September 20 2022

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Tuesday, September 20, 2022 — Edition: #7314

Another Sheetload of Bull!


★ ***UPDATE*** Woody Allen has refuted reports that he is retiring after completing his 50th film, “Wasp 22,” through a spokesperson’s statement to multiple media outlets. In an interview with Spanish newspaper La Vanguardia published Saturday, the 86-year-old director was quoted as saying, “My idea, in principle, is not to make more movies and focus on writing,” with his next project being a novel. But now, a spokesperson clarified that Allen “never said he was retiring, nor did he say he was writing another novel,” but “said he was thinking about not making films, as making films that go…very quickly to streaming platforms is not so enjoyable for him, as he is a great lover of the cinema experience. Currently, he has no intention of retiring.”
★ Kate Winslet was reportedly rushed to hospital after suffering a leg injury on set in Croatia. She’s currently filming in the village of Kupari and required medical attention after reportedly slipping on the set of new biopic “Lee”, according to Croatian press. The “Titanic” star, playing the title role of Vogue photographer Elizabeth “Lee” Miller in the upcoming HBO movie – is said to have been taken to a nearby hospital following a 15-minute journey in a black van and arrived at the medical facility wearing black clothes and a face mask. Fortunately, her injuries couldn’t be too severe, as a rep said she’ll be carrying on with shooting “as planned” this week, with the trip to hospital having been described as a measure of “precaution.”
★ The next “Yellowstone” prequel series, “1923”, has brought in another major star. Robert Patrick, best known for his roles in “Terminator 2: Judgement Day” and “Sons of Anarchy”, will star as a sheriff in the Paramount+ show. 1923 already stars Harrison Ford and Helen Mirren. Patrick was cast as ‘Sheriff William McDowell’, a friend of the Dutton family. The new series focuses on the Dutton generation that survived the difficult first decades of the 20th Century, through the end of World War I and the beginning of prohibition. Production is underway in Montana, and the show will launch in December.
★ “M*A*S*H” celebrated its 50th anniversary on Saturday. Two of the show’s surviving stars, Alan Alda and Mike Farrell, reunited to celebrate the occasion. Alda who is 86, starred in all 256 episodes as ‘Capt. Benjamin Franklin “Hawkeye” Pierce’. 83-year-old Farrell joined in Season 4 as ‘Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt’. Alda tweeted: “Mike Farrell and I today toasting the 50th anniversary of the show that changed our lives – and our brilliant pals who made it what it was. MASH was a great gift to us.” The two stars clinked wine glasses and smiled for the camera. LINK:

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Chris Pine, Chad Kroeger, JT Parr, Madison Cunningham
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Kaley Cuoco, Mike Birbiglia, Ari Lennox
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Billy Eichner, Samantha Power
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Ana de Armas, Reba McEntire, Ms. Pat, Craig Reynolds
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Josh Duhamel, Judy Greer, Nina Nesbitt
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Kyle Vilijoen, Benny Crawley
• “The Talk” (CBS): Phil Keoghan
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Billy Eichner
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (Check local listings): Gabrielle Union, Dwyane Wade, Jurnee Smollett
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (Check local listings): Regina Hall, Cameron Diaz
• “Jennifer Hudson Show” (Check local listings): Sheryl Lee Ralph
• “The Bachelorette” (ABC): Season 19 finale. Gabby and Rachel are each down to one man looking for lifelong love; The new bachelor makes his debut.
• “FBI” (CBS): Season 5 premiere. Followed by season premieres of FBI: International and FBI: Most Wanted.
• “Pawn Stars” (HIS): The gang rolls the dice and takes a gamble on one-of-a-kind vintage Las Vegas memorabilia.


• Lil Nas X – his next single, ‘Star Walkin’’, will be released on Friday. He made the announcement on Twitter, with a photo of him sporting a white wig and ruffled black jacket. LINK:
• Post Malone – says he’s OK after taking a hard fall on stage during his concert in St. Louis Saturday. After tripping into an uncovered hole, he laid on the stage for several minutes as medics tended to him. Later, he returned, accepted a beer from a fan, and finished an abbreviated set. He was later prescribed pain meds for bruised ribs, and the rest of his tour is unaffected. LINK:
• Elton John – has a performance booked at the White House. Friday, he’ll be entertaining an audience on the South Lawn at “A Night When Hope and History Rhyme.” The invite-only event is part of the activities returning to the White House following the ease of COVID-19 restrictions.
• Van Halen – Saturday, a ribbon-cutting ceremony was held for the Van Halen Stage at a new park in Eddie Van Halen’s hometown of Pasadena, California – where the band was founded 50 years ago. The stage name was selected by public vote. LINK:
• Ozzy Osbourne – has unreleased material featuring late Foo Fighter Taylor Hawkins. Hawkins played drums on a number of tracks on Ozzy’s new album “Patient Number 9”, and Osbourne’s producer told Rolling Stone “There’s a bunch of other stuff with Ozzy and Taylor” that will be used in a future project.
• Big & Rich — Big Kenny Alphin and his wife Christiev have partnered with auction platform Everything But The House to sell some unique items, including furniture, art, guitars and some of Big Kenny’s stage-wear–including his signature top hats. Proceeds will benefit Tunnel to Towers, which provides homes to fallen first responder families and smart homes for injured vets and first responders. LINK:
• Scotty McCreery – is dropping a deluxe version of his 2021 “Same Truck” album. The new version, with 6 bonus songs, will arrive on vinyl, digital and CD on Nov. 18. He’s already released ‘Nothin’ Right’, which he says gets a great response when he plays it live. LINK:
• Loretta Lynn — is selling her 4-bedroom, 3-bathroom, 3,400-square-foot home in a rural community near Nashville. The residence, described as “finished to a T”, sits on more than 5 acres of land directly on the Harpeth River, offering more than 300 feet of waterfront access. List price: $799,000.


If you’re using the networking site LinkedIn to search for a job, it seems the most effective tactic is to make some brief introductions and form a large network of acquaintance-like relationships on the platform, according to a digital labor study. Job-seekers on LinkedIn who develop “weak ties” with a broad spectrum of people in their industry are more likely to find new work than those who tend to form fewer but closer, lasting relationships. The new study, published by MIT, Harvard and Stanford University academics, shows that weak ties lead to more job applications and access to more opportunities. The findings suggest that a 1973 networking theory called the “strength of weak ties” is still very relevant among today’s algorithm-driven employers. The scientists say that even today, this method leads to more promotions and wage increases, particularly in a world driven by high tech or remote work.
(I’ve gotta admit — they’re probably right. Because I’m MUCH more likely to be recommended for a job by someone who hardly knows me!)
(Also, don’t post nudes!)

It’s a situation every new parent has faced: After falling into a deep, the baby has awakened, and just won’t stop crying. Being held, swaddled, and sung to doesn’t seem to help. Now, it seems scientists in Japan have finally figured out the secret to success. They say a 5-minute walk, followed by cuddling in a chair is the key to getting a crying baby back to sleep. A study determined that holding and carrying a crying baby works better than a simple cuddle, because it causes physiological changes, including slowing the heart rate. This phenomenon, known as the “transport response”, is also seen in dogs and monkeys. Researchers observed that when these animals pick up their infants and start walking, the bodies of their young tend to become docile, and their heart rates slow. The researchers are now developing an app based on their findings, which will alert parents if they need to pick their baby up.
(Nice. Anyone got an app to remind me to pick my teenager up – from school?)
(Did they think to check the diaper first?)


If you’ve got a teenager, I’m sure you’ve heard him/her say they “can’t live” without the new iPhone 14. But in Laos, a small country bordering China, apparently some are willing to live with one kidney in exchange for a new iPhone. And it has brought a huge wave of concern. A viral image posted by a beauty clinic shows a group of people holding up their new iPhone, while displaying their “surgical scars”, after supposedly selling their kidneys in return. Many believed the photo to be real, however, it has been reported that the clinic, Dr. Nith Beauty Center, used the images as a marketing gimmick. Thai Red Cross Organ Donation Center has condemned the stunt, calling it “immoral”, and pointed out: “There is no organ trading like this. It’s prohibited.” The iPhone 14 retails for ($1,250-$1,940), while Thais earn $343 minimum wage a month. LINK:
(Dumb thing to do for a smartphone!)
(No thanks. I’d much rather get my iPhone the old-fashioned way. Selling my kids’ Pokemon cards!)

An experiment to determine the best way to turn a doorknob, and another to find out if constipation wreaks havoc on the mating habits of scorpions, were both winners of 2022 Ig Nobel awards. The doorknob study won in the Engineering category, while the constipation study was ground-breaking enough to pick up the Biology prize. Other highlights of the “32nd First Annual Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony” — a parody of the prestigious Nobel Prizes – which took place remotely on Thursday…
⇒ Physics: for not one but 2 pieces of research “trying to understand how ducklings manage to swim in formation.”
⇒ Literature: a 7-page study of why legal documents are unnecessarily difficult to understand (it all comes down to poor writing, apparently…)
⇒ Peace:  an algorithm that helps gossipers decide when to tell the truth and when to lie, shining a light on the “critical role of gossip in maintaining world peace.”
⇒ Economics: for using math to explain why success often goes to the luckiest people, not to the most talented.
⇒ Safety Engineering: for developing a moose crash-test dummy to see how cars would crumple when colliding with large wildlife.
⇒ Applied Cardiology: for a study that showed when new romantic partners meet for the first time, and feel attracted to each other, their heart rates synchronize.
⇒ Medicine: for showing that when patients undergo some forms of chemotherapy, they suffer fewer side effects when ice cream replaces one traditional component of the procedure. (What “Ig Nobel” prize should you be considered for?)

Ferrari has produced its first SUV – but don’t call it that. The legendary Italian automaker’s first 4-door production vehicle has seats for 4 people and space for plenty of cargo. It also features 4-wheel-drive and a V-12 engine capable of cranking out 715 horsepower. And with the company’s sporting and racing history, Ferrari insists it is not unsophisticated “Sport Utility Vehicle.” The Ferrari Purosangue, which means “pure blood” in Italian, might look like a crossover SUV but the company is calling it a “car”.


• “Gibberish Day”, highlighting the uselessness of the convoluted terminology and gobbledy-gook spouted by those who are masking their lack of knowledge and expertise or who are just too spineless to make a clear statement. (Try this ‘Gibberish Generator’: )
• “Punch Day”, the word ‘punch’ is said to come from the Hindustani word ‘panch’, which means ‘five’. In the early 1600s, sailors and employees of the British East India Company brought a new exotic drink from India to England. The beverage was made from spirits, lemon, sugar, water, and tea.
• “Cheese String Day”, perhaps the most enjoyable part of String Cheese is deciding how to eat it. Most people go for the classic “peel down and chow down” method—separating each stick into thin strands. Or just chomp off a chunk, as if it were regular cheese… (Which do you call it: ‘Cheese String’ or ‘String Cheese’?)
• “Pepperoni Pizza Day”, celebrating America’s favorite variety of pizza. Here is some interesting trivia on the ever-popular pizza:
⇒ The first pizza was sold in Naples Italy in 1738.
⇒ Pizzas most likely evolved as a variation of flatbreads.
⇒ Pepperoni is the most popular, preferred by 36% of people (and 100% of children at a birthday party).
⇒ Over 3 billion pizzas are sold in the US each year.
⇒ More pizzas are sold on Super Bowl Sunday than any other day of the year.
⇒ Halloween is the second most popular day for eating pizza.
⇒ Over 17% of restaurants are pizzerias, or serve pizza.
⇒ Americans consume over 23 pounds of pizza per person per year.
• “Get Ready Day”, created by the American Public Health Association to remind communities, campuses, and workplaces to be prepared for emergencies and disasters. The day coincides with National Preparedness Month.

[Wed] Miniature Golf Day
[Wed] World Alzheimer’s Day
[Thurs] First Day of Fall
[Fri] Love Note Day
This Week Is…Indoor Plant Week
This Month Is…Library Card Sign-up Month

1934 [88] Sophia Loren (Scicolone), Rome Italy, movie actress (1962 Best Actress Oscar- “Two Women”, 1991 Honorary Career Achievement Oscar)

1948 [74] George RR Martin, Bayonne NJ, novelist/TV writer and producer (“Game of Thrones”, which is based on his series of books, “A Song of Ice and Fire”)/6 Primetime Emmy nominations, 4 wins

1966 [56] Nuno Bettencourt, Praia da Vitória Portugal (raised Hudson MA), rock guitarist (Extreme-‘More Than Words’, ‘Hole Hearted’), Rihanna’s guitarist since 2009

1968 [54] Ben Shepherd, Okinawa Japan, rock bassist (Soundgarden-‘Spoonman’, ‘Black Hole Sun’)

1976 [46] Jon Bernthal, Washington DC, TV actor (“The Walking Dead” 2010-18, “The Punisher” 2017-19)

1990 [32] Phillip Phillips, Albany GA, pop singer (‘Home’, ‘Gone, Gone, Gone’, Season 11 winner of “American Idol”)

1946 [76] The Cannes Film Festival debuts on the French Riviera (The world’s top-ranked)
[***Proper pronunciation: a hybrid of ‘ken’ and ‘can’:  ***]

2003 [19] “Will & Grace” star Megan Mullally marries Nick Offerman (“Parks and Recreation”) in Los Angeles

2004 [18] Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones claims to have finally given up illegal drugs, in part because “the quality’s gone down” (In a 2015 interview, however, he says he still likes to begin his day by smoking a joint)

2005 [17] Canadian JD Fortune wins the CBS reality competition “Rock Star: INXS” to become the group’s new lead singer. He stays with the group until 2011

2017 [05] Cardi B marries fellow singer and rapper Offset

1921 [101] The first ‘Radio Newscast’ airs, on KDKA in Pittsburgh PA

2011 [11] USA ends its ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ policy, allowing gay men & women to serve in the military openly for the first time

1998 [24] After playing in a Major League Baseball-record 2,632 consecutive games over 16 seasons, Cal Ripken Jr. of the Baltimore Orioles finally sits out a game vs NY Yankees

2019 [03] Students from 185 countries stage the world’s largest-ever protest on climate change, culminating in a Manhattan rally led by activist Greta Thunberg


✓ Rain contains vitamin B12.
✓ Viruses can get viruses.
✓ Electric cars were introduced in 1896, and by the end of the century, almost 50% of cars worldwide were electric.
✓ A car traveling 100 mph (160 km/h) would take more than 29 million years to reach the nearest star, aside from our Sun.
✓ Cats don’t have a collarbone, and therefore  can fit through any opening the size of their head.
✓ Scientists have concluded that the chicken came first, not the egg, because the protein which makes egg shells is only produced by hens.
-FactSLides, BathroomReadersInstitute

Best of BS . . .

• Shouldn’t you actually be called “Bigfeet”?
• Have you ever met “Bigsock”?
• Can I get a selfie?
• Are you also blurry in real life?
• Chewbacca: Friend or foe?
• Where’d you get the Uggs?
• So, is “Sasquatch” your legal name, then?
• Is it true what they say about having big feet?
• Wanna play chess?
• So, how’d you get the name?
-Twitter, first published in BS in 2019

• A new version every 3 months or whatever.
• Voicemail. Like I’m ever gonna check that.
• The $1,000 price tag.
• “Screen time”. I already know I’m on my phone all day!
• Airbag.
• Swiss Army Knife.
• Blockbuster locator app.
• Mansplaining app.
• The user.
• According to Apple, the headphone jack.
-Twitter, first published in BS in 2019

Stop showing off, Dad…:

You haven’t experienced awkward until you tickle someone who isn’t ticklish.

What ridiculous and untrue, yet slightly plausible, theories can you come up with for the cause of common ailments like headaches or cavities?

Question:  If you’re average, you have 3 or these, but you probably only use 2 of them. What are they?
Answer:  Email addresses

It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation.


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