September 7, 2012

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Friday, September 7, 2012        Edition: #4825

Our Sheet Don’t Stink!

“Jersey Shore” star Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi is showing off her new baby Lorenzo on the cover of today’s edition of “People” magazine (in the pic, the kid has a pinched face and closed eyes – just like mom used to after a night of partying) . . . 72-year-old former “NBC Nightly News” anchor Tom Brokaw was taken by ambulance to a hospital in Charlotte, North Carolina for evaluation yesterday after feeling ‘light-headed’ during an appearance on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” (no word on diagnosis yet) . . . Movie star Bradley Cooper (“The Words”) tells “Hollywood Reporter” he decided to quit drinking after he deliberately smashed his head on a concrete floor at a party to prove how tough he was (only once – wuss!) . . . Word has it LeAnn Rimes’ breakdown may have been caused by rumors her hubby Eddie Cibrian was cheating (just like he did with her on his previous wife) . . . Sorta actress Amanda Bynes is due in court again September 27th, now facing up to a year in jail over those 2 hit-and-run incidents that involved alleged DUI (that’s what happens when you treat your Bimmer like a battering ram) . . . And some obsessed “Breaking Bad” fan has actually calculated how much money was in ‘Skyler’s giant stash featured on last Sunday’s season-ender – somewhere between $17.5 million and $43.8 million, depending on bill denominations (either way, it’s just not enough – keep cookin’!).

• “Canadian Country Music Association Awards” (CBC) – Sunday in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Johnny Reid leads nominations with 8, including ‘Album’ and ‘Single Of the Year’. Performers include Eric Church, Jason Aldean, Miranda Lambert, and the Pistol Annies. Taylor Swift is presented with the 1st-ever ‘Generation Award’ for career achievement.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Today Nicki Minaj (“Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded”). Rerun.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Tonight Imagine Dragons (“Night Vision”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Lee Fields & The Expressions (“Faithful Man”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Divine Fits (“A Thing Called Divine”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tonight The Chevin (“Borderland”). Rerun.
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Today Melissa Etheridge (“4th Street Feeling”).
• “London 2012 Festival” (UK) – Sunday this countrywide cultural celebration tied to the Olympics/Paralympics finishes off with a concert by Elton John at London’s Wembley Arena.
• “Paralympics 2012 Closing Ceremonies (London) – Sunday the theme is ‘Festival of Flame’ as the 14th games come to a close. Word has it the show may include performances by Coldplay, Jay-Z, and Rihanna.
• “Piers Morgan Tonight” (CNN) – Tonight Matchbox Twenty’s Rob Thomas (“North”).
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – “SNL” alum Jimmy Fallon hosts; musical guest Michael Bublé (“Christmas”). Rerun.
• “Stand Up to Cancer” (ABC/CBS/FOX/NBC) – Tonight the 3rd annual simulcast telethon to raise awareness and funding for cancer research features performances by Alicia Keys, Coldplay, Taylor Swift, and Tim McGraw.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight OneRepublic (“Waking Up”).

• Awolnation – Saturday in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania they embark on a Fall North American tour alongside Imagine Dragons and emerging hip-hop artist Zeale.
• Blondie / Devo – Tonight their 13-city co-headlining “Whip It to Shreds Tour” gets underway in Woodinville, Washington.
• Green Day – Billie Joe Armstrong’s recent illness has been revealed. He was hospitalized with severe dehydration and a bad case of flu, which left him ‘vomiting profusely’. (Uh, maybe we didn’t need to know.)
• John Fogerty – Tonight his “Cross Canadian Revival Tour” kicks off in St John’s, Newfoundland. A US tour will follow.
• Lady Gaga – It’s been announced the North American leg of her “Born This Way Ball” tour will commence January 11th in Vancouver, British Columbia. Gaga is slated to play South America, Africa, and Russia before the end of 2012.
• My Morning Jacket – Tonight in Seattle, Washington they embark on a West Cost tour, part of their ‘Spontaneous Curation Series’ in which fan club members and concert-goers assist them in picking each night’s set list through Twitter.
• Nicki Minaj – She’s upset her legion of gay fans by confessing in a new “Rolling Stone” interview that she was only joking when she once stated she was bisexual. (Actually, she’s ‘tri’.)
• One Direction – Earlier this year, a little-known US act with the same name sued the UK boy-band for theft of identity, but now the California group has announced it’s changing its name to Uncharted Shores and the suit has been settled. (The settlement is likely the most money they ever made in the biz.)
• Paul McCartney – Saturday French President Francois Hollande is scheduled to present him with a Legion of Honor award, France’s highest public distinction which has previously been given to the likes of Clint Eastwood. (Not to mention Liza Minnelli … and Jerry Lewis.)
• Rush – Tonight a 33-city tour in support of their 20th studio album, “Clockwork Angels”, begins in Manchester, New Hampshire. For the first time, a string ensemble will accompany the band throughout the tour.
• Taylor Swift – After some intense investigative journalism, “Us Weekly” has decided her new song “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” is about actor-former boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal. (Conor Kennedy – you’re next!)

• “Bachelorette” ( Limited Release R-Rated Comedy ): In this “Bridesmaids”-inspired comedy, 3 friends are asked to be bridesmaids at the wedding of a woman they used to ridicule back in high school. Stars Kirsten Dunst, Isla Fisher, Lizzy Caplan, James Marsden.
• “Cold Light of Day” ( PG-13 Action Thriller ): After his family is kidnapped during a trip to Spain, a Wall Street trader is confronted by the intelligence agents responsible, who are looking for a missing briefcase. Stars Henry Cavill, Bruce Willis, Sigourney Weaver. Filmed in Madrid.
• “Raiders Of the Lost Ark” ( PG-13 Action Adventure ): An IMAX re-release of the 1981 Harrison Ford classic that kicked off the ‘Indiana Jones’ franchise. The 1-week screening precedes the September 18th Blu-ray release of “Indiana Jones: The Complete Adventures”.
• “The Words” ( PG-13 Drama ): Bradley Cooper portrays a writer at the peak of literary success who discovers the steep price he must pay for stealing another man’s work. Co-stars Dennis Quaid, Olivia Wilde, Zoe Saldana. Shot in Montréal.
• Also opening in limited release: “Beauty Is Embarrassing” (Documentary); “Branded” (Thriller); “For Ellen” (Drama); “Genesis” (Horror Thriller); “Girl Model” (Documentary); “Hello I Must Be Going” (Romantic Comedy); “The Inbetweeners Movie” (Comedy); “Keep the Lights On” (Drama); and “Toys In the Attic” (Animation).

The soon-to-launch ‘Next Step Card’ is a prepaid MasterCard for people fighting addiction and their families who don’t quite trust them yet. The card won’t work in bars or casinos; nor will it fetch cash – a toxic asset for addicts – from ATMs. The people filling up the prepaid card can opt to get text message updates about all purchases. The developers of the card, 3 recovering addicts who met in Delray Beach, Florida, describe the card as ‘money with training wheels’. (Some wily user will soon find out what one of these is worth on the black market.)
– “South Florida Sun-Sentinel”

Which would you advise your favorite baseball team to recruit … a rookie with a good shot to win ‘Rookie Of the Year’ or a player who’s already won the award? According to researchers from Stanford and Harvard universities, you’re more likely to go with the rookie. In a series of experiments, people consistently preferred someone with the potential for a certain level of achievement over someone who had actually attained that level of achievement. (Teams often prefer them too because … they’re cheap!)
– “Boston Globe”

‘Pragulic’ is a new tourist service offering sightseeing walks of Prague in the Czech Republic guided by … homeless people. The name is a mash-up of ‘Prague’ and the Czech word for ‘streets’. It was started by graduate students competing in the Social Impact Awards, a program to encourage the solving of social problems through entrepreneurship. The tours are all based on the personal experience of the guides, who share personal stories along with landmarks. (“And this is the cardboard box I was staying in when I first met One-Eyed Lefty …”)
– “Christian Science Monitor”

We are 30% more accurate when guessing the future work performance of others rather than our ourselves. (Likely because we’re often blind to our own faults.)
– “Psychology Today”


1951 [61] Julie Kavner, LA CA, TV actress (voice of ‘Marge Simpson’ on “The Simpsons” since 1989)/movie actress (“Click”, “The Simpsons Movie”)

1976 [36] Oliver Hudson, LA CA, TV actor (‘Adam Rhodes’ on “Rules Of Engagement” since 2007)/son of actress Goldie Hawn/brother of actress Kate Hudson

1987 [25] Evan Rachel Wood, Raleigh NC, TV actress (“True Blood” 2009-11)/movie actress (“The Ides of March”, “The Wrestler”)

TV personality Brooke Burke (“Dancing With the Stars”) is 41; Movie actor David Arquette (“Scream”) is 41; Rock drummer Richard Hughes (Keane) is 37; Pop singer P!nk (“Get The Party Started”) is 33; Rapper Wiz Khalifa (“Black & Yellow”) is 25.

Rock musician-producer Dave Stewart (Eurythmics) is 60; Movie actor Hugh Grant (“Bridget Jones’ Diary”) is 52; Movie actor Adam Sandler (“The Wedding Singer”) is 46; TV actor Eric Stonestreet (“Modern Family”) is 41; Pop-jazz singer Michael Bublé (“Haven’t Met You Yet”) is 37; Movie actress Michelle Williams (“My Week With Marilyn”) is 32; Country singer Hunter Hayes (“Wanted”) is 21.

• “Lazy Moms Day”, a day for hard-working moms to do whatever they want.
• “One Arm Dove Hunt”, the 41st annual 2-day event in Olney, Texas that’s open to anyone with the use of only one arm or hand. Additional events include the ‘Glove Swap’, ‘One Arm Jokes’, and ‘One Arm Golf’. You’ve got to hand it to them … they’ve got a sense of humor.
• “Salami Day”, started in 2006 by the Salami Appreciation Society to honor the cured Italian sausage that is fermented and air-dried. (Erp!)

• “Federal Lands Cleanup Day”, an annual event on the 1st Saturday after Labor Day. (So help out a litter bit, ok?)
• “International Drive Your Studebaker Day”, honoring the vintage vehicle that was often stylistically ahead of it’s time. First manufactured in South Bend, Indiana in 1902, the last Studebaker rolled off the Hamilton, Ontario assembly plant in 1966.
• “International Literacy Day”, established by the UN in 1965 to promote reading & writing programs. Worldwide 1-in-5 adults (about 775 million) are illiterate and 75 million children are not attending school.
• “Nose Hair Maintenance Day”, your annual opportunity to take proper care of nose hair by trimming, styling, brushing or some such thing. (Wait a sec … once a year?)
• “World Physical Therapy Day”, initiated in 1951 to recognize the work that physical therapists do for their patients and community.

• “Expectant Fathers Day”, a day for neglected first-time dads to get some much needed recognition.
• “Grandparents’ Day”, originated in 1978 to honor the folks who get to spoil our kids rotten without paying any consequences. Observed annually the 1st Sunday after Labor Day.
• “Hug Your Hound Day”, observed annually on the 2nd Sunday of September to encourage awareness of the need for both human-friendly and dog-friendly use of urban spaces.
• “Wonderful Weirdos Day”, saluting all people who are … well, kinda quirky. Know any?

1979 [33] Entertainment & Sports Programming Network (ESPN) debuts on cable TV

1986 [26] TV’s “Oprah Winfrey Show” debuts (the beginning of a billionaire)

1996 [16] Tupac Shakur is shot several times in Las Vegas while riding in a BMW with Death Row Records founder Marion ‘Suge’ Knight after attending a boxing match (dies of complications from the gunshot wounds 6 days later)

1986 [26] Only 3 plays into the new football season, officials call for the 1st ‘Instant Replay’ review in NFL history during a Chicago Bears-Cleveland Browns game

1958 [54] Mary Davis sets the ‘Women’s World Non-Stop Talking Record’ as she finally shuts up in Tulsa, Oklahoma after 110 hours, 30 minutes (started talking 4 days earlier in Buffalo NY)  BS FACTOID: The ‘Men’s World Non-Stop Talking Record’ is 200 hours.

[Mon] “The Voice” Season 3 debut (NBC)
[Mon] Boss-Employee Exchange Day
[Mon] Swap Ideas Day
[Mon] World Suicide Prevention Day
[Tues] 9/11 Remembrance Day
[Wed] Videogames Day
This Week Is … International Enthusiasm Week
This Month Is … Be Kind to Editors & Writers Month


• Whyzit people look up when they think?
• Whyzit nothing is as easy as it looks?
• Whyzit they call it ‘chili’ if it’s hot?
• Whyzit lending someone money causes amnesia?
• Whyzit pilots always say, “We are now making our final approach”? Did they make other approaches that they didn’t tell you about?

☎ What’s the weirdest thing you ever put in your kid’s lunch?

Adopting a cat has taken a giant leap forward (or backward, your pick), thanks to this mashing up of cats and the web pastime Chatroulette. Behold, ‘Catroulette’!

Death and taxes are inevitable; at least death doesn’t get worse every year.

Question: Over half of moms with school-age children say THIS stresses them out in the morning more than anything else.
Answer: Making the kids’ lunches.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

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