Thursday, June 2, 2016 – Edition: #5744
Ahhhh, It’s Your Daily Bovine Colonic!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Former “Downton Abbey” actor Dan Stevens is lined up to star in “Legion”, an upcoming 8-part FX-TV series based on the “X-Men” franchise that debuted in comic books in 1985. Stevens plays ‘David Haller’, a diagnosed schizophrenic who discovers the voices he hears and the visions he sees just might be real. The drama co-stars Aubrey Plaza (“Parks & Recreation”) and Jean Smart (“Fargo”). It’s set to debut in early 2017.
– “Hollywood Reporter”
★ A friend of Amber Heard has now come forward claiming that the actress “feared for her life” after one particularly terrifying argument with her spouse Johnny Depp. After receiving a text from Heard following the incident last December, the friend says she went to Heard’s apartment and found her with “a cut and bruised lip, a swollen eye, and a chunk of hair missing from the top of her head”. At the time Heard allegedly claimed an intoxicated Depp had tried to suffocate her with a pillow. Depp has made the decision not to comment on any of these claims.
– “New York Post”
★ Late standup comedian George Carlin is coming back from the grave to welcome visitors to NYC’s new National Museum of Comedy. The family-friendly museum’s ‘Blue Room’ is being designed for adults-only and will feature outrageous uncensored recorded performances by outstanding comics, including Richard Pryor, Lenny Bruce, and – in hologram form – George Carlin performing in a reconstructed comedy club. The Carlin estate is partly sponsoring the museum, and has offered up access to the comedian’s archives. The venue opens next year.
– ContactMusic.com
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Parquet Courts (“Human Performance”). Rerun.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Pre-NBA game special has Mariah Carey; the late night edition features Snoop Dogg.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Empress Of (“Me”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Iggy Azalea (“Digital Distortion”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – The Strumbrellas (“We Still Move on Dance Floors”). Rerun.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Grimes (“Art Angels”). Rerun.
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Adele – If you are lucky enough to get Adele tickets, don’t bring a tripod to the show … she doesn’t like it. The singer centered out a fan at a recent stop in Verona, Italy during her world tour. Quote: “If you can see this for real why would you film it?”
• Brantley Gilbert – His 22-date “Take It Outside” tour kicks off tonight in Mansfield MA. It ends in October.
• Cole Swindell – He’s now sporting a bruised face after taking a nasty fall over a table and poking his right eye.
• Keith Urban – His 2016 tour starts tonight in Bonner Springs KS and runs through November in Brooklyn NY. Brett Eldredge, and newcomer Maren Morris open the shows.
• The Who – 72-year-old frontman Roger Daltrey tells “Rolling Stone” he’s working on a memoir but says he doesn’t care how long it takes and promises he’ll only release it if it’s a good book. He won’t sign a publishing deal, he adds, because he doesn’t care about the money.
• Wiz Khalifa – The 28-year-old rapper has filed a lawsuit this week against former manager Benjy Grinberg for profiting at his expense. According to the legal documents, Grinberg and his Rostrum Records label behaved as “faithless fiduciaries in direct contravention of their obligations to him”. Ooh, that sounds bad. Wiz signed with Rostrum when he was just 16.
COMING ATTRACTIONS:
A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Can You Ever Forgive Me?” – Melissa McCarthy is starring in this new film based on Lee Israel’s memoir. McCarthy is playing Israel herself, who took to forging famous people’s letters to make ends meet. In 1993, she pleaded guilty to conspiracy to transport stolen property and served 6 months of house arrest. She died in 2014. Shooting begins early next year.
• “Doc Savage” – 44 year old Dwayne Johnson is set to make a move into the world of superhero movies for the first time, playing the title role in writer-director Shane Black’s upcoming film. Johnson says he’s excited to take on the part of “the world’s first superhero”, who’s said to have inspired the character ‘Superman’.
• “Game Night” – Jason Bateman is a producer and the film is being viewed as a possible starring vehicle for him. The plot centers on a group of couples who gather for their regular game night when something goes murderously wrong. Jonathan Goldstein & John Francis Daley, who wrote and directed 2015’s “Vacation”, pick up the same duties on this project.
• “Mary Poppins Returns” – Disney’s sequel has a release date of December 25, 2018. Brit actress Emily Blunt & Lin-Manuel Miranda (Broadway hit musical “Hamilton”) are starring in the Rob Marshall-directed film. The title character was first introduced to the world in PL Travers’ 1934 book, which Disney adapted into the 1964 movie starring Julie Andrews & Dick Van Dyke.
• “Who Invited Her?” – Amy Schumer is producing along with Kim Caramele, her sister and a producer on Comedy Central’s “Inside Amy Schumer”. The comedy centers on of an overbearing woman who forces her way into her male best friend’s bachelor party. The increasingly busy Schumer next shoots an untitled mother-daughter comedy with Goldie Hawn.
ANOTHER DUMB INVENTION:
If you really can’t stay off Facebook, you can now buy shoes that cut off your access. The ‘In Good Company’ smart shoe has been designed by footwear company Anatomic & Co and computer scientists from University College London. A Bluetooth transmitter in the sole of the shoe links up with an app that allows you to set times to lock and unlock your phone’s access to the Internet. You can also choose to block certain apps, so that you still have access to Google Maps, your work email, or whatever else you deem necessary while shutting off distracting notifications from the likes of Twitter or Instagram. (Do you really need special shoes to be able to shut off your phone and enjoy the company of your fellow humans?)
– PSFK.com
WILT-FREE FLOWERS:
Agri-giant Monsanto may be out to conquer a new area of the plant world: Commercial flowers. The company has applied for a patent on a technique that could make it dramatically easier to sell and ship flowers … by preventing them from wilting. The general idea is to interfere with flowers’ ability to make the odorless gas ethylene, which plays a role in the blooming and ripening process. Monsanto scientists think they can manipulate plant genetics, raising the possibility of creating flowers that, quote, “bloom on command”. The implications are huge, given the massive global market for fresh flowers and the pricey logistics of getting them to market while they’re still fresh. (First we had ‘Frankenfood’, now ‘Frankenflowers’.)
– CNBC.com
BS THINGS THAT GET WEIRDER THE MORE YOU THINK ABOUT THEM:
• Beef Cat Food – Cats are eating cows. Humans have really altered the food chain.
• French Kissing – You put your tongue in someone’s mouth and wiggle it around.
• Pets – You take an animal against its will and it develops Stockholm Syndrome toward you.
• Jellyfish – They’re 97% water!
• Age – You’re simultaneously older than you’ve ever been and the youngest you’ll ever be.
• The Human Brain – It named itself.
• Life – Everything living is dying.
• Eggs – Think about it … unborn chickens in your cake.
• Traffic – While hurtling around in huge machines we obey paint and colored light bulbs.
• Atoms – They’re 99.9% empty space. So everything is basically made up of emptiness.
– Condensed from List25.com
CAN’T STAND YOUR COMMUTE?
Apparently it’s all in your head. A new Columbia Business School study suggests that a simple routine while commuting can lead to more satisfying days at work. Research shows people feel more satisfied on-the-job and less exhausted emotionally when they make a conscious effort while commuting to think about what they need to do that day and how it fits into their longer-term plans. They also have happier commutes. The researchers call this way of thinking ‘goal-directed prospection’. In addition to that, you should also set aside some time for listening to music, learning a foreign language, or whatever else you want to do. The basic idea is to turn that lost time into found opportunity. (Like the chance to do your makeup in your rearview mirror.)
– “Wall Street Journal”
WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE:
What started a couple of years ago for London-based designer Josh Renouf as a 12-week research project may forever change the way you wake up. He’s now created ‘The Barisieur’, a bedside coffee/tea brewing alarm clock. It’s available on Kickstarter for a little under $400. Here’s how it works: The night before, you fill the boiling vessel with water, scoop your favorite grounds from the integrated compartment, drop them into the metal filter, and set the timer. In the morning at the desired time, a special induction coil heats the water, which steams up and pours through the grounds making your morning java. It even keeps a splash of milk chilled for you. (Great idea for people who need that first cup before they even get out of bed.)
– “Maxim”
BS AMAZING FACT:
The spice turmeric may help stave off dementia.
– “Daily Telegraph”
BS CHRONOMETER 06.02.16
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1941 [75] Charlie Watts, London UK, classic rock drummer (Rolling Stones)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1989)
1952 [64] Gary Bettman, Queens NY, NHL commissioner since 1993/former NBA executive
1961 [55] Liam Cunningham, Dublin, Ireland, TV actor (‘Davos Seaworth’ on “Game of Thrones” since 2012)
1972 [44] Wayne Brady, Orlando FL, TV personality (“Whose Line Is It Anyway?” 2013-present, 1998-2006; “Let’s Make a Deal” since 2009)
1977 [39] Zachary Quinto, Pittsburgh PA, movie actor (‘Spock’ in “Star Trek” movies)/TV actor (“American Horror Story: Asylum” 2012-13, “Heroes” 2006-10)
1980 [36] Fabrizio Moretti, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, rock drummer-vocalist (The Strokes-“Under Cover of Darkness”, “Juicebox”)
1986 [30] ZZ Ward, Abington PA, adult alternative singer-songwriter (“Last Love Song”, “365 Days”)
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Bubba Day”, honoring those formally named or just informally called ‘Bubba’. (We’re betting most of ’em live in ‘Dixie’.)
• “Festa della Repubblica” (‘Republic Day’) in Italy, which commemorates the birth of the Repubblica Italiana and the end of its days as a monarchy.
• “International Sex Workers Day”, observed annually since 1976 to recognize sex workers and point out their often exploited working conditions.
• “Leave the Office Early Day”, a day for pros to work harder, finish quicker, and get home early to spend more time with their families.
• “Rocky Road Day”, saluting the ice cream flavor that’s made with chocolate ice cream, nuts, and marshmallows.
• “Rotisserie Chicken Day”, a day to pick up a revolving bird from your supermarket in lieu of cooking dinner.
• “Yell Fudge At the Cobras in North America Day”. To keep the poisonous snakes off the continent, you’re supposed to go outdoors at noon and yell ‘fudge!’ Seems to be working.
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1953 [63] Coronation of 27-year-old Queen Elizabeth II, one of the first international news events given live minute-by-minute TV coverage
2015 [01] FIFA president Seth Blatter resigns 5 days after his re-election to a 5th term due to the international soccer corruption scandal
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2000 [16] Tim McGraw is named ‘Father Of the Year’ by the National Fatherhood Institute
2008 [08] Pioneering rock & roll guitarist-singer Bo Diddley (Ellas Otha Bates) dies of heart failure at his home in Archer FL at age 79.
TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2003 [13] European Space Agency’s 1st voyage to another planet as the ‘Mars Express’ probe is launched from the space center in Kazakhstan
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
2004 [12] Contestant Ken Jennings begins his record 74-game winning streak on TV game show “Jeopardy!”
2013 [02] Columbia University researchers announce they believe that newly developed graphene is the ‘Strongest Material In the World’
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] “Me Before You”; “Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping”; “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows” open in movie theaters
[Sat] 2016 Guys Choice Awards (Spike TV)
[Sun] Moonshine Day
[Sun] Cancer Survivors Day
This Week Is … Business Etiquette Week
This Month Is … International Surf Music Month
BULL’S BITS
MODERN, ALTERNATIVE TITLES FOR “THE JOY OF COOKING”:
• “The Joy of Having to Work All Day So Screw It Let’s Order Indian Food and Eat It in Bed While Watching Netflix”
• “The Joy of It’s Gonna Be Ramen Tonight, Again. Sorry, Because The Majority of Your Pay Went Straight to Student Loans”
• “The Joy of Creating Bogus Gmails to Sign Up for Free Trials of Recipe Delivery Services”
• “The Joy of Finding Yourself Within a Gluten Allergy”
• “The Joy of Imagining All The Things You Could Eat If It Weren’t for GMOs”
• “The Joy of Yelping a Lousy Restaurant Into Oblivion”
• “The Joy of Accepting That Yeah This Meal is OK But It Isn’t Quite As Good as It Looked on Pinterest”
– Thanks to David Byron Queen
BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ What’s something a guy should never say after ‘intimacy’? Perhaps …
– “I was noticing … your mom is really cute.”
– “Why can’t you ever shave your legs?”
– “You know, I don’t think ‘naked’ is your look.”
– “God, I wish you were a real woman.”
BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
A recent study finds the average household uses 15,400 of which per year?
a. Cubic feet of water.
b. Kilowatt hours of electricity.
c. Sheets of bathroom tissue. [CORRECT. Bummer!]
BS RANDOM JOKE:
Golf has more rules than any other game because golf has more cheaters than any other game.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: According to a poll, the #1 mistake men make with women is not listening; and THIS is #2.
Answer: Not offering to help.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Some people bring happiness wherever they go; others bring happiness whenever they go.
