Friday, September 27, 2019 – Edition: #6540

More From the Sheet House!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Ashton Kutcher tried to capitalize on the revelations about his marriage with Demi Moore, and fans just weren’t feeling it. He took to Twitter to break his silence over the cheating accusations in Moore’s new memoir. First, he fired off a tweet saying: “I was about to push the button on a really snarky tweet. Then I saw my son, daughter, and wife and I deleted it.” Next, he posted another tweet, this time telling fans to text him “for truth.” Unfortunately, the phone number he gave was just a marketing ploy for a start-up messaging company called “Community”. Fans quickly realized the bait and switch, and some were not pleased about the “dishonest” move.
-TheBlast
★ Amazon has announced that Samuel L. Jackson and other celebrities will provide voices for the company’s virtual assistant Alexa. Not only that, but the voice aid will also be built into a new wearable line of earbuds, eyeglasses and a ring. Amazon’s celebrity voice feature will cost US$0.99, and Jackson’s is the only celebrity voice Amazon has disclosed so far.
-Canoe
★ Original “Jurassic Park” star Laura Dern has announced that she, Sam Neill and Jeff Goldblum will all reprise their roles from the original “Jurassic Park” in the upcoming sequel “Jurassic World 3.” This will mark the first time all three actors will reprise their characters in the same film since the original. Universal has set a June 11, 2021 release date for the movie.
-TheWrap
★ ABC has found its ‘Chef Louis’ and ‘Prince Eric’ for the upcoming  (sort of) live production of “The Little Mermaid.” John Stamos and Graham Phillips have been cast in the musical as the eccentric french cook and Princess Ariel’s love interest, respectively. “The Wonderful World of Disney presents The Little Mermaid Live!” — is set to air live in front of a studio audience on November 5.
-TheWrap
★ No Charleston for Charlie Sheen. He was set to compete on season 28 of “Dancing With the Stars” — and even planned to rehearse with pro Cheryl Burke — but walked away ahead of the premiere. Why? According to Sheen, “I was very flattered by ABC and their offer, but at the end of the day, I have two left feet and I just can’t dance”.
-MSN

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Anthony Anderson, Malcolm Gladwell, Melanie Martinez, Whitney Cummings (R)
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Billie Eilish, Sebastian Maniscalco
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Patricia Heaton, Tegan & Sara
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Jennifer Lopez, Michael Sheen, Mika, Terri Lyne Carrington (R)
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): RuPaul, David Oyelowo, Alfie Allen (R)
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Bobby Flay
• “The Talk” (CBS): Chris O’Donnell, Antoinette Clarke, Tricia Clarke-Stone, guest co-host Vanessa L. Williams
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Alex Rodriguez, Brandon Micheal Hall, Steve Patterson
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Natalie Portman, Mario Lopez
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Reba McEntire, Grant Harrold, Lesley Nicol
• “American Housewife” (ABC): Season 4 premiere
• “Fresh Off the Boat” (ABC): Season 6 premiere
• “Hawaii Five-0” (CBS) Season 10 premiere
• “Dateline NBC” (NBC): Season 30 premiere

SATURDAY-
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC): Season 45 premiere. Host Woody Harrelson; Billie Eilish performs.

SUNDAY-
• “America’s Funniest Home Videos” ABC): Season 30 premiere
• “The Rookie” (ABC): Season 2 premiere
• “NCIS: Los Angeles” (CBS): Season 11 premiere
• “Bob’s Burgers” (FOX): Season 10 premiere
• “The Simpsons” (FOX): Season 31 premiere

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Mac Miller — A raid at a home in Nevada has lead to the arrest of another alleged drug dealer in connection to his death. Police say that prescription pills, marijuana and drug paraphernalia were found, along with guns, “a personally manufactured firearm suppressor, and large amounts of ammunition” at the home of Ryan Reavis.
• Maroon 5 – is offering fans the chance to bring back ‘Memories’ with their own Photos app feature of the same name. For a limited time, iPhone and iPad users can create movie scored by the group’s new song within the Photos app.
• Madonna – Her first four albums are about to be reissued on clear vinyl. The iconic albums “Madonna”, “Like a Virgin”, “True Blue” and “Who’s That Girl: The Original Motion Picture Soundtrack” are set to be re-released on November 8.
• Rick Springfield – says that he originally wrote his hit ‘Jessie’s Girl’, which is based on a true story, as ‘Gary’s Girl’, but it didn’t “ring”. He shared the story in last night’s episode of AXS TV’s classic rock series “Mixtape”.
• Ringo Starr – appeared on “The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” on Tuesday and performed a version of ‘Yellow Submarine’ on classroom instruments along with house band The Roots.
• David Hasselhoff — has teamed up with A Flock of Seagulls to record a new version of the Echo & the Bunnymen hit ‘Lips Like Sugar’. His new covers album “Open Your Eyes” comes out today.
• Led Zeppelin — guitarist Jimmy Page says talks are underway for a feature film about the group. He admits that he isn’t all that enthusiastic about the potential feature film because, as he puts it, ”What would I want to do a film for? Listen to the albums — it’s all on there.”
• Ginger Baker – the legendary Cream drummer is “critically ill”, according to a message posted on his social media feeds. The message about the 80-year-old reads: “Ginger is critically ill in hospital. Please keep him in your prayers. Thank you everyone.”
• Midland — On Wednesday, they premiered the first episode of their country music podcast “Set It Straight” on Spotify. The goal of the podcast is to answer some of country’s burning questions, kicking off with a deep dive into the circumstances surrounding the theft of cosmic-country pioneer Gram Parsons’ body.
• Kenny Chesney — has announced a stadium tour for next year. “The Chillaxification Tour” will also feature Florida Georgia Line, Old Dominion and Michael Franti & Spearhead. It kicks off on April 18th in Arlington, TX and will wrap up on August 28th in Foxboro, MA.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Judy” (PG-13, Drama):  In the winter of 1968, legendary performer Judy Garland arrives in London for a series of sold-out concerts. As she prepares, she battles with management, charms musicians and reminisces with friends and adoring fans. She also embarks on a courtship with Mickey Deans, her soon-to-be fifth husband. (Renée Zellweger, Finn Wittrock)
• “Abominable” (PG, Animation/Comedy):  When a teenager encounters a young Yeti on the roof of her apartment building in Shanghai, she and her mischievous friends name him “Everest” and embark on an epic quest to reunite the magical creature with his family at the highest point on Earth. (Chloe Bennet, Albert Tsai)
• “The Day Shall Come” (Not Rated, Comedy, Limited):  An impoverished preacher who brings hope to the Miami projects is offered cash to save his family from eviction. He has no idea his sponsor works for the FBI who plan to turn him into a criminal by fueling his madcap revolutionary dreams. (Anna Kendrick, Denis O’Hare, Jim Gaffigan)

MAKE A RUN FOR THE BISMOL:
Fast food chain Taco Bell has announced the addition of a new chip made from one of the world’s hottest peppers. So, if you like the sensation of temporarily losing your sense of taste, you might enjoy “Reaper Ranch Tortilla Chips”, which are made from the Carolina Reaper Pepper. This week, Taco Bell announced that Reaper Ranch chips will be added to the company’s line of retail tortilla chips, alongside other flavors like Classic, Mild, Fire and Diablo, but the Reaper Ranch flavor promises to significantly turn up the heat, according to a press release. It says: “With spice hidden in every bite, fans will experience a cool blast of ranch before the Carolina Reaper pepper heat takes over. Snackers will be excited to find a flavor that sets their taste buds ablaze in the most delightful way in the new Taco Bell Reaper Ranch Tortilla Chips.” The limited-edition Flavor became available at major retailers this week.
(I know these are the tortilla chips that you buy at a store, but they should STILL come with free soda refills!)
(Just like eating at Taco Bell…it’s cheap, but you always get burned in the end!)
(I want no part of anything that’s hotter than something called “Fire”!)
-NYPost

NEWS OF THE WEIRD:
➢ A British couple has posted an ad looking for a chef who will prepare a wedding banquet out of roadkill. The ad, placed on Bark.com, the UK’s leading online local marketplace, says that the couple has already sourced about 20kg of roadkill, including squirrel, pheasant, rabbit, partridge and deer, and are looking for someone with experience in preparing courses out of wild meats. The ideal candidate would able to skin, butcher and joint the cuts of meat, as well as prepare them in such a way that the guests wouldn’t know what meat they are eating. The couple wrote that they have been eating roadkill for the last three years as a way of minimizing food waste, and don’t want to break their principles, even for their wedding. (I’ve got a feeling that they won’t be the only ones ‘recycling’…)
➢ A Texas man is wanted on a felony aggravated forgery charge after police discovered that he was trying to get a divorce from his wife without letting her know. Paul Nixon allegedly forged his wife’s signature as well as that of a public notary to make it look as if his spouse had consented to the divorce. A judge signed an order that made the divorce official in April. His ex-wife only learned that Nixon had divorced her in May, when she confronted him about his unusual money spending. (Maybe he couldn’t get a word in edgewise?)
➢ A German court ruled this week that a hangover is legally an “illness”, just as Oktoberfest celebrations are getting nicely underway. A court in Frankfurt found that the term “illness” encompasses “any, even a slight or temporary, disruption of the body’s normal condition or normal activity”. Those “disruptions” include tiredness, nausea and headaches resulting from alcohol consumption. The ruling was part of a verdict against a food supplement distributor offering ‘shots’ and powders marketed as “anti-hangover” products. The distributor’s marketing, according to the ruling, violated a ban on promoting food and drinks as being able to prevent, treat or heal illnesses. (And if you don’t think a hangover is an illness, I’d invite you follow our intern into the washroom sometime…!)
-NYPost, OddityCentral

DID YOU KNOW?
You would have to do 54 minutes of burpees or jog 4.6 miles to burn off the calories from a Venti Pumpkin Spice Latte with whip cream and milk.
-BusinessInsider

BS CHRONOMETER 09.27.19

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [72] Meat Loaf (Marvin Lee Aday), Dallas TX, rock singer (‘Paradise by the Dashboard Light’, ‘I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)’

1958 [61] Shaun Cassidy, Los Angeles CA, TV actor (“Hardy Boys” 1977-1979)/singer (‘Da Doo Ron Ron’)

1964 [55] Stephan Jenkins, Oakland CA, rock singer (Third Eye Blind-‘How’s It Going to Be’, ‘Semi-Charmed Life’)

1972 [47] Gwyneth Paltrow, LA CA, ‘Goop’ lifestyle website founder/movie actress (“Iron Man” movies, “Shakespeare in Love”)/Mrs. Chris Martin (Coldplay) 2003-16.

1978 [41] Brad Arnold, Escatawpa MS, rock singer (3 Doors Down-‘Here Without You’, ‘Kryptonite’)

1982 [37] Anna Camp, Aiken SC, TV actress (‘The Mindy Project’, ‘True Blood’) Movie actress (‘Pitch Perfect’ movies)

1982 [37] Lil’ Wayne (Dwayne Carter Jr), New Orleans LA, rapper (‘How to Love’, ‘Lollipop’)

1984 [35] Avril Lavigne, Napanee ON, pop singer (‘Girlfriend’, ‘Complicated’)/wed to Sum 41’s Deryck Whibley 2006-10, Nickelback’s Chad Kroeger 2013-15

SATURDAY- Mira Sorvino (“Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion”) is 52; Naomi Watts (“King Kong”) is 51; Karen Fairchild (Little Big Town) is 50; Young Jeezy (w/Usher-‘Love in This Club’) is 42;  St. Vincent [Annie Clark](‘Teenage Talk’) is 37; Hilary Duff (“Cheaper By the Dozen”) is 32

SUNDAY- Jerry Lee Lewis (‘Great Balls of Fire’) is 84; comedian Andrew Dice Clay is 62; comedian Russell Peters is 49; Chrissy Metz (“This Is Us”) is 39; Halsey (‘Gasoline’) is 25

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Ancestor Appreciation Day”, a day to learn about and appreciate one’s forebears. (Hey, without them, you wouldn’t be here!)

• “Chocolate Milk Day”, something unheard of until the Van Houten company in Amsterdam, Holland invented a cocoa pressing method in 1828. In 2006, a study determined that chocolate milk is a better post-workout recovery drink than white milk, water, or most sports drinks.

• “Crush a Can Day”, a day to remind everyone to do their part in recycling. Here are some facts about cans:
⇒ If you laid all the aluminum cans recycled in 2010 end to end, they would circle the earth 169 times.
⇒ In America, 105,800 cans are recycled every minute.
⇒ Your television can run for 3 hours from the energy saved by recycling one can.
⇒ Aluminum cans are worth about a penny each.
⇒The industry pays more than $1 billion annually for recycled cans.

• “World Tourism Day”, as declared by the UN’s World Tourism Organization. The 2019 Theme: “Tourism and Jobs — A Better Future For All”

SATURDAY-
• “Drink Beer Day”, a day to raise a glass of your favorite ale or lager and celebrate one of the oldest man-made beverages. It’s been produced by individuals since the Neolithic Era and by commercial breweries as far back as 1040 AD (Betcha can’t have just one!)
• “Fish Tank Floorshow Night”, a day to gather family & friends around your aquarium to dance and sing. Why? Every other day the fish are under the spotlight keeping us entertained…tonight, it’s payback time!
• “Good Neighbor Day”, celebrated annually since 2003 to recognize and appreciate the nice folks next door. Hopefully, one of those good neighbors is you!
• “International Right to Know Day”, initiated in 2002 to raise awareness about people’s right to access government info and to promote freedom of information as essential to both democracy and good governance.
• “World Rabies Day”, to raise awareness about the continuing burden of rabies and how the disease can be prevented.

SUNDAY-
• “National Coffee Day”, celebrating one of the world’s favorite beverages. It’s also to promote fair trade coffee and to raise awareness of the plight of coffee growers. Today is also “Biscotti Day”, an appropriate accompaniment for any cup of strong coffee.
YOU KNOW YOU’RE DRINKING TOO MUCH COFFEE IF …
✓ You call a radio talk show and they ask you to “turn yourself down”.
✓ You’re passing everybody on the freeway when suddenly you realize … you’re not in a car.
✓ You can keyboard 70 words per minute … with your feet.
✓ Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
✓ You have a picture of your coffee mug … on your coffee mug.
✓ Your boss asks to meet with you at 2, and you eagerly ask, “AM or PM?”
✓ Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
• “World Heart Day”, a chance for people across the globe to take part in the world’s biggest intervention against cardiovascular disease.
• “Confucius Day”, born in China in 551 B.C., Confucius was one of the earliest, and perhaps the first great philosopher. He was also a teacher, a scholar, and a politician. He gave the world many teachings, and gave the world 499 famous sayings.

THIS DAY IN SHOWBIZ…
2008 [11] Scarlett Johansson weds Ryan Reynolds at Clayoquot Wilderness Retreat in Tofino, British Columbia (they divorce in 2011)

2014 [05] George Clooney weds lawyer Amal Alamuddin at the seven-star Aman Canal Grande hotel in Venice, Italy

2017 [02] Hugh Hefner, magazine publisher and businessman (Playboy), dies of natural causes at 91

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2011 [08] 85-year-old Tony Bennett becomes the oldest living person to top the album chart with “Duets II”, featuring collaborations with Amy Winehouse, Lady Gaga, etc.

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2000 [19] The 1st Olympic Gold Medal ever in taekwondo is won by Greek athlete Michail Mouroutsos in Sydney, Australia

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2013 [06] Tiger Woods is named ‘PGA Tour Player of the Year’ for the 11th time

BULL’S BITS

BS WHACK FACTS:
✓ Cows ‘moo’ with regional accents.
✓ China censored the Chinese word for ‘censorship’.
✓ Britain’s Secret Intelligence Service once hacked an Al-Qaeda website and replaced the bomb instructions with a cupcake recipe.
✓ Barry Manilow didn’t write his hit song ‘I Write the Songs’.
✓ 4.5% of applicants to Harvard are accepted. 2.3% of Walmart job applicants are.
✓ The first-ever online e-commerce transaction was Stanford students buying marijuana from MIT students.
-BestLife

BS THINGS NEVER SAID WHILE PROPOSING:
• “Hold my beer…”
• “Remember that time we both said if we’re still single by a certain age, we might as well marry each other? I can see the years have not been kind, but a deal is a deal…”
• “Can my kids come on our honeymoon?”
• “Sorry, but I’ll need the ring back after the wedding.”
• “I can’t wait to tell our Mom and Dad.”
• “Let’s just hope the third time’s a charm.”
• “This offer is pending a background check, drug screening, and a physical.”
• “My Mom said it’s time I learned to settle.”
• “You have a stupid last name. Let’s fix that.”
• “Why? I ain’t pregnant!”
-Twitter

Best of BS:
FAKE AUTUMN FACTS:
• Pumpkin Spice was the sixth Spice Girl.
• Dried up leaves are difficult to spot.
• I will not gain any weight this Autumn.
• The ‘m’ is silent.
• During Autumn, the average household consumes 3.14 pumpkins…Or as it’s more commonly known, ‘pumpkin pi’.
• No pumpkins were harmed during the making of your pumpkin spice latte.
• Nothing and no one falls in Autumn.
• Every time a pumpkin gets smashed, a demon gets its horns.
• People actually call it Autumn.
-Twitter (First published in BS in 2017)

BS PHONE STARTER:
What do you own an absurd number of?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Dear ‘Lol’ – Thanks for being there for me all those times that I never had anything else to say.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question:  90% of women know how to do this, but just 60% of men. What is it?
A:  Bake a cake

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
We never know the worth of water till the well is dry.