September 4, 2012

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Tuesday, September 4, 2012        Edition: #4822

Either Sheet or Get Off the Air!

“American Idol” producer Nigel Lythgoe (also a judge on “So You Think You Can Dance”) is set to make a modern-day version of the “Fame” TV show (1982-87), which follows the students of a NYC performing arts school (new format, same tired talent show model) . . . Famous-for-nothin’ Kim Kardashian won’t be getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame even though she recently said she wants one, a rep for the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce stipulating that candidates must have a career in the music or acting biz for 5 years or more (or at least be married for 5 minutes or more) . . . Meantime, “NY Daily News” reports that Beyoncé barely acknowledged Kardashian’s existence at the “Made in America Festival” in Philadelphia Saturday night, even though their men, Jay-Z and Kanye West, were performing together on-stage (meow!) . . . 48-year-old actor Russell Crowe & a friend were stranded Saturday when they lost their way while kayaking off Long Island and had to get a lift from the US Coast Guard (should they send him a bill?) . . . Lyricist Hal David, who wrote the lyrics to “Raindrops Keep Fallin’ On My Head” and a slew of other Burt Bacharach songs, died Saturday at age 91 (of schmaltz) . . . Former hip-hop mogul Chris Lighty, a long-time manager of 50 Cent who also worked with Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs and Mariah Carey, has been found dead from apparent suicide in the Bronx NY at age 44 (this is becoming a show biz epidemic) . . . And singer Seal’s people are furiously backpeddling on his spur-of-the-moment comment to TMZ that he wished estranged wife Heidi Klum had not taken up with a bodyguard since their split (Quote: “I would have thought Heidi would have shown a little bit more class before deciding to fornicate with the help, as it were.”)

• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC/CityTV) – 12 acts perform in the hope of making it to the top 6.
• “Democratic National Convention” (ABC/CBS/NBC/PBS) – The 2012 convention opens in Charlotte NC. (Will Clint Eastwood be doing another show & tell?)
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Taylor Swift (“Red”, coming October 22nd). Rerun.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Imagine Dragons (“Night Visions”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – LP (“Into the Wild”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Tedeschi Trucks Band (“Everybody’s Talkin’”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Jason Mraz (“Love Is a Four Letter Word”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Bob Mould (“Silver Age”).
• “Live With Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Former NY Giants football star Michael Strahan is reportedly introduced as permanent replacement for Regis Philbin, after 59 different guest hosts tried out . (So will it be “Live With Kelly & Michael” or “Live With Michael & Kelly”?)
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Robert Cray (“Nothin But Love”).

• Adele – Her album is no longer among the top 10 sellers … after 78 straight weeks.
• BoB – He’s unleashed “Strange Clouds: The Game” for iPhone, iPad, and iPod Touch, in which users earn rocket ship fuel by accurately slicing shapes out of strange clouds.
• George Michael – Today his re-scheduled “Symphonica Tour” finally gets back underway at the Stadhalle in Vienna, Austria after a long delay due to serious illness.
• Green Day – Today they release a box set compiling all their studio albums. Simply called “The Studio Albums 1990-2009”, it’s a Best Buy exclusive in advance of the new album “¡Uno!”, due September 25th.
• John Mayer – He has been ordered to not sing again for 6 months after undergoing throat surgery last week.
• Keith Urban – “Hollywood Reporter” says he and Nicki Minaj have yet to sign deals with “American Idol”, but both are expected to officially be announced as new judges early this week.
• No Doubt – Bassist Tony Kanal calls their new track “Push & Shove” the band’s “Bohemian Rhapsody”, presumably because it jumps around between various genres and tempos. It’s the 2nd single of their new album, coming September 25th.
• Rolling Stones – They’re reportedly getting $25 million to play 4 dates in November, two of them at London’s O2 Arena and the other pair at the new Barclays Center in Brooklyn NY. Meantime, “Crossfire Hurricane”, a new documentary following the Stones’ career-defining moments will be released in November in celebration of their 50th anniversary.

• “High School” ( R-Rated Comedy ): A high school valedictorian who gets baked with the local stoner finds himself the subject of a drug test. The situation causes him to concoct an ambitious plan to get his entire graduating class to face the same fate, and fail. Stars Adrien Brody, Michael Chiklis.
• “Piranha 3DD” ( R-Rated Horror Comedy ): A prehistoric school of blood-thirsty piranhas make their way into a newly opened waterpark. Features ‘The Hoff’ (David Hasselhoff) as an evil lifeguard; Ving Rhames with machine guns instead of legs; Christopher Lloyd, playing vintage Christopher Lloyd; and the typically off-his-rocker Gary Busey.
• “Safe” ( R-Rated Crime Thriller ): Veteran action-film actor Jason Statham plays an ex-cage fighter who comes to the aid of ‘Mei’ (Catherine Chan), a young girl whose memory holds a priceless numerical code. That’s made her the target of Triads, the Russian mob, and corrupt NYC cops. Co-stars Chris Sarandon, Robert John Burke.
• Also released today: “Bored to Death: The Complete 3rd Season” (TV); “Criminal Minds: The 7th Season” (TV): “Fringe: The Complete 4th Season” (TV); “The Good Wife: The 3rd Season” (TV); “Grey’s Anatomy: The Complete 8th Season” (TV); “How to Make It in America: The Complete 2nd Season” (TV); “The Office: Season 8” (TV); “Parks & Recreation: Season 4” (TV); and “Person of Interest: Season 1” (TV).

So-called ‘Super Wi-Fi’, which offers a bigger range than existing hotspots, is being deployed in the US and is generating interest in a number of countries, including Britain and Brazil. It’s not really Wi-Fi at all, because it uses a different frequency and requires specially designed equipment. It is wireless broadband dispersed through unused frequencies on the broadcast TV spectrum, so-called ‘white spaces’. The technology could allow wireless signals to travel as far as 100 miles (160 km) in theory, although for practical reasons the range will probably be only a few miles. (Soon you’ll be able to hack into your neighbor’s ISP even if you live on a farm.)

• The average length of the school year in the US is 180 days, in Canada 186 days, and in England 192. But in Japan, students are stuck in the classroom an average of 243 days.
• In Russia, the smallest girl in 1st grade stands on the shoulders of the tallest senior student and rings a handbell to start the school year. In May, the ceremony is repeated for ‘last bell’.
• The “Complete Book of Parenting” says a full 90% of young children become sick more often when starting school or daycare.
• Only 29% of kids pack their own school lunch, while 40% rely on a parent to do it.
• A poll finds the most-hated foods in school lunches are lamb, beans, sour cream, and fish.

Cornell University researchers say couples may benefit from taking things slowly. Their study of hundreds of couples has found that those who abstain in the bedroom in the early days of their relationship are happier and their relationships tend to last longer. The researchers think that’s because delaying sex may give couples time to get to know each other and work out just how compatible they are. Those who wait at least 6 months to get intimate score more highly in every category measured than those who get it on within the first month. (Seems mother was right after all.)

IBM researchers have spent 4 years developing ‘Watson’, what they hope will become a supercharged version of Apple’s ‘Siri’ personal assistant, offering instant advice and information on just about any topic. The super-brain’s nerve center is 10 racks of IBM servers that have the same processing power as 6,000 desktop computers. The challenge now is overcoming technical obstacles to make ‘Watson’ a handheld product. The next version, ‘Watson 2.0’, is expected to be energy-efficient enough to work on smartphones and tablets. (Then you can ask the super-brain super-important questions such as “When am I ever gonna get lucky?”)

✗ Applying Sunscreen – If you wash your hands afterward, you’re leaving that crucial surface exposed to harmful UV rays.
✗ Battling Back Pain – Lying down for a prolonged period of time is one of the worst things you can do for low-back pain. Opt for low-impact activities, such as walking or swimming.
✗ Cleaning Contact Lenses – Never top up the solution in your lens case. Leftover solution is sapped of its disinfecting power. Start with a fresh refill each time.
✗ Cleaning a Wound – Using hydrogen peroxide kills off a type of cell that’s crucial for repairing damaged tissue. Just use soap and water, then cover with an adhesive bandage.
✗ Drying Your Hands – Skip electric hand dryers. Your best bet is still the paper towel route, which reduces microbe levels on your palms by nearly 60%.
✗ Flossing Your Teeth – Do it after brushing to enable removal of microscopic debris between your teeth and to help transfer your toothpaste’s fluoride into the crevices between teeth.
✗ Sanitizing Your Counters – It’s wrong to assume that all cleaners disinfect. That blue stuff you spray on windows may be great on glass, but it’s a dud as a disinfectant. Read product labels.
✗ Taking a Shower – Serious scrubbing every day can remove the outermost layer of skin’s oils and lipids, which help fend off dryness. If you need to shower daily, make it a quick rinse.
– Condensed from

• In Italian, there is a word for a Summer hit song that is played everywhere you go … ‘tormentone’.
– BBC News
• An anagram of ‘Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan’ is ‘My ultimate Ayn Rand porn’.
• There’s a subcategory of homicide in the Philippines for so-called “My Way” killings … deaths that result from karaoke fights.
– “Times of London”


1958 [54] Dr Drew Pinsky, Pasadena CA, TV personality (“Celebrity Rehab With Dr Drew” since 2008)/syndicated radio talk-show personality (“Loveline” since 1984)

1960 [52] Damon Wayans, NYC, TV actor (“My Wife & Kids” 2001-05)/movie actor (“Celtic Pride”, “Major Payne”)/Shawn, Marlon, Keenen & Kim’s brother

1960 [52] Kim Thayil, Seattle WA, alt-rock guitarist (Soundgarden-“Live to Rise”, “Black Hole Sun”)

1980 [32] Max Greenfield, Dobbs Ferry NY, TV actor (‘Schmidt’ on “New Girl” since 2011)

1981 [31] Beyoncé (Knowles), Houston TX, pop singer (“Single Ladies”, Destiny’s Child-“Lose My Breath”)/movie actress (“A Star Is Born” 2013, “Dreamgirls”)/wed to Jay-Z since 2008

1981 [31] Tom Gossin, Utica NY, country singer-guitarist (Gloriana-“Can’t Shake You”, “Kissed You Good Night”)

1982 [30] Whitney Cummings, Washington DC, stand-up comedian/TV actress (“Whitney” since 2011)/TV screenwriter (co-creator of “2 Broke Girls”)

• “Cheese Pizza Day”, celebrating the favorite order of cheapskates everywhere.

• “Google Commemoration Day”, honoring the 1998 founding of Google Inc by Sergey Brin & Lawrence Page in a friend’s garage in Menlo Park, California.

• “Macadamia Nut Day”, saluting the yummy nut first found in the rainforests of eastern Australia thousands of years ago by the Aborigines. Though they can be toxic to dogs, they are very nutritious for humans.

• “Newspaper Carrier Day”, celebrating the anniversary of the 1st recorded ‘news boy’, 10 year-old Barney Flaherty, who began hawking the “New York Sun” 179 years ago in 1833.

• “Oatmeal Day” honoring the hot breakfast cereal that really ‘sticks to your ribs’.

• “Take Another Look Day”, a day to survey your possessions and give surplus items to charity or reuse them in another project. Slow the flow to landfills!

2002 [10] The first “American Idol” competition on FOX-TV is won by Kelly Clarkson, a 20-year-old cocktail waitress from Texas (back when anybody cared)

2008 [04] The first Fender Stratocaster guitar that Jimi Hendrix set on fire while performing is auctioned at Sotheby’s in London for the equivalent of a half-million dollars

2008 [04] Michael Jackson’s funeral, a relatively small affair, is held at Forest Lawn in Los Angeles, with attendees including Quincy Jones, Berry Gordy, and ex-wife Lisa Marie Presley

2009 [03] “American Idiot”, the stage musical version of Green Day’s 2004 concept album, debuts at the Berkeley Repertory Theatre in Berkeley, California (later hits Broadway)

1957 [55] Ford Motor Co begins selling its ill-fated ‘Edsel’, which proves so unpopular it’s taken off the market in 1959 (1st car with a wrap-around windshield, electric door locks, cruise control, and 4 headlights)

1982 [30] 8,659 dancers form the world record ‘Longest Conga Line’ in London UK

[Wed] CMA Awards nominees announced
[Wed] NFL Kick-Off Special w/Mariah Carey and No Doubt (NYC)
[Wed] Be Late For Something Day
[Thurs] MTV Video Music Awards
[Thurs] Toronto Film Festival begins

Child Injury Prevention Week / International Enthusiasm Week / Nutrition Week / Payroll Week / Play Days / Self-University Week / Waffle Week


A highlight bit culled from 19 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• “Don’t burp out loud.”
• “Try to put your capital letters in the right place.”
• “Keep your desk clean.”
• “If there’s a kindergartner sitting on the bus near you, don’t make fun of them.”
• “Try not to throw up in class.”
• “Don’t put down ‘little’ kids.”
– First published in “BS” 2001.

☎ Which are better … e-textbooks or good old fashioned treeware?

They say you shouldn’t say anything about the dead unless it’s good. He’s dead. Good.

Question: Two-thirds of moms do THIS on the first day of school.
Answer: Dress up.

Scholars should not study so much that they have no time to think.

Ken Smith @ B104 [WBWN] Bloomington IL; Brock @ The Mighty 93.1 [CKCU] Carleton University, Ottawa ON; Carina van Heerde @ Kosmos 94.1 Windhoek, Namibia; Ramzy @ Sun FM Colombo, Sri Lanka; Ed Matthews @ KMFM Kent UK; and Gareth Richards @ 91.9 Rock FM Johannesburg, South Africa.

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