May 28, 2008

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Wednesday, May 28, 2008        Edition: #3785
You’re Up to Your Eyeballs in Sheet!

“Indiana Jones & The Kingdom Of the Crystal Skull” has now grossed over $300 million worldwide since its release last THURSDAY, the big box office apparently driven by people in their 30s & 40s who are thrilled to find a movie they like that they can also bring their kids to (apparently 11-year-olds love to see a spunky grandpa onscreen) . . . Producer Peter Jackson & director Guillermo del Toro have revealed the upcoming 2-part movie version of “The Hobbit” will shoot back-to-back in New Zealand, just like its Oscar-winning predecessor “The Lord Of the Rings” (part 1 hits theaters DECEMBER 2011, part 2 a year later) . . . Lindsay Lohan’s loser pop Michael Lohan has a new gig as a ‘celebrity blogger’ for “OK Magazine”, putting in his 2 cents every week about his ex-wife’s new reality TV show “Living Lohan” (which he’s not allowed anywhere near) . . . Meantime, Papa Lohan has been squiring around an extremely pretty & extremely young blonde that he’s been inappropriately introducing as ‘Lindsay’s future stepmom’ (it’s tough to pick who’s most pathetic amongst this bunch) . . . Actor Kelsey Grammar, whose latest sitcom “Back to You” was recently axed by FOX after just 1 (strike-shortened) season, is looking for a quick return to primetime playing an overbearing father in ABC-TV’s upcoming comedy pilot, “Roman’s Empire” (hopefully the show’s less cheesy than the title) . . . And pseudo-actress Tara Reid (“American Pie” and, most recently, “American Pie”) has just signed on for an Australian reality show, the Down Under version of “Dancing With the Stars” (she’d be better suited for “The Biggest Loser” … in so many ways).

• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – ‘70s/‘80s rockers Journey are on (but sadly, legendary vocalist Steve Perry is no longer part of the act).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – “American Boy” singer Estelle is onstage.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Brit alt-rocker Morrissey is a guest.
• “Late Show With David Letterman“ (CBS) – Pop/jazz artist Norah Jones performs.
• Nelly Furtado – She receives an honorary fellowship to the Royal Conservatory Of Music, the institution’s highest honor, at a gala taking place at the Royal Ontario Museum in Toronto.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Prince does a rare TV performance.

• Celine Dion – Her life story will be the subject of the CBC-TV mini-series “Celine” THIS FALL.
• Radiohead – Bassist Colin Greenwood admits he temporarily went deaf during the recording of “In Rainbows” due to using the ‘wrong type of headphones’ in the studio.
• Sam Roberts – The Montréal rocker (“Them Kids”) is sporting a new clean shaven look for the first time since 2002.
• Velvet Revolver – Drummer Matt Sorum has revealed they’re ‘coming out with something’ within a few weeks that will likely feature a new lead singer, replacing the axed Scott Weiland. He also notes the band turned down producer Mark Burnett’s offer to stage an INXS-style search for a singer on a new season of “Rockstar”.

TODAY the heaviest diamond offered at auction in 20 years goes under the gavel in Hong Kong. The new owner will likely have to pony up circa $8 million in order to buy the 101.27-carat colorless stone … and the privilege of naming it. Only 3 diamonds over 100 carats have ever been auctioned. (If you owned a name-worthy gem, what would you call it?)
– “GQ”

• German authorities have placed a baby in protective custody after his parents … put him up for auction online. The 7-month-old boy’s mother insists it was all a joke when they posted an ad offering a ‘nearly new baby’ for sale on eBay and started bidding at 1 euro (about a buck-and-a-half). Police in Bavaria were not amused. They’ve started a criminal investigation and ordered the 23-year-old mom to undergo a psychiatric evaluation.
– “Deutsche Welle”
• In order to save a few bucks on gas and have fun on the last day of classes, high-school senior Caleb Anderson of Dickson County, Tennessee commuted to school … on his horse. The mirthless school principal has ruled the prank will cost him. Although Caleb will receive his diploma, he won’t be allowed to attend the graduation ceremony and walk across the stage.
– ”Dickson Herald”
• A lost parrot in Tokyo, Japan has been reunited with its owner after … reciting his name and address to a veterinarian. It seems ‘Yosuke’ the parrot didn’t trust the cops after they rescued him from a rooftop, so he kept his mouth shut. But after being transferred to a vet’s office, he promptly blabbed all. His owner says he spent 2 years teaching the bird his name & address.
– Yahoo News

Canadian immigration officials have uncovered a scam to fast-track resident visas for people wishing to live in the country. Marriage for convenience syndicates have apparently been offering packaged services that not only include a Canadian spouse, but a complete wedding ceremony in which people stand in as guests, posing for photos as in a real marriage. Investigators uncovered the rent-a-wedding scheme when they noticed … the same people participating in numerous weddings. The advocacy group Canadians Against Immigration Fraud is now demanding that foreign spouses be required to live with their Canadian partner for at least 2 years in order to be eligible for permanent residency. (Now professional grooms will go on pogey.)
– “Toronto Star”

According to nutritionist Jonny Bowden, these are superfoods that rarely see the inside of a shopping cart. Among the world’s healthiest foods which are often ignored …
• Beets – One of the best sources of nutrients that decrease risk of heart disease.
• Cabbage – Low in calories and loaded with valuable nutrients.
• Cinnamon – Helps control blood sugar, which influences the risk of heart disease.
• Dried Plums – Better known as prunes, they contain cancer-fighting antioxidants.
• Guava – Contains more potassium than is found in a banana.
• Pomegranate Juice – Helps decrease blood pressure and is a great source of vitamin C.
• Pumpkin Seeds – The most nutritious part of the pumpkin is a good source of magnesium.
• Purslane – Technically a weed, it has the most heart-healthy omega-3 fats of any edible plant.
• Swiss Chard – Contains chemicals that protect your retinas from the damage of aging.
– “Men’s Health”

New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Culturepreneurs’ – A new generation of twenty-something entrepreneurs who are generating income from arty pursuits such as fanzines, street theater, and indie clothing lines.
• ‘Edible Landscaping’ – Using rooftop gardens on skyscrapers for food production. In Britain, an organization called City Farmer promotes food that’s locally grown food in urban areas. (“Our vegetables are sky-high … and so are our prices!”)
• ‘Staycation’ – A stay-at-home vacation. (“Thanks to the price of gasoline, we’re planning an all-inclusive summer staycation.”)

Florida-based Bluewater Vending manufactures machines that dispense … real lobsters. ‘The Lobster Game’, which costs $3 to play, awards live lobsters to those who can capture them with the machine’s button-operated claw. Revenue figures show the machines earn bar & restaurant owners an average $1,000 per day because some customers are willing to blow $30 or more trying to catch a crustacean. The idea is for venues to either cook up the catch for lucky winners or package them to take home. (Wait till PETA hears about this!)
– “Island Packet”

They’re real but they’re really weird …
• “How To Speak With the Dead: A Practical Handbook” by Sciens.
• “How To Be Pope” by Piers Marchant.
• “How To Start Your Own Country” by Erwin Strauss.
• “How To Be Happy Though Married” by Dr Tim LaHaye.
• “How To Lose Friends & Alienate People” by Toby Young.
• “How To Become a Schizophrenic” by real-life schizophrenic John Modrow.
• “How To Sh*t [Crap] in the Woods”, by outdoorswoman Kathleen Meyer.
• “How To Read a Book”, originally published in 1940, a guide to reading comprehension.

Dutch airline KLM has announced it will soon begin testing kerosene fuel made from … algae.
Netherlands company AlgaeLink has signed an exclusive contract to supply the pilot project. Initially the bio-fuel will be mixed with conventional fuel but the ultimate goal is to fuel 50 planes with algae-based kerosene by 2010. KLM expects to save millions in fuel costs and carbon dioxide fines by switching to the carbon-neutral fuel. (“Passengers, we won’t be serving our pre-packaged lunch today … we need the mould for our fuel tank.”)
– Radio Netherlands

• YESTERDAY Michel Fournier’s attempt to set a record by skydiving from 130,000 ft was trashed for the 2nd day-in-a-row, this time because … his balloon blew away. The 64-year-old retired French army colonel’s first attempt in North Battleford, Saskatchewan was canceled due to weather; then this 2nd effort failed as his helium-filled balloon broke free of its capsule and floated away. There’s no official word on whether he’ll try again. (Maybe fate is trying to tell you something?)
– Canwest News Service
• A Dallas TX man who began collecting “Star Wars” merchandise in 1995 has amassed what is likely the largest private collections of memorabilia related to the films. 54-year-old Philip Wise’s collection now includes 19,741 pieces, 8,256 of which can’t be found anywhere else. (Wow, it’s the ‘King of the Nerds’!)
• Britain’s (and perhaps the world’s) longest-married couple has just celebrated their 80th wedding anniversary. 100-year-old Frank Milford & his 99-year-old wife Anita of Plymouth, England say the secret to their successful marriage is settling their arguments every day before going to bed and topping off each night with a goodnight kiss. (It’s so far beyond ‘Golden’ and ‘Diamond’, there isn’t even a name for an 80th wedding anniversary!)
– “Mail On Sunday”

A recent study has found that 88% of women wash their hands in public restrooms, compared to just 66% of guys.  The place men are least likely to lather up their hands? Sporting events.
– CosmoDaily


1944 [64] Gladys Knight, Atlanta GA, oldies singer (“Midnight Train to Georgia”, & The Pips-“I Heard It Through the Grapevine”)

1944 [64] Rudolph Giuliani, Brooklyn NY, unsuccessful 2008 US presidential candidate/former NYC Mayor (1994-2001)

1945 [63] John Fogerty, Berkeley CA, oldies singer (“Centerfield”, w/CCR-“Proud Mary”)

1964 [44] Phil Vassar, Lynchburg VA, country singer (“Love Is a Beautiful Thing”, “In a Real Love”)

1964 [44] Christa Miller, NYC, TV actress (‘Jordan Sullivan’ on “Scrubs” since 2001, “The Drew Carey Show” 1995-2002)

1968 [40] Kylie Minogue, Melbourne, Australia, pop singer (“Slow”, “Can’t Get You Out of My Head”)/occasional actress (“Moulin Rouge”)  FACTOID: She’s taking a day off from her “Kylie X 2008” tour for a 40th birthday bash in Paris, at which guests will RECEIVE gifts rather than give them.

1977 [31] Elisabeth Hasselbeck (Filarski), Cranston RI, TV co-host (“The View” since 2003)/former reality TV show contestant (“Survivor: The Australian Outback” 2001)

1985 [23] Colbie Caillat, Newbury Park CA, pop singer (“Realize”, “Bubbly”)

• “Amnesty International Day”, recognizing the need to protect human rights around-the-world. AI strives to accomplish this by publicizing problems and encouraging citizens, governments, and politicians to take action.

• “Ian Fleming 100th Birth Anniversary”, a celebration of the British author (1908-1964) who created world-famous super spy ‘James Bond’. Among the festivities: a massive exhibit honoring both ‘007′ and Fleming’s real-life war service at the Imperial War Museum in London; an exhibition of ‘Bond’ book covers at the Fleming Collection art museum; a series of commemorative ‘Bond’ postage stamps from the Royal Mail; and TODAY a brand new ‘007′ novel, “Devil May Care”, hits bookstores (penned by English author Sebastian Faulks).

• “Senior Health & Fitness Day”, the 15th annual in which more than 150,000 older adults will participate in health promotion events organized by over 1,000 local organizations.

1939 [69] “Batman” comic books debut

1998 [10] Phil Hartman (née Brantford ON), of “Saturday Night Live” and “NewsRadio” fame, is shot to death at his home in Encino CA by his wife, Brynn, who then kills herself

1897 [111] ‘Jell-O’ 1st introduced (5 actual Jell-O flavors that flopped – celery, coffee, cola, apple, chocolate)

1926 [82] ‘Canada Pension Plan’ wins approval in Parliament (you know, the thing that’s gonna run out before we get any)

1934 [74] The Dionne Quintuplets, world’s 1st quints known to survive infancy, are born near Callander ON

1995 [13] Jacques Villeneuve becomes 1st Canadian driver to win the “Indianapolis 500”

1974 [34] ‘Upside-Down Flight’ record is set at 2 hours, 15 minutes (hope this wasn’t a commercial flight!)

1987 [21] Paul Pearman jumps over 21 barrels … on a skateboard (Augusta GA)

[Fri] “Sex & the City: The Movie” opens in movie theaters
[Sat] Macaroon Day
[Sat] Save Your Hearing Day
[Sat] World No-Tobacco Day
This Week Is … Week of Solidarity With The People of Non-Self-Governing Territories
This Month Is … Borderline Personality Disorder Month


• If winning isn’t important then why keep score?
• How long do fish wait to swim after they eat?
• They say this is the age of uncertainty … but how can they be sure?
• Does Robert De Niro know that it’s okay to turn down roles?
• Is Florida shaped like a handgun on purpose?

What would you do if you had a day (week) with nothing to do and absolutely NO responsibilities?

Suburbia is where they tear out all the trees and then name streets after them.

Today’s Question: If you’re average, you have THIS unpleasant experience about twice a month.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A nightmare that wakes you up.

History is the sum total of things that could have been avoided.

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