with no hands.”)

WHEEZIN’ SNEEZIN’ SEASON:
‘Hay Fever Season’ begins today and runs through September 15th. A few facts …
• Most cases of hay fever are caused by the pollen in ragweed.
• There are 17 different species of ragweed in North America.
• 10-to-30% of us will suffer from hay fever this season.
• It’s estimated that a single ragweed plant can release a billion grains of pollen over the season.
• Pollen has been detected as far as 400 miles out to sea and 2 miles up in the air.
– TTP

WAYS TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR TIME:
Tips from a master planner on how to accomplish more …
✓ If you feel like you can’t get a handle on time, it’s likely you’re not being honest with yourself about how long tasks take. Start giving yourself more time than you estimate is needed.
✓ Stick to the schedule. It sounds simple, but literally mapping out your time helps you get it under control, whether you create an online calendar or use an old-fashioned day planner.
✓ If there’s a concrete consequence for being late, you won’t be late. So give yourself an incentive, such as putting a quarter in a donation jar for every minute you run over schedule.
✓ To free up brain space so you can better focus on the tasks at hand, schedule 2 ‘catch-all hours’ per week to tackle lingering to-dos that you keep thinking about but postponing.
✓ Make it public. Telling others about when or how long you’ll do something makes you more likely to stick to it simply because you’re now being held accountable.
– Adapted from “Redbook”

DIMINUTIVE DESIGNER DUDS:
Top fashion designers are pushing more expensive duds for the increasingly lucrative affluent toddler demographic. This fall, Oscar de la Renta, Dolce & Gabbana, and Marni are launching collections for the pint-sized. Late last year, Gucci, which launched a children’s collection 2 years ago, opened its first children’s store on Manhattan’s Fifth Avenue. The National Retail Federation expects the average household will spend $688 outfitting children for back-to-school this year. That’s most families. Some will spend $795 on Gucci backpacks and $1,090 on leopard-print coats from Lanvin. Why do they do it? One elitist NYC mom says your children are a reflection of who you are, so if you are someone highly stylized, then you want to make sure your kids are the best-dressed kids out there. (This is normalcy for the likes of Suri Cruise.)
– AP

HOME REMEDIES YOU HAD NO IDEA EXISTED:
No guarantees these actually work. They’re merely a compilation of recommendations …
• Earl Grey Tea Supposedly Helps a Sunburn – You’ll need a bathtub and a pitcher of water containing 3 bags of Earl Grey Tea to pour over the painful area.
• Coconut Oil Is Said to Help Earaches – Warm it up in a saucepan and use an eyedropper to drop into the affected ear. Olive oil supposedly works too.
• Black Licorice Allegedly Cures Constipation – The real kind apparently has laxative qualities. The red kind isn’t actually licorice, just candy.
• A Set of Cold Keys Supposedly Stops a Nosebleed – Press them or a cold butter knife to the back of the neck. The temperature of the metal coagulates the blood.
• Listerine Allegedly Helps Ease Dandruff – The active ingredients of Listerine include essential oils (thymol, eucalyptol, menthol, methyl salicylate) with anti-fungal activity.
• Marshmallows Ease a Sore Throat – Refrigerate and eat. Marshmallow root tea works as well, supposedly.
– Buzzfeed.com

DID YOU KNOW?
Even though cars are made for righties, an AA Driving School poll has found that 57% of lefties pass their driver’s tests on the first try, compared with only 47% of righties.
– ioffer.com

BS CHRONOMETER 08.15.12

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1964 [48] Melinda French Gates, Dallas TX, wife of Microsoft founder Bill Gates/philanthropist (co-founder & co-chair of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation)

1968 [44] Debra Messing, Brooklyn NY, TV actress  (‘Julia Houston’ on “Smash” 2012-13, “Will & Grace” 1998-2006)/movie actress (“Lucky You”, “The Wedding Date”)  BS FACTOID: NBC-TV is trying to save “Smash” by staging a mini-“Will & Grace” reunion and recruiting Sean Hayes for Season 2.

1972 [40] Ben Affleck, Berkeley CA, movie director (“The Town”, “Gone Baby Gone”)/movie actor (“State of Play”, “Pearl Harbor”)/screenwriter (1998 ‘Best Screenplay’ Oscar-“Good Will Hunting”)/married to actress Jennifer Garner (2005)

1974 [38] Natasha Henstridge, Springdale NL Canada, TV actress (“The Secret Circle” since 2011, “Eli Stone” 2008-09)/movie actress (“The Whole Nine Yards”, “Species” films)

1978 [34] Tim Foreman, Lake Arrowhead CA, alt-rock bassist (Switchfoot-“Dare You to Move”, “Meant to Live”)

1989 [23] Joe Jonas, Casa Grande AZ, former teen idol attempting to make it as a solo pop singer (“See No More”, Jonas Bros-“ Burnin’ Up”)/TV actor (“Jonas”, Camp Rock”)

1989 [23] Carlos Pena Jr, Columbia MO, TV actor (‘Carlos García’ on “Big Time Rush” since 2009)/boy-band pop singer (BTR-“Windows Down”, “Boyfriend”)

1990 [22] Jennifer Lawrence, Louisville KY, movie actress (‘Katniss Everdeen’ in “The Hunger Games”, “Winter’s Bone”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Best Friends Day”, a day to salute our BFFs for being there … when nobody else is.

• “Failures Day”, a day for to reflect on life’s accomplishments. Interesting to note that every successful person has had failures, but failures are no guarantee of success.

• “Independence Day” in India, celebrating separation from the United Kingdom in 1947.

• “Lemon Meringue Pie Day”. OK, we’re in! Just a small piece this time.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/3osh9j9

• “Relaxation Day”, a day to think about and encourage new forms of relaxation. Meditation? Yoga? Beer?

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1992 [20] “The Larry Sanders Show” debuts on HBO, starring Garry Shandling in a parody of a late night TV talk show

2000 [12] “Harry Potter & The Chamber of Secrets” goes on sale (book 2 in the series)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1969 [43] “The Woodstock Music & Art Fair” opens, attracting some 450,000 rock fans to watch 2 dozen bands on a wooden stage in the middle of Max Yasgur’s farm

1992 [20] “End Of the Road” by Boyz II Men peaks at #1 on pop singles chart and stays 13 weeks

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1877 [135] 1st use of the telephone greeting ‘Hello’ as Thomas Edison persuades his pal Alexander Graham Bell that it sounds better than the previously used ‘Ahoy!’ (try using ahoy on the phones throughout your show today)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2002 [10] ‘Slowest Police Chase on Record’ as cops in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania charge a 30-year-old man for public drunkenness after he’s spotted cruising down a street on a child’s Fisher Price Power Wheels car … at 3 mph

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Elvis Memorial Day
[Thurs] Stay Home With Your Kids Day
[Fri] “The Expendables 2”; “ParaNorman”; “Sparkle” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Thrift Shop Day
[Fri] Men’s Grooming Day
[Fri] Hug Your Boss Day
This Week Is … World Money Week
This Month Is … Psoriasis Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS

BS SIGNS YOU’RE A SHOPAHOLIC:
• You get a daily wake-up call from Costco.
• In his State-Of-the-Union address, President Obama thanks you for spurring economic growth.
• You were so moved by the book “12 Steps for Shopaholics”, you bought 11 more copies.
• Your last 4 serious relationships were with mall cops.
• In a private audience with the pope you ask, “Hey, how much for the big hat?”
• You’ve already dropped but somehow you continue to shop.
• VISA blisters.

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ Who’s the all-time best action hero in the movies?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: Relationship experts say new couples shouldn’t even think about doing THIS during their first 6 months.
Answer: Taking a vacation together.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Swallow your pride, it’s non-fattening.

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