May 1 2019

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Wednesday, May 1, 2019        Edition: #6442

Thanks a Sheetload for Choosing “BS”!

★ Luke Perry will continue to be an inspiration to generations to come after having a school named in his honor. Perry’s 19-year-old daughter, Sophie, has announced that the building, which she had helped construct in Malawi, has been named “Luke,” after her father. She wrote: “Thank you to everybody who donated to help with our projects! Our first school is finished and I can’t tell you how proud and excited I am to see it open on Wednesday.”
★ Now that it seems like almost everyone has seen the film and the veil of secrecy on “Avengers: Endgame” is starting to lift, star Chris Pratt shared an emotional video from a day on set — a behind-the-scenes cellphone video he was forbidden to take. In this clip shared to Instagram, he says, “This is a really illegal video”. The cellphone video shows much of the “Avengers” assembled together, some in makeup, some in plain clothes, including Chris Evans, Dave Bautista, Elizabeth Olson, Paul Rudd, Jeremy Renner, Chris Hemsworth, Benedict Cumberbatch, and more. Pratt said that while any video was restricted, he wasn’t about to let that stop him.
★ Calling all “SpongeBob SquarePants” super fans: It’s game time. Viacom Digital Studios is creating a game show based on the popular animated series. The “SpongeBob Smarty Pants Game Show” will debut later this year on Facebook and the SpongeBob-branded YouTube channel.
(And because you need to know, the “SpongeBob SquarePants” TV show debuted 20 years ago today!)
★ Larry King’s reps are denying a TMZ report that he went into cardiac arrest and suffered a heart attack on Thursday. The report said that King went into cardiac arrest on his way to the hospital to get an angiogram. Now, the story is that he did NOT have a heart attack, but he did experience angina (serious chest pain) prior to his scheduled angioplasty on Thursday. His people say that he is recovering in hospital and is expected to be back to work on his TV shows “soon.”
-TMZ, LarryKing
★ On the heels of a record-setting premiere, CBS All Access has ordered a second season of “The Twilight Zone” anthology series. The CBS All Access series is a modern reimagining of Rod Serling’s original, which aired from 1959-64 and became a worldwide phenomenon, using socially conscious storytelling to explore the human condition and culture of the times. The series features Jordan Peele as host and narrator.
★ Lucy Liu will be honored with the 2,662nd star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame this morning. For seven seasons, Liu co-starred in the highly praised drama series “Elementary” as “Dr. Joan Watson” alongside Jonny Lee Miller’s “Sherlock Holmes”.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Emilia Clarke, Dennis Quaid, Pink
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Alexander Skarsgård, Fontaines D.C.
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Mariska Hargitay, Thomas Middleditch, Hootie & the Blowfish
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Charlize Theron, Tim Robinson, Judah & the Lion, Valerie Franco
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Dr. Phil McGraw, Timothy Simons, Ashley Tisdale
• “Conan” (TBS): Tony Hale
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Tinsley Mortimer, June Diane Raphael
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Day of Hot Topics
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Charlize Theron, Linda Cardellini
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Blake Shelton
• “Survivor: Edge of Extinction” (CBS): One castaway gets caught red-handed rummaging through someone’s bag at camp. Also, castaways battle to win reward in the form of love when family members pay a visit.
• “2019 Billboard Music Awards” (NBC): Billboard celebrates the year’s best musical acts and more. Kelly Clarkson hosts. Performers include Taylor Swift and Brendon Urie, Mariah Carey, Ariana Grande, Khalid, Madonna, Paula Abdul, Dan + Shay and Tori Kelly Jonas Brothers and Kelly Clarkson.

• Billie Eilish – her “when We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?” album is back on top of the Billboard 200 album chart after hitting #1 on April 13, then dropping to #2 for two weeks. Khalid’s “Free Spirit” is #2 this week.
• Taylor Swift — went to ”cat school” for her role in the “Cats” movie so she could learn how to act like a feline as much as she ”possibly could”. She plays the flirty feline ‘Bombalurina’ in the live-action adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s iconic stage musical, which is set for release in December.
• Drake – is rapidly becoming known as “Canada’s coolest car collector.”  A new profile of his collection at shows 10 of his most impressive machines, including a Bentley Continental GTC V8 and the yellow Ferrari LaFerrari which can be seen in his ‘I’m Upset’ video.  LINK
• The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame — is commemorating the 50th anniversary of Woodstock with a special exhibit opening today. There will also be Woodstock theme nights with inductees and Woodstock performers Freddie Stone of Sly & The Family Stone and Michael Carabello of Santana.
• Rush – former frontman Geddy Lee has announced a series of in-store signing events in support of his “Geddy Lee’s Big Beautiful Book of Bass.”  The two-week series will hit 10 Canadian cities, starting in Victoria, BC on May 22 and wrapping up in Montreal on June 4.
• Ozzy Osbourne — has announced his rescheduled “No More Tours 2” dates after postponing shows due to a number of health problems.  He will begin a six-week run in Nottingham, UK on January 31, 2020, and wrap in Zurich, Switzerland on March 16.
• Billy Idol – will join Bryan Adams for a brief co-headlining US tour in August.  The 8-show, two week run opens in Gilford, NH on Aug. 1, and will wrap Aug. 12 in Bristow, VA.
• INXS – Supermodel Helena Christensen, who dated late singer Michael Hutchence for four years, says he developed a “dark, angry side” after he suffered a brain injury. His personality allegedly changed in 1992, after he was assaulted by a taxi driver and hit his head on the pavement.
• Madonna — is reportedly set to perform with holograms at the Billboard Music Awards tonight. It has been reported that her innovative show with Maluma will feature holographic images and green screen CGI as she gets placed in a virtual reality world.
• Peabo Bryson — who took home Grammys for performing the ‘Beauty and the Beast’ and ‘Aladdin’ themes — is recovering following a “mild heart attack” over the weekend. He is listed in stable condition and is awake and responsive, according to a rep.
• Blake Shelton — is opening a new event space at his bar and restaurant, the “Ole Red” location in his hometown of Tishomingo, OK. The addition will be called the “Doghouse”.
• Kacey Musgraves — After releasing ‘Me!’, his collaboration with Taylor Swift last week, Panic! at the Disco frontman Brendon Urie was asked in an “Ask Anything Chat” by a fan who he would like to do a CMT Crossroads episode with. His response: “Oh, dude, the first name that comes to mind is Kacey Musgraves.  “I’m a huge Kacey Musgraves fan.”

We’ve all heard the saying “happy wife, happy life” …and now it turns out there seems to be a lot of truth to it.  A new study says that if your wife or husband is a happy person, you are more likely to live a healthier and longer life.  Researchers looked at almost 4,500 couples in the U.S. and found that your spouse’s life satisfaction has more of an impact on your health than your own life satisfaction. They also found that couples tend to mirror each other’s behaviors (big surprise there…).  That means if your spouse is active, for example, you are likely to be active as well.  But that works both ways.  If your spouse has, shall we say, “couch potato inclinations”, you likely will as well.  While it has long been suggested that the happier couples are, the more longevity their marriage has, this study seems to prove that is indeed the case.
(And if you didn’t believe the phrase “happy wife, happy life” to be true before this, then I don’t believe that you’re married!)
(My problem is this:  The only thing that makes my wife happy is seeing me miserable!)
(It’s true that having a happy spouse helps you live longer.  You won’t be smothered in your sleep!)

Get set for the first new Kit Kat flavor in almost a decade.  And it’s minty.  The new flavor, “Kit Kat Duos” will feature the classic crispy wafer that we are all familiar with, wrapped in dark chocolate and coated in mint crème.  The base of the bar is the traditional chocolate brown color, while the tops of each Kit Kat finger are minty green. According to one of the lucky few to get their hands on a “preview” bar, it tastes different from most chocolate and mint combos, perhaps similar to the Andes Mints given out to diners at Olive Garden. Kit Kat Duos are expected to be available in December, and remain a permanent flavor, assuming they catch on.
(Believe me, if my wife has anything to say about it, it’ll be permanent!)
(You had me until you said dark chocolate…and mint crème…)
(Exactly what line of work do you have to be in to receive “free previews” of new chocolate bars?)

✗ They drink human blood:  Only a few species such as vampire bats feed on blood…usually that of cattle.  (And what if there don’t happen to be any cattle handy?)
✗ Bats are blind:  While their eyes are small and poorly developed, they work just fine. (They always seem to find their way into my attic…)
✗ They aren’t that important:  Like bees, bats are pollinators.  They disperse seeds that grow into bananas, avocados, and nearly 300 other plant species. (I understand they eat a few mosquitos too…)
✗ Bats can get tangled in hair:  While it may appear that they are swooping down at you and want to nest in your hair, they don’t. This was an old myth that was used to deter young girls from going out at night.
✗ All bats have rabies:  Only 5-6% of bats captured in the U.S. for testing were found to have rabies. (Tell that to Ozzy Osbourne!)
(The bat that got loose in our kitchen last week also busted the myth at our place that “Daddy never screams!”)

To communicate better with your kids, get on the same page and text them. That may come as a surprise to people who think cell phones pose one of the biggest road blocks to communicating with youth – but psychologist Dr. Catherine Steiner-Adair, author of the book “The Big Disconnect” – says it shows you’re willing to speak in their language. Text messages give kids a sense of self control. Psychologists say every child wants to feel independent and that’s hard to do when Mom & Dad are in their face all the time.
(So don’t Facetime them?)


1967 [52] Tim McGraw, Delhi LA, country singer (‘Humble and Kind’, ‘Live Like You Were Dying’)/movie actor (“The Blind Side”, “Friday Night Lights”)/Mr. Faith Hill since 1996

1969 [50] Wes Anderson, Houston TX, movie director (“The Grand Budapest Hotel”, “The Royal Tenenbaums”)

1972 [47] Julie Benz, Pittsburgh PA, TV actress (“Defiance” 2013-15, “Dexter” 2006-10)

1982 [37] Jamie Dornan, Holywood, Northern Ireland, movie actor (“Fifty Shades of Grey” trilogy)/TV actor (“Once Upon a Time” 2011-13)

1991 [28] Marcus Stroman, Medford, NY, MLB starting pitcher for the Toronto Blue Jays since 2014

• “May Day”, a traditional holiday celebration since ancient times. Since 1889, it’s been officially observed in some 66 countries as a “Labor Day” holiday.

• “Lei Day”, celebrated in Hawaii instead of May Day. It is a time to celebrate native Hawaiian culture. One of the most common flowers used in leis is the orchid.

• “Golf Day”, It’s time to pull those clubs out of storage, dust them off, and get ready to hit the green again!  Some say that Golf Day comes from this day in 1916, when the first professional golf tournament was held. Others claim that the first tubular steel golf club shaft was allowed to be used in championship play for the first time on this day. Whatever the case, get on your favorite Golf Sweater, it’s time to play hookie from work and tee off!

• “Mother Goose Day”, which actually honors many different writers. The term was first used in the title of the nursery rhyme collection “Mother Goose’s Melody” about 1765. The name caught on and nursery rhymes have been attributed to ‘Mother Goose’ ever since.

• “School Principals Day”. It’s a dirty job but some sadist has gotta do it! How do you remember how to spell ‘Principal’?  Just remember that he/she is always your ‘pal’!

• “Chocolate Parfait Day”.  Parfait literally means “perfect” in French! The American style layers parfait cream, ice cream and flavored gelatin in a tall, clear glass topped with whipped cream, fruit and liqueurs.

• “Law Day”. This day allows all Americans to reflect on the personal rights and liberties which are enjoyed and exercised daily.

• “Batman Day”, saluting the 1939 creation of the character as a comic strip hero in DC Comics. It’s been calculated it would take a person 15-to-18 years to do all the training they’d need to take on the job.

• “New Homeowner’s Day”. Congratulations, you’ll be debt-free in about 30 years! Got your repair manual yet?

[Thurs] Brothers and Sisters Day
[Thurs] National Day of Reason
[Fri] Garden Meditation Day
[Fri] No Pants Day

2009 [10] “X-Men” prequel “X-Men Origins: Wolverine”, starring Hugh Jackman, opens in movie theaters (grosses over $87 million in its first 3 days at the North American box office)

2000 [19] Destiny’s Child release their third album, “Survivor”, which is all about sisterhood and empowerment. It’s their first release with the lineup of Beyoncé, Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams.

2017 [02] Smashing Pumpkins’ Billy Corgan agrees to purchase the National Wrestling Alliance (NWA)

1939 [80] Batman, the creation of Bob Kane and Bill Finger, first appears in Detective Comics #27. He would star in his own comic book beginning in 1940

2011 [08] Barack Obama announces the death of elusive Al-Qaeda terrorist leader Osama bin Laden after a secret mission carried out by US Navy SEALs

2005 [14] Fishermen in northern Thailand catch a 293-kilo (646-lb), 2.7-m (8.9-ft) Mekong giant catfish, the ‘Largest Freshwater Fish’ ever recorded


✓ A person burns essentially the same number of calories whether they run or walk a mile.
✓ To burn off one plain M&M candy, a person would need to walk the entire length of a football field.
✓ On average, a person would need to walk seven hours to burn off a Super-Sized Coke, fries, and a Big Mac.
✓ In 1970, 66% of American children walked to school. Today, only 13% do.
✓ The longest walk around the world was completed by a man who walked 46,600 miles around 64 countries over the course of 11 years.
✓ A typical pair of tennis shoes will last 500 miles of walking.

• Dances With Wolverines
• Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Deadpool
• A Stark is Born
• Jurassic Parker
• Loki Who’s Talking
• Groot Expectations
• Romancing the Infinity Stone
• Fantastic Four Weddings and a Funeral
• The Daredevil Wears Prada
• Stan By Lee

Best of BS . . .
• BARD – verb. Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow.”
Usage: “My brother bard my pickup truck.”
• JAWJUH – noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.
Usage: “My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck.”
• MUNTS – noun. A calendar division.
Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain’t herd
from him in munts.”
• TAR – noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: “Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn’t git a
flat tar in my pickup truck.”
• RANCH – noun. A tool.
Usage: “I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my
brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago.”
• ALL – noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: “I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck.”
• FAR – noun. A conflagration.
Usage: “If my brother from Jawjuh doesn’t change the all in my
pickup truck, that things gonna catch far.”
• BAHS – noun. A supervisor.
Usage: “If you don’t stop reading these Southern words and git back
to work, your bahs is gonna far you!”
-Jokes2go, first published in ‘BS’ in 2017

What’s something that will always be in fashion, no matter how much time passes?

I’d be willing to bet that the gambling addiction hotline would work better if every fifth caller was a winner.

Question:  5% of men do THIS to impress a date? What is it?
Answer:  Grow stubble

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment


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