September 7 2021

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Tuesday, September 7, 2021 – Edition: #7061

Our Sheet Don’t Stink!

★ Howie Mandel got alarmingly candid with reporters over his struggle with depression during the pandemic, half-jokingly saying his own mental health crisis has propelled his therapist into a higher tax bracket. Mandel went on “TMZ Live” to promote the new documentary “Howie Mandel: But, Enough About Me”, which covers the extreme difficulty he’s had as a germaphobe, and how his issues magnified during lockdown. He says his private struggle almost ended his marriage, with his wife gave him an ultimatum at one point, that he either go to therapy, or end the marriage. He chose therapy. The “America’s Got Talent” judge says the the silver lining to an awful period of time in history has been that there is a newfound awareness that getting help for mental struggles is admirable. The documentary is now streaming on Peacock.
★ Willard Scott, the longtime weatherman for “The Today Show” and the original Ronald McDonald, has died at 87. He spent 65 years with NBC and was with Today for the last 35 of those. Though he retired in 2015, he had appeared occasionally to wish a happy birthday to viewers who had turned 100 years old. Scott served as “Today’s” main weather anchor from 1980 until 1996, when Al Roker came aboard. Roker shared the sad news on Saturday on his Instagram, calling him his “second dad.”
★ It looks like Kaley Cuoco will be keeping her millions. She’s estimated to be worth $100 million, and has an “ironclad prenup in place,” as she and her estranged husband Karl Cook begin divorce proceedings. Cuoco, who has been acting since she was a child, was raking in a million per episode for “Big Bang Theory” by 2014. The show was on the air from 2007-2019. Cuoco filed for divorce on Friday, the same day the couple confirmed they’re going their separate ways after 3 years of marriage.
★ Tom Cruise reportedly had a copy of the new “Top Gun” movie stolen from his BMW. He’s been in the U.K. over recent months filming the new “Mission: Impossible” film, and apparently had a rare copy of “Top Gun: Maverick” in the vehicle when it was swiped last month. The BMW and the copy of the film were both eventually recovered by the police. But, at this stage, it’s not known whether the movie was copied by the crooks.


• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Tiffany Haddish, David Chase, Imagine Dragons
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Trevor Noah, Beanie Feldstein, Gorillaz featuring AJ Tracey
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Steve Martin, Martin Short, Selena Gomez, the War on Drugs
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Regina Hall
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Patrick Stewart, Vance Joy
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Hot Topics
• “The Talk” (CBS): Yvonne Orji, guest co-hosts Jerry O’Connell & Deon Cole
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Jason Biggs, Addison Rae
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Fun Moments From Season 18, featuring P!nk, Stacey Abrams, Vince Vaughn
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (Check local listings): Nick Offerman, Megan Mullally, Halsey, David Oyelowo, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Justin Hartley, Marlee Matlin, Josh Groban
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (Check local listings): Best Of Week: David Letterman, Mikel Welch
• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC): Semi-Finals 2
• “Frontline” (PBS): Season 40 premiere. How 9/11 ushered in an era of fear, mistrust, and division in America.
• “History’s Greatest Mysteries” (HISTORY): Season 2 premiere. Expedition Bermuda Triangle.
• “Impeachment: American Crime Story” (FX): Season 3 premiere. After the death of her boss, White House staffer Linda Tripp is moved to the Pentagon, where she meets Monica Lewinsky; Paula Jones decides to sue the President for sexual harassment.

• Lorde — will no longer be performing at this Sunday’s MTV Video Music Awards. The awards show tweeted “Due to a change in production elements, Lorde can no longer perform at this year’s show. We love Lorde and cannot wait for her to perform on the VMA stage in the future!” Performers still on the bill include: host Doja Cat, Olivia Rodrigo, Justin Bieber, Shawn Mendes and Kacey Musgraves.
• Drake – is courting controversy by crediting R. Kelly on his new tune ‘TSU’. It uses the same musical intro as Kelly’s 1998 single ‘Half on a Baby’. This is its most high-profile usage of Kelly’s music since he was indicted on several charges of sex trafficking.
• Kanye West — is reportedly in the process of trademarking his own homeware brand. It includes shower curtains, wall decor, towels, placemats and bedding made from made from cashmere, fleece and silk.
• Led Zeppelin – Jimmy Page was on hand at the Venice Film Festival on Saturday where “Becoming Led Zeppelin,” the band’s first proper documentary, premiered. The film received a standing ovation that may have broken “Dune’s” 6-minute Venice record had Page not cut the fanfare short by politely exiting. TRAILER LINK:
• Pink Floyd — will release a remixed and updated edition of its 1987 “A Momentary Lapse of Reason” album on Oct. 29. The new version will be available on Vinyl, CD, DVD, Blu-ray and digitally with Stereo and 5.1 mixes. In addition, it will be presented in 360 Reality Audio, a “new immersive music experience that closely mimics the omni-directional soundscape of live musical performance.”
• Triumph – Their long-awaited documentary “Triumph: Rock & Roll Machine” will premiere this Friday at the Toronto International Film Festival. It is said to be “a celebratory, exhilarating thrill ride through the history of one of rock’s most unsung acts.” The trailer features Skid Row’s Sebastian Bach and the Trailer Park Boys:
• Elvis Presley — Kruse GWS Auctions sold the “Elvis Presley Eyelet Jumpsuit and Cape” from his 1972 Madison Square Garden performances in New York for $1,012,500 on Saturday. The celeb memorabilia dealer reported it to be a world record price.
• Keith Urban – shared a throwback clip from 1983 that shows him as a shaggy-haired 16-year-old performing on an Australian talent show, where one of the judges discourages him from pursuing a solo career. In his voiceover, Urban says: “Sometimes, you just gotta prove ’em wrong.” That leads into a series of clips of him performing in front of massive crowds. LINK:
• Loretta Lynn – is holding a livestream concert to benefit the victims of the deadly flooding in Tennessee. The Sept. 13 show from the Grand Ole Opry will feature performances by Garth Brooks, Trisha Yearwood, Luke Bryan and Luke Combs. TICKET LINK:


Last week, Apple announced the first states that will allow people to keep a digital version of their driver’s license on their iPhone. The tech giant says that Arizona and Georgia will be the first to adopt the feature, and Connecticut, Iowa, Kentucky, Maryland, Oklahoma and Utah will follow, though we haven’t seen a timeline yet. Those states will roll out a feature allowing users to add driver’s license and state IDs to Apple Wallet for iPhone and Apple Watch, to use at security at participating airports. The company says this is a crucial step in Apple’s plan to replace physical wallets, and it will offer more convenience to travelers looking for a touchless airport experience. The new ID functionality will be available with an iPhone software update due for release this fall.
(Good. I’ve always said, “Wouldn’t it be nice if I had a digital version of my driver’s license photo!)
(I always knew Apple was trying to empty my wallet…but this is the first I’ve heard of them REPLACING it…)
(Just a crazy thought here…but how about letting us use the digital version of our driver’s license when we’re DRIVING?)

If you’re anything like me (and we’ll leave the obvious jokes and insults out of this), you’ve never been quite sure exactly what ‘Grimace’ is supposed to be. You know Grimace, right? Ronald McDonald’s purple friend? Well, wonder no more, because the manager of a McDonald’s franchise in Windsor, Ontario has revealed Grimace’s origin story. Brian Bates, told CBC in an interview that Grimace is (get ready for it…) “an enormous taste bud, but a taste bud nonetheless.” According to him, the McDonaldland character was created to show that the food tastes good. McDonald’s has been tight-lipped about Grimace’s story over the years. But in a 2014 tweet responding to a question about Grimace, the fast food chain said: “he is the embodiment of a milkshake or a taste bud”. Grimace, who was actually a villain early on, doesn’t really look like a milkshake. But if you compare him to microscope images of taste buds…yeah, he’s one of those.
(If he’s a giant taste bud to show how good the food is, why the heck did they name him ‘Grimace’?)
(I just thought he was some kind of creepy purple gumdrop!)
(I’d actually like to go back to NOT knowing that I, on more than one occasion as a child, was hugged by a giant purple taste bud…)

➢ An 11-year-old pit bull who has been stuck in an animal shelter for 2 years is being featured on a billboard in hopes of finding her fur-ever home. Scott Poore recently took out a 30-foot billboard on I-35 in Mission, Kansas, featuring Sally-Sue’s smiling face and a plea to potential pet parents to make room in their heart for the loving senior fur baby. Poore is working to find the permanent funding needed to feature the next hopeful doggo candidate from the Always & Furever Midwest Animal Sanctuary, once Sally-Sue is adopted. (I’m not crying…YOU’RE crying…)
➢ A 93-year-old who is obsessed with the ‘Hokey-Pokey’ was treated to a special flash mob version of the song’s actions by her neighbors. Phyllis Brinkerhoff—Mrs. B. as she’s affectionately known around Prairie Village, Kansas, is an admitted die-hard fan of the tune, and has even handed out a CD copies of the kids’ song to friends. One of those friends had the idea to invite members of the community to a one-in-a-million surprise party – a Hokey Pokey flash mob. The neighbors, wearing birthday hats, assembled on Mrs. B’s front lawn, where they put their “whole selves in” and broke out in a performance of her favorite song. (And THAT’s what it’s all about…)

(You just don’t know it…)
• Tailgating – Grilling is great, but grilling + sports + beer + getting way too competitive is even better.
• Hot Cocoa – Nothing helps you kick back like a hot cup of cocoa, especially if it’s spiked.
• Halloween Candy – The only time it’s acceptable to have candy for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
• Apple Picking – If you don’t pick your own apples, then you’re doing Fall all wrong.
• Holiday Leftovers – Mashed potatoes for days. Cranberry sauce on everything.
• Hot Soup – Not to mention cheddar broccoli bread bowls that’ll warm you up anytime.
• Pumpkin Pie – Might as well pop that top button on your pants now. It’s almost pie time.
• Pumpkin Spice Lattés – The first time each year that you catch a whiff of that pumpkin aroma, it’s magic.
• Mulled Wine – The perfect beverage for every Autumn party or family get-together.
• No More Hot Dogs – Bye-bye, Summer. We’ll be wanting you and your weenies again next year. Until then … so long tube steak!
-Adapted from SpoonUniversity, first published in BS in 2014

Everyone on earth is – mathematically and genetically at least – related to every other single person on the planet, if you go back far enough. In 2013, Peter Ralph from USC Dornsife – a university in Southern California – used maths, statistics, and data analysis of DNA to determine that everyone on earth is related to every other person, somewhere down the line.


1951 [70] Chrissie Hynde, Akron OH, rock singer-guitarist (The Pretenders – ‘Brass In Pocket [I’m Special]’, ‘I’ll Stand By You’)

1949 [72] Gloria Gaynor, Newark NJ, pop singer (‘I Will Survive’)

1950 [71] Julie Kavner, LA CA, TV voice actress (‘Marge Simpson’ on “The Simpsons” since 1989)

1956 [65] Diane Warren, Van Nuys CA, pop songwriter (Cher-‘If I Could Turn Back Time’, Aerosmith-‘I Don’t Want to Miss A Thing’, Celine Dion-‘Because You Loved Me’)

1967 [54] Leslie Jones, Memphis TN, TV comic (“Saturday Night Live” 2014-19)/movie actress (“Ghostbusters”, “Trainwreck”)

1970 [51] Tom Everett Scott, East Bridgewater MA, movie actor (“That Thing You Do!”)

1976 [45] Oliver Hudson, LA CA, TV actor (‘Wes’ on “Scream Queens” 2015-2016, “Nashville” 2013-15)/son of Goldie Hawn/brother of Kate Hudson

1978 [43] Devon Sawa, Vancouver BC, movie actor (“Final Destination”, “Casper”)

1987 [34] Evan Rachel Wood, Raleigh NC, TV actress (“West World” 2016-20)/movie actress (“Ides of March”, “The Wrestler”)

• “Salami Day”, started in 2006 by the Salami Appreciation Society to honor the cured Italian sausage that is fermented and air-dried.  NET:

• “Google Commemoration Day”, honoring the 1998 founding of Google Inc by Sergey Brin & Lawrence Page in a friend’s garage in Menlo Park CA. (And exactly when did ‘google’ become a verb, then?)

• “Feel the Love Day”, the perfect day for gift giving. All that needs to happen today is being good to everyone. The world needs to know that today, you are feelin’ it. (I take no responsibility for whatever ‘rebound’ effect occurs tomorrow…)

• “Neither Rain nor Snow Day”, commemorating the motto of the US Postal Service – “Neither rain nor snow nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds”. (Just dogs…)

• “Telephone Tuesday”, based on the clear spike in telephone calls experienced today by businesses and organizations. The high number of calls are partly due to unmanned telephones during the long weekend. Also, summer is ending, school is starting, and people want to take care of things they’ve been putting off since spring arrived. (Plus, Little Johnny’s teacher is already calling about his behavior…)

• “Grandma Moses Day”, celebrating the American artist who spent decades living the rural, agricultural life that she would later feature in her paintings. She only began devoting herself to art when she was in her 70s. Completely self-taught, Moses soon became famous for her images of country life.

[Wed] Literacy Day
[Wed] Ampersand Day
[Thurs] Weirdos Day
[Thurs] Teddy Bear Day
This Week Is…National Waffle Week
This Month Is…Better Breakfast Month

1986 [35] TV’s “Oprah Winfrey Show” debuts (the beginning of a billionaire)

2020 [01] Lily Allen marries David Harbour (‘Hopper’ on “Stranger Things”) at the Graceland Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas, with an Elvis impersonator presiding

1996 [25] Tupac Shakur is shot 5 times in Las Vegas while riding in a BMW with Death Row Records founder Marion ‘Suge’ Knight (he dies 6 days later at age 25)

2008 [13] While performing ‘Morning Glory’ at the V Festival in Toronto, Noel Gallagher of Oasis suffers a fractured rib when attacked by a concert-goer who rushes the stage and pushes him into his monitor

2010 [11] Queen’s ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ is named “Greatest Lighter-in-the-Air Song of All-Time” by lighter company Zippo

2007 [14] A new study reveals that rock stars are twice as likely to die early as the rest of us

2013 [08] The International Olympic Committee announces Tokyo, Japan has won the bid for the 2020 2021 Summer Olympics

2014 [07] Serena Williams beats Caroline Wozniacki at the US Open, joining Martina Navratilova and Chris Evert with 18 Grand Slam singles victories (Serena now has 23)


✓ Newborn babies don’t shed tears.
✓ Not everyone can focus and defocus their eyes at will.
✓ About 1 in 1500 people can give themselves goosebumps at will.
✓ Your thumb is approximately the same length as your nose.
✓ Nails grow faster in warm weather than they do in cold weather.
✓ The Romans used to clean and whiten their teeth with urine. Apparently, it works.
-Buzzfeed, WhattheFFacts

Best of BS . . .
• The ball was originally shaped like an actual foot.
• Boomer Esiason was the first person to ever be told: “OK, Boomer.”
• Any new team coming to San Diego must be named the Rechargers.
• The field is actually wider than it is long. The game is just played sideways.
• The Cleveland Browns were formed when the Cleveland Blues merged with the Cleveland Reds and the Cleveland Yellows.
• In Europe, they call it “soccer”.
• My wife’s idea of Fantasy Football is me not watching football.
• The Patriots never cheated.
-Twitter, first published in BS in 2020

• How to forge my parents’ signature.
• There is no greater joy than walking into class and seeing the A.V. cart.
• Coaches don’t give a flying frig about history class either.
• Cursive? Totally unnecessary.
• Substitute teachers equal a field day for a smart-mouthed student.
• That gum under the desk? Don’t chew that.
• A bottle of vodka can be conveniently carried in a guitar case.
• It’s the only time in your life that you will ever use a protractor.
• It is good to bring a gift for your teacher. That gift should not be your pet snake.
• That I could make the word ‘BOOBS’ with my calculator.
-Twitter, first published in BS in 2018

➠ Man, I love 3-day weekends! (They allow me to spend quality time with the wife and kids, plus spend some much-needed time tending to my Farmville Crops for the other 2 days…)
➠ A study claims that the antioxidant resveratrol found in red wine and chocolate doesn’t actually help you live longer after all. (The study was, of course, performed by the National Buzzkill Institute.)
➠ Beyoncé turned 40 on Saturday. (She celebrated, of course, by continuing to be better than you and I in every imaginable way…)
➠ Tropical storm Ida dumped nearly 10 inches of rain in some parts of New Jersey last week.  (Being in a hot tub, of course, the former cast of Jersey Shore had no clue…)
➠ (***Caution***) A man cut off his penis and threw it out a car window during a police chase last week. (He’s been charged with “Mis-da-wiener”. Ba-dum-bum!)

THIS guy was definitely ready for football:

I’m not much for seizing the day. Usually, I just kinda poke it with a stick.

What was your most horrifying ‘back to school week’ experience?

Question:  One in 4 motorists have THIS in common during the morning commute. What is it?
Answer:  Taking a kid to school

Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.


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