September 26, 2000                                           Edition:  #1897

WORLD’S THINNEST BOOKS:
• “Career Opportunities for Philosophy Majors”
• “Joe Clark: The Wild Years”
• “The Great Cars of Russia”
• “A Guide to the Fine Wines of Saskatchewan”
• “The Hansard Report on Parliamentary Accomplishments on Fridays”
• “Everything Men Know About Women”
• “Canadian Gold Medalists at the 2000 Games”

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Regis Philbin’s new book “Who Wants to Be ME?” is out TODAY, in which he rants about Kathie Lee Gifford, wife Joy, bodily functions and other trials and tribulations of being Reg’ (yeah, life’s tough when you have 2 TV shows and change for a billion in your pocket) . . . TONIGHT Andrew Lloyd Webber’s latest musical “The Beautiful Game” opens in London, about — get this — a Belfast soccer team at the height of the Northern Ireland conflict (featuring that showstopping tune “Gotta Get Grenades and Guzzle Guinness”) . . . “Survivor” winner Richard Hatch finally has a book deal – “101 Survival Secrets: How to Make a Million Dollars, Lose 110 lbs and Live Happily Ever After” will be released in NOVEMBER.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
“The Flintstones: Viva Rock Vegas”, a ‘prequel’ to the ‘94 comedy hit, has the ‘Flintstones’ and ‘Rubbles’ visiting Vegas . . . Vancouver actor Devon Sawa stars in the  thriller “Final Destination” as  a high schooler whose friends start getting killed off one by one after he has a vision . . . . Natalie Portman stars in “Where the Heart Is” as a pregnant 17-year-old trying to rebuild her life after being dumped by her boyfriend.

WATCH OUT FOR THE DISMOUNT:
Brothels are legal in Sydney and the rest of the Australian state of New South Wales, so local newspapers are full of ads promising ‘Sprints! Relays! and Marathons!’. One brothel near the Olympic complex claims it has ‘Gold Medal Specialists’. Another says, ‘We always go the distance!’. (I’d settle for the 2-minute freestyle.)

GUARANTEED PHONE FLASHER:
A “Redbook” survey asks women their ‘post-pleasure peeves’. The worst things men do right after sex – ‘talking about an old girlfriend’, ‘putting on underwear’, ‘jumping up to take a shower’ and, of course, ‘immediately falling asleep’.

MONEY MACHINES:
New stats show that the average person will use this machine more than 5,000 times in their lifetime and be rewarded with over $250,000 in cash. Nope, not a one-armed bandit. According to NCR Canada, it’s those ubiquitous ABMs!

PARTS DEPARTMENT:
In a “Glamour” magazine model survey, most models pick their lips as their best body part, and as their worst — most pick their feet. (Even if you’re a model, picking your feet is gross!)

YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR:
Australia has invested over $12 million (CDN) in its ‘Medal Rewards Scheme’ in which athletes are paid for winning Olympic medals. In addition, Australia Post pays gold medal winners a fat fee for using their pics on postage stamps. In contrast, Canada’s athletes receive only a $550 to $1,100 monthly stipend for living expenses. (Why they’re 2nd and we’re 29th.)

THE BULL SHEET 09.26.00

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1948    [52] Olivia Newton-John, Cambridge ENG [raised Melbourne AUS], pop singer (“Physical”)/movie actress (“Grease”) who performed in Sydney Olympics opening ceremonies
1956    [44] Linda Hamilton, Salisbury MD, movie actress (“Terminator I & II”)/ex-Mrs James Cameron
1965    [35] Cindy Herron, San Francsico CA, R&B/pop singer (En Vogue-“Riddle”, “Free Your Mind”)
1972     [28] Shawn Stockman, Philadelphia PA, R&B/pop singer (Boyz II Men-“I’ll Make Love to You”)
1981    [19] Serena Williams, Saginaw MI, pro tennis player (won 1999 US Open) NOTE: Fashion dolls of her and tennis-playing sister Venus will be in stores for this holiday season

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
The annual “Engagement Festival” THIS WEEK in Imilchil, Morocco is one of the world’s largest ‘marriage markets’. Some 20,000 gather each year to arrange marriages. After all kinds of shouting and waving of negotiating papers, available singles are finally paired up to sign marriage contracts.

The world’s largest public festival, the original “Oktoberfest”, is tippling through OCTOBER 3 in Munich, Germany. The 167th annual beer bash will attract 6 million visitors who’ll consume over 5 million litres of lager during the 18-day orgy of suds, sausage and song in a dozen gigantic beer tents.

ON THIS DAY . . .
1988    [12] Canada’s Ben Johnson stripped of 100-metre Olympic gold medal after failing drug test

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1964    [36] 1st episode of “Gilligan’s Island” (“Survivor” 1960s-style)
    • What was ‘The Skipper’s’ full name? (‘Jonas Grumby’, mentioned only in first episode.)
    • What was ‘The Professor’s’ name? (‘Roy Hinkley’)
    • What was ‘Gilligan’s’ first name? (‘Willy’, mentioned only once in the pilot show.)
1969    [31] 1st episode of TV’s “The Brady Bunch” (“Mike & Carol’s Wedding”)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1960     [40] Longest speech in United Nations history (4 hours, 29 minutes by Fidel Castro)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Ancestor Appreciation Day
[Thurs] Ask A Stupid Question Day
[Fri] MLB Playoffs begin
National Food Service Employees Week (“Do you want fries with that?”)
Be Kind to Editors and Writers Month (by paying your BS bill!)

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS DOUBLE G GAME: (each word of the 2-word answers to the following begin with the letter ‘G’)
• The Queen’s representative in Canada. (Governor-General)
• Belinda Carlisle’s 1980s band. (The Go-Gos)
• He’s the legendary Canadian classical pianist. (Glenn Gould)
• It’s as close as ‘Charlie Brown’ ever got to swearing. (“Good grief!”)
• It’s the University of Guelph football team. (Guelph Gryphons.)
• She’s the Swedish-born 1930s Hollywood star who ‘vanted to be alone’. (Greta Garbo)
• They’re the awards handed out by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. (Golden Globes)

BS TAG LINE:
Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking!