Monday, September 21, 2020 — Edition: #6812
Our Sheet Don’t Stink!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ “That 70s Show” star Danny Masterson appeared in court on Friday to be arraigned on rape charges. He’s been free on bail since his June arrest. The next hearing was set for October 19. Masterson is accused of raping three women between 2001 and 2003. If convicted, he faces a maximum sentence of 45 years to life in prison. His lawyer, who also represented Bill Cosby and Michael Jackson in their sexual misconduct cases, said: “There have been repeated attempts to politicize this case. He is absolutely not guilty and we’re going to prove it.”
-Yahoo
★ Simon Cowell will return to “America’s Got Talent” just six weeks after breaking his back. The 60-year-old is planning to appear on the season finale, scheduled for Tuesday and Wednesday of this week, despite recently undergoing six hours of surgery, including having a metal rod inserted into his spine, after falling off his electric bike. Co-judge Heidi Klum told the Daily Mirror newspaper: ”He is going to come to the finale, but do not tell anyone.” (She keeps a secret like my kids before Mother’s Day!)
-ContactMusic
★ Lifetime has delayed its upcoming holiday film starring Betty White. Because of the pandemic, the currently untitled movie is now scheduled to shoot next year. In a statement, the network said: “We’re all still dreaming of a White Christmas with Betty White — unfortunately, we will have to wait until 2021.” The movie centers around the 98-year-old star’s character helping Santa Claus prepare for the holiday season. It is unclear whether White’s character is Mrs. Claus.
-MSN
★ James Caan says there won’t be a sequel to the hit Christmas comedy “Elf” because star Will Ferrell and director Jon Favreau “didn’t get along.” Caan went on to say: “We were gonna do it and I thought, ‘Oh my god, I finally got a franchise movie, I could make some money…And the director and Will didn’t get along very well. So, Will wanted to do it, he didn’t want the director, and HE had it in his contract. Neither Ferrell nor Favreau responded to a request for comment.
-TheWrap
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Charles Barkley, the Chicks
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Julianne Moore, Chace Crawford, Polo G
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Lt. General H.R. McMaster, Laurence Fishburne
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Neil deGrasse Tyson, Brendan Hunt
• ” The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Bryan Cranston, Declan McKenna (R)
• “Conan” (TBS): DIY Conan
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Alex Radcliffe, Jessica More
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Neil deGrasse Tyson
• “The Talk” (CBS): Drew Barrymore
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Kim Cattrall, Ali Wentworth, Farnoosh Torabi
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Tiffany Haddish
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Paris Hilton, José Andrés
• “L.A.’s Finest” (FOX): Premiere. When a boy is targeted by a powerful cartel, two detectives with complex pasts race the clock to keep him safe.
• “Filthy Rich” (FOX): Premiere. The unknown heirs of a wealthy businessman hatch a plan to get a piece of his fortune.
• “Manhunt: Deadly Games” (CBS): Season 2 premiere
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Lil Nas X – is flexing his hip-hop skills in a new children’s book, out Jan 5. “C is for Country” is an alphabet book following a young cowboy and his sidekick Panini the pony. According to a release, the book’s artwork “will include surprises recognizable to Nas’ fans”.
• Kanye West – in his latest tweetstorm, he claimed that he wants to help Taylor Swift buy her masters back. She’s been embroiled in a public feud with her former label boss Scott Borchetta, who sold Big Machine records to Scooter Braun – whom Taylor has accused of bullying her – and with it handed Braun her back catalogue of master recordings.
• Michael Bolton – has teamed up with Panera Bread for a new version of his 1991 hit ‘When a Man Loves a Woman’ to promote their Broccoli Cheddar soup and mac & cheese. Sample lyrics: “When Some Mac Loves Broccoli Cheddar/Yes, it’s soup on tender pasta/ It can do no wrong/ ‘Cause creamy cheese and broccoli loves macaroni.” LINK: https://youtu.be/StFB1WDCQ8w
• Ozzy Osbourne – His former drummer Lee Kerslake (who was also the longtime sticksman for Uriah Heep) has died of prostate cancer at 73. He was featured on Osbourne’s first two solo records, “Blizzard of Ozz” and “Diary of a Madman”.
• AC/DC — Photographs that appear to show the reunited group filming a new music video were posted, then removed from the band’s official website on Friday. The images are noteworthy because they feature three members who departed the group during or following the tour for 2014’s “Rock or Bust”.
• Van Morrison – plans to release three songs that argue against coronavirus lockdown measures and allege that authorities are using the pandemic as an excuse to restrict liberties without any real reason. ‘Born to Be Free’, ‘No More Lockdown’ and ‘As I Walked Out’ will be released over the coming weeks.
• Maren Morris – has opened up about her struggle with postpartum depression. In a new interview, she says that nearly six months since the birth of her son Hayes, she is “kind of coming through the tunnel now.” She said she did phone therapy due to the pandemic, and has “people that love me around me that are like, ‘Hey, if you’re drowning right now, there’s help.'”
• Tyler Childers — surprise-released a new album on Friday. “Long Violent History” is a nine-song, mostly instrumental collection that concludes with the weighty title track. In a video message, he explains that the eight preceding songs are “to create a sonic soundscape for the listener to set the tone to reflect on the last track,” which tackles the issue of systemic racism.
IN LINE OR ONLINE:
With stay-at-home orders, self-isolation and general concern about contracting the coronavirus, many people have made the move to ordering their groceries online rather than donning a mask and heading down the aisles of their local grocery store. But experts are saying that convenience comes at a cost. Sylvain Charlebois, director of Dalhousie University’s Agri-Food Analytics Lab has calculated that online purchasing of groceries costs on average 5-7% more than grocery shopping in person. Why? According to Jeremy Bradley, author of The Official Guide to Being a Winnipeg Cheapskate, if someone else is picking out your grocery items for you, they won’t keep an eye out for better deals, particularly in the produce aisle. An employee of the store tasked with picking grocery orders is also unlikely to ask the produce clerk or manager for a mark-down on almost-expired items, nor will they take advantage of coupons available in-store. For shoppers looking to save, Bradley suggests an app that can price-match items, like Flipp or Flashfood.
(We shop for groceries online. My family saves 5-7% just by not having the kids walk down the cereal aisle!)
(We have a name for grocery day since the pandemic – Pants day!)
(I’ll pay the extra 7% just so I don’t have to spend half of Saturday lining up in the rain for the pleasure of picking out my own apples…)
-Global
I DREAM OF JEANS:
While yoga pants and pajamas might be the work garments of choice for many these days, research says if you’re interested in losing weight, you should be reaching for your comfy old Levi’s every morning. The study, commissioned by The American Council on Exercise was conducted some years ago, but it has new relevance today, with many of us working from home, and having the opportunity to wear whatever we want (as long as were not on a Zoom call…). It found that when working in jeans, test subjects were more active than when more formally dressed. Jean-wearers burned an average of 25 additional calories on casual days as they walked 8% more steps on average compared to the professional attire days. Why? work clothes can be constrictive and you don’t always want to sweat in them, so you might tend to be less active. But why jeans over a workout pant? Perhaps because jeans are a fitted pant you are more aware of your weight if you have put on a few pounds recently.
(Also, it’s impossible for me to sit down while wearing jeans these days…)
(We’re in a pandemic. I don’t even know where my jeans ARE!)
(I’m loathing my clothing these days…)
-Ladders
DELUXE EXPRESS PASS:
If your summer bucket list included a trip to a theme park despite the pandemic, I’m sorry to tell you that you’ve just missed your chance. Beech Bend Amusement Park & Splash Lagoon in Bowling Green, Ky., has just closed for the season, but up until the weekend, it was available for rent to families for up to 8 hours. But at a cost, of course. While a standard adult ticket usually goes for $38 – the starting rate for a family of six was $5,000 for a two-hour rental. The park features 3 roller coasters and about 35 other rides and attractions. And if you’re there with just your family, you don’t have to wear a mask.
($5,000? So, once you park and feed your family, you’re only looking at, like 8-grand for the day!)
(My mother would STILL tell me to be on the lookout for pickpockets!)
(And for once, you’ll be able to find your car when you’re done!)
-NYPost
IG NOBEL AWARDS:
The 30th Ig Nobel Awards ceremony, to honor dubious scientific accomplishments in the past year, were announced late last week. Among the 2020 honorees…
✗ Psychology: For finding that narcissistic personality traits can be revealed examining a person’s eyebrows.
✗ Medicine: For identifying diagnostic criteria for a psychiatric disorder that causes stress and aggression in response to the sounds of loud chewing.
✗ Materials: For showing that knives manufactured from frozen human feces do not work well.
✗ Citation: For collecting evidence that many entomologists (scientists who study insects) are afraid of spiders, which are not insects.
✗ Citation: To the governments of India and Pakistan, for having their diplomats surreptitiously ring each other’s doorbells in the middle of the night, and then run away before anyone had a chance to answer the door.
✗ A special Ig Nobel in Management: A would-be assassin in China, who, rather than doing the job he was hired to do, subcontracted another assassin to do it for him, for a lower price. The subcontractor then hired another hitman, who then hired yet another; eventually, the fee was so low that the sixth hitman decided to talk the victim into faking his own death.
-LiveScience, Arstechnica
DID YOU KNOW?
A study found that fans of losing football teams increase the amount of saturated fat (fatty meats, butter, cheese, etc.) they eat by 16% on the Monday following a loss. (My team may not be able to stop a wide receiver, but they CAN stop my heart, apparently…)
-TorontoStar
BS CHRONOMETER 09.21.20
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [73] Stephen King, Portland ME, scary author (“Carrie”, “The Shining”)
1950 [70] Bill Murray, Wilmette IL, movie actor (“Lost in Translation”, “Groundhog Day”)
1957 [63] Ethan Coen, St Louis Park MN, filmmaker (Coen Bros-“True Grit”, “No Country For Old Men”)
1967 [53] Faith Hill, Ridgeland MS, country singer (‘Mississippi Girl’, ‘This Kiss’)/Mrs. Tim McGraw since 1996
1967 [53] Tyler Stewart, Toronto ON, pop drummer (Barenaked Ladies–‘One Week’, ‘If I had $1,000,000’)
1968 [52] Ricki Lake, Hastings-on-Hudson NY, TV talk show host (“The Ricki Lake Show” 2012, “Ricki Lake” 1993-2004)/movie actress (“Hairspray”, “Serial Mom”)
1971 [49] Luke Wilson, Dallas TX, movie actor (“Old School”, “Blades of Glory”)/brother of actor Owen Wilson)
1971 [49] Alfonso Ribeiro, The Bronx NY, TV actor (‘Carlton Banks’ on “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air” 1990-1996, season 19 winner on “Dancing with the Stars”)
1972 [48] Liam Gallagher, Manchester UK, rock singer (Oasis–‘Wonderwall’, ‘Don’t Look Back in Anger’)
1981 [39] Nicole Richie, Berkeley CA, reality star (“The Simple Life”)/daughter of Lionel Richie
1989 [31] Jason Derulo, Miami FL, R&B singer-songwriter (‘In My Head’, ‘Whatcha Say’)
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Last Full Day of Summer” in the Northern Hemisphere (sniff!) as Autumn officially arrives tomorrow.
• “Escapology Day”, celebrates escapologists, those artists, magicians, daredevils, and stage performers who escape from restraints and other traps such as straitjackets, handcuffs, cages, and coffins. They often have to escape from more than one type of restraint at the same time.
• “Miniature Golf Day”. The first mini-golf was the “Tom Thumb Golf Course” built in 1929 in Chattanooga TN by John Garnet Carter. Nowadays there’s a ‘Professional Miniature Golf Association’ that holds the “PMGA Championship” each year.
• “Pecan Cookie Day”, whether you prefer butter pecan, caramel pecan, orange pecan, or maple pecan cookies, enjoy a delicious treat today! (One of each, please!)
• “Pause the World Day”, sirens, television, computers, printers, car stereos, endless talking — Most of us accept daily racket as normal. We rarely experience true silence, but silence can help you to get in touch with your emotions, provide you with a sense of calm, and leave you feeling rejuvenated (or just make you notice that ringing in your ears….)
• “World Alzheimer’s Day”, an annual observance to raise awareness about Alzheimer’s disease and dementia.
• “World Gratitude Day”, to ‘unite all people in a positive emotion of gratitude, creating a world community’. (Brought to you by the ‘Association of the Hopelessly Overly-Optimistic’.)
COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Autumn arrives
[Tues] Business Women’s Day
[Tues] Dear Diary Day
[Wed] Celebrate Bisexuality Day
[Wed] Restless Legs Awareness Day
This Week Is…Farm Animals Awareness Week
This Month Is…National Chicken Month
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1970 [50] “Monday Night Football” premieres on ABC – Browns 31, Jets 21
2001 [19] 27 TV networks air “America: A Tribute to Heroes”, a star-studded benefit for families of 9/11 victims, live from NYC & LA. Performers include: Bruce Springsteen, Neil Young, Paul Simon, Billy Joel, Tom Petty, and Willie Nelson
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2011 [09] R.E.M. announce that they’re calling it quits after more than 30 years. A post on their website reads, “We walk away with a great sense of gratitude, of finality, and of astonishment at all we have accomplished. To anyone who ever felt touched by our music, our deepest thanks for listening.”
2012 [08] When Green Day’s set is cut short at the iHeartRadio festival in Las Vegas, singer Billie Joe Armstrong flies off the handle, stopping the show and going into an f-bomb-laced rant before smashing his guitar and leaving the stage. He checks into rehab two days later.
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1985 [35] Little-known 24-year-old actor George Clooney makes his first appearance as a handyman on the sitcom “The Facts of Life” (goes on to appear in 17 episodes)
2016 [04] Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg and his wife Priscilla Chan pledge $3 billion to medical research to “cure, prevent or manage all diseases by the end of the century” (one wonders if this includes “Facebook addiction”…)
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1982 [38] Albert McReynolds catches a record 78-and-a-half-pound striped bass off Atlantic City, NJ
BULL’S BITS
BS WHACK FACTS:
✓ The highest wave ever surfed was as tall as a 10-story building.
✓ To cook an egg, a sidewalk needs to be 158°F (70°C).
✓ A seahorse can move its eyes in opposite directions – which helps it better scan the water for food and predators.
✓ The ball on top of a flag pole is called the ‘Truck’.
✓ People generally prefer blue toothbrushes over red ones.
✓ DNA stands for DeoxyriboNucleic Acid.
-InterestingOneLineFacts, MentalFloss
Best of BS . . .
BS SIGNS YOU’VE HIRED THE WRONG MARRIAGE COUNSELOR:
(***CAUTION – LANGUAGE***)
• Framed degree on the wall reads ‘Doctor of Swingology’.
• He has a nude picture of your wife on his desk.
• Her latest book: “Women Are From Venus, Men Are Lyin’ Bastards”.
• After you’ve earned enough session points, you get to choose either a Louisville Slugger or a Taser.
• He sums up by saying “Ms. Smith, I believe your husband is correct. You are a whiny bitch.”
• Her last name has 6 hyphens.
-TopFive, first published in BS in 2012
TODAY’S SLICE OF BS:
➠ Gaming historian and founder of the Atari museum, Curt Vendel has passed away. (Ironically, he was just three Power Pellets away from an extra life…)
➠ In protest of his music contracts, Kanye West posted a social-media video of himself peeing on his own Grammy award. (At least he still has streaming rights!)
➠ Toy maker Hasbro has released a new line of G.I. Joe action figures after taking decades off. (You know G.I. Joe: cheesy beard . . . kung-fu grip . . . always blabbing about patriotism. Sorry. I was thinking of Chuck Norris…)
➠ You’ll be able to get the new iPhone 12 sometime in October, after its unveiling was moved back a month. (Is it significantly different from the one I have now? No? Great . . . I’ll take two!)
➠ Jada Pinkett Smith turned 49 over the weekend. (She wanted to blow out the candles, but had to make sure Will was out of town first…)
BS WEB GOODIE:
Serious case of the Mondays: https://tinyurl.com/y33auz44
BS RANDOM JOKE:
A note to the makers of frozen food: Never in the history of owning microwaves have I ever known the wattage of any microwave.
BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• What is the rarest M&M color?
a) Red
b) Yellow
c) Brown [CORRECT]
d) Green
• What female pop star has sons named Kingston, Zuma, and Apollo?
a) Madonna
b) Gwen Stefani [CORRECT]
c) Beyoncé
d) Katy Perry
• What was the first toy to be advertised on television?
a) Mr. Potato Head [CORRECT]
b) Barbie
c) Slinky
d) Hatchimal
-ThoughtCatalogue
BS PHONE STARTER:
What myth or saying do you think is stupid? Frogs don’t jump from boiling water? The Bermuda Triangle? It takes 7 years to digest gum?
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
13% of adults sat THIS is the occasion they dread most. What is it?
Answer: The last day of Summer
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The secret of living well is: eat half, walk double, laugh triple and love without measure.
