Wednesday, September 7, 2005        Edition: #3110
New & Improved BS – Now With Added Brighteners!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY in NYC, Keith Urban & Lee Ann Womack will announce the nominees for the “CMA Awards” (to be handed out NOVEMBER 15th) . . . TONIGHT Regal Cinemas in 15 cities screen the documentary “The Flight That Fought Back”, the story of United Flight 93 which crashed on 9/11 in rural Pennsylvania (it runs on the Discovery Channel on the anniversary of the terrorist attacks) . . . Alas, actress Demi Moore has posted missing posters for her little dog ‘Louie’, fearful that her beloved Yorkie-Chihuahua mix may have been dragged away from her Hollywood Hills home 2 weeks ago by a coyote (didn’t Paris Hilton already pull this stunt?) . . . Author Michael Luckman (“Alien Rock: The Rock & Roll Connection”) claims  47-year-old Michael Jackson is working to develop a more ‘macho’ appearance while hiding out in Bahrain, toning up with workouts, using shorter wigs and wearing less makeup (David Letterman says he’s already switched to a more ‘manly’ mascara) . . . It seems “Dancing With the Stars” just wasn’t enough torture, so FOX-TV will next inflict “Skating with Celebrities” upon us, in which former competitive skaters Kurt Browning, Scott Hamilton, Nancy Kerrigan & Tai Babilonia try to teach has-been D-list stars Deborah Gibson, Todd Bridges, Bruce Jenner & Dave Coulier how to cut a figure 8 (bruised buns will ensue) . . . Movie actor Colin Farrell used to be a ‘mommy’s boy’ and his Irish accent wasn’t nearly as strong as it is now, according to the upcoming biography “Colin Farrell: Living Dangerously” by Jane Kelly . . . It seems partying papa Charlie Sheen & estranged wife Denise Richards truly are back together, planning a low-key oceanside ‘recommitment ceremony’ for this DECEMBER (hey Denise, get it in writing) . . . Summer 2005 was the worst for movie attendance since 1997, thanks to more Hollywood flops than usual . . . And word has it “Desperate Housewives” producers are trying to rein in cast members’ egos & outrageous demands by posting a list of ‘Rules of the Neighborhood’, which include ‘No Gossiping’, ‘No Backstabbing’ and – ‘No Gum-Chewing on the Set’ (and no running in the halls, dammit!).
 
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Britney Spears – The 5′-5″ soon-to-be-mom has gone from 119 lbs to about 170, a 51-lb increase, almost double the average pregnancy weight-gain.
• Elton John – He’s developing a sitcom called “Him & Us”, about the entourage surrounding a star called ‘Max Flash’. The character is based on himself, Mick Jagger, David Bowie & Rod Stewart.
• Gwen Stefani – She’s exploiting her No Doubt bandmate Tony Kanal’s recently-broken finger by using an X-ray of it as a design for T-shirts from her LAMB clothing line.
• Hilary Duff – TODAY she does TV’S syndicated “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Jessica Simpson – She launched her career on the Christian music circuit with the help of her former Southern Baptist minister dad Joe, but admits she now rarely goes to church and has basically abandoned her fundamental beliefs (thanks to Rev Joe’s pact with the devil).
• Joss Stone – TODAY she’s on “Live With Regis & Kelly”.
• Kelly Clarkson – She says she’s disappointed she hasn’t been involved in some kind of public spat with musical peers, and she wants to change that by picking a fight with Hilary Duff and perhaps Beyoncé, too. (That’d be 3 Texas girls getting after it.)
• Marc Anthony – TODAY he’s on ABC-TV’s daytime talk show “The View”.
• Shakira – She’s having a new school built in her hometown of Barranquilla, Colombia through her charity, the Barefeet Foundation.
• Sheryl Crow – A rep confirms she & champion cyclist Lance Armstrong are considering a spring wedding. Armstrong reportedly proposed LAST WEEK while they were in Sun Valley, Idaho.

TURNOVER TIMER:
A UK company has developed a bikini with a built-in timer which reminds the wearer to flip over every 15 minutes, and even wakes you up in case you fall asleep on the beach. According to the company which developed this technological leap, the ‘Tan-Timer’ bikini is aimed at the 59% of beach-goers who admit they’ve fallen asleep while sunbathing.
– “The Guardian”

HOW TO MAJOR:
John Challenger, CEO of outplacement firm Challenger, Gray & Christmas, offers the following tips for college students who want to succeed in a global economy …
• Learn another language. Chinese will especially be useful.
• Take ‘Acting 101′. It helps in business, sales and retail.
• Do lab work. Chemistry is key in the search for energy.
• Learn about other cultures and nations.
– “Parade” magazine.

CHI-CHI T-P:
In Japan, Spain and Germany the latest must-have item is – luxury toilet paper. In fact, in hygiene-conscious Japan, extra-thick, scented, aloe-moistened, non-recycled, sometimes pineapple enzyme-infused toilet paper is a well-established product. Earlier THIS SUMMER, Canada’s Scott Paper jumped on the bandwagon, launching ‘Cashmere from Cottonelle’, a premium 3-ply quilted tissue. (Considering what you do with the stuff, isn’t all of this a bit excessive?)
– September/October “Radar” magazine.

WHAT YOUR HANDWRITING SAYS ABOUT YOU:
• Large Letters: Usually the sign of a confident, easygoing individual.
• Huge Letters: Denotes someone who’s loud, theatrical & needs to be the center of attention.
• Wide Letters (width & height about the same): The mark of someone who’s open and friendly.
• Narrow Letters: Shows someone who’s kind of shy and inhibited but also very self-disciplined.
• Letters That Don’t Touch: An impulsive, artistic, sometimes impractical free-thinker.
• Some Letters Connecting: Means the writer’s personality blends logic and intuition.
• All Letters Making Contact: The calling card of someone who is highly cautious.
• A Curved First Mark: Shows a person who’s traditional and plays by the rules.
• A Straight Beginning Stroke: Reveals someone who’s rigid & doesn’t like being told what to do.
• A Final Stroke Straight Across: A clue that the writer is cautious.
• An End Mark That Curves up: Shows generosity.
• Perfect Penmanship: The hallmark of a communicative person.
• Indecipherable Scrawl: Indicates a person who’s secretive, closed-up & keeps thoughts within.
– “Focus”

3-D TV JUST 15 YEARS AWAY:
The Japanese have set a target of 2020 to make ‘Virtual Television’ a reality. The national project will bring together top researchers from government agencies, technology companies and universities to develop a TV which will allow people to view high-def images in 3 dimensions from any angle, and even allow the viewer to touch and smell the objects being projected. (And you think TV stinks now!)
– “Curious Times”

GENTLEMEN DON’T PREFER BLONDES:
According to a new survey by London’s City University, men now want their women to be brainy and sophisticated – characteristics normally associated with brunettes. Out of 1,500 guys polled, 51% say brunettes are more attractive.
– “Evening Standard”

ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?
Researchers at MIT have come up with an invention which will let you know if the person on the other end of a phone conversation gives a rat’s ass about what you’re talking about or not. The ‘Jerk-O-Meter’ is a piece of software which analyzes speech patterns and voice tones, then gives a rating of how engaged the person on the other end of the line is on a scale from 0-to-100. The program uses mathematical algorithms to measure levels of stress and empathy in a person’s voice. (Snoring rates a -12.)
– AP

CHOCOLATE ATTACK:
Nazi agents developed exploding chocolate bars and shoe bombs to attack the West during World War 2. Photographs of the objects have been cleared for release by the UK’s National Archives. The devices were intercepted by British intelligence in various locations, however, there is no evidence that they were ever actually used.
– BBC World News

TODAY’S QUOTE:
“And so many of the people in the arena here … were underprivileged anyway, so this is working very well for them.”  – Former US first lady Barbara Bush, on New Orleans flood victims taking shelter in the Houston Astrodome.

THE BULL SHEET 09.07.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1945 [60] Jacques Lemaire, LaSalle QC, NHL head coach (Minnesota Wild since 2000, 1995 Stanley Cup champion New Jersey Devils)/Hall of Fame NHL player (Montréal Canadiens)

1949 [56] Gloria Gaynor, Newark NJ, oldies singer (“I Will Survive”)

1951 [54] Chrissie Hynde, Akron OH, oldies singer (The Pretenders-“Brass In Pocket”)/PETA advocate

1951 [54] Julie Kavner, LA CA, TV actress (voice of ‘Marge Simpson’ on “The Simpsons” since 1989)

1961 [44] Leroi Moore, Durham NC, rock musician (Dave Matthews Band-“Crash Into Me”)

1973 [32] Shannon Elizabeth, Houston TX, movie actress (“American Pie” series)

1978 [27] Devon Sawa, Vancouver BC, movie actor (“Final Destination”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .

TODAY is “Take Another Look Day”, a day to survey your possessions and give surplus items to charity or reuse them in another project. In other words, dump some of your ‘stuff’!

TODAY through Sunday is the 15th annual “Fairytale Festival” in Jicin, Czech Republic when the entire town is turned into a fairytale kingdom. Children and the young-at-heart dress in costume and gather at the town fountain. Which fairytale character would you wanna be?

TODAY is “Neither Rain Nor Snow Day”, commemorating the motto of the US Postal Service – “Neither rain nor snow nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds”.

THIS MONTH is “National Emergency Preparedness Week”, a time to prepare for specific emergency situations at home, work, school, or when traveling. In the wake of Katrina, it makes all the more sense.
NET: http://www.ready.gov

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1979 [26] ESPN debuts on cable TV (filling the need for Australian Rules Football)

1986 [19] TV’s “Oprah Winfrey Show” debuts (the beginnings of a billionaire)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1888 [117] 1st baby placed in an ‘Incubator’, originally called a ‘Hatching Cradle’

1915 [90] 1st ‘Raggedy Ann’ doll (modeled after [co-host’s] body)

1984 [21] 1st ‘Platinum’ credit cards issued by American Express (because by then everybody has a ‘Gold’ card)

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] “Blondie” comic strip 75th anniversary
[Thurs] Fashion Rocks [NYC]
[Thurs] NFL Opening Kickoff 2005 [Foxboro MA]
[Thurs-Sept 17] Toronto International Film Festival
[Fri] “An Unfinished Life”, “The Exorcism of Emily Rose” & “The Man” open in movie theaters
[Fri-Sept 12] Canadian Country Music Week [Calgary]
[Sun] 9/11 Remembrance Day [Patriot Day]
This Week Is . . . Housekeepers Week
This Month is . . . Food Allergy Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• What happens when your train of thought gets stuck in the stream of consciousness?
• How winded must you be to use a candle snuffer?
• How come when my wife says she needs to talk, it’s never about football?
• We hang pictures of food in the kitchen. Why not porn in the bedroom?
• How long till we can punch someone by e-mail?
• Is New England really ‘new’ anymore? How about ‘Slightly Less Old England’?

BS Q & A:
Q: Out of every 10 children, how many sleepwalk?
A: About 1 in 10 children experience sleepwalking. (Mostly on the way to school.)

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• Which would you rather give up – some of your brains, some of your beauty, or some of your chutzpah?
• Should Canada’s oil companies be nationalized so that gasoline prices are regulated? (In a new Leger poll, 43% of respondents say ‘yes’.)
• Do teachers need a dress code? Some look like slobs; others tend to be a tad risqué.
• If you could have the voice of any famous person, living or dead, who would you pick?

BS FACT OR FICTION?
One of the following statements is fiction. But which one?
1.Greyhounds have the best eyesight of any breed of dog.
2.The greyhound can reach speeds as high as 65 mph. [Fiction. 45 mph.]
3.The greyhound breed was developed in Egypt about 5,000 years ago.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 52% of women and 39% of men have wanted to do THIS on-the-job, but haven’t.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Punch out a co-worker.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Outcome has a lot to do with income.