September 13 2021

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Monday, September 13, 2021 — Edition: #7065

The BS Press!


The Bull Sheet will not be publishing Thursday September 16 through Friday September 17 to allow staff to enjoy a final summer vacation period. All subscribers will receive credit for the non-service days. Following the Wednesday September 15 edition, the Bull Sheet will return for Monday September 20.

★ Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards’ oldest daughter has stunned her famous parents by saying she’s happier than ever after moving out of an “abusive household”. 17-year-old Sami Sheen made the shocking allegation in a TikTok video, which she has since posted as private. Since then, she’s posted a happier video and added: “now: finally moved out of the hell house, had a spiritual awakening, own 2 cats, happy single, full of self love, and dropped out of high school.”
★ Unspecified health issues will keep Wendy Williams from promoting Season 13 of her talk show. An Instagram post says she’s “dealing with some ongoing health issues and is undergoing further evaluations. She will not be able to complete her promotional activities (this) week, but can’t wait to be back in her purple chair on Monday, September 20th for the 13th season premiere.” Williams has battled various maladies over the last few years, including Graves disease, an immune system disorder, that dates to 1999.
★ Ellen DeGeneres is celebrating her almost two-decade tenure on-air with the first show of the final season of the much-loved talk show today. The new season will see a studio full of first-time audience members and interviews with Jennifer Aniston, Jimmy Kimmel, Tiffany Haddish, Kim Kardashian West and Imagine Dragons. In a sneak peek video, Ellen said she has “missed everyone so much,” and told the crowd, “I’m Ellen, don’t get too attached, this is my last season.”
★ Billy Bob Thornton has joined the cast of the “Yellowstone” prequel series “1883,” taking on a guest starring role in the Paramount+ drama. He’ll play ‘Marshal Jim Courtright’, joining previously announced regulars Sam Elliott, Tim McGraw and Faith Hill. The prequel centers on an earlier generation of the Dutton family “as they embark on a journey west through the Great Plains toward the last bastion of untamed America,” according to the series description. 1883 will debut on Paramount+ on Dec. 19.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Jennifer Aniston, Dave “Lil Dicky” Burd, Bazzi
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Andrew Garfield, Patton Oswalt, a performance from “Little Shop of Horrors”
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Jeff Daniels, Nate Burleson
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Sarah Paulson, Machine Gun Kelly, José Medeles
• ” The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Drew Barrymore, Mary Elizabeth Winstead
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Jerry O’Connell, Delaney Evans
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Wendy Williams, guest co-host Mary Katharine Ham
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Gabrielle Union, Anastasia Pagonis, Vallery Lomas
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Jimmy Kimmel
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (Check local listings): Fat Joe, Kristin Chenoweth, Bowen Yang, Chris Martin
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (Check local listings): Jennifer Aniston, Wayne Brady
• “Hell’s Kitchen” (FOX): Season 20 finale
• “Halloween Baking Championship” (FOOD): Ten bakers pay tribute to classic 1980s slasher movies at Camp Devil’s Food Lake; the competitors tackle cereal killer pies and mega cakes.
• “Back to Life” (SHOWCASE): Season 2 premiere.
• “The Daily Show With Trevor Noah” (COMEDY): The series returns with a new look following a 3-month hiatus.

• Nicki Minaj – Although she was not originally announced as a performer at last night’s MTV Video Music Awards, she revealed Thursday that she “just pulled out”. That was the same day her husband, Kenneth Petty, pleaded guilty to failing to register as a sex offender in California. He’ll be sentenced on Jan. 24.
• Drake — marked the success of his “Certified Lover Boy” album by making a surprise appearance at the Wireless Festival in London on Friday night. The crowd went wild when Drizzy joined Future on stage to perform ‘Way 2 Sexy’. It was the pair’s first performance of the new tune.
• Genesis – have shared a series of “behind the track” clips to promote their new album “The Last Domino?” The 2-CD set is described as “the band’s best-loved songs, including their biggest hits and album cuts.” It’ll be released this Friday in the UK, Sunday in North America. LINK:
• The Rolling Stones — have added a second concert in Los Angeles to their 2021 tour. The October 14 show at SoFi Stadium fills what was an 8-day gap in their schedule. On August 26, it was announced the tour would continue as planned, despite the death of drummer Charlie Watts.
• Alanis Morissette — In the new documentary “Jagged”, on which she collaborated, she says multiple men engaged in sex with her when she was a 15-year-old pop star in Canada, below the age of consent. But now, she now appears to be unhappy with the movie and is not planning to appear at its Toronto International Film Festival world premiere tomorrow, according to a source.
• Jason Aldean – is among the first batch of performers announced for CBS’s “New Year’s Eve Live: Nashville’s Big Bash”. Others scheduled to play live include Jimmie Allen, Kelsea Ballerini, Blake Shelton, Darius Rucker, Gabby Barrett, Dierks Bentley, Brooks & Dunn, Dan + Shay, Luke Bryan, Elle King, Miranda Lambert, Cole Swindell, and Zac Brown Band. More will be announced at a later date.
• RaeLynn — has given birth to her first child, daughter Daisy Rae Davis. She posted photos, including one of her husband Josh Davis holding the newborn, with the words: “7 Pounds 7 ounces at 4:07pm — September 8th 2021 we became a family of three. These two are my world.”
• Mickey Guyton – Ahead of the release of her long-awaited debut album ‘Remember Her Name” on September 24, she shared a preview of one of her favorite songs, ‘Love My Hair’. In the same way that the album’s title single is in honor of the legacy of Breonna Taylor, this song bears a similar resonance to the news and nature of the times for African-Americans. LINK:


I hope that you were able to enjoy some “Me” time over the weekend – but not too much. A new study says that chances are, you would be just as unhappy with too much free time as with too little. Apparently, perfect amount of free time is 3½ hours per day. As the amount of free time increases from there, the benefits to well-being decline and, at around 7 hours, the extra free time starts taking a toll on your mental well-being, according to the study, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. The researchers did point out, though, that having a lot of free time isn’t harmful if you are happy about it and enjoy how it’s spent.
(Pro-tip: Spending it on Twitter is NOT the way to go!)
(OK. Noted. And if I ever get 3½ hours of free time in a day, I’ll confirm!)
(The only person I’ve ever seen who has 7 hours of free time each day is [***afternoon guy or other victim***], and he gets paid for it!)

It sounds like science fiction, but a new study says some day, an enormous solar superstorm could knock out the internet worldwide. The paper, written by University of California assistant professor Sangeetha Abdu Jyothi, is titled “Solar Superstorms: Planning for an Internet Apocalypse.” It says the likelihood of a solar storm of sufficient strength to cause catastrophic disruption to the internet within the next decade is 1.6-12%. If that were to happen, submarine cables between countries would shut down, power grids would go offline, and data centres from web giants would be at risk of going dark. That’s unless we do something about it now, of course. The study recommends we strengthen our infrastructure by doing things like laying more cables to minimize the risk of being completely cut off. A global shutdown plan should also be devised, which would reduce or turn off internet and power grids during a solar superstorm. Oh, and we should also make a backup system to keep the internet functioning.
(Sounds inexpensive…)
(We can’t get people to wear masks indoors. Do you think we’ll be able to get them to not use the internet when the sun is having a hiccup?)
(I hope they printed out a copy of that, so we can access it when the internet goes down…)

➢ A company has paid for all the children of its 66 workers lost on 9/11 to go to college. On Sept. 11, 2001, 66 men and women who worked for the investment banking firm Sandler O’Neill & Partners on the 104th floor in the World Trade Center lost their lives. In the days following, the company pledged to set up a foundation to pay college tuition for all 76 children of their fallen colleagues. At last check, 54 young men and women have had their college tuition paid, with 22 still eligible. The 54 who are now attending or have attended college have gone to every sort of school imaginable — from Stanford to Notre Dame to community colleges and technical institutes. The youngest child eligible was born six weeks after September 11.
➢ An Atlanta school custodian no longer has to walk to work, thanks to some generous teachers. A viral video surfaced from Unity Grove Elementary School of staff gifting the custodian, known as “Mr. Chris,” the car. A Facebook post from the elementary school says 2 faculty members collaborated to raise money to buy the used car. The two are seen leading Mr. Chris to the vehicle, and putting the keys in his hand. He seems shocked for a moment and freezes. He then holds his arms in the air and exclaims, “There is a God.” LINK:
-Fox, GoodNewsNetwork

An experiment involving hanging rhinoceroses upside down has earned one of this year’s Ig Nobel prizes. The rhino study, which won the 2021 award for transportation research, was conducted by Cornell University, to find if it is safer to transport an airborne rhino upside down beneath a helicopter. Other highlights of the Ig Nobels, which were handed out in an online ceremony on Thursday…
⇒ Biology: for analyzing variations in purring, chirping, chattering, trilling, tweedling, and other modes of cat-human communication.
⇒ Ecology: for using genetic analysis to identify the different species of bacteria that reside in wads of discarded chewing gum.
⇒ Chemistry: for chemically analysing the air inside movie theatres, to test whether the odours produced by audiences correlate with the levels of violence, sex, antisocial behaviour, drug use, and bad language in the movie being watched
⇒ Economics: for discovering that the obesity of a country’s politicians may be a good indicator of that country’s corruption.
⇒ Medicine: for demonstrating that orgasms can be as effective as decongestant medicines.
⇒ Peace Prize: for testing the hypothesis that humans evolved beards to protect themselves from punches to the face.
⇒ Physics: for experiments to learn why pedestrians do not constantly collide with other pedestrians.
⇒ Kinetics: for experiments to learn why pedestrians do sometimes collide with other pedestrians.

A veteran Russian politician says that 2 opponents running against him have adopted his name and mimicked his appearance in order to confuse voters. Boris Vishnevsky is vying to keep his seat in the St. Petersburg Legislative Assembly. But he says that 2 other Boris Vishnevskys are running against him and have altered their appearance to look more like him, calling the situation a “scam.” He posted phoytos of his “doubles” to Twitter as proof. Sure enough, a check of the official list of candidates has three Boris Vishnevskys running in the District No. 2 in St. Petersburg.


1959 [62] Chris Hansen, Lansing MI, TV journalist (“Dateline NBC”, “To Catch a Predator” 2004-07)

1966 [55] Michelle Duggar, Tontitown AR, reality star (“19 Kids and Counting” 2008-15)

1967 [54] Stephen Perkins, LA CA, alt-rock drummer (Jane’s Addiction-‘Just Because’, ‘Been Caught Stealing’)

1969 [52] [Emmitt] Tyler Perry, New Orleans LA, TV/film actor-producer (“Madea” movies)/named highest-paid man in entertainment by Forbes magazine in 2011

1971 [50] Stella McCartney, London UK, fashion designer (Gucci, Chloe, CARE)/daughter of Paul & Linda McCartney/PETA advocate

1975 [48] Joe Don Rooney, Baxter Springs KS, country guitarist (Rascal Flatts-‘I Like the Sound of That’, ‘Bless the Broken Road’)

1977 [44] Fiona Apple, New York NY, singer-pianist (‘Shadowboxer’, ‘Criminal’)

1993 [28] Niall Horan, Mullingar Ireland, pop singer (‘Slow Hands’, w/One Direction-‘Story of My Life’, ‘What Makes You Beautiful’)

1996 [25] Lili Reinhart, Cleveland OH, TV actress (‘Betty Cooper’ on “Riverdale” since 2017)

• “Boss/Employee Exchange Day”, a day to help supervisors and staff appreciate each other by sharing their points of view. Today they can simply exchange ideas, or literally exchange jobs and reverse roles.

• “Defy Superstition Day”, a day to stare down your superstitions. So, walk under a ladder, break a mirror, let a black cat cross your path, open an umbrella indoors, and do all those other things that many think are bad luck. (Although I think it’s bad luck to believe in superstitions…)

• “Fortune Cookie Day”, celebrating the tasty little treat with a slip of paper inside that brings you good luck, a whimsical saying, or a philosophical thought. It’s thought they were invented in San Francisco around 1914 (How ‘fortunate’ that it’s also “Defy Superstition Day”!)

• “International Chocolate Day”, celebrating ‘the greatest substance known to humanity’. It’s a day for indulgence that should be free of guilt (until you get on the scale tomorrow morning)

• “Peanut Day” Peanuts are not really nuts at all, but ‘legumes’ (edible seeds enclosed in pods). Legumes provide the best source of concentrated protein in the plant kingdom (and how perfect is it that it is also Chocolate Day?)

• “Bald is Beautiful Day”, a day that we can stop hiding and finally start celebrating the thing that haunts many of us. Today, being bald is beautiful. There will be no hats, crooked toupees, or cover ups of any sort. Let it shine!

• “Positive Thinking Day”. It’s all about attitude … a positive attitude. (And I’m positive this is never gonna fly…)

• “Roald Dahl Day”, He is best known as one of the world’s most-loved storytellers. In books like “Matilda”, “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”, and “James and the Giant Peach”, Dahl brought readers into his wildly original imagination with richly detailed worlds, zany characters, and touching storylines.

[Tues] Eat a Hoagie Day
[Tues] Cream-Filled Donut Day
[Wed] Day
[Wed] Greenpeace Day
This Week Is…Truck Driver Appreciation Week
This Month Is…Courtesy Month

1993 [28] “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” premieres on NBC (and Max Weinberg, drummer with Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band, begins his new job as bandleader)

2009 [12] When Taylor Swift wins for Best Female Video at the MTV Video Music Awards, Kanye West comes on stage and commandeers the microphone, saying that Beyoncé deserved the award. Beyoncé later brings Swift on stage to finish her speech. (“Imma let you finish but…”)

1996 [25] Tupac Shakur dies at 25 of gunshot wounds suffered in a Las Vegas drive-by shooting 6 days earlier

1997 [24] Elton John releases ‘Candle in the Wind 1997’, a tribute to Diana, Princess of Wales. It becomes the second-highest selling single ever, after ‘White Christmas’

2019 [02] Eddie Money dies of esophageal cancer at 70

1956 [65] IBM introduces the RAMAC 305, the first commercial computer with a hard drive that uses magnetic disk storage. It weighs over a ton

2004 [16] Oprah Winfrey gives a brand-new Pontiac G-6 sedan, worth $28,500, to everyone in her studio audience … a total of 276 cars in all (the problem was the up to $7,000 “gift tax” that they had to pay…)


✓ The first train reached a top speed of only 5 mph (8 km/h).
✓ The first ballpoint pens in America sold for US$12.50, the equivalent of US$164 today.
✓ Over the last 150 years, the average height of people in industrialized nations increased by 10 cm (4 inches).
✓ 55% of people yawn within 5 minutes of seeing someone else yawn.
✓ At any point in time, 0.7% of the world’s population is drunk.
✓ The bubbles in champagne are essentially yeast farts.
-WhattheFFacts, UberFacts, DidYouKnow

• Wheel of Torture
• Donald Duck Dynasty
• America’s Goat Talent
• Queer A.I. for the Straight Guy
• 17 Clones and Counting
• America’s Next Top Meme
• Are You Smarter Than an Algorithm?
• Ice Road Hookers
• Here Comes President Honey Boo-Boo
-Twitter, first published in BS in 2019

➠ The 2021 MTV Video Music Awards were held last night. (People over 40 who watched were quoted as saying, “Who’s that” . . . and, “…who’s that” . . . and wait, “…who’s that?”)
➠ Ancient DNA found from a previous unknown group of humans has been discovered.  (They’re calling it “The Honest Politician”.)
➠ Researchers say drinking alcohol may significantly increase problem-solving skills. (Especially if the problem is wanting to get from the side of the highway to the police station as fast as possible…)
➠ The 2021 NFL season is underway. (I fully expect [my team] to finish first…In the 2022 draft…)
➠ Betty White will star in a 2022 Lifetime Christmas movie. (…Because sex sells.)

• According to the saying, what is the mother of invention?
a) Creativity
b) Necessity [CORRECT]
c) Desperation
d) Hilaria Baldwin

• What does “Eureka!” mean?
a) I’ve found something I was looking for [CORRECT]
b) It’s time to vacuum
c) It’s raining
d) Something smells

• A person who is not what he/she seems is known as:
a) A Catcher in the Rye
b) A wolf in sheep’s clothing [CORRECT]
c) A spanner in the works
d) A salesperson

I’m just not sure:

I took a free course on money management over the weekend. Best $2,000 I’ve ever spent!

What should be taught in school — but isn’t?

Question:  44% of interviewers say that you hurt your chances of getting hired if you do THIS. What is it?
Answer:  Bring a gift

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery while on a detour.


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