Monday, May 13, 2019  Edition: #6450

If You Can’t Dazzle Them with Brilliance, Baffle Them With Bull!

BS SUBSCRIBER NOTE:
“The Bull Sheet” will not be publishing on Monday, May 20 to observe the Canadian ‘Victoria Day’ holiday.  All subscribers will receive credit for the missed service day.  The Bull Sheet will resume publication on Tuesday, May 21.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Renee Zellweger is set to release her first-ever solo album for the “Judy” soundtrack. She stars as the late actress and musical theatre legend Judy Garland in the upcoming biopic, and has recorded her own renditions of Garland’s much-loved hits, including‎ ‘Get Happy’ from 1950’s “Summer Stock”, and ‘Come Rain or Come Shine’ and ‘Over the Rainbow’ (of course) from “The Wizard of Oz”, which she recorded at the iconic Abbey Road Studios in London. “Judy The Original Soundtrack” will be released on September 27, the same day as the film (Oct. 4 in the UK).
-ContactMusic
★ Alyssa Milano is calling on women to abstain from sex amid a flurry of bills aimed at curtailing abortion. On Friday, she tweeted: “Our reproductive rights are being erased. Until women have legal control over our bodies, we just cannot risk pregnancy. JOIN ME by not having sex until we get bodily autonomy back. I’m calling for a #SexStrike. Pass it on.” The tweet from Milano, who was instrumental in sparking the #MeToo movement, followed recently passed legislation to restrict abortion in Georgia and similar proposals in Ohio, Alabama and other states.
-PageSix
★ Academy Award winner Russell Crowe will star in “Unhinged,” a psychological thriller which will start production July 15 in New Orleans. “Unhinged” takes an ordinary, everyday incident to its most terrifying conclusion in telling the story of a mother who leans on her horn at the wrong time, to the wrong guy (played by Crowe). Crowe recently starred in “Boy Erased” and will also show up soon in “The True History of the Kelly Gang” and Showtime’s limited series “The Loudest Voice.”
-TheWrap
★ “Power Rangers” star Pua Magasiva, who played the Red Ranger, died on Saturday morning in New Zealand. Police called it a “sudden death” but neither they nor his spokesperson were specific. Magasiva appeared on “Power Rangers Ninja Storm” and played Red Wind Ranger, Shane Clarke. The actor was more recently a radio host but left the job last month after being charged with DUI.
-TMZ
★ Peggy Lipton, a star of the groundbreaking late 1960s TV show “The Mod Squad” and the 1990s show “Twin Peaks,” died of cancer on Saturday. She was 72. She married music producer Quincy Jones in 1974, and they had two daughters. The couple divorced in 1989. A statement says Lipton died surrounded by her family, her daughters, Kidada and Rashida Jones. Rashida is known for her roles on “Parks and Recreation” and “The Office”.
-Yahoo

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Tom Brady, David Benioff, D.B. Weiss (R)
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Milo Ventimiglia, Pete Buttigieg, Morrissey
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Anthony Anderson, Jason Mantzoukas, Rep. Rashida Tlaib, Johnny Radelat
• ” The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Lisa Kudrow, Will Forte, Jason Sudeikis
• “Conan” (TBS): Maya Erskine, Anna Konkle
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): RuPaul, Anjelica Huston
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Sen. Tom Cotton
• “The Talk” (CBS): Ana Gasteyer, Cece Valencia, guest co-host Jennifer Love Hewitt
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Jimmy Kimmel, Bill Hader, Ali Stroker from the Broadway cast of “Oklahoma”
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Sterling K. Brown, Christopher Abbott
• “The Bachelorette” (ABC): Season 15 premiere
• “9-1-1” (FOX) Season 2 finale
• “Arrow” (CW) Season 7 finale

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Drake — is now the proud owner of a $185 million Boeing 767 cargo plane. He posted a video of the aircraft’s unveiling on his Instagram on Friday, captioning the post “Nothing was the same for real…” The plane, which has been converted into his own private “Air Drake,” features his OVO Sound logo on its exterior as well as leather sofas, chairs and a bar.
• Ariana Grande – has been named the new face of Givenchy. The French luxury brand chose her for how she “embodies the spirit of the Givenchy woman with impertinence, generosity and a lightning wit — all cloaked in a touch of mystery.” The full fall-winter 2019 campaign starring Grande will be unveiled in July.
• John Lennon – His personal copy of a Beatles LP that sparked controversy due to its graphic cover has gone under the hammer for $234,000 – the third-highest price ever paid for a vinyl record. The “butcher” cover of “Yesterday and Today” showed the iconic band covered in raw meat and decapitated baby dolls before it was withdrawn from sale in 1966.
• Mick Jagger — has reportedly been given the all-clear by doctors following his emergency heart operation. The Rolling Stones were forced to cancel gigs on their U.S. tour as the 75-year-old underwent surgery in New York last month. The rescheduled dates on their No Filter trek, which was due to begin in April in Miami, are yet to be announced.
• Tom Cochrane – will be among the acts to play a charity festival at Kingston Penitentiary, the Ontario prison that housed some of Canada’s most dangerous criminals before it closed in 2013. “Rockin’ the Big House” will also feature The Trews, The Headstones and members of The Tragically Hip and The Pursuit of Happiness.  A crowd of about 2,500 is expected on Sept. 14.
• Guns N’ Roses – have filed a trademark infringement lawsuit against Colorado-based Oskar Blues Brewery, which sells “Guns ‘N’ Rosé” beer and merchandise, and bandanas the group says are associated with singer Axl Rose. The complaint says Oskar Blues applied to trademark Guns ‘N’ Rosé last year but abandoned the effort after the band objected.
• Brett Young – is celebrating his fifth consecutive No. 1 with his latest single, ‘Here Tonight’. The song is the debut single from his “Ticket to L.A.” album, and was written by Young, along with Lady Antebellum’s Charles Kelley, and Ben Caver and Justin Ebach.
• Maren Morris – will play a free show with Lindsay Ell and Tenille Townes to celebrate female empowerment. The June 3 concert, at Nashville’s Marathon Music Works, is being billed as a call to action for more female representation in the country genre.

LESS PARTY:
The party supply store “Party City” has announced plans to close 45 locations, amid a global helium shortage. Although helium, a non-renewable resource, is the second-most abundant resource in our galaxy, supplies are finite on earth, and Party City is struggling to find enough of the gas to keep up with demand. The Earth holds pockets of helium buried under rock, but it’s notoriously hard to capture because it, well, floats. Aside from being used to fill balloons, helium is also used in respiratory treatments for asthma, bronchitis and other lung deficiencies, and in MRIs and welding. There are 870 Party City locations across Canada and the U.S.
(If we run out of that stuff, how am I going to do my famous Mickey Mouse impersonation?)
(On the plus side, if we run out of helium, no child will ever again lose his balloon…)
(If the stuff is needed for medical treatment, and it is a limited resource, why the heck are we filling balloons with it?)
-CNN

CHALLENGE UNACCEPTED:
The latest totally-useless and possibly harmful internet challenge is…The Cockroach Challenge! Yes, for those who lived through the Tide Pod challenge, the Chubby Bunny Challenge, the Cinnamon Challenge and maybe even the Mannequin Challenge, now you can try the Cockroach Challenge. What do you do?  The Cockroach Challenge has people putting live cockroaches on their faces, taking a selfie, and sharing it on social media.  Apparently, the fad started when a young man from Myanmar posted a photo of himself with a large cockroach on his face and the caption: New challenge, can you do this?” It quickly went viral, although so far only in a few countries.  Even though cockroaches are only as dirty as the environment they are living in, putting them on your face isn’t recommended. Their saliva, feces and shedding body parts can trigger both allergies and asthma.
(Do you suppose people taking a pic with a cockroach on their face still worry about all the usual “selfie rules”…like primping their hair, having a proper backlight, catching their best side, puckering those lips, using the correct filter, shooting from and angle…taking 10 or 15 shots and choosing the best one….)
(Where I grew up, I would have had to swat 3 roaches OFF my face to do this!)
-OddityCentral

GRAMMATICAL ERRORS THAT EVEN SMART PEOPLE MAKE
✗ “I could care less”:  Should be “I couldn’t care less,” which means that you flat out don’t care at all. (Including about correct grammar).
✗ “For all intensive purposes”:  The correct expression is “for all intents and purposes.” It came from an old English law that used the phrase “to all intents, constructions, and purposes.”
✗ “Peaked my interest” (P-E-A-K-E-D):  The correct saying is “piqued my interest (P-I-Q-U-E-D),” where “piqued” means “aroused or excited.”
✗ “Honed in”:  You may think you are honed in on your end-of-quarter presentation, but you’re not. You are homed in. “Hone” means to sharpen. (I’ve also been “homed in” after a bad snowstorm…)
✗ “Deep-seeded”:  The right way to describe something that is firmly established at a deep or profound level is “deep-seated”. (Unless you are talking about planting tomatoes…)
-Reader’sDigest

DID YOU KNOW?
Japan is introducing new traffic laws to deal with the fad of dress-up go-kart tours on the streets of Tokyo. Tourists who go on the tours dressed as characters from the “Mario Kart” video games will have to wear seatbelts in the future. Due to a legal loophole, go-carts are currently classified as both scooters and four-wheel cars. Scooter drivers are not required to wear seatbelts, and drivers of cars don’t need a helmet.
-BBC

BS CHRONOMETER 05.13.19

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1950 [69] Stevie Wonder (Steveland Morris), Saginaw MI, singer-songwriter (‘Superstition’, ‘You are the Sunshine of My Life’)/over 30 top 10 hits & 25 Grammy Awards/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1989)

1961 [58] Dennis Rodman, retired basketball player (won a total of 5 NBA titles between his time with the Detroit Pistons and Chicago Bulls)/retired wrestler and actor/friend and visitor of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un

1964 [55] Stephen Colbert, Washington DC, TV host (“Late Show” since 2015, “The Colbert Report” 2005-14)/comedy writer-reporter (“Daily Show” 1997-2005)

1966 [53] Darius Rucker, Charleston SC, country singer (‘Wagon Wheel’)/rock singer (Hootie & the Blowfish-‘Only Wanna Be With You’)

1979 [40] Mickey Madden, Austin TX, pop bassist (Maroon 5-‘Moves Like Jagger’)

1985 [34] Iwan Rheon, Carmarthen, Wales, TV actor (‘Mick Mars’ In “The Dirt” 2019, “Game of Thrones” 2013-16)

1986 [33] Lena Dunham, NYC, TV comedy creator-writer-actress (‘Hannah Horvath’ on “Girls” 2012-17)

1986 [33] Robert Pattinson, London UK, movie actor (“Twilight Saga”) COMING UP…”The Lighthouse”, 2019

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Hummus Day”, celebrated on May 13th since 2012 to salute the spread made from cooked, mashed chickpeas blended with tahini, olive oil, lemon juice, salt, and garlic. (The stuff also makes a good wall spackling.)

• “Leprechaun Day”, dedicated to the wee elves of Ireland. According to folklore, if you catch one, he has to give you his pot of gold.

• “Tulip Day”, celebrated in several countries to welcome Spring. It’s a good excuse to drop by your favorite florist and pick up a tulip bouquet, but don’t expect their floral scent to enhance your home … tulips are virtually fragrance-free.

• “Accounting Day”, an annual observance to promote the profession and provide an opportunity for networking among accountants in public practice, industry, and government.
BS ACCOUNTANT JOKES:
☞  How can you tell if an accountant is extroverted?  He looks at YOUR shoes while he’s talking to you instead of his own.
☞ Why do accountants look forward to the weekends? Because they can wear casual clothes to work.
☞ If an accountant’s wife can’t sleep what does she say? “Darling, tell me about your work.”
☞ What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? The accountant knows he’s boring.

• “Apple Pie Day”, The first apple pie recipe was printed in England in 1381. Ingredients included good apples, good spices, figs, raisins, pears, saffron and cofyn (a type of pastry crust).

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Dance Like a Chicken Day
[Tues] Buttermilk Biscuit Day
[Wed] Straw Hat Day
[Wed] National Chocolate Chip Day
This Week Is…National Salvation Army Week
This Month Is…Motorcycle Awareness Month

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2004 [15] The final episode of “Frasier” on NBC is watched by 33 million people

2012 [07] After 8 seasons, the Final episode of ABC-TV’s “Desperate Housewives” airs

2013 [06] Actress Angelina Jolie reveals in an op-ed piece in “New York Times” that she’s undergone a double mastectomy to reduce her risk of breast cancer

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1996 [23] Oasis become the fastest selling group in UK history after all 330,000 tickets for their summer shows sell out in just nine hours.

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1958 [61] The trademark “Velcro” is registered

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2012 [07] Following a record $207 million opening the week before, “The Avengers” pulls in another $103.2 million, making it the 1st film to surpass $100 million in its 2nd weekend

BULL’S BITS

BS WACK FACTS:
✓ In 2015, a woman who was missing for a decade and presumed dead was found living in an internet cafe after playing games for 10 years.
✓ Chinese students can get 7 years in jail for cheating on exams.
✓ In 2010, the Iranian government banned certain “decadent western hairstyles” including ponytails, mullets and elaborate spikes.
✓ A “batman” was a unit of weight in the Ottoman Empire.
✓ There are two U.S. states where the temperature has never surpassed 100 °F:  Alaska and Hawaii.
✓ In France, Germany, Austria, Spain and the Netherlands, they serve beer at McDonald’s.
-WhattheFFacts

BS BANDS WITH TYPOS:
• Bob Seger & the Silver Mullet Band
• Jane’s Addition
• Men at Twerk
• Men Without Hits
• Picnic! at the Disco
• Sly & the Family Store
• Runs in Hoses
• The Grateful Dad
• Moron 5
• Typo Negative
• (***Caution***) The Dookie Brothers
-Twitter

Best of BS . . .
BS WAYS TO MAKE NHL PLAYOFFS MORE EXCITING FOR NON-HOCKEY FANS:
● Only guys named ‘Stanley’ get to wear a cup.
● New snack bar item … players’ missing teeth dipped in fudge.
● Make players dress up as their favorite ‘Disney’ character.
● Goalie gloves full of angry hornets.
● Sharpen players’ sticks to a point.
● Zamboni cleans ice DURING the 3rd period.
● Naked penalty shots.
– First published in ‘BS’ 1998

BS PHONE STARTER:
What were you most unprepared for when you first moved out on your own?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Be careful with those weight-loss websites…they keep asking you to accept cookies.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: 90% of us admit we do THIS, but 80% won’t do it if anyone else is around.
Answer: Sing in the car. (Women and redheads are most likely to.)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Not everything that weighs you down is yours to carry.