Friday, September 15, 2006        Edition: #3366
Don’t Take Any Sheet, Unless It’s Pure Bull!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
SUNDAY’s 90-minute “Canadian Idol” season finalé (CTV) includes live performances by Nelly Furtado (“Maneater”) and previous winner Melissa O’Neil (oh yeah, we’ll also find out if Eva Avila or Craig Sharpe is anointed the latest winner) . . . SUNDAY the 10th edition of perennial Emmy-winner “The Amazing Race” debuts (CBS/CTV) as 12 teams race 40,000 miles around-the-globe for $1 million (these teams are almost always ethnically divided and no one seems to care – so what’s the big deal with “Survivor”?) . . . Airline security tried to force author JK Rowling to part with the lone handwritten manuscript of the 7th and final “Harry Potter” book as she boarded a plane in NYC but she was finally allowed to carry it on, bound in rubber bands (just like toenail clippers, those could be dangerous!) . . . According to a new “Psychology of Music” poll, hip-hop fans are the most likely to have multiple partners and least likely to be religious or to recycle (unless they’re a hip-hop artist ‘sampling’ past hits) . . . News honchos at CBS-TV insist they’re unconcerned with much-hyped “CBS Evening News” anchor Katie Couric’s fall to 3rd place after a huge initial ratings boost, claiming the network is ‘in it for the long-term’ (in show biz, that’s about a month) . . . Looks like ‘Wisteria Lane’ will be hearing the pitter-patter of little feet – Eva Longoria has leaked the news that ‘Bree Van De Kamp’ will be pregnant for the 3rd season of “Desperate Housewives”, just like the actress who plays her, Marcia Cross (writers decided it either had to be that – or some sort of pumpkin-swallowing accident) . . . And former “American Idol” finalist Constantine Maroulis’ career certainly isn’t soaring – he’s booked to perform at the “Greek Food Festival” in Dallas TX where a 10-buck ticket will get you his show – plus general admission to the festival and all-the-gyros-you-can-eat (he’s officially entered the ‘Guarini zone’!).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Clay Aiken – TONIGHT he’s a guest on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC).
• Dixie Chicks – THIS WEEK “Dixie Chicks: Shut Up & Sing” premiered at the “Toronto Film Festival”. The documentary film is highlighted by Natalie Maines referring to George W Bush as a ‘dumb f—‘. The movie is due in theaters OCTOBER 20th.
• Gnarls Barkley – THIS WEEKEND they’re headlining the “Austin City Limits Festival” in Texas which also features The Raconteurs and Muse.
• John Mayer – TODAY he performs on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show (syndicated/CityTV).
• Keith Urban – TODAY a new short film titled “Keith Urban Still Alive in ’06” begins daily screenings at the Country Music Hall of Fame & Museum in Nashville TN.
• Lionel Richie – TONIGHT he performs on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).
• Red Hot Chili Peppers – TOMORROW they’re the musical guest on “Saturday Night Live” (NBC).
• REM – SATURDAY they’re reuniting with former drummer Bill Berry when the band is inducted into the ‘Georgia Music Hall of Fame’ in Atlanta. THIS WEEK they rehearsed for the show and also recorded a new tune. Berry left the band 1997 due to health problems.
• Usher – TODAY he does “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV).
• Whitney Houston – It’s been confirmed she’s legally separated and will officially file for divorce NEXT MONTH from Bobby Brown after 14 years of marriage due to ‘irreconcilable differences’. You know what that means … she’s gonna have to find a new dealer.
• The Who – TONIGHT they kick off the Canadian leg of their tour at Scotiabank Place in Ottawa. They’ll also play London, Winnipeg, Calgary, Edmonton, Vancouver, and Toronto.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “The Black Dahlia” ( R-Rated Crime Thriller ): Brian De Palma directs this story of a beautiful young actress who is murdered and mutilated in 1940s Los Angeles that’s based on a legendary unsolved case. Josh Hartnett, Scarlett Johansson & Hillary Swank star, but it’s Mia Kirshner who plays the mysterious ‘Black Dahlia’, who appears only in flashbacks. The movie in which Hollywood couple Hartnett & Johansson first got things going. Trailer & theme here …
NET: http://www.theblackdahliamovie.net/
• “Confetti” ( R-Rated Romantic Comedy ): A made-in-England mockumentary that follows 3 couples as they battle it out to win the coveted title of ’Most Original Wedding of the Year’. No-name cast. Website features the ‘Wedding-O-Matic’ which helps you find your perfect wedding theme by answering 6 brief questions …
NET: http://www2.foxsearchlight.com/confetti/
• “Everyone’s Hero” ( G-Rated Animated Adventure ): The project actor Christopher Reeve was directing when he died in 2004. Then his widow Dana, part of the film’s voice cast, also passed away before the movie’s completion. Despite its sad heritage, the film is a heartwarming tale about a boy who travels across the country on a mission to return Babe Ruth’s bat before the deciding game of the 1932 World Series. Sound bites & music here …
NET: http://www.everyoneshero.com/flash/index.html
• “Gridiron Gang” ( PG-13 Sports Drama ): Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson stars as a counselor at a juvenile detention center who launches a football team to help rehabilitate inmates. The underdogs play their wicked little hearts out to take on mainstream schools. It’s “Remember the Titans” … only with young offenders. Adapted from a 1993 documentary of the same name. Rapper Xzibit co-stars. Film clips here …
NET: http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/gridirongang/
• “The Last Kiss” ( R-Rated Dramedy ): Zach Braff (“Scrubs”), Jacinda Barrett (“Bridget Jones”), and Rachel Bilson (“The OC”) in her film debut are the hottie stars of this love triangle story about a young guy who strays from a long-term relationship with his pregnant girlfriend. Partially shot in Montréal. Sound clips here …
NET: http://tinyurl.com/lwf9q

NO NOOKIE THREAT:
LAST YEAR some 480 people died in the town Pereira, Colombia due to gang violence. So the local women have decided to take action. At a recent public meeting on disarmament, they’ve threatened a ‘crossed-legs strike’ if their feuding men do not lay down their guns. (This form of protest has been going on at our house for years … and I don’t even own a gun.)
– “GQ”

HONEYMOON SURPRISE:
University of Denver psychology professor Mary Loftus says it’s fairly common to find out that the person you married has more debt and less income than you thought before wedding. In fact, studies show that fully 74% of grooms & 67% of brides enter marriage with at least some debt. Loftus says this ‘negative dowry’ places a tremendous strain on new marriages at a time when couples are already trying to deal with learning to live together. (So that’s why ‘two can live more cheaply than one’ … they have to!)
– “Psychology Today”

HOLLYWOOD’S BEST DRESSED WOMEN:
According to TODAY’s issue of “People” magazine …
3. Jessica Alba
2. Halle Berry
1. Jennifer Aniston

BIG BUCKS IN BUG-EYES:
A Brazilian man is hoping to get “Guinness Book of World Records” recognition for his ability to … pop his eyes from their sockets! 48-year-old Claudio Pinto of Belo Horizonte makes a living by performing in shows where he pops both eyes 95% of the way out of their sockets – about 4 cm or over an inch-and-half. Medical examiners cannot explain the unusual ability. Pinto doesn’t care, claiming it’s a true gift because it’s an easy way to make money. (He could make even more … acting in cartoons!)
– Ananova News

DID YOU KNOW?
• ‘Almost’ is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order. (Hey, what about ‘Mnopstu’?)
• ‘Bananas’ are the most popular breakfast fruit, edging out ‘grapefruit’, according to a recent “Redbook” survey. (‘Garlic’ was a distant 987th.)
• Just a few hours of overtime, say between 41-and-50 hours of work per week, increases your risk of high blood pressure by 14%. (Just one more reason to leave early today.)
• We are most likely to sleep in on SUNDAY. We average 8.7 hours Sundays, about an hour more than any other day. (Unless you have rugrats.)

AND WE QUOTE:
“I think I look okay. I think that people’s weight fluctuates. It happens to everybody.”
– Human-turned-stick Nicole Richie on the “Tyra Banks Show”, blaming her shocking weight-loss on stress and … bad camera angles.

THE BULL SHEET 09.15.06

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1946 [60] Oliver Stone, NYC, movie director/producer/screenwriter (“World Trade Center”) with 3 Academy Awards (“Platoon”, “Born on the Fourth of July”, “Midnight Express”)

1946 [60] Tommy Lee Jones, San Saba TX, movie actor (“A Prairie Home Companion”, 1994 Academy Award-“The Fugitive”)

1961 [45] Dan Marino, Pittsburgh PA, NFL analyst (“The NFL Today on CBS”)/legendary former NFL QB (Miami Dolphins)/Pro Football Hall of Fame (2005)

1984 [22] Prince Harry (Henry Charles Albert David Windsor of Wales), London UK, Prince Charles & Princess Diana’s #2 son who’s 3rd in line to the British throne (but 1st in line at a pub or party)

SATURDAY –
Blues singer BB King (“The Thrill is Gone”) is 81; Rock musician Ron Blair (Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers) is 54; Illusionist David Copperfield is 50; Movie actor Mickey Rourke (“Sin City”) is 50; Pop singer Richard Marx (“Now & Forever”) is 43; Pop/Latin singer Marc Anthony (Mr J-Lo) is 38; TV actress Alexis Bledel (“Gilmore Girls”) is 25.

SUNDAY –
Movie director Baz Luhrmann (“Moulin Rouge”) is 44; Rock drummer Chuck Comeau (Simple Plan) is 27.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Care Givers Day” recognizing the selfless people who do the chores for the sick and elderly that the rest of us can’t be bothered with. How come one of the most important occupations is one of the worst paying?
• “Hispanic Heritage Month”, through OCTOBER 15th. Felicitaciones!
• “Independence Day” in much of Central America, including Costa Rica, El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras, and Nicaragua (1821).
• “PEI International Shellfish Festival” through Sunday in Charlottetown. Events include a chowder cook-off, oyster-shucking & eating contests, and the $10,000 ‘Chef’s Challenge’.
NET: http://www.peishellfish.com
• “POW/MIA Recognition Day”, a day of remembrance and hope for the speedy and safe return of prisoners of war and those missing in action, observed annually on the 3rd Friday of September.
• “School Psychology Day”, a day of recognition for the field of school psychology and its contribution to education. (“Alright Amy, we CAN talk about your test scores but first you have to put the knife down.”)

SATURDAY –
• “Collect Rocks Day”, a celebration of the hobby of gem & mineral collecting.
• “Independence Day” in Mexico, celebrating the country’s independence from Spain in 1810.
• “International Day for Preservation of the Ozone Layer”, as declared by the UN.
• “Oktoberfest”, the 173rd annual world famous beer bash in humongous fest halls in Munich, Germany through October 3rd. THIS YEAR’s event will be graced by the presence of none other than Paris Hilton (Paris and thousands of kegs of booze together – is this a good idea?)
NET: http://www.oktoberfest.de/en/
• “Working Parents Day”. Isn’t parenting work in itself?

SUNDAY –
• “American Citizenship Day” (aka “Constitution Day” and “I Am An American Day”) focussing on the rights and responsibilities of American citizens. The choice of SEPTEMBER 17th for this observance commemorates the date in 1787 when the US Constitution was signed in Philadelphia and celebrates the oldest working constitution in the world. Originally designed to recognize those who became American citizens during the past year, it’s now observed to honor both native-born and naturalized foreign-born citizens in the United States.
• “Terry Fox Run”, the 26th annual fundraiser for cancer research. In 25 years, over $360 million has been raised in his memory. Worldwide participation has reached countries such as Ireland, Russia, Kuwait, Thailand, China, and Vietnam.
NET: http://www.terryfoxrun.org
• “Women’s Friendship Day”, encouraging more interaction and communication between females in the hope of developing lasting friendships.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1993 [13] A 13-year-old boy files a lawsuit against Michael Jackson, alleging abuse and
seduction (later settled out-of-court for an estimated $20 million)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1971 [35] 12 members of Vancouver’s ‘Don’t Make a Wave Committee’ found the environmental organization ‘Greenpeace’

1983 [23] Former Montréal roommates Chris Haney & Scott Abbott launch the phenomenally successful board game “Trivial Pursuit” (they’ve since sold out to Hasbro)

1982 [24] 1st edition of “USA Today” newspaper features lead story about Princess Grace dying in auto accident

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Mon] The CW TV network debuts (WB & UPN)
[Mon] Play-Doh Day
[Mon] Polaris Music Prize (Toronto)
[Tues] Talk Like a Pirate Day
[Wed] International Student Day
[Wed] UN International Day of Peace
[Thurs] Miniature Golf Day
[Thurs] World Gratitude Day
This Week Is … Housekeepers Week
This Month Is … Cholesterol Education & Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS

ACTUAL TABLOID HEADLINES:
• “Spend it While You Can! Currency Accidentally Printed with Disappearing Ink!”
• “Barber Bleeds Red & White Striped Blood!”
• “Good News: Hand Grenades Can Kill Demons!”
• “Satan’s Cell Phone Ruined My Life!”
• “Researcher Calculates a Snowball’s Chance in Hell to Be .000000000134%”

TRUTH OR BS?
2 of the following statements are absolutely true; one is complete hooey. But which one?
GAME #1 –
• Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite. [TRUE. Especially after you polish off an entire bag.]
• Each tastebud on your tongue can taste 4 different flavors. [BS. Each tastebud can taste only ONE flavor – sweet, salty, sour or bitter.]
• Beer stays fresh twice as long when stored upside down. [TRUE. But NOT while balancing it on your lips.]

GAME #2 –
• Donald Duck’s middle name is ‘The’. [BS. It’s ‘Fauntleroy’.]
• The TV sitcom “Friends” was originally titled “The Six of Us”. [TRUE. For most of the actors, it’s known as ‘The Last Decent Work I Ever Did’.]
• Mosquitoes like people who have recently eaten bananas. [TRUE. It seems for bugs, they have ‘appeal’.]

TOP SWAPS:
The week’s most-requested music files online …
5. Ne-Yo – “SexyLove”
4. Fergie – “London Bridge”
3. Young Dro – “Shoulder Lean”
2. Gnarls Barkley – “Crazy”
1. Justin Timberlake – “SexyBack”
– Big Champagne online music measurement.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 3% of us have done THIS while watching football on TV.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Thrown something at the screen.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Not all the cookies are in the jar.