Tuesday, September 17, 2019        Edition: #6532

Ah, the Sweet Smell of BS!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Felicity Huffman will spend two weeks behind bars in federal prison next month, but the facility she will be locked up in has some of the cushiest amenities the system has to offer. The ‘commissary list’ at FCI Dublin in California includes items like french vanilla cappuccino and bottled water. Also available are bodywash, St. Ives lotion, Oil of Olay, apricot scrub, cocoa butter cream, and even sun tan lotion. Oh, and there are cosmetics like eye liner, mascara, lipstick, bronzer and even eye lash curlers. Inmates get to watch movies on weekdays, play board games and can join fitness activities. Huffman will be assigned to the “special housing unit” which is designed to house high profile inmates like her, and others at risk to be harmed.
-MSN
★ Norman Lear was already one of the most-honored people in television history, and now he has another distinction: At 97 years and 49 days, he’s the oldest person ever to win an Emmy Award. He set the record on Saturday as one of the producers of “Live in Front of a Studio Audience: Norman Lear’s ‘All in the Family’ and ‘The Jeffersons.’” The program, which included live performances of episodes from Lear’s seminal 1970s comedies, won in the “Outstanding Variety Special (Live)” category.
-TheWrap
★ RuPaul of “RuPaul’s Drag Race” continues to build his Emmy collection. He won best host of a reality or competition program for the fourth consecutive year on Sunday at the Creative Arts Emmys. As a result, he’s now tied with “Survivor” host Jeff Probst’s record for most wins in the category.
-HollywoodReporter
★ Angelina Jolie is making a children’s programme for the BBC. She thinks the next generation need to be ”prepared” to tackle global issues but she doesn’t only want to educate her own children about it. Jolie says that she is also working on a book about kids’ rights with Amnesty International. The book is aimed at children, because: ”Often we can encourage children to know their rights and speak out, but in parts of the world they’re hurt or jailed for doing so.” Jolie believes that adults must “be realistic and give children the right tools and information.”
-ContactMusic
★ Remember “Markle Sparkle,” the marijuana inspired by the Duchess of Sussex? Meghan Markle’s pot-growing nephew Tyler Dooley says the brand has made him so rich, he’s hoping to cash in with another royally branded hybrid pot strain. He’s calling the new one “Archie Sparkie,” after Markle and Prince Harry’s new royal baby. Not surprisingly, neither brand has the Queen’s seal of approval. Dooley told a newspaper that his cannabis business, Blue Line Hemp, anticipates revenue of up to $200 million a year.
-PageSix

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Chance the Rapper, Sen. Cory Booker
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Savannah Guthrie, Hoda Kotb, Michelle Dockery, the Lumineers
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Sen. Elizabeth Warren, Barry Williams, Maureen McCormick, Christopher Knight, Eve Plumb, Mike Lookinland, Susan Olsen
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): John Goodman, Michael C. Hall, Midland, Yesod Williams
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Angela Bassett, Jim Gaffigan
• “Lights Out with David Spade” (COMEDY): Brad Williams, Jen Kirkman, Rob Schneider
• “Conan” (TBS): Seann William Scott, Jena Friedman
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Eileen Davidson, June Diane Raphael
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Day of Hot Topics
• “The Talk” (CBS): Dr. Mehmet Oz
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Michelle Dockery
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Simon Cowell, Clairo
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Jessica Alba, Kelsea Ballerini
• “Bachelor in Paradise” (ABC): Season 6 finale
• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC): Live Finals
• “Bering Sea Gold” (DISCOVERY): Season 11 premiere

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Jesse McCartney — is getting married. He and longtime girlfriend Katie Peterson confirmed the news of their engagement on Saturday. McCartney captioned an Instagram photo of himself kissing Peterson with the words: “Locked it up.” His fiancée commented: “Yes.”
• Adele — has reportedly requested joint custody of her son Angelo, after she filed for divorce from Simon Konecki on Thursday. She cited “irreconcilable differences” as grounds for the divorce. Angelo is six years old.
• The Cars — Although Ric Ocasek, who died on Sunday, sang the majority of their songs, it was bassist Benjamin Orr who took lead vocals on one of their biggest hits, 1984’s ‘Drive’. The song, written by Ocasek, is associated with the July 1985 Live Aid concerts, where it was performed by the group during the Philadelphia event, and used as the background music to a montage of clips depicting the Ethiopian famine during the London event.
• Green Day — Billie Joe Armstrong says doesn’t like ”long” songs anymore. The group’s new album “Father of All…” will only have one song lengthier than three minutes. Quote: ”I’m like a 16-year-old with ADHD. If I’m listening to other people’s music, I always look at how long the song is. ”If it’s over three minutes, I go, ‘Urgh, pass.”
• AC/DC — The Cook Islands, a nation in the South Pacific, has released silver coins paying homage to two of their classic albums. 1981’s “For Those About To Rock (We Salute You)” is honored on a two-dollar coin while 1990’s “The Razors Edge” can be found on a ten-dollar coin.
• KISS – postponed their Saturday concert so Gene Simmons could undergo a medical procedure. He tweeted: “Apologies to the fans in Salt Lake City. We will come back and do the show at a later date. The truth is, I have to fly to LA to do a medical procedure. Nothing serious. But it must be taken care of now. …All is well.”
• Eddie Money — A representative has confirmed that his cause of death is complications from recent heart valve replacement surgery. Money revealed his stage 4 esophageal cancer diagnosis last month. Last week, it was revealed that his heart issues forced him to stop his chemotherapy treatments. He died Friday at 70.
• The Beatles — Strawberry Field, the Salvation Army children’s home in Liverpool that inspired the song ‘Strawberry Fields Forever’, opened to the public for the first time Saturday. The popular tourist destination that draws a reported 60,000 people a year had been off-limits for decades, with the grounds walled off by a brick perimeter and a red metal gate.
• David Lee Roth – says he has “paid a price” for Van Halen’s continuing lack of activity, and as a singer, it’s “paralyzing”. Roth says he doesn’t know “what’s coming up” with the group. His just-announced solo 2020 Las Vegas residency will put him back into action.
• Carrie Underwood — won’t let her husband Mike Fisher listen to her music early. Quote: ”He really only hears the album, kinda when it’s done. He critiques. He’ll tell me what he thinks about it. I love my husband and I do care what he thinks, but when it comes music, I’d be like, ‘This is like me telling you how to play hockey’…’Let mama handle this. I got this.”’
• Billy Currington – helped out the people in the Bahamas who are dealing with the devastating damage of Hurricane Dorian by holding a benefit concert on Saturday in Key West, FL. Currington, who is well known for his love of the tropical beach lifestyle, announced the show just a few days beforehand on Instagram.

THIS WEEK’S VIDEO RELEASES (Streaming and/or DVD):
• “Bottom of the 9th” (R-Rated, Drama):  A tragic mistake lands a 19-year-old baseball phenom in jail before his pro career gets off the ground. Now at 39 and fresh out of prison, he works to win back his respect, his family, his lost love and his dream of being a professional baseball player. (Sofía Vergara, Joe Manganiello, Denis O’Hare)
• “Above the Shadows” (Drama/Fantasy):  A young woman who has faded to the point of becoming invisible must find her way back with the help of the one man who can see her. (Megan Fox, Olivia Thirlby, Jim Gaffigan)
• “Dead Water” (R-Rated, Horror/Mystery):  When a relaxing getaway turns deadly, a former Marine must risk his life to save his wife and best friend from a modern day pirate; all the while trying to hold himself together as he faces the ghosts of the war he left behind. (Casper Van Dien, Judd Nelson)
• “Bodied” (R-Rated, Comedy/Drama):  A progressive graduate student finds success and sparks outrage when his interest in battle rap as a thesis subject becomes a competitive obsession. (Calum Worthy, Jackie Long)

MOVIEPASS FAIL:
“MoviePass”, the once-revolutionary ticketing service, closed down on Saturday. It sounded like a great idea, especially when in 2017 the company lowered its monthly subscription fee. At that point, for $10 a month, users could see one movie per day, every day. But over the past year, MoviePass was forced to raise its prices and began to limit access to blockbuster movies. Then in December, the company announced the introduction of a tiered plan. But from the start back in 2011, the surprisingly low subscription fee made many industry insiders wonder how sustainable MoviePass’ business model actually was. Apparently, not very. In a statement, the company said that they “do not currently know what the future holds for the MoviePass service.”
(Translation: They hope that a big theatre company buys them out of the enormous hole that they’ve dug for themselves!)
(They thought it would work like gym memberships, where everybody buys them, but no one uses them. What they didn’t count on is that people actually LIKE to go to the movies!)
-CNN

SPEED READING:
If you’re anything like me, every time you hear of a great new book, you rush out and buy it, but you never seem to get a chance to actually sit down and read it. That’s probably why someone came up with this awesome-sounding new app. The 12min app’s objective is to condense the most important ideas from top nonfiction books into comprehensive, twelve-minute “micro books”. And if you get the app, every month, you’ll get access to 30 new titles that you can read anywhere, at any time…internet connection or not. And if you don’t feel like reading for even 12 minutes, you can listen to it in audio form. A lifetime subscription is available right now for a special price of $39.
(Nonfiction only, huh? Now, what would OJ Simpson’s autobiography qualify as?)
(Do they have the iTunes user agreement? I’d love to be able to get through that in 12 minutes!)
(If I ever got through all the books piled up in my basement, my wife wouldn’t know what to complain about!)
-NYPost

BODY MOVEMENT:
Human corpses move around as they decompose, according to an Australian researcher. Alyson Wilson observed a dead body over a 17-month period and concluded that the process of decomposition could be responsible for the movements. She believes that as the body mummifies, the ligaments dry out, causing body parts to move. The research could be used to help crime scene investigators, because it is usually assumed that bodies don’t move after death of their own accord.
(Which, up until 30 seconds ago, I would have argued is an unassailable point!)
(She watched a dead body for 17 months? Never again will I complain about how boring my job is…)
(New spin off: “The Scooching Dead”!)
-Newsweek

DID YOU KNOW?
‘CAPTCHA’ is an acronym for “Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart”.
(So why do I keep failing them?)
-QI

BS CHRONOMETER 09.17.19

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1951 [68] Cassandra Peterson (“Elvira, Mistress of the Dark”), New York City NY, movie actress (“Elvira, Mistress of the Dark”, “Pee-wee’s Big Adventure”)/TV host/author/comic book and video game star

1962 [57] Baz Luhrmann, Sydney, Australia, movie director-producer-screenwriter (“The Great Gatsby”, “Moulin Rouge”)

1965 [54] Bryan Singer, NYC, movie director-producer-screenwriter (“Superman Returns”, “X-Men” movies)

1965 [54] Kyle Chandler, Buffalo NY, TV actor (“Friday Night Lights” 2006-11, “Bloodline” 2015-17) COMING UP…“Godzilla vs. Kong” 2020

1971 [48] Nate Burkus, Orange County CA, TV show host (“The Nate Burkus Show” 2010-12)

1979 [40] Chuck Comeau, Montréal QC, punk-pop drummer (Simple Plan-‘Addicted’, ‘Welcome to My Life’)

1985 [34] Jon Walker, Chicago IL, pop-rock bassist/guitarist (ex-Panic! at the Disco-‘Nine in the Afternoon’, ‘I Write Sins Not Tragedies’)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “International Country Music Day”, established in the 1950s to promote country music and to unite its fans all over the world.
• “Apple Dumpling Day”, celebrating the tasty Fall treat that consists of pastry filled with sweet, delicious apples. (Don’t forget the ice cream!)
• “American Citizenship Day” (aka “US Constitution Day” and “I Am an American Day”), focusing on the rights & responsibilities of American citizens. It commemorates this date in 1787 when the US Constitution was signed in Philadelphia PA, the oldest working constitution in the world.
• “Monte Cristo Day”, The Monte Cristo is typically a savory sandwich made with bread dipped in egg batter and either pan fried or deep fried. Variations may include sliced turkey and different types of cheese. It can be served grilled or open-faced and heated under a grill or broiler.
• “Time’s Up Day”, a day to let you know that if you’ve been waiting to make up with someone close to you, that you’ve officially run out of time and it’s time to make amends. Life’s too short to be on bad terms with those who should be close to you.

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] First Love Day
[Wed] National Cheeseburger Day
[Thurs] International Talk Like a Pirate Day
[Thurs] Butterscotch Pudding Day

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1957 [62] Two male attorneys “stand in” as actress Sophia Loren & producer Carlo Ponti wed by proxy in Juarez, Mexico

1972 [47] “M*A*S*H” premieres on CBS-TV (lasts 11 seasons; the finale setting a record as all-time highest-rated TV series episode)

TODAY IN MUSIC . . .
1999 [20] Eminem’s mother, Debbie Mathers-Briggs, files a lawsuit against him, claiming that his allegations that she was an unfit mother have ruined her life, as she can no longer get a job or a line of credit.  In his song ‘My Name Is’, Eminem raps: “I just found out my mom does more dope than I do.” The case is eventually settled for $25,000.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1920 [99] The NFL is organized in Canton OH as 12 teams pay a fee of $100 each to obtain franchises (current value of Dallas Cowboys franchise:  $5.5 billion)

BULL’S BITS

BS WHACK FACTS:
✓ A Boeing 767 airliner is made of 3,100,000 separate parts.
✓ When opossums are “playing ‘possum,” they are not playing. They actually pass out from sheer terror.
✓ “Go” is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
✓ Almonds are members of the peach family.
✓ Grapes will catch on fire if left in an operating microwave oven.
✓ Spaghetto, confetto, and graffito are the singular forms of spaghetti, confetti, and graffiti.
-Owlcation, BestLife

BS WHAT WOMEN DON’T KNOW ABOUT MEN:
• They can’t read minds.
• Sometimes men ARE thinking about nothing.
• How they ever find anything when there isn’t a woman at home to tell them where it is.
• That they believe women when they say “I’m fine”.
• They are afraid of that spider, too.
• They cannot detect any difference between ‘Violet’, ‘Fuchsia’ and ‘Magenta’.
• They are terrified of the words, “We need to talk”.
• How they are able to sleep anywhere.
• Secretly, they know that women are always right.
-Twitter

Best of BS . . .
BS NOT-SO-GREAT JEOPARDY CATEGORIES:
• Things nobody knows
• Bagpipe concertos
• Great things the Kardashians have done
• Men named Gladys
• Answers to famously unsolved mathematical equations
• Things people have done for a Klondike bar
• Foreign-sounding words that Alex is definitely going to correct your pronunciation on
• Uses for white crayons
• Questions that can be answered in the form of a question
• What she actually said
• Exciting things I’ve done recently
-Twitter, first published in ‘BS’ in 2018

BS PHONE STARTER:
What is a sure-fire way for you to get “butterflies”?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
My father always said, “When one door closes, another opens.” Wonderful man. Lousy cabinet maker.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question:   25% of men may be embarrassed to admit that they own one of THESE. What is it?
Answer:  A man bag or purse

DEEP THOUGHT:
A friend is someone who, when you’ve made a fool of yourself, doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job.