Friday, September 10, 2004         Edition: #2863
Bullseye!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Paris Hilton’s new book “Confessions of an Heiress: A Tongue-in-Chic Peek Behind the Pose” features over 300 photos crammed into its 179 pages (there would have been more but her crayon printing took up a lot of space) . . . Kitty Kelley’s new book “The Family: The Real Story of the Bush Dynasty” alleges that George W Bush snorted coke at Camp David while daddy George Sr was prez (not cocaine, Coke) . . . According to a new book about TV’s #1 show “CSI”, The Who’s “Who Are You?” became the program’s theme song after producers sent Pete Townshend a copy of the pilot episode – and he loved it! (seeing as the last Who hit was 20-odd years ago, he probably would have said ‘yes’ to “Sesame Street” … come to think of it, he probably would have preferred a kids’ show) . . . Martha Stewart will surrender to start serving her 5-month sentence for obstruction of justice as soon as there is a vacant cell at the currently full Danbury (CT) Federal Prison for Women (a cell with matching duvet and damask drapes that is) . . . A leak from the set of “Jeopardy!” divulges that record-setting super-player Ken Jennings will go down to defeat after 74 consecutive victories (show’s are pre-taped) after amassing total winnings of $2.5 million (his final appearance will air in late OCTOBER) . . . TV’s Bravo channel is inviting couch potatoes to create the next big sitcom with the 2 best viewer-written scripts airing on the net’s upcoming series “Situation: Comedy”, and the overall winner getting $25,000 and a year’s exclusive representation from Creative Artists Agency (hey, could they possibly be any worse than the regular fare on “According to Jim”?).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Backstreet Boys – SATURDAY they embark on a comeback attempt, appearing at the “For the Love of Children 3: A Tribute to Heroes” charity concert in Los Angeles.
• Christina Aguilera – Actress Kirsten Dunst says she’ll never sit next to Aguilera at an awards show again because all she does is babble away on her Blackberry the entire time.
• Ingram Hill – Singer/guitarist Justin Moore & drummer Matt Chambless first met and formed the band at the University of Memphis in 2000.
• Finger Eleven – Guitarist James Black says a lot of their self-titled album came together in a miniature castle in rural Ontario northwest of Toronto. Apparently it was a cool place to work, except for the flies.
• Christy Sutherland – TONIGHT she returns to the Grand Ole Opry stage, where she’ll continue to make appearances once a month. Later THIS MONTH she hits the road, opening for Emerson Drive.
• Brad Cotter – The Auburn AL singer/songwriter began singing as a young boy, moving to Nashville in 1993 to pursue a recording career. Winning USA Network’s “Nashville Star” sure helped.
• Scissor Sisters – TONIGHT they’re on “Late Night With Conan O’Brien”.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Cellular” (PG-13 Thriller): A young man (Chris Evans) receives a call on his cellphone from a woman (Kim Basinger) who says she’s been kidnapped and thinks she’s going to be killed along with her husband and son. The catch? She doesn’t know where she is and his cellphone battery might soon go dead. Story by Larry Cohen, the same writer who wrote “Phone Booth” (which is a suspiciously similar story).
• “Resident Evil: Apocalypse” (R-rated Horror Thriller): In this sequel to “Resident Evil” (2002), ‘Alice’ (Milla Jovovich), one of two survivors from the biochemical disaster in the first movie, wakes up in the middle of ‘Raccoon City’, a city of the dead, and must now escape before ‘Nemesis’, a mutated and seemingly unstoppable creature finds her. Filmed in Toronto, Brampton ON and at the Hamilton ON Cemetery.
• “Intern Academy” (Canadian-release Comedy): “SCTV” alumnus Dave Thomas wrote and directed a young all-Canadian ensemble cast in this send-up of the health-care system about nurses and doctors-in-training at decrepit St Albert’s Hospital. Cameos from Dan Aykroyd, Dave Foley & Matt Frewer. Shot in an abandoned hospital in Edmonton.

PARIS HILTON’S TIPS ON HOW TO BE AN HEIRESS:
• Be born into the right family.
• Choose your chromosomes wisely.
• Never, ever wake up before 10.
• Never, ever go to bed before 3.
• If all else fails, act bored.
– “Confessions of an Heiress: A Tongue-in-Chic Peek Behind the Pose”

YOU SCREAM, I SCREAM 812 TIMES:
The Heladeria Coromoto ice cream parlor in Merida, Venezuela holds the “Guinness World Record” for most ice cream flavors – 812 of them! To name a few …
• FISH: Smoked Trout, Tuna, Crab, Squid, Shrimp.
• BOOZE: Beer, Champagne, Wine, Aguardiente.
• VEGGIES: Onion, Spinach, Carrot, Black-Bean, Asparagus, Corn, Garlic.
• MEAT: Ham & Cheese, Hamburger & Fries, Fried Pork Rind.
• MISCELLANEOUS: Spaghetti-with-Cheese, Orange Blossom, Avocado, Coca-Cola.
It’s pretty amazing considering that when 73-year-old Portuguese immigrant Manuel Da Silva Oliveira opened the shop 22 years ago, he had only 4 flavors. He says he’ll add another 50 or 60 new ones this year. Even though it’s a record-breaking selection, the price is pretty reasonable – just 50 cents a scoop.
– “Chicago Tribune”

YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS STUFF UP:
• Inmates at Grafton Maximum Security Prison in New South Wales, Australia have been caught breeding deadly Redback Spiders, whose poison can be fatal. Why? They were milking them for venom which they then injected to get high.
• A groom in Sheffield UK had to do some quick thinking after his prankster pals shaved his eyebrows off during his bachelor party. The next day he showed up at the wedding with bits of black sock glued over each eye.
• Wind from Hurricane Frances that was purportedly captured in Florida and sealed in Tupperware containers has been attracting bids up to 10 bucks on eBay.
• Seven people attending a self-help seminar with the motto, “If You Can Walk Over Hot Coals You Can Do Anything” are now recuperating at a Rohrbach, Austria hospital with severe burns from sauntering along a 32-foot bed of glowing embers. Uh, the slogan has been retired.

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 98% of women have practised their kissing technique in front of a mirror.    
• 65% of us weigh ourselves on a scale at least 4 times a week.
• 50% of the world’s lawyers are American.
• 33% of men pluck their eyebrows but would never admit it to another guy.
• 17% of women have ditched a blind date as soon as they saw him, without even meeting him.
• 11% of women would not trust a man to buy a thoughtful or practical gift.

AND WE QUOTE:
“I’ve never used an ATM.” – Billionaire Donald Trump telling “Playboy” magazine he doesn’t handle cash a whole bunch.

THE BULL SHEET 09.10.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1950 [54] Joe Perry, Lawrence MA, rock guitarist (Aerosmith-“I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing”, “Dream On”)

1960 [44] Colin Firth, Grayshott UK, movie actor (“Bridget Jones’ Diary”, “Shakespeare in Love”)  COMING UP: The sequel “Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason”, coming in NOVEMBER.

1966 [38] Joe Nieuwendyk, Oshawa ON, NHL center (Toronto Maple Leafs, 2003 Stanley Cup-New Jersey Devils)

1968 [36] Guy Ritchie, Hatfield UK, movie director (“Snatch”, “Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels”)/2003 ‘Worst Director’ & ‘Worst Picture’ Razzie Awards (“Swept Away”)/Mr Madonna since 2000/father of 3-year-old Rocco

1974 [30] Ryan Phillippe (FIL-uh-pee), New Castle DE, movie actor (“Gosford Park”, “Cruel Intentions”)/Mr Reese Witherspoon since 1999

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS:
1965 [39] Moby (Richard Melville Hall), NYC, techno/rock musician/producer (“We Are All Made of Stars”, “South Side”)

1967 [37] Harry Connick Jr, New Orleans LA, jazz/pop singer (Grammy Awards-“When Harry Met Sally”, “We Are in Love”)/movie actor (“Hope Floats”, “Independence Day”)/TV actor (‘Dr Leo Markus’ on “Will & Grace” since 2002)

1977 [27] Jonny Buckland, Mold WALES, rock guitarist (Coldplay-“Clocks”, “In My Place”)

1977 [27] Ludacris (Christopher Bridges), Champaign IL, rapper (Shawnna f/Ludacris  Shake That Sh*t, Usher f/Ludacris & Lil’ Jon-“Yeah”, Chingy f/Snoop Dogg & Ludacris-“Holidae In”) COMING UP: Ludacris will be heard on the “Shark Tale” soundtrack with “Gold Digger”.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is the 1st annual “World Suicide Prevention Day” as declared by the International Association for Suicide Prevention. The idea is to raise awareness of one of our biggest killers. (And here’s the 1st-ever ‘Happy Suicide Prevention Day’ Hallmark greeting card – “Razors pain you; Rivers are damp; Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren’t lawful; Nooses give; Gas smells awful; You might as well live!” … thank you.)

TODAY through Monday is “Canadian Country Music Week” in Edmonton, culminating in the annual “Canadian Country Music Awards”. Activities include ‘Fanfest, drinking, a celeb golf tournament, the Guitar Pull, drinking, plus various seminars & showcases and … drinking.
PHONER: 780.497.4548 (Aimee Hill, CCMA Publicist)
NET: http://www.ccma.org/ccmatoday/cmw/index.htm

TODAY is officially “Swap Ideas Day”, set aside to encourage creative thinking and new solutions to old problems. (So your co-workers can take all the credit.)

SATURDAY is “Patriot Day”. As agreed by US Congress on December 18, 2001, the anniversary of 9/11 is to be observed as a day of remembrance for the victims of terrorism, with flags flown at half-staff, and a moment of silence in honor of those who lost their lives.

SATURDAY is “National Tricky Handshake Day”. (Remember they only count if you spit on your hand first!)

SATURDAY is “No News is Good News Day”, whose proponents claim if you don’t listen, read or watch any news for the day, you’ll feel better. (An annual observance from the ‘Head in the Sand Association’.)

THIS WEEKEND “The Volley Superbowl” takes place at White Thorn Lodge in Darlington PA. Nearly 2,000 show up for the annual tourney. Oh, almost forgot, this is NAKED volleyball!
PHONER: 724.846.5984
NET: http://www.whitethornlodge.com

ALSO THIS WEEKEND …
• “California Prune Festival” (Yuba City CA)
• “Watermelon Seed-Spitting & Speed-Eating Championship” (Pardeeville WI)

SUNDAY is “National Grandparents’ Day”, honoring those kindly folks who get to spoil our kids rotten without paying any consequences.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1964 [40] Rod Stewart’s 1st (less-than-successful) recording “Good Morning Little Schoolgirl” is released (his taste in women hasn’t changed)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1897 [107] 1st convicted ‘drunk driver’ rams a taxi-cab into a building (George Smith-London UK)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1858 [146] John Holden hits baseball’s 1st recorded ‘home run’ (for Brooklyn vs NY)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] 9/11 Remembrance Day (aka ‘Patriot Day’ in the US)
[Sat] I Want to Start My Own Business Day
[Sat] Federal Lands Cleanup Day
[Sun] Video Game Day
[Sun] Chocolate Milkshake Day
[Sun] Pet Memorial Day
[Mon] Boss/Employee Exchange Day
[Wed] World Music Awards (Las Vegas)
This Week Is . . . Substitute Teacher Appreciation Week
This Month Is . . . National Impotence Month (are you up for it?)

BULL’S BITS . . .
WHICH DAY DO WE WORK HARDEST?
The days employees are most productive …
Tuesday . . . 51%
Monday . . . 17%
Wednesday . . . 15%
Don’t Know . . . 11%
Thursday . . . 5%
FRIDAY . . . 1%
– Accountemps survey.

DID YOU EVER WONDER?
• Whyzit every time my world gets interesting, they cut to commercial?
• Whyzit a cowboy needs two spurs? If one side of the horse goes, doesn’t the other?
• Whyzit the word ‘little’ is twice as large as the word ‘big’?
• Whyzit the road signs that say ‘SLOW CHILDREN’ have a picture of a kid running?
• Whyzit nothing is as easy as it looks?

TOP SWAPS:
The week’s most requested music files online …
1. Nelly – “My Place”
2. Lil’ Flip – “Sunshine”
3. Usher – “Confessions Part 2″
4. Ciara – “Goodies”
5. Mase – “Welcome Back”
– Big Champagne online music measurement.

TOP TENNIS HOTTIES:
Most downloaded female tennis players …
1. Maria Sharapova
2. Anna Kournikova
3. Serena Williams (?)
4. Venus Williams (??)
5. Steffi Graff (????)
– New screensavers.com ranking.

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• What’s the worst thing you’ve done to get revenge using the Internet?
• Boomers may be getting older but research shows they don’t like the term ‘seniors’. So what should we call them?

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• Hey, N-SYNC’S Joey Fatone got married YESTERDAY. Every time I see a picture of him I find it ironic his name is spelled ‘FAT ONE’.
• Nowadays we can’t have sock hops at school … due to insurance.
• When you get down to it, the fart is nature’s biggest contribution to humor.
• Presidential candidate John Kerry is demanding that Canada stop sending its trash to the US. Avril Lavigne is threatening to sue for defamation.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: How’s your marriage? Only 29% of couples agree on THIS.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Politics.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Well done is better then well said.