Monday, September 16, 2019 Edition: #6531
Sheet Happens!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ It’s finally safe to say that we can stop hoping for a “Friends” reunion or reboot once and for all. Speaking at a “Friends” 25th-anniversary panel on Friday, co-creators Marta Kauffman and David Crane made it clear that there will be no re-dos of the still-popular ’90s sitcom. Kauffman said: “We will not be doing a reunion show, we will not be doing a reboot. The show was about that time in life when friends are your family. It’s not going to beat what we did.”
(That never stopped anyone else…right, “Full House”?)
-MSN
★ (***CAUTION: Language***) Ryan Reynolds was full of praise for his pal Hugh Jackman as he celebrated the star being honoured with Australia’s “Companion of the Order” title. Reynolds shared words of support for his friend on social media, writing: “Hugh is one of the finest, kindest, hardest working, generous and most talented people I’ve had the privilege to call my friend, There’s nobody better.” Later, he re-posted a photo of Jackman, with the joking caption: “None of this changes the unfortunate fact he’s a complete bastard.”
-Canoe
★ John Legend had an interesting take on Felicity Huffman’s 14-day sentence in her college bribery scandal case. He thinks people are angry at the wrong thing. Legend said: “I get why everyone gets mad when rich person X gets a short sentence and poor person of color Y gets a long one. The answer isn’t for X to get more; it’s for both of them to get less (or even none!!!). We should level down not up.”
-TMZ
★ Mama June Shannon and her boyfriend Geno Doak have been charged with felonies following their March arrests for suspicion of possession of a controlled substance. The State of Alabama had a grand jury review the evidence in both cases and ultimately came down with two charges against them. A statement from the grand jury accuses Mama June and Doak of being in possession of cocaine and “drug paraphernalia, to wit: a pipe”. Their next court date is not yet confirmed.
-MSN
★ TV and movie legend Ed Asner will celebrate his upcoming 90th birthday by letting his famous friends rip into him at a celebrity roast. The “Elf” and “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” star will become the butt of jokes served up by the likes of Cloris Leachman, Mark Hamill, Lily Tomlin, and Brad Garrett at the Ed Asner 90th Birthday Party on Nov. 3 at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel in Los Angeles.
-Canoe
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Anthony Anderson, Malcolm Gladwell, Melanie Martinez, Whitney Cummings, Jeff Ross, Natasha Leggero, Henry Winkler
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Sen. Kamala Harris, Lilly Singh, Charli XCX featuring Christine and the Queens
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Tom Hiddleston, Marie Osmond
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Dax Shepard, Lilly Singh, Yesod Williams
• ” The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Constance Wu, Neil Patrick Harris, Sheryl Crow
• “Lights Out with David Spade” (COMEDY): Bill Burr, Jim Jeffries
• “Conan” (TBS): Nikki Glaser
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Leeanne Locken, Candiace Dillard
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Meredith Vieira
• “The Talk” (CBS): Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson, guest co-hosts Jane Lynch & Sherri Shepherd
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Taran Killam
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Kelly Clarkson, Jennifer Lopez
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (NBC/City): Christina Aguilera, Brian Austin Green
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC): Season 28 premiere. Contestants include Sean Spicer, James Van Der Beek, Kel Mitchell, Karamo Brown, Lamar Odom, and Christie Brinkley.
• “The 2019 NBC Primetime Preview Show” (NBC): Anchored by D’Arcy Carden, Bradley Whitford, Anna Camp, Kal Penn and more showcase the fall prime-time lineup while spotlighting the network’s past, present and future comedies.
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Billie Eilish – played at the Music Midtown festival in Atlanta on the weekend, and announced plans to donate part of her fee to Planned Parenthood Southeast, after the state of Georgia imposed new laws which restricted the circumstances in which women are legally able to have an abortion.
• Mac Miller — left behind assets worth $7 million, according to documents filed on behalf of his estate. The bulk of his assets are his master recordings, which are valued at $4.8 million. Other items include an extensive jewelry collection, a $20,000 Rolex and a $20,000 worth of furniture.
• Sam Smith — has asked fans to use the pronouns “they/them”, not “he/him”, after coming out as non-binary. They wrote on Instagram: “After a lifetime of being at war with my gender I’ve decided to embrace myself for who I am, inside and out.” Six months ago, Smith said they did not feel male or female, but “I flow somewhere in between”.
• Kelly Clarkson – not only brought Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson together for the “American Idol” reunion on her talk show. She also brought Justin Guarini. The episode will air on Wednesday. Clarkson beat out Guarini during the first season of “American Idol”.
• Eddie Money – Following news of his death, Ronnie Spector – the Ronettes legend whose career was revitalized thanks to her appearance on Money’s 1986 hit ‘Take Me Home Tonight’, paid tribute, saying, “Working in the studio with Eddie was way different from any other sessions I’ve been involved in. He had a crazy, great sense of humor, and was a real character, with the kind of positive vibe that we don’t see today…Eddie brought joy to a lot [of] people with his music and performing, and he never stopped.”
• Twisted Sister — will reunite this fall to celebrate the 35th anniversary of the band’s classic album “Stay Hungry”. The four surviving original members won’t be performing, though. They will be will be signing autographs on November 1 and 2 and participating in question-and-answer sessions at the Spooky Empire horror convention in Tampa.
• The Beatles — Ringo Starr and Paul McCartney have reunited to record a John Lennon song. ‘Grow Old With Me’ will appear on Ringo’s upcoming album, “What’s My Name”, out Oct. 25. The new album also features guest spots from Joe Walsh, Edgar Winter, and Dave Stewart.
• Maren Morris – told the crowd during her gig at the KAABOO Festival in southern California on Friday that a man in the music industry advised her not to release the song ‘I Could Use a Love Song’, because no one wants “to hear sad women coming out of their radio”. She said that the single made it to No. 1, and that guy no longer has a job.
• Keith Urban — For a fourth consecutive year, he will help Nashville ring in the New Year. The lineup for “Jack Daniel’s Music City Midnight: New Year’s Eve” will also include Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit alongside his wife, the Highwomen member Amanda Shires, the Fisk Jubilee Singers, and English rock band The Struts. Urban will headline the event at Bicentennial Capitol Mall State Park.
DEAR OLD MOM AND DAD:
Just days after the world’s oldest mom gave birth at the age of 74, she and her husband were both admitted to intensive care. Erramatti Mangayamma of India, who on Sept. 5 delivered two healthy babies via caesarean section, was placed in the ICU a short time later. Her medical condition remains unclear. The father, 78-year-old Raja Rao was, at last report, also in intensive care after suffering a heart attack just after the births, according to reports. The couple had attempted to conceive without success for more than 57 years of marriage before successfully undergoing in vitro fertilization.
(My daughter never landed me in ICU until she was 13!)
(Somewhere, Mother Nature is pointing her finger and saying: “THAT’S why”!)
(And yet, somehow, Ronnie Wood keeps on reproducing…and not a grey hair on him!)
-NYPost
BELABORING THE POINT:
Why is it that you aren’t supposed to wear white after Labor Day? Because of a bunch of late 1800s snobs. The wives of the super-rich ruled high society after the American Civil War. As more and more people became millionaires, it became difficult to tell the difference between respectable “old money” families and those who only had “vulgar” new money. By the 1880s, in order to tell who was acceptable and who wasn’t, the women who were already “in” felt it necessary to create dozens of fashion rules. That way, if a woman showed up at the opera in an expensive dress, but it had the wrong sleeve length, other women would know not to give her the time of day, because if she didn’t know the “rules’, she must not be a part of the “in” crowd. Not wearing white outside the summer months was one of those silly rules. White was for weddings and resort wear, not dinner parties in the fall. By the 1950s, women’s magazines made it clear: White clothing came out on Memorial Day and went away on Labor Day.
(Of course, it still gets very hot in September, so it would make a lot of sense to be able to wear white…)
(I’m just glad that, thanks to my unique laundry skills, none of my white clothes ARE . . .)
-MentalFloss
IG NOBEL AWARDS:
(***CAUTION: Note content***) A study analyzing the temperature of French postman’s testicles is the winner of the Ig Nobel International prize for anatomy. The awards are given out each year for research that may seem trivial, but can have a practical purpose. University of Toulouse researchers attached thermometers to the testicles of male postal workers to see if they remained the same temperature throughout the day. The study found that the left testicle is slightly warmer than the right, but only when the subject is wearing clothes. Testicle temperature is known to affect male fertility.
Other 2019 Ig Nobel winners included:
➢ Medical Education: Using a simple animal-training technique to teach surgeons to perform orthopedic surgery.
➢ Medicine: Evidence that pizza might protect against illness and death, if it is made and eaten in Italy.
➢ Peace: Measuring the pleasurability of scratching an itch.
➢ Physics: How, and why wombats make cube-shaped poo.
(We’re not sure at what point in their route postal workers were required to undress…)
-CNN, Euronews
DID YOU KNOW?
Scientists have discovered two new species of electric eel — including one that zaps out a record-breaking jolt. One was recorded producing a jolt of 860 volts, far higher than the 650 volts previously recorded from electric eels. Lead researcher David de Santan said that would be enough to give a serious stun, although it is unlikely to kill a human.
-NYPost
BS CHRONOMETER 09.16.19
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1956 [63] Mickey Rourke, Schenectady NY, movie actor (“The Expendables”, “The Wrestler”) COMING UP…”Legionnaire’s Trail”
1958 [61] Jennifer Tilly, Harbor City CA, movie actress (“Liar Liar”, “Bound”)
1968 [51] Marc Anthony (Marco Antonio Muniz), NYC, pop singer (‘I Need to Know’)/married to Jennifer Lopez 2004-14
1971 [48] Amy Poehler, Burlington MA, TV comic (“Parks & Recreation” 2009-14, “Saturday Night Live” 2001-08)/movie actress (“Alvin & The Chipmunks” films, “Baby Mama”)
1979 [40] Flo Rida (Tramar Dillard), Carol City FL, rapper (‘Whistle’, f/T-Pain-‘Low’)
1981 [38] Alexis Bledel, Houston TX, movie actress (“Sisterhood Of the Traveling Pants” movies)/TV actress (“Gilmore Girls” 2000-07) COMING UP…”Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 3″
1986 [33] Ian Harding, Heidelberg, Germany TV actor (‘Ezra Fitz’ on “Pretty Little Liars” 2010-2016)
1992 [27] Nick Jonas, Dallas TX, pop singer (‘Jealous’, Jonas Bros-‘Sucker’)/TV actor (“Camp Rock” films)/younger sibling of Kevin & Joe Jonas
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Collect Rocks Day”, a celebration of the hobby of gem & mineral collecting. (If you have young boys, you probably collect rocks…in the dryer!)
• “Guacamole Day”, honoring the avocado, tomato & onion treat that resembles baby poop.
Avocado Fun Facts:
⇒ Avocados are a fruit, not a vegetable.
⇒ Avocados mature on the tree, but only ripen once they are taken off the tree.
⇒ The origin of the word comes from Spanish explorers could not pronounce the Aztec word for avocado, “ahuacatl,” so they called the avocado “aguacate.”
⇒ On average, 53.5 million pounds of guacamole are eaten every Super Bowl Sunday, enough to cover a football field more than 20 feet thick.
• “Stepfamily Day, It’s estimated that 1-in-3 of us is in a stepfamily at some point. It’s now more common to refer to these as ‘blended’ families. (The story of Cinderella ruined the term ‘step-anything’ for everyone!)
• “Independence Day” in Mexico (“El Grito de Independencia”), celebrating the declaration of independence from Spain in 1810. Fiesta!
• “International Day for Preservation of the Ozone Layer”, as first declared by the UN in 1994.
• “Working Parents Day”. Isn’t parenting work in itself?
• “National Play-Doh Day”, before it found its way to the craft shelf, Play-Doh was sold as wallpaper cleaner!
COMING UP . . .
[Tues] National Monte Cristo Day
[Tues] Take a Loved One to the Doctor Day
[Wed] Chiropractic Founders Day
[Wed] National Cheeseburger Day
This Week Is…National Indoor Plant Week
This Month Is…National Self-Care Awareness Month
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1984 [35] The TV series “Miami Vice” starring Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas makes its debut with a two-hour episode that includes a scene featuring the Phil Collins hit ‘In The Air Tonight.’
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1979 [40] Sugar Hill Gang’s ‘Rapper’s Delight’ is released. It becomes the first rap song to chart on the Hot 100, reaching #36. (It samples the melody of Chic’s ‘Good Times’.)
2009 [10] Reports say US president Barack Obama called Kanye West a “jackass” in an off-the-record comment (If the current President said something like that, no one would bat an eye!)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1908 [111] Carriage-maker William C. Durant, founds General Motors in Flint, Michigan
2000 [19] 27th Summer Olympic Games open in Sydney, Australia
BULL’S BITS
BS WHACK FACTS:
✓ February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
✓ It takes approximately 12 hours for food to entirely digest.
✓ Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
✓ Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors.
✓ Ketchup leaves the bottle at a rate of 25 miles per year.
✓ According to Genesis 1:20-22, the chicken came before the egg.
-Owlcation
BS STUPID QUESTIONS FOR BIGFOOT:
• Shouldn’t you actually be called “Bigfeet”?
• Have you ever met “Bigsock”?
• Can I get a selfie?
• Are you also blurry in real life?
• Chewbacca: Friend or foe?
• Where’d you get the Uggs?
• So, is “Sasquatch” your legal name, then?
• Wanna play chess?
• Is it true what they say about having big feet?
• So, how’d you get the name?
-Twitter
Best of BS . . .
NEW THINGS YOU LEARN HOW TO DO AFTER BECOMING A PARENT:
✓ Brush someone’s teeth against their will.
✓ Blow on food while it’s in someone else’s mouth.
✓ Chase someone at full speed through Home Depot.
✓ Sing the ‘Baby Shark’ song while driving … alone.
✓ Eat candy you found in a shoe.
✓ Wipe somebody’s nose with your bare hand.
✓ Cut up a grape.
✓ Pretend you’re terrible at soccer.
✓ Get someone dressed while you’re in the shower.
✓ Put someone else’s toenail clippings in your pocket.
– Adapted from JasonGood.net, first published in “BS’ in 2014
BS PHONE STARTER:
Which TV show do you think needs to be axed? (Could someone please put “The Walking Dead” out of its misery?)
BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
1. You’re suffering from dysgeusia (‘dis-GEW-zee-uh’). What the heck is your problem?
a. A ringing in your ears.
b. A bad taste in your mouth. [CORRECT]
c. A piece of hair that keeps sticking up.
d. Inability to pronounce words correctly.
2. What is the common peanut also known as?
a. Stalk
b. Stem
c. Groundnut [CORRECT]
d. Cattywampus
– Trivia Quest, Laffgaff
BS RANDOM JOKE:
My therapist asked me to describe myself in three words. I said, “Lazy.”
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: The average one of these is 60% shorter today than it was 10 years ago.
Answer: Phone call
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
When you’re good at making excuses, it’s hard to excel at anything else.
