September 11, 2006

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Monday, September 11, 2006        Edition: #3362
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• Paul McCartney has reportedly offered estranged wife Heather Mills £40 million ($72 million) over 20 years as a marriage settlement if she agrees to never discuss details of their personal lives – no interviews, no books, no TV specials. Any breach of the conditions would allow him to stop the payments. The offer is said to have been made during a secret meeting in the log cabin she uses on his sprawling estate in the south of England. (Lady, take the money and run!)
– “News Of The World”
• Actress Denise Richards & Bon Jovi guitarist Richie Sambora say a “Life & Style” magazine report that they are engaged is ‘completely false and hurtful’. (Suggesting you have a committed relationship is … ‘hurtful’?)
– “E!”
• Wrestling champ-turned-movie star Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson (“Gridiron Gang”, opening FRIDAY) and his wife are giving $2 million to his alma mater, the University of Miami. The donation will be used to help fund the construction of an alumni center on the school’s Coral Gables FL campus. A room will be named after the couple. (2 million clams and you get a lousy room?)
• Brad Pitt says he & Angelina Jolie will not wed until everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able. (Seems he’s either in favor of same-sex marriage … or just wants off the hook.)
– “Esquire”
• Lindsay Lohan’s Hermes Birkin bag was apparently stolen from her luggage cart upon her arrival at London’s Heathrow Airport. Police have managed to recover it and are investigating if the contents – said to be valued at an estimated $1 million – are intact. (Who the heck would drag around a million bucks worth of stuff, then leave it unattended on a luggage cart?)
• Brit actress Helen Mirren (“Queen Elizabeth II”) & Ben Affleck (“Hollywoodland”) have been named best actress and actor at this year’s “Venice Film Festival” that wrapped SATURDAY in Italy. Affleck’s win for his portrayal of 1950s TV “Superman” George Reeves was considered a bit of a surprise. (Considering his last award for acting was … wait a sec – he’s never won one!)
– “The Age”
• Dave Navarro’s new band The Panic Channel has been added to the upcoming tour of Supernova, the manufactured group featured in this year’s “Rock Star” reality show, comprised of Metallica’s Jason Newsted, Motley Crue’s Tommy Lee and Guns N’ Roses’ Gilby Clark. The winning vocalist will be selected THIS WEEK during the finalé (should be Toby but will probably be Lucas). The show’s house band will also be playing an opening set on the tour with the singers from this season that didn’t make the cut. (This tour is becoming all about nepotism.)
• The “Crocodile Hunter’s” widow, Terri Irwin, has granted their 8-year-old daughter Bindi permission to follow in her late dad’s footsteps with her own wildlife series. Steve Irwin was shooting a segment for Bindi’s new TV show when he was fatally wounded by a stingray’s barb LAST WEEK. On FRIDAY, Irwin was saluted in Australia with ‘Khaki Day’, when Aussies were encouraged to wear his favorite apparel. (When [co-host] dies, we’ll be declaring ‘Value Village Day’.)

• Beyoncé Knowles – TODAY she’s a guest on “The View” (ABC/CTV):
• 50 Cent – FRIDAY he was stopped in his all-chrome Lamborghini  in NYC for an unsafe lane change. While processing that one, cops also found he had an expired license and was driving without insurance or vehicle registration. He’s facing several fines. Busted!
• Hank Williams Jr – TONIGHT his new version of “All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Monday Night” debuts prior to the “ESPN Monday Night Football” season opener (Minnesota @ Washington). Featured in the video are Charlie Daniels, Little Richard, Clarence Clemons and Steven Van Zandt (E Street Band/”The Sopranos”).
• Jessica Simpson – TODAY she does the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV).
• Justin Timberlake – TONIGHT he’s on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).
• Keith Urban – He & screen-star wife Nicole Kidman are staying in a $3,000-per-night suite in London’s luxury Dorchester Hotel. A staffer says he’s been nothing but charming while she’s had a few requests, including having all the 60-watt light bulbs changed out for 40s.
• The Killers – Hollywood director Tim Burton (“Corpse Bride”) will make his music video directing debut on their new single “Bones” from the upcoming “Sam’s Town” album.
• Madonna – A Catholic priest in the Netherlands has confessed to phoning in a fake bomb threat in an attempt to stop her from performing her crucifixion act during a recent Amsterdam show. The misguided padre was arrested almost immediately as his anonymous call to emergency services was traced … to his home. Duh!
• U2 – While working on their next studio album they’ll take time out to collaborate with Green Day on a cover of the Skids’ “The Saints Are Coming”. Proceeds from the track will benefit Music Rising, an instrument replacement fund co-founded by The Edge to aid musicians who lost all their belongings in Hurricane Katrina.

TONIGHT is the “Canadian Idol 4” final performance competition for 19-year-old Eva Avila of Gatineau, Québec and 16-year-old  Craig Sharpe of Upper Island Cove, Newfoundland (CTV). It’s their last chance to convince voters they deserve the title. Each sings 3 tunes: a new selection of their choice; their favorite that they’ve previously performed; and the new “Canadian Idol” winner’s single, “Meant to Fly”, co-written by Chantal Kreviazuk. We’ll have to wait 6 days later to find out who wins as the season finalé airs live SUNDAY. (We can only hope that whoever wins enjoys as much success in the limelight as Ryan Malcolm.)

TONIGHT the annual “CCMAs” are handed out live in Saint John NB (CBC). A few highlights …
• Nominations are led by Aaron Pritchard with 6, followed by Brad Johner, Johnny Reid and the Road Hammers with 5 apiece.
• Performers include George Canyon, Carolyn Dawn Johnson, Aaron Lines, Corb Lund, Aaron Pritchett and the Road Hammers. Michelle Wright performs as part of a tribute highlighting 30 years of the CCMA.
• Anne Murray inducts her former producer Brian Ahearn into the Country Music Hall of Fame and also presents the ‘Leonard T Rambeau Award for International Achievement’ to her manager Bruce Allen, who also advises Bryan Adams, Michelle Wright & Martina McBride.
• Other Hall of Fame inductees include late singer/songwriter Terry Carisse, and late Alberta broadcaster Curley Gurlock.

It seems AUGUST was one of the busiest months in recent memory for odd religious sightings. A detailed compilation shows that sightings of Virgin Mary were reported in a piece of chocolate in California, on the stomach of a turtle in Chicago, in the wood paneling of a Californian restaurant and within the leftover grease on a George Foreman Grill drip pan in Missouri. Meanwhile, Jesus was busy popping up in an oyster shell (now for sale on eBay), on the MRI scan of a woman’s spine in Pittsburgh, on the ultrasound scan of a baby over in the UK and on a shrimp, again in California. And the word ‘God’ also made an appearance, hidden with the markings on the side of a 4-foot-long alligator in Wisconsin. (This morning I thought I saw Buddha in the shower … then discovered it was the mirror.)

A business study co-authored at the University of Cincinnati and Georgia State University finds a retail store’s background music should counteract its pace – slow music in busy stores, fast tunes in empty ones. Why? Crowded stores that play fast songs can give the impression of being overcrowded and may make their customers feel rushed. Stores where business is slow need up-tempo music to give customers a more lively impression. (Ah! In that case they should play salsa in a funeral home?)
– Reuters

In tests on some 3,600 men, an antidepressant drug called Dapoxetine has managed to double the users’ ‘staying power’ from an average of 1.75 minutes to 3.3 minutes. However, before you rush out to your doc’s office for a prescription, it should be noted that the drug also has other side-effects, including nausea, diarrhea, headache and dizziness. (3.3 minutes? Men are even more pathetic than we thought!)
– “GQ”

SEPTEMBER is “Humor in Business Month”. So here are a few ‘Laughter Tips for the Workplace’ courtesy of professional ‘laughter therapist’, Enda Junkins …
• Laugh for 5 minutes in your car on the way to work.
• Develop a ritualized, playful way of turning on your computer.
• Give your projects comical names like ‘Quasimoto’ or ‘Thumper’.
• Have mindless toys on your desk and take short breaks to play with them.
• Wear a funny hat to express or change your attitude.
• Use cartoons to help with communication.
• Laugh with your co-workers for a few minutes for no real reason at all.
• Wear light-hearted, temporary tattoos that help you cope.
• Under your clothes, wear a T-shirt with a saying that lightens you up.
• Incorporate elements of a game into your work, for example giving yourself a prize for completing a project.
• Wear funny underwear to counteract a serious day or meeting.

The names of the continents all end with the same letter with which they start.


1940 [66] Brian DePalma, Newark NJ, movie director (“The Black Dahlia” [opening FRIDAY], The Untouchables”)

1958 [48] Scott Patterson, Philadelphia PA, TV actor (‘Luke Danes’ on “Gilmore Girls” since 2000)

1965 [41] Moby (Richard Melville Hall), NYC, techno/rock musician/producer (“18”, “South Side”)  FACTOID: His nickname is derived from his great-great granduncle Herman Melville, author of “Moby Dick”.

1967 [39] Harry Connick Jr, New Orleans LA, jazz/pop singer/composer (Grammy Awards-“When Harry Met Sally”, “We Are in Love”)/Broadway actor (“The Pajama Game”)/movie actor (“Independence Day”)/TV actor (“Will & Grace” 2002-06)

1977 [29] Jon Buckland, London UK, rock guitarist (Coldplay-“Talk”, “Clocks”)

1977 [29] Ludacris (Christopher Bridges), Champaign IL, rapper (w/Jamie Foxx-“Unpredictable”, “Roll Out [My Business]”)/movie actor (“Hustle & Flow”, “Crash”)

• “Boss/Employee Exchange Day”, when employers and employees are supposed to trade places to develop better understanding of one another. Does this mean you can fire her/him?

• “Honey, I Want to Start My Own Business Day”. (Tomorrow is “Get a Grip, Dreamer! We Got a Whack of Bills to Pay Day”.)

• “9-1-1 Day”, saluting the direct-dial emergency system. (In the UK it’s 9-9-9. In Australia it’s 0-0-0, aka the ‘forget-it-I’m-already-dead-because-I-still-have-a-rotary-phone system’.)

• “9/11 Remembrance Day”. 5 years ago at 8:46 am EDT, terrorists began the attack on NYC’s World Trade Center using hijacked commercial airliners. In the emotional aftermath, a US congressional vote requested the day be observed annually as “Patriot Day”, a  resolution which President Bush signed into law in December, 2001. The concept has never really caught on, perhaps because it’s misnamed? Being a victim of a horrific attack does not necessarily make you a patriot.

• “No News is Good News Day”, whose proponents claim if you don’t listen, read or watch any news for the day, you’ll feel better. (An annual observance from the ‘Head in the Sand Association’.)

• “Tricky Handshake Day”. Remember they only count if you spit on your hand first!

1966 [40] News magazine “W-FIVE” premieres on CTV (back when current co-host Lloyd Robertson was 32)

1996 [10] 1st recording by a major artist released exclusively on the Internet (David Bowie-“Telling Lies”)

1875 [131] 1st ‘Newspaper Comic Strip’ (“Professor Tigwissel’s Burglar Alarm” appears in “NY Daily”)

1935 [71] 1st ‘Demolition Derby’, at Yonkers Raceway NY (now we call it ‘morning commute’)

1946 [60] 1st ‘Car-to-Car Phone Conversation’ (as 1st idiot driver weaves all over the road)

[Tues] Video Game Day
[Tues] Chocolate Milkshake Day
[Wed] “Rock Star: Supernova” finalé (CBS/Global)
[Wed] Computer Programmers Day
[Thurs] “Survivor: Cook Islands” debuts
[Thurs] International Cross-Culture Day
[Fri] POW/MIA Recognition Day
[Fri] International Shellfish Festival (PEI)
[Sat] Independence Day (Mexico)
[Sun] “The Amazing Race 10″ debuts
[Sun] 2006 Terry Fox Run

Assisted Living Week / Habitat for Humanity’s International Building on Faith Week / Minority Enterprise Development Week / Suicide Prevention Week / Emergency Preparedness Week / Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness / No Bully Week / Fall Hat Week / Housekeepers Week / Mind Mapping For Project Management Week


According to UK psychologist Aric Sigman, the size and style of a computer typeface used in an e-mail or printed letter can tell its reader more about the writer’s personality than the words in the message. For example …
• ‘Courier’ – Used by old hack journalists, older administrative staff, and secretaries who harbor latent nostalgia for the bygone era of typewriters and carbon paper.
• ‘Times New Roman’ – Shows a compromise between old and new, conjuring up images of trustworthiness that make it a favorite of lawyers and traditional businesses.
• ‘Sans Serif Fonts’ – Styles such as ‘Arial’ and ‘Modern’ are classed as sensible … but dull.
• ‘New-Style Fonts’ – Styles such as ‘Georgia’ and ’Verdana’ come across as ‘funky and fashion-conscious’. (Hey, you might even be considered ‘hep’.)
– “Focus Magazine”

Before her success as a comedian, talk show host Ellen DeGeneres considered becoming a …
a. Wrestler
b. Golfer [CORRECT]
c. Fashion model
FACTOID: DeGeneres has just been announced as the host of NEXT YEAR’s 79th “Academy Awards”, making her the 3rd TV celebrity in-a-row to emcee Hollywood’s salute to motion pictures.

• What’s the perfect song for the ‘last dance’ of the night?
• Which movie star would you like to be cloned?

Before the toaster pops in 15 seconds [SFX here:], name 5 …
• Excuses for taking a sick day.
• Celebrities who’ve been in re-hab.
• Things you buy in a can.
• Reasons for turning up to work naked.
• Reasons to get fired from a job.

• Warning! The following program may be distracting. Listen only as directed.
• As the summer season draws to a close the National Short-Sleeved Shirt Association reminds you to: ‘Support our right to bare arms!’

Today’s Question: A poll of women asked, “What’s the most sensual thing to shop for?” Dessert ranked #1. THIS came in 2nd.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Shampoo.

Heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

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