Monday, February 6, 2012 Edition: #4684
“BS” – The Most Touchdowns in Show Prep!
WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• On Friday LA Reid signed a new contract to stay on for a 2nd season of Simon Cowell’s TV talent show “The X Factor”. That makes him the only original judge kept on by Cowell. It is not yet known who will replace the ousted judges and host Steve Jones, although it is speculated that Mariah Carey is being lined up as a potential new addition.
– E! News
• Meantime, a NYC tabloid is reporting that Beyoncé’s being wooed by Simon Cowell to join the revamped judging panel of “The X Factor”. Insiders say it might not be such a longshot as she’s interested in staying home with her baby daughter for a few years, and a high-profile TV gig would keep her in the public eye. Cowell is rumored to be offering her a mind-blowing $100 million per year.
– “NY Post”
• Actress Demi Moore has finally checked into a rehab center following her hospitalization last month when she was admitted to ER suffering from semi-conscious convulsions. Now she’s reportedly at the $1,000-a-night Cirque Lodge in Sundance, Utah. A source says she’s ‘on total lockdown and only talking to a small group of people’. That’s the same drug & alcohol treatment center where Lindsay Lohan got up to hijinks during her 2007 attempt at rehab … her 3rd try.
• “Glee” creator-producer Ryan Murphy used to date “Twilight” director Bill Condon. Murphy subsequently wrote a screenplay about the relationship when they split, entitled “Why Can’t I Be Audrey Hepburn?” Word has it that it was purchased by Steven Spielberg.
• Actor Gary Dourdan’s ex-girlfriend is suing the former “CSI” star for allegedly breaking her nose. Nicole Cannizzaro has already won a restraining order against Dourdan following a fight in November and now she’s filed an assault & battery lawsuit in LA. She claims he attacked her while she was gathering her belongings from his apartment following a spat at a grocery store. She’s seeking unspecified damages. Sounds like she already got some.
• Pippa Middleton had the press speculating last year when, following her split with boyfriend Alex Louden, she went straight up to Alnwick in the northern UK county of Northumberland to spend a weekend with old Edinburgh University pal George Percy. Now it seems that it’s official; the sister of the Duchess of Cambridge (Kate Middleton) is dating Percy, heir to the Duke Of Northumberland’s land (circa 100,000 acres) and money (thought to be some $500 million).
– “The Sun”
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated) – Miley Cyrus (“Can’t Be Tamed”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC) – Pitbull (“Planet Pit”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – fun (“Aim & Ignite”); Ziggy Marley (“Wild & Free”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Die Antwoord (“Ten$Ion”, out tomorrow).
• “Smash” (NBC) – Premiere of a new series set behind-the-scenes of a Broadway show. Steven Spielberg spent 5 years trying to get this drama to air as the concept initially failed to win over TV network executives. Stars Debra Messing, Anjelica Huston, and Katherine McPhee.
• “The Voice” (NBC) – Hopeful vocalists again audition for a spot in the competition.
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Adam Lambert – It looks like his rumored tour with Queen is still just a rumor. He’s now refuting a “Daily Star” report suggesting he’ll hit the road this Summer with original members Brian May and Roger Taylor to play a string of dates.
• Black Keys – Tonight they premiere their new video for “Gold On the Ceiling” during the TV special “MTV First: The Black Keys”. Immediately following the clip’s debut, the duo of Dan Auerbach & Patrick Carney sit down for a 30-minute interview that will stream on MTV.com.
• Carrie Underwood – May 1st has been set as the release date for her upcoming new album. The as-yet-untitled release will include the single “Good Girl” (out February 23rd).
• Jay-Z – Tonight & tomorrow night he’s headlining a pair of charity concerts at NYC’s Carnegie Hall, with all proceeds benefitting the Shawn Carter Scholarship Foundation and the United Way of New York City.
• Kanye West – He’s reportedly planning another short art film, à la his 30-minute video for “Runaway”, that will be filmed somewhere in the Persian Gulf. “NY Observer” says he’s looking to ‘bridge the cultural divide and break misconceptions’. None of this has been confirmed as yet.
• Lady Gaga – She’s currently plotting her next tour and is promising to tweet an advance peek at the set design tomorrow (Tuesday). She’s also putting the set-list together which will be ‘reflective’ of the “Born This Way” album.
• Neil Young – In a new “Rolling Stone” interview, he’s confirmed he’s making 2 new albums with his old band Crazy Horse. One, titled “Americana”, is already completed. He says it is made up of rearrangements of ‘songs we all know from kindergarten’, with help from a children’s choir.
• Willow Smith – Pictures uploaded online show that the 11-year-old is now … completely bald! No reason has surfaced for the shaven head but “Whip My Hair” is apparently something she’s no longer interested in.
TRUE HOLLYWOOD CASTING CALLS:
The following recent casting agent breakdowns are presented absolutely verbatim, with all the humiliating bits intact …
• “Movie promo (rate TBD). Male, 50-to-70, American Indian, Caucasian, East Indian, Middle Eastern, ethnically ambiguous, multi-ethnic. Looking for men whose eyes fall down to the tops of their cheeks.”
• “Mischa Barton movie (TBD). Men, 40-to-45, Caucasian. Actors to play dead people who are in a room when Mischa walks in. They would preferably be gaunt, skinny, even sickly looking as they have died from old age or a disease. Need to be OK with being painted white.”
• “Feature film (TBD). Male, 18-to-45, all ethnicities. Male actors will be wearing masks with no shirts. They will be creepy killers.”
• “JCPenney Commercial ($500 plus $1500 plus 20% usage fee). Male, 20-to-50, all ethnicities. Seeking little people who are cool with playing a Leprechaun.”
• “Industrial Film ($300). Father, 40-45 years, with a 6-to-8-year-old son. Interesting faces and features. Will be naked and bouncing on a trampoline for the shoot. Scars, tattoos, piercings OK.”
– QMI Agency
A PATTERN OF BALDNESS:
Interesting that the leadership of Russia seems to follow a precise pattern in that a slaphead is always followed by a hairy man. Witness the progression …
✓ Lenin (baldy) > Stalin (hairy).
✓ Krushchev (baldy) > Brezhnev (hairy).
✓ Andropov (baldy) > Chernyenko (hairy).
✓ Gorbachev (baldy) > Yeltsin (hairy).
✓ Putin (baldy) > Medvedev (hairy).
So in the upcoming March 4th election? Probably Putin (baldy) again.
TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• A naturist group called Free Beaches is inviting New Zealanders to cast off their inhibitions and enjoy skinny-dipping by moonlight to mark tomorrow’s Full Moon, ‘when the great ivory ball creates a silver, rippling path across the dark blue sea’. Complaints about the planned nudist gathering at Peka Peka beach are being investigated by none other than … Sergeant Bigwood.
• Who knew lard could last for 64 years? A German man decided to gobble down some of the stuff that had been part of an aid package sent in 1948 as post-World War II relief. 87-year-old Hans Feldmeier, a retired pharmacist from Rostock, got the can of Swift’s Bland Lard tested by food-safety experts first … and then dug in. He didn’t say why.
• Inmates at a Vermont correctional institution’s print shop have managed to sneak an image of a pig into the state police crest that gets emblazoned on police cars. Officials admit that 30 of the cruisers have been sporting the prank design … for the past year! A spokesman says the 60 door decals will be removed ‘as soon as it is practical’.
FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 57% of us will tell someone they have food wedged between their teeth. (12% will say it even if there isn’t.)
• 42% of men clean their navels every day. (13% are saving up for a sweater.)
• 39% of 18-to-34-year-olds claim they would quit their jobs if Facebook was blocked. (What, and have to do some work?)
• 23% of TV viewers watched something other than the Super Bowl yesterday. (Did you see those hilarious cat attacks on “America’s Funniest Home Videos”? Priceless!)
• 8% of men admit they have checked sports scores during church. (And discovered their team didn’t have a prayer.)
• 2% of single women will get engaged before the end of February. (Almost all on Valentine’s Day.)
FOR THE RECORD:
✓ The University of Alberta’s gymnasium in Edmonton was the scene of a new Guinness World Record for dodgeball on Friday as more than 1,250 spongy red balls flew between 4,979 players for about an hour. It’s the 3rd time since 2010 that the U of A has set a new record in the event. (These people have got a lot of balls.)
– QMI Agency
✓ Over 17,000 mostly beer-fueled spectators packed a Philadelphia arena Friday for the 20th annual “Wing Bowl”, an annual eating extravaganza organized by Sports Radio 94 WIP. 127-lb Takeru Kobayashi of Japan walked away with the $20,000-prize after devouring a total of 337 chicken wings during the 30-minute contest. That easily smashed the previous record of 255. (Asked how he did it, Kobayashi said, “Erp!!!”)
BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Newt Gingrich’s name at birth was Newton Leroy McPherson.
– “Los Angeles Times”
• Twitter is said to be more addictive than cigarettes.
– “The Guardian”
BS CHRONOMETER 02.06.12
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1917  Zsa Zsa Gabor, Budapest, Hungary, movie actress who refuses to die (“The Naked Gun 2-and-a-Half: The Smell of Fear”, “Moulin Rouge” )
● BS FACTOID: She’s been married 9 times, including Conrad Hilton 1942-47 which technically makes her Paris Hilton’s step-great-grandmother.
1962  Axl Rose (William Bruce Rose Jr), Lafayette IN, rock singer (Guns N Roses-“Chinese Democracy”, “Sweet Child O’ Mine”)
1962  Richie McDonald, Lubbock TX, country singer (“How Do I Just Stop”, Lonestar-“Tell Her”)
● BS FACTOID: Lonestar is reuniting for a 2012 tour beginning February 26th at Wembley Arena in London, England.
1966  Rick Astley, Newton-le-Willows UK, 1980s pop singer (“Never Gonna Give You Up”, “Together Forever”) who became the subject of the popular Internet meme called ‘rickrolling’
1985  Kris Humphries, Minneapolis MN, NBA basketball player (New Jersey Nets)/infamously wed to reality TV star Kim Kardashian for 72 days (August 20-October 31, 2011)
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Chinese Lantern Festival”, celebrated on the 15th day of the 1st lunar month on the Chinese calendar since the Han Dynasty over 2000 years ago. It’s traditionally when children go out at night carrying bright lanterns. It’s also known as ‘Little New Year’ since it marks the end of the series of celebrations starting with “Chinese New Year”. Koreans celebrate this festival as “Daeboreum”.
• “Pay-A-Compliment Day”, the 18th annual observance that encourages us to focus on telling people how much we appreciate their presence in our lives.
• “Reggae Day”, in celebration of the spirit of the music made popular worldwide by Bob Marley, who was born on this day in 1945 (died May 11, 1981). It’s celebrated as “Bob Marley Day” in Rastafarianism (Jamaica and Ethiopia).
• “Waitangi Day” in New Zealand (aka “New Zealand Day”), commemorating the signing of a treaty in 1840 by a group of Maori chiefs and the British Government. It’s a national holiday.
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2003  ABC-TV’s “20/20” features Martin Bashir’s British TV documentary “Living With Michael Jackson” in which he admits he has ‘sleep-overs’ with young boys
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1932  1st ‘Olympic Dogsled Race’ as Canada & the US participate in demonstration sport at Lake Placid, New York
1952  Queen Elizabeth II ascends to the British throne (thereby assuring Helen Mirren of an Academy Award)
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1990  Steve Briers recites the lyrics of Queen’s album “A Night At the Opera” backwards in 9 minutes 58.44 seconds on BBC4 in London, a world record for backwards talking
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Full ‘Snow’ Moon
[Tues] Ballet Day
[Tues] Wave All Your Fingers at Your Neighbors Day
[Wed] Boy Scout Anniversary Day
[Wed] Laugh & Get Rich Day
[Wed] Opera Day
THIS WEEK IS . . .
Boy Scout Anniversary Week / Children’s Authors & Illustrators Week / Congenital Heart Defect Awareness Week / Dump Your Significant Jerk Week / Freelance Writers Appreciation Week / Green Week / Have a Heart For a Chained Dog Week / International Coaching Week / International Friendship Week / International Networking Week / Just Say No to PowerPoint Week / Publicity for Profit Week / Risk Awareness Week / School Counseling Week
BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 18 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS THINGS OVERHEARD AT THE SUPER BOWL PARTY:
● “Hey! Who left their glass eye in the chip dip?”
● “Why are we watching golf?”
● “I don’t care what you say, they should never have benched Victor Cruz to put in Madonna!”
● “Bill Belichick has film of you in the shower.”
● “Excuse me, could you lift your head out of my pizza?”
● “If the Giants beat the spread, we get to keep the house.”
● “The clam dip has been unrefrigerated since the NFC Championship.”
● “Wow! Almost as much vomit as St Patrick’s Day!”
● “Surprise! Welcome to your intervention!”
– First published in “BS” 1999.
BS WEB GOODIE:
How long would it take Mitt Romney to earn your salary? Find out using the calculator here …
BS RANDOM JOKE:
What’s invisible and smells like worms? Bird farts.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: In America, Super Bowl weekend is the slowest weekend of the year for THIS.
Answer: Weddings. (But likely not divorces!)
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone have your way.
NOW ON OUR SHEET LIST:
Natasha Chewe Mulenga @ Hone FM, Lusaka, Zambia; Rilee James @ She 106.3 [KZLK] Rapid City SD; Evaristo Kavikairiua @ NBC National Radio, Windhoek, Namibia; Madison Ellen @ NR92 Radio, Northern Alberta Institute of Technology, Edmonton AB, Canada.