Friday, May 10, 2019 Edition: #6449
Bullseye!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ “Saturday Night Live” cast member Kenan Thompson is set to host the 2019 NHL Awards next month. He’ll host the live awards show on Wednesday, June 19, at the Mandalay Bay Events Center in Las Vegas. Thompson said in a statement that “My first movie role was in ‘D2: The Mighty Ducks’, so my connection to hockey dates back to my childhood.”
-TheWrap
★ “Modern Family” star Ty Burrell has joined the voice cast for Amy Poehler’s upcoming animated FOX comedy “Duncanville.” The series centers on the life of Duncan, a spectacularly average 15-year-old boy, and his family and friends. Poehler will provide the voice of Duncan and his high-strung mom, Annie, who is constantly trying to prevent her son from ruining his life. Burrell will voice the character of Duncan’s father, Jack. The show is set to premiere during the 2019-20 TV season.
-TheWrap
★ New “Bachelorette” Hannah Brown has a suitor who has fathered a whopping 114 children. In his official biography released by ABC, Matteo Valles, a 25-year-old Atlanta-based management consultant, describes himself as a sperm donor “on the side” who has “helped create 114 children for all types of families.” Despite having so many kids out in the world, some say that Brown may fall for Valles because his bucket list includes the desire to someday “whisk a woman away to a ball in a castle”.
(…with a daycare…)
-Canoe
★ George Clooney joked he found it ”a little irritating” that the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s baby son was born on his birthday. He laughingly told ET that he already has a beef with newborn Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor, because the royal baby stole his ”thunder” by making his long-awaited appearance on Monday – the same day Clooney turned 58. He also pointed out that he was already sharing his birthday with Orson Welles and Sigmund Freud!
-ContactMusic
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Emilia Clarke, Dennis Quaid, Pink (R)
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Emma Thompson, Sophie Turner, Amirah Kasssem
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Keanu Reeves, Santino Fontana
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Seth Rogen, Jared Harris, Lyric Lewis, Valerie Franco (R)
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Kobe Bryant, Cara Delevingne, Tom Walker (R)
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Amy Poehler, Ciara
• “The Talk” (CBS): Denise Richards, Tom Ellis, Rachael Harris
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Naomi Scott
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Kris Jenner
• “Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.” (ABC): Season 6 premiere
• “Wu-Tang Clan: Of Mics and Men” (SHOWTIME): Premiere. Robert Diggs knew that there was something special about the way he and his friends from Staten Island and Brooklyn told stories. They were apostles of hip-hop culture, fans of kung fu cinema, and members of the Five Percent Nation.
• “Blue Bloods” (CBS): Season 9 finale
• “Last Man Standing” (FOX): Season 7 finale
• “MacGyver” (CBS): Season 3 finale
SATURDAY-
• “A Feeling of Home” (HALLMARK): Abby Cooper is a contemporary Martha Stewart and the host of a small but successful web series. But an innocent lie about her “authenticity” could cause a potential deal to fall through.
• “PBC Fight Night” (FOX): Jarrett Hurd vs. Julian Williams in a super-welterweight (154 lbs.) main event in Fairfax, Va.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC): Host Emma Thompson with musical guest Jonas Brothers
SUNDAY-
• “Our Cartoon President” (SHOWTIME): Season 2 premiere. The Cartoon President declares a national emergency to build Trump Tower-Moscow while Democratic leaders Nancy Pelosi and Senator Chuck Schumer attempt to win back their base from newcomer Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.
• “Veep” (HBO): Season 7 finale
• “Shark Tank (ABC): Season 10 finale
• “The Simpsons” (FOX): Season 30 finale
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Justin Timberlake – will receive the Contemporary Icon Award from the Songwriters Hall of Fame on June 13 in New York. He’s the second person to receive the honor; Lady Gaga earned it in 2015. The award is given to a “songwriter-artist who has attained an iconic status in pop culture.”
• Cardi B – Spotify has named her the year’s “most-streamed mom” in a pre-Mother’s Day list. Beyoncé, Adele, Pink and Shakira round out the top 5.
• Blink-182 — have released a new single called ‘Blame It on My Youth’. The group are reportedly hard at work on the follow-up to 2016’s “California”, which was their first record with Matt Skiba. Skiba replaced Tom DeLonge as guitarist and co-frontman in 2015.
• Led Zeppelin – An as-yet-untitled documentary, now in post production, traces the four members – Jimmy Page, Robert Plant, John Paul Jones, and John Bonham – through the music scene of the 1960s, their meeting in 1968, and culminates in 1970 when their second album knocks The Beatles off the top of the charts.
• Woodstock — A new 38-disc box set expected this summer will provide the most complete look yet into the 1969 festival. “Woodstock 50: Back to the Garden – The Definitive 50th Anniversary Archive” will include all but three songs from the historic event, many of them issued for the first time ever. There will also be 10-disc and 3-disc editions available.
• Kacey Musgraves — is officially a model. She has inked a deal with IMG Models, home to superstars like Karlie Kloss, Bella Hadid and Paris Jackson. The announcement came after Musgraves stunned on the Met Gala red carpet, appearing as a real-life Barbie, complete with a blonde wig, pink convertible and pink hairdryer purse.
• Chris Stapleton – Officials at the Johnson County Special Olympics in his hometown of Lexington, KY were recently surprised by a donation of $5,000 from his “Outlaw State of Kind” fund. The charity supports causes close to Stapleton’s heart, the Special Olympics being one of them.
TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Pokémon Detective Pikachu” (PG, Action/Animation): In a world where people collect Pokémon to do battle, a boy comes across an intelligent talking Pikachu who seeks to be a detective. (Ryan Reynolds, Justice Smith)
• “The Hustle” (PG-13, Comedy): Two female scam artists, one low rent and the other high class, team up to take down the dirty rotten men who have wronged them. (Anne Hathaway, Rebel Wilson)
• “Tolkien” (PG-13, Drama): The story of the formative years of the orphaned author as he finds friendship, love and artistic inspiration among a group of fellow outcasts at school. (Lily Collins, Nicholas Hoult)
• “Poms” (PG-13, Comedy): A group of women form a cheerleading squad at their retirement community, proving that you’re never too old to ‘bring it!’ (Diane Keaton, Jacki Weaver)
NEWS OF THE WEIRD:
➢ Authorities in Binalonan, Philippines have made gossiping illegal. The new law is aimed at preventing rumors from spreading within the community. And trash talking someone could see offenders literally picking up trash. First-time gossipers risk a fine of 200 pesos (US $3.80) and three hours of collecting garbage in the streets, while repeat offenders would have to pay up to $20 and put in eight hours of community service. The law isn’t very clear on what qualifies as gossip, but mayor Ramon Guico mentioned talking about residents’ relationships or financial situations as examples of punishable offences. (Do you get the feeling this guy has a few skeletons in his closet?)
-OddityCentral
➢ A wild raccoon has moved into Heidelberg Zoo in Germany and keepers can’t kick him out. Zoo staff recently discovered the uninvited guest inside the raccoon enclosure, where he seemed to be getting along fine with the seven original residents. The interloper — nicknamed Fred — can now expect free room and board for life, because European Union rules forbid him from being released back into the wild. One thing Fred might not have counted on: EU rules also require him to be castrated. (Aaaaad suddenly he’s singing “Born Free!!!)
-MSN
➢ There is no tactful way to put this…An artist is selling jars of turds from famous horses. A Kentucky newspaper reports that Coleman Larking is the man to get in touch with if you’d like to get your hands on a partial load of poop from 1997 Kentucky Derby winner “Silver Charm”. How much? It’ll set you back, well, a load. Like $200. If the price turns you off, at least the stench won’t; the turds are coated in resin. Sales from the “Derby Turds” will go toward a thoroughbred retirement farm where Silver Charm lives. Larking is trying to get other horse owners to provide “stock” for additional sales. (That’s some expensive crap!)
-AP
WHAT MOM REALLY WANTS (besides reservations):
According to a poll of Moms, here are the top 10 things that they would like to receive for Mother’s Day:
1. UTO (Unpaid Time Off): Every mom has a list of about 20 things she’d like to get done on any given day, but she usually only has time for about three. Mom would love a day to tackle her To-Dos or just to be free to do whatever she wants, no questions asked.
2. Sleep: Moms think going to sleep when they are tired on Saturday and awakening on their own without the alarm clock or the voice of a child on Sunday is a dream come true. (Plus, it’s 100 percent free!)
3. Clean House: Being a mom is stressful, and coming home to a clean house, even if it only lasts 10 minutes, is like a little slice of heaven. Hire a professional or, at the very least, get the kids to help pick up around the house.
4. Spa Day: A massage, mani/pedi or facial are all wonderful gifts. Older kids could get creative and set up a home spa with candles, homemade scrubs, etc. Extra credit: A whole spa day full of pampering.
5. A Day Free from the “Mom Routine”: Moms love being moms. But they also love a day free from the “mom routine.” That means no dishes, laundry, chauffeur duty, dressing little ones, getting kids out the door, mediating sibling arguments, etc.
6. Car Wash: A vehicle free from crumbs and clutter is like a commuting oasis. Extra credit: Get it detailed.
7. Home Delivery Service: For $79 a year through Amazon Mom, you can get free, two-day shipping on millions of items with Amazon Prime. Moms can save a ton of time, not to mention their sanity, when they don’t need to run errands with small kids in tow. (This Mom survey brought to you by…)
8. Turn the Honey-Do into a Honey-Done List: Every time they walk by that broken _______ (fill in the blank), it drives them crazy. Look after whatever you are able to get done on the Honey-Do List of lingering household projects.
9. What’s for Dinner? Have dinner taken care of, including the grocery shopping, for one week. That frees Mom up to enjoy more quality time as a family, which is what she really wants.
10. The Best Things in Life are Free: The gifts Mom will treasure forever are the homemade cards, handprints and photo frames from her children.
(I can’t help but think how much shorter…and different…the corresponding Dad’s list is going to be come Father’s Day…)
-Parenting.com
BS CHRONOMETER 05.10.19
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1955 [64] Chris Berman, Greenwich CT, former ESPN/ABC-TV sportscaster (“SportsCenter”, “Monday Night Countdown”, “Sunday NFL Countdown”, “Baseball Tonight”)/current “Monday Night Countdown” panelist
1960 [59] Bono (Paul Hewson), Dublin, Ireland, rock singer (U2-‘With or Without You’, ‘Beautiful Day’)/only person nominated for an Oscar, Grammy, Golden Globe, and Nobel Prize
1978 [41] Kenan Thompson, Atlanta, GA, TV Actor (“Kenan & Kel”, “Saturday Night Live” since 2003/longest-tenured SNL cast member in history – 16 seasons)
SATURDAY-
Frances Fisher (“Titanic”) is 67; Jonathan Jackson (“Nashville”) is 37; Blac Chyna (“Rob & Chyna”) is 31; Cam Newton (Carolina Panthers) is 30
SUNDAY-
Kix Brooks (Brooks & Dunn) is 64; Ving Rhames (“Mission Impossible”) is 60; Emilio Estevez (“The Breakfast Club”) is 57; Skateboarder Tony Hawk is 51; Emily VanCamp (“Captain America: Civil War”) is 33
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Clean Up Your Room Day”. What, once a year? Were you born in a barn?
• “Trust Your Intuition Day”, a day to listen to your ‘gut feelings’ and act upon them. Is it true … are women better at this than men? (I had a feeling they were…)
• “National Small Business Day”. A ‘small business’ is commonly defined as one with fewer than 100 employees. (Many of today’s small businesses used to be big businesses…)
• “World Lupus Day”, to create awareness of the potentially fatal auto-immune disease capable of damaging virtually any part of the body. 9-out-of-10 people with lupus are women (such as Selena Gomez)
• “Canadian Tulip Festival” through May 20th in Canada’s Capital Region of Ottawa-Gatineau. The world’s largest tulip festival is thanks to a gift of 100,000 tulip bulbs from Dutch Princess (later Queen) Juliana in 1945 as thanks for providing her a home during WW2.
• “National Shrimp Day”, Some shrimpy wack facts:
✓ Most of the shrimp consumed in the United States comes from the Atlantic and Pacific coasts and the Gulf Coast.
✓ Generally speaking, the colder the water, the smaller and more succulent the shrimp.
✓ Shrimp change color when you cook them due to a heat induced chemical change in their shells.
✓ Jumbo and colossal shrimp are referred to as prawns – although the prawn is actually a different species.
✓ The Bubba Gump Shrimp Company Restaurant was inspired by 1994 film “Forrest Gump”. It operates about 45 restaurants worldwide.
SATURDAY-
• “Eat What You Want Day”, a day to ignore all the warnings, avoid worrying and counting calories, and thereby fight our obsession with being thin. (Okay, so if healthfulness is not in play, what do you really, really want?)
• “Twilight Zone Day” is that mysterious day highlighted with eerie background music and unexplainable occurrences. Why today? It isn’t the anniversary of the first episode. It isn’t the anniversary of the birth or death of its creator, Rod Serling. It’s just totally unexplainable….
SUNDAY-
• “Mother’s Day” in some 60 countries including Australia, Canada, Denmark, Italy, New Zealand, Turkey, and the USA. The modern holiday of Mother’s Day was first celebrated in 1908, when Anna Jarvis held a memorial for her mother at a church in Grafton, West Virginia. More North Americans eat out on “Mothers Day” than any other special occasion. (No reservations? Forget it.)
• “International Nurses Day”, a highlight of “Nursing Week” that commemorates the 1820 birth date of the founder of modern nursing, Florence Nightingale. Here’s to you, RNs!
• “Limerick Day”, celebrating the 1812 birthday of Edward Lear, author of the first collection of limericks, “The Book of Nonsense”. You’ll find some ‘Loony Limericks’ here …
https://libguides.uwlax.edu/c.php?g=615047&p=4276692
• “Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Awareness Day”, promoting awareness of the syndrome officially known as Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, or ‘M-E’. Today is also “Fibromyalgia Awareness Day”, a similar malady that can cause debilitating fatigue, sleep disturbance, and joint stiffness.
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2005 [14] Actress and model Heidi Klum weds soul and R&B singer-songwriter Seal in Costa Careyes, Mexico
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2010 [09] NYC’s Apollo Theater begins installing bronze plaques on the sidewalk outside the building of legends with close ties to the venue (among the first: Ella Fitzgerald, James Brown, Michael Jackson, Smokey Robinson)
THIS DAY IN TECH . . .
2011 [08] Microsoft announces plans to purchase Internet phone service Skype for $8.5 billion
2017 [02] Apple becomes the first company to be worth more than $800 billion (current worth: $1 trillion)
TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2015 [04] Cuban president Raul Castro meets with Pope Francis at the Vatican as a gesture of gratitude for the pontiff’s role in facilitating renewed diplomatic ties between Cuba and the USA
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2013 [06] NYC’s One World Trade Center becomes the tallest building in the Western Hemisphere
BULL’S BITS
BS WACK MOM FACTS:
✓ An unborn baby can recognize its mother’s voice.
✓ There are about 2 billion moms in the world.
✓ On average, moms take 2 minutes 5 seconds to change a diaper, which is equivalent to about three 40-hour work weeks each year. Fathers take an average of 1 minute 36 seconds.
✓ The world record for the oldest mother is held by 72-year-old Daljinder Kaur of India, who gave birth in 2016 after IVF treatments.
✓ The average age of new moms in the U.S today is 25 years old — versus 21 years old in 1970.
✓ The first thing a baby vocalizes is “ma”. So you, in effect, named your mother.
-Ripley’s, FactRetriever
BS YOU KNOW YOU’RE A MOTHER WHEN:
• You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
• You regularly clean your kid’s face using ‘Mom spit’.
• You’re willing to kiss your child’s ‘boo-boo’ … regardless of where it is.
• You hear your mother’s voice coming out of your mouth when you say, “NOT in your good clothes!”
• Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking any bodily fluids on you.
• You find yourself cutting your husband’s sandwiches into cute little shapes.
• Someone else’s kid throws up at a party. You keep eating.
• You’re so desperate for adult conversation you spill your guts to the telemarketer and HE hangs up on YOU.
• You hire a sitter because you haven’t been out with your husband in ages, then spend half the night checking on the kids.
• You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.
BS THINGS MOTHER TAUGHT US . . .
• LOGIC — “If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can’t go to the store with me.”
• MEDICINE — “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they’re going to stay that way.”
• THINKING AHEAD — “If you don’t pass your spelling test, you’ll never get a good job!”
• GENETICS — “You are just like your father!”
• ESP — “Put your sweater on; don’t you think that I know when you’re cold?”
• BECOMING AN ADULT — “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
• SEX — “How do you think you got here?”
• ANTICIPATION — “Just wait until your father gets home!”
BS RANDOM JOKE:
I don’t work on Fridays. I make appearances.
BS PHONE STARTER:
If you could, would you go back and do high-school again? Or was once enough?
BS MOTHERS DAY TRIVIA:
• Which mother was one of the first female superheroes in comic books?
a. ‘Mega-Woman’
b. ‘The Red Tornado’ [CORRECT. In everyday life she was ‘Ma Hunkel’, but she became a member of the crime-fighting ‘Justice Society of America’ in 1939.]
c. ‘The Big Wind’
– “All-American Comics”
• You’re sending mom roses for “Mother’s Day”. Which color should you send if you want to express ‘gratitude and appreciation’?
a. White
b. Pale yellow
c. Deep pink [CORRECT]
– Floral Council
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: About 10% of adults have had the same one of THESE since elementary school. What is it?
Answer: Best Friend
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Things people say: “It’s Friday!” Things self-employed people say: “It’s Friday?”
