Tuesday, September 6, 2005        Edition: #3109
Sheet f. Bull

BS FROM THE WEEKEND TABLOIDS:
• The TV talent show “Iraq Star” continues to pull almost 60% of the nation’s viewers every night it’s on. A couple of the favorites to win the singing competition are a barber named Mohammed who sang Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” while dressed in fake leather jeans, platform shoes & a “Star Trek” t-shirt; and Bilal, a 12-year-old boy from Mosul whose own composition about the war’s destruction of Iraq had all the judges in tears.
– PopBitch.com
• Britney Spears says she’s not the biggest fan of her current wedding band so she’s upgrading. She’s having another wedding ring made with a more uncommon diamond which will likely be ready in time for her 1st wedding anniversary with Kevin Federline SEPTEMBER 18th.
– “Teen Hollywood”
• Jay-Z is said to have laid on some pricey bling to help make girlfriend Beyoncé’s 24th birthday on SUNDAY one to remember. The rapper dug deeper than a miner to come up with a  diamond & ruby ring worth over $2 million, then sprung another half-mill on a matching watch. Word is the two will wed sometime in the NEXT MONTH.
– “Daily Mirror”
• The secret romance between Nicole Kidman & country singer Keith Urban continues to heat up, with the couple stealing away to the Bahamas for a getaway that was so secret few on the islands even knew they were there. It seems they kept the lid on by staying at a private residence and using its staff to provide all their needs.
– “Star Magazine”
• Talk about your family pressure! Brad Pitt’s parents, Bill & Jane Pitt, have reportedly warned their son off Angelina Jolie, citing her bad track record on marriage: first with actor Jonny Lee Miller, then Billy Bob Thornton.
– “Daily Mail”
• Jennifer Aniston has agreed to her first post-Brad Pitt sit-down interview with Diane Sawyer on “Good Morning America”, which will reportedly happen within the next few weeks.
– “NY Post”
• Movie actress Gwyneth Paltrow had to miss the “Venice Film Festival” after a technical glitch forced her plane back to NYC. She was scheduled to make an appearance with Anthony Hopkins to promote their new film “Proof”, which was up for the festival’s ‘Golden Lion’ award.
– “The Sun”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Christina Aguilera – Russian billionaire Andrey Melnichenko reportedly paid her $2 million to sing just 2 songs at his wedding to model Alexandra Koktovicin in Antibes, in the south of France. Other entertainment on the bill included Whitney Houston, Enrique Iglesias and his dad Julio.
• Eurythmics – Annie Lennox & Dave Stewart have been recording together again and will have a single out OCTOBER 31st, their first new material in 6 years.    
• 50 Cent – TODAY his sophomore album “The Massacre” will be reissued with a previously unreleased track and – for the first time ever – videos for all 21 tracks also on the disc.
• Kayne West – When he departed from the script during FRIDAY’s “A Concert for Hurricane Relief” on NBC-TV to criticize Bush’s handling of the situation in New Orleans, the network cut away from him and later issued an apology for his remarks.
• Paul McCartney – He claims John Lennon still helps him write songs because he sometimes ‘hears him’ in his head.
• Rolling Stones – TODAY their first studio album in 8 years, “A Bigger Bang”, hits stores. They’ve teamed up with NASCAR for a promotional video of their new single “Driving Too Fast” that will be featured on some 5,800 movie screens.
• Also in music stores TODAY: Sarah McLachlan’s “Bloom: Remix Album”; North Mississippi All-Stars’ “Electric Blue Watermelon”.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Crash” (Crime Drama – DVD): A car accident brings together a group of strangers in Los Angeles who begin to discover their life stories are interwoven. The ensemble cast includes Sandra Bullock, Don Cheadle, Matt Dillon, Brendan Fraser & Ludacris.
• “Thunderstruck” (Comedy – DVD): 5 devoted AC/DC fans make a pact after a near-death experience at a 1991 concert and 12 years later fulfill their promise: they haul the remains of their dead comrade on a road trip to bury him next to rock legend Bon Scott. Darren Ashton directs this Australian comedy.
• Also out on DVD TODAY: “Toy Story: 10th Anniversary Edition”; Cirque Du Soleil’s “Midnight Sun”; and the 6-disc set “Lost: The Complete First Season”, which includes deleted scenes, casting tapes & bloopers from one of last TV season’s hottest first-year shows.

CRAZY, HAZY DAYS OF AUTUMN:
Fully 80% of college athletes are subjected to some kind of hazing when joining a varsity sports team, according to researchers at New York’s Alfred University. 40% of the victims say the experience was ‘questionable or unacceptable’. These rituals included branding, sexual acts, bondage, confinement, beatings and abandonment. An anti-hazing Website reveals the shocking fact that someone has died from hazing every year since 1970.
– “Globe & Mail”

AND NOW THE WiFi CAMERA:
Nikon and Eastman Kodak are racing to bring new ‘Wifi Cameras’ to market. Nikon’s ‘Coolpix’ is scheduled to hit stores SEPTEMBER 15th, and Kodak’s ‘Easyshare-One’ zoom digital camera will follow in OCTOBER. Both are touted for their ability to enable users to share photos immediately after they are snapped. Photos can also be transmitted directly to printers where they can be printed immediately. ‘Coolpix’ models begin at circa $400, while the ‘Easyshare-One’ camera including a Wi-Fi card will carry a MSRP of $599.
– “The Bosh”

ARCTIC OCEAN COULD BECOME ICE-FREE:
Scientists are warning that the current warming trends in the far north may push the Arctic system into a seasonally ice-free state within the next 100 years, a phenomenon not seen for more than a million years. A study by University of Arizona researchers suggests that the melting is accelerating and may raise sea levels worldwide, flooding coastal areas where a major portion of the world’s population lives. If it’s going to be warmer in the Arctic, imagine trying to survive in Arizona!
– “Eos”

MOST LOVING COUPLES IN HOLLYWOOD:
10. Seal & Heidi Klum
9. Melanie Griffith & Antonio Banderas
8. Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes
7. Kelly Ripa & Mark Consuelos
6. Eva Longoria & Tony Parker
5. John Travolta & Kelly Preston
4. Paris Hilton & Paris Latsis
3. Will Smith & Jada Pinkett Smith
2. Kate Bosworth & Orlando Bloom
1. Ashton Kutcher & Demi Moore
– “In Touch” magazine poll.

BS LAW & DISORDER:
• A trio of bungling burglars who stole 20 tons of fertilizer from Petrobras Energy in Rosario, Argentina also stole a cellphone … and that was their undoing. They continuously used the cellphone camera to take pictures of themselves, totally unaware that the phone was programed to send each photo to a personal Web page. After the pics were posted, they were analyzed by cops, the robbers identified and quickly arrested. According to a police spokesperson, “It was the easiest arrest ever!”
• A 40-year-old British man has been arrested in the Black Sea resort of Sunny Beach, Bulgaria for jumping on-stage at a karaoke bar to kick and punch a pair of singers. What ticked him off? Their rendition of Queen’s “We are the Champions” was apparently off-key. The two Bulgarian singers he attacked are suing for compensation, along with the owner of the bar.
• We’re not sure what this means – other than most Minnesotans’ taste seems to be in their mouths – but Paris Hilton’s men’s fragrance, ‘Paris Hilton Man’, has become the most stolen perfume at Macy’s in Minneapolis.
• A 51-year-old Romanian man who left the country for 4 years has been arrested by border guards when trying to re-enter his homeland. His name was found on an Interpol list of ‘dangerous fugitives’. His crime? Stealing 7 chickens from a neighbor in the town of Iasi. For that, the international chicken thief has been sentenced to 3-and-a-half years in the slammer.

DID YOU KNOW?
Nils Olav, a 6-year-old King Penguin at the Edinburgh Zoo, has been officially promoted to the rank of colonel-in-chief by the Kings’ Guards of Norway, who sponsor the zoo’s penguins.

THE BULL SHEET 09.06.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1943 [62] Roger Waters, Cambridge UK, classic rock singer/bassist (Pink Floyd-“Another Brick in the Wall”)

1947 [58] Jane Curtin, Cambridge MA, TV actress (she’ll star with Fred Savage in the upcoming ABC-TV series “Crumbs”, “3rd Rock from the Sun” 1996-2001, “Saturday Night Live” 1975-80)

1958 [47] Jeff Foxworthy, Atlanta GA, standup comedian (“You Might Be a Redneck”)/TV personality (“Blue Collar TV” since 2004, “The Jeff Foxworthy Show” 1995-97)

1963 [42] Mark Chesnutt, Beaumont TX, country singer (“It Sure is Monday”)

1964 [41] Rosie Perez, Brooklyn NY, movie actress (“White Men Can’t Jump”)

1970 [35] Macy Gray (Natalie McIntyre), Canton OH, one-hit-wonder pop singer (“Try”)

1971 [34] Dolores O’Riordan, Ballybricken, Ireland, alt-rock singer (Cranberries-“Linger”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Read a Book Day”, one of the highlights of “International Literacy Week”. Do illiterate people still get the full effect of Alphaghetti?

TODAY is “Fight Procrastination Day–Do It! Day”, a backlash to YESTERDAY’S “Be Late For Something Day”.

TODAY is “Iguana Awareness Day”. Anyone who’s ever found one in a sleeping bag is really aware!

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1997 [08] Millions watch worldwide on TV as Elton John sings “Candle in the Wind” at Princess Diana’s funeral at Westminster Abbey in London UK

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1910 [95] ‘Regina (later Saskatchewan) Roughriders Football Club’ formed

1952 [53] Canada’s 1st television station, CBFT Montréal, begins broadcasting (2 days later, CBLT starts up in Toronto)

1977 [28] 1st Canadian highway signs go metric (confused Canadians begin driving 100 mph)

1927 [78] 1st Harlem Globetrotters team formed

1959 [46] 1st ‘Barbie Doll’ sold by Mattel Toy Corporation

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1987 [18] Saskatchewan’s Dave Ridgway kicks CFL-record 60-yard field goal

1995 [10] Baltimore scalpers get $1000 a ticket to watch Cal Ripkin Jr break Lou Gehrig’s MLB ‘consecutive game record’ by playing in his 2,131st game (Camden Yards crowd cheers for 22 minutes, 15 seconds)

2000 [05] ‘Largest Gathering of World Leaders’ in history as more than 150 attend the “UN Millennium Summit” in NYC

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] CMA Awards nominations announced [NYC]
[Thurs] “Blondie” comic strip 75th anniversary
[Thurs] International Literacy Day
[Thurs] Fashion Rocks [NYC]
[Thurs] NFL Opening Kickoff 2005 [Foxboro MA]
[Thurs-Sept 17] Toronto International Film Festival
[Fri] Teddy Bear Day / Hot Dog Day / “An Unfinished Life”, “The Exorcism of Emily Rose” & “The Man” open in movie theaters
[Fri-Sept 11] Canada’s Longest Yard Sale [Eastern Manitoba]
[Fri-Sept 12] Canadian Country Music Week [Calgary]

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Suicide Prevention Week / Waffle Week / Payroll Week / Play Days

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS HORRIBLESCOPES:
Use ‘em all at once or one-at-a-time as the zodiac reading of the day …
• Aries: Your stars are in conflict. For details, see “Entertainment Tonight”.
• Taurus – Soon you will get into accounting, just for ‘the thrill of it’.
• Gemini – After another entire day spent trying to shuffle a deck of cards with your toes you will begin to question whether your job may soon be deemed superfluous.
• Cancer – You will see all your problems disappear this week. And then you’ll wake up.
• Leo – Today’s a good day to get out of an unpleasant task by pretending you are a chicken.
• Virgo – You will draw the attention of school officials with your encyclopedic knowledge of weapons.
• Libra – Your boss will become suspicious at your attempts to get more paid holidays when you claim 4 different religions and 6 different nationalities in a span of 2 weeks.
• Scorpio – Today’s a good time for you to make a bold new fashion statement. What’s the reason for matching socks anyway?
• Sagittarius – This week the world will spin around you. Perhaps you should lay off the booze a bit.
• Capricorn – You will find comfort and strength in those who care about you. Unfortunately, you’ll have trouble finding those who care about you.
• Aquarius – This is a good day to greet everyone with great enthusiasm with something along the lines of “Samantha! You’re still alive!”. Hey, everyone likes to feel appreciated.
• Pisces – You will get what’s coming to you … unless they mailed it.

BS ‘FIND THE FAKE’:
2 of the following are actual headlines from tabloids, the other one a total fake. But which one?
• “Hookers Selling Gift Certificates!”
• “One-Legged Dog Confused by Fire Hydrant!” [FAKE]
• “Coyotes Protect Alien Baby From Cops!”

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Almost 30% of the people who apply to be contestants on reality TV dating shows are rejected for THIS reason.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: They have herpes. (“Us Weekly”)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your children.